I was equally in the wrong. This isn’t one of those ‘there was an altercation and it wasn’t my fault’ posts. I’m just properly upset and need to share/vent.
So it’s been a very tough morning; wife’s been away all week, I’ve been doing the day job as well as the morning and evening shifts with the kids. We all went into town today to get some lunch and then a shop but as it turned out the wife is just too tired to be able to keep up with our kids who are being seriously difficult.
So I’ve gone to do the shopping without her, so she can have a break, and have had to man handle my youngest kicking and screaming across town only to find that he refuses to sit in the chair of the trolley, but he’s quite happy to sit inside the trolley itself. Fine. Let’s keep life simple.
But the security guards have different ideas. I get a fairly gruff verbal notice from one as I walk in and in all honesty, sure I thought screw you there’s no way this works any other way. So I say nothing and just carry on. The next thing I know, one of his colleagues has raced up in front of me and fairly roughly grabbed the trolley and officiously informed me to get my sone out of the trolley.
I lost it. I mean totally lost it. I didn’t react violently but the red mist came down. As far as I was concerned, grabbing the trolley as he did was tantamount to assaulting my son. Of course, it wan’t, but having already come in to the store at about nine out of 10 on the stress score, to then have this oaf of a security guard deal with me in this brusque and (physically) rough way I was just so angry and extremely defensive.
I confess I kicked off and demanded they let go of the trolley and when they didn’t I think it came pretty close to being physical.
Needless to say both my kids were balling their eyes out with fear.
In conversation with the store manager aftewards, my side of the story was focused on the way they dealt with the situation; I accept their policy and my ignoring it. He, the store manager, was a super star. Patient, empathetic, explained why they had the policy in the first place, took time to listen and be objective. He really put me at my ease. If only the security guards had done the same initially none of this would have happened. I bet if I’d been a mum with her kids they wouldn’t have dared approach the situation like that.
As I said, I just need to share. I’m upset. It’s not been a good morning!
Tough really as its their job to say no kids in trolley but they clearly over-reacted and then so did you. Score draw really !
If only the security guards had done the same initially
Unfortunately the national minimum wage they pay for those positions does not attract people who posses those skills.
Sometimes shit happens and you lose it. We all do it at some point.
At least nobody got punched and you might wind it down or identity the stress levels needed to push you over the edge next time.
Try and chill out and don't lose sleep re running the events over in your head.
Mountain out of a mole hill
Terribly sorry the OP was put in that situation by what sounds like guards spoiling for a fight.
I take my 3yr old son round Tesco all the time with him sat inside with no trouble whatsoever, and remember doing the same when I was little.
In my eyes theres too much health and safety bullshit being roled out where common sense would suffice.
In comparison it seems councils feel its quite acceptable to let small children stand 7/8ft in the air at the top of a slide with very little to prevent them falling except the keen eye of a responsible adult, but amateur police in supermarkets feel its totally unacceptable for the same kid to be 18inches off the floor surrounded by a metal cage.
We have all done it or similar, check these guys out.
Mountain out of a mole hill
That's the thing with having kids and all the stress that can go with them. It causes you to do exactly that.
They were an arse.
You were an arse.
Seems fair 😀
Might have helped to get some of it out of your system!
With hindsight (and truly I don't mean to patronise), you might realise that with kids who are having a "we're going to be a massive pain in your arse" day, letting them blow off steam in the park might have been better than taking them shopping. I think one of the hardest things I've learned over the last few years (of being a dad) is how to pre-empt when things are going to get stressful and difficult and then taking avoidance steps so as not to get to the point where everyone has a meltdown.
Anyway, sounds like the store manager cooled things down a bit.
It's funny how after losing it like that, many of us end up spending the rest of the day feeling shittier than we otherwise would...replaying it over and over..."shoulda done this, shoulda said that..."
Look, no need to beat yourself up over it, lesson learned and maybe it might be an idea to apologise to the security guys if you feel you over-reacted and explain that you'd been having a bad day, you can't take back what happened, but you wish you'd have reacted differently.
And why do they have this policy? To ensure the safety of [i]your[/i] kids?
Then it's the parent's fault if you break the rules and the kid gets hurt. Can't believe security would get in a tizz about it..they must've been bored!
With hindsight (and truly I don't mean to patronise),
None taken.
It was raining (didn't help); park wasn't an option (which is a shame because there is one in the carpark of the supermarket.
But more relevantly 'I thought I could handle it' 😀
But more relevantly 'I thought I could handle it'
😀
Bindaredundat
As far as I was concerned, grabbing the trolley as he did was tantamount to assaulting my son
It really wasn't, was it?
Meanwhile, as the security goons are all over you, half a dozen ne'er-do-well types are helping themselves to some of the days profits... Take that as a way of feeling better about the day.
It really wasn't, was it?
I think we've all, including the OP, accepted that. But well done you for pointing it out again. 🙂
You clearly need to work or your scowl, security guards never bother me and I look like a right weedy ****er, it's all in the crazy eyes... 😉
Security guards at my Tesco don't even stir when people randomly set the alarms off on the way out. It's nice to know what gets them moving.
It's a bit like the time I was ice skating with my son, he fell and hit his head, and I picked him up whilst he balled his eyes out..
One of the rink police came up and said I couldn't hold him/cuddle him on the ice...
I gave him the most curt stare and growled "keep on skating..."!
There's rules then there's rules!
DrP
First of all, my sympathies for a difficult situation. Good that you can see where you went wrong. Good that you could share it
Now for a suggestion. Ignore it if I'm missing the point. This may not work for you
My kids were such a PITA in a supermarket that for years and years we never went to one. We just shopped online. It means that if you are both working full time it's half of weekend day stuck at home for one of us. But it was the right compromise for us
I understand that this wasn't something you could have initiated this weekend
I did the online shop this morning. This was just to get what we needed for this evening! But yes, take your point Ampthill. Good to know it's not just my kids that are a PITA when it comes to supermarkets.
"your blokes were being dicks so I thought I'd join in!"
Don't dwell on it mate, these things happen. Nobody got hurt and hopefully the security guards will be a little more tactful in future.
Definitely work on your stare, and learn to growl warnings in a quiet manner in advance of going to DEFCON2.
Fair play to you for seeing it objectively in hindsight. We've can all be a bit silly occasionally, and for some of us that's out of character 🙂
Interesting contrast between 1) slightly nobbish behaviour plus subsequent acknowledgement of same = understanding from the masses - as it should be in my opinion - compared to 2) nobbish behaviour followed by selfrightousness = merciless mockery from the masses.
sharing this in case it helps anyone
Clearly, you didn't have your bombers with you. OOI - you're near me, aren't you? What supermarket? Might be worth a laugh to go on a wind-up...
When companies employ idiots they have to give them the rules and they can't expect those idiots to exercise any judgement. I'm in the middle of a barney with an idiot in Personnel over my relaxed attitude to time keeping, export sales people are expected to work all hours and spend 4 months away from home so we've always been relaxed. This idiot is trying to enforce the rules rigidly and needs to have it explained to her - my boss is going to deal with it on Monday; he's a good boss.
explained why they had the policy in the first place,
Why's that, then?
Don't try and fight with low-paid idiots in positions of power. There's a reason they go for those jobs. See also: Bailiffs, Bouncers, TV Licencing enforcers, half the police force, & children with AK47's in African warzones. It's just not worth it, suck it up and shop somewhere where you can keep your sprog in the trolley. Oh, and do some yoga if you get a minute 😉
Why's that, then?
Apparently they have had several accidents lately with kids overbalancing the trolleys and also complaints from other customers that kids can end up depositing dog mess or mud in the bottom of the trolley.
All valid issues. I've not really got a problem with them enforcing the rule, just the way the guys handled it.
The security guys seem to need basic hostile situations training. You showed all the signs of not being co-operative so to do something that can be seen as massively confrontational is always going to go badly.
Nobody got hurt and the manager seems to have sorted it.
Sometimes you just need to vent and here is as good as any other option. Bearing all that in mind as you have got many tokens in the bank are you going for a ride tomorrow 😉
You'fe damn right I'm going riding tomorrow.
kids are better off in the trolley than running around the shop annoying the staff and other customers. I only ask people to get kids off the side of trolleys as they can fall and hurt themselves.
Is this Tesco? If so, what a stupid policy! Never come across that one before.
Anyway, you know you were in the wrong so you won't mind me saying that ...
is not an excuse (and yes, I have three kids including twins).I’ve been doing the day job as well as the morning and evening shifts with the kids
Chill and forget about it - then do you're shopping online.
edit: why do they have this policy?
The security guard asked you to take the child out of the trolley and you ignored him totally. he was doing what that really nice store manager tells him to do.
The security guard asked you to take the child out of the trolley and you ignored him totally. he was doing what that really nice store manager tells him to do.
Well that's almost what happened but not quite.....
No. Sensible policy. Stops the supermarket getting sued when the kid tips the trolley over and stops the next customer getting dog shit all over their fruit and veg. Hope you apologised to the security guard.If so, what a stupid policy
My local big Tesco has kids in trolleys . Lots of them , 'rents seem to love it having child in a cage . Kids love being in a cage , its a win - win .
I can see them toppling over if over reaching , and the mud excuse is plausible , but abit how are kids going to learn balance and risk / consequence rules if no one lets them do anything mildly dangerous.
At Go Ape there is a big risk assesment sign that explains 1% of participants need first aid due to being injured on the ropes. Never get away with that in the workplace. I though it was great fun.
Hope you apologised to the security guard.
Why would I do that? He was bang out of order the way he handled it and I did what any parent would do in that situation. I may have been wrong on the kid being in the trolley and for ignoring the first guy, but when the second guy tried to yank the trolley out of me and became aggressive in front of my kids, there isn't a parent in the land who wouldn't have done what I did.
Totally agree that kids should be allowed to do dangerous things and learn those life lessons. I don't think the supermarket is the right place. While we're on the subject it's not the right place for them to learn how to use a barcode scanner when there is a big queue of customers either.
I kicked off properly with a security guard in a supermarket!
Oh sounds a good read!
I lost it. I mean totally lost it. I didn’t react violently but the red mist came down.
Eh? Er, oh well maybe not then.
I kicked off and demanded they let go of the trolley and when they didn’t I think it came pretty close to being physical.
Wow, just as well you were 'holding' it back, lucky for that brusque rough oaf of a security guard then.
Maybe for this:Why would I do that?
I thought screw you
I lost it. I mean totally lost it.
the red mist came down.
I was just so angry and extremely defensive.
I think it came pretty close to being physical.
And as for
I think there are a few.there isn't a parent in the land who wouldn't have done what I did.
The thing is OP, these lot love it when someone owns up to doing some wrong or accepting some of the blame for a situation. It allows them to
Quote
Everything
You
Did
Wrong
Despite
Stating
It
Yourself
Already
Well done STW, yawnnnnnnnnn.....
Security guards,bless em, we've got one in our local morrisons who is a real time stickler. He revels in 4pm and one second power when on a Sunday you are no longer allowed to enter the store. Dont beat yourself up, our kids are now nearly 13 and 10 and it's happened a few times for me. One particular incident being a right big bastard at the toast machine in the alton towers hotel, but as they say that's another story.
Shop at waitrose me and crankbrat did that all the time though he now insists on sitting in the seat and only stands in the trolly to load the shopping on to the checkout . The day they tell us we can't is the day that we walk leaving our shopping. Given that I keep an eye on him and I know for a fact he will be standing on my food he never has dog shit on his shoes. The lady on the till once offered to get me a better loaf as ours was squashed I just pointed out seeing as we squashed it we should keep it.
You see this is the point. If he's my son and he's sat down in the trolley what harm is he really doing? You see it all the time. It's the only way any number of parents get the shopping done. It seems like a silly rule on the one hand but not so on the other. Totally get how they don t want to be liable for an accident.
i think there are a few
Yeah you're right. They are better people than me. I don't mean that in a supercilious way just admitting that this is about the hardest thing I've ever done (be a parent that is). I love it to bits and wouldn't change it for the world but man it's hard.
Stops the supermarket getting sued when the kid tips the trolley over and stops the next customer getting dog shit all over their fruit and veg.
Can't see #1 (but I guess it can happen) but I can defo see #2.
That would be a good point except the bits I pasted are after the bit he accepted responsibility and are where the OP thinks it was the right way to behave that anyone would do the same.these lot love it when someone owns up to doing some wrong or accepting some of the blame for a situation.
Just thought I'd add to your woes.......so your wife came back from a week away from home 'too tired' to do her bit.
She a bit sore.....any chaffing at all? Just asking like.
You've got a point nick. I guess I am more angry than I realised at how these two guys scared the bejesus out of my kids. My eldest hasn't stopped fretting about it all afternoon.
Just thought I'd add to your woes.......so your wife came back from a week away from home too tired to do her bit.She a bit sore.....any chaffing at all? Just asking like.
Hmm good point. I'll ask her. I'll just finish bringing your missus off first. 😀 she's close and I wouldn't want to disappoint her.
Hey, at least you are thinking about. Better to get angry then realise you made a mistake than stay angry. I'm pretty sure getting a bit hot and bothered at the wrong time is something we've all done.
Cheers, that'll save me a job for later. 🙂
I don't work for Tesco but I can answer the trolley thing. Most of the time if an accident happens, the person sues the supermarket, pay out, the end. With baby trolleys or baby seats if an accident happens and the person suddenly claims the trolley was broken before (trust me this is what happens 90% of the time) then the store not only gets sued but the store manager can get charged with assault, a criminal record and loosing his license to sell alcohol. Most security guards do not know this though and your one sounds like he was being overzealous.
The stores I have worked in have the same policy. It's not nice as a first aider to come an incident where a kid has tipped over a trolley - the tendency is that they hit their head in the concrete floor first then the massively heavy trolley lands on them.
You then have a badly injured child and an adult in hysterics (understandably). Thank fully I never had any bad injuries to deal with in my stores but I met colleagues who had seen very badly injured kids - fractured skull in one case.
Unfortunately 95% of the parents who let their kids sit in the main part of the trolley don't control them and go wandering off letting their kids hang out of the trolley so the wheels start to tip.
I used to ask them to put their kids where they should be and if they didn't I would explain the sort of injuries they can get. I seem to remember someone storming out of the store when I was insistent about it - I didn't care, I was nice to them and at least I'm not going to have to scrape their kids skull off the floor.
I was in a DIY store most of my retail career and you also got the parent letting their kids play with the garden chemicals/axes/saws etc. Beggars belief it really does.
I was nice to them and at least I'm not going to have to scrape their kids skull off the floor.
This is what the whole thread revolves around. They weren't nice. They were aggressive and they scared my kids and there wasn't any need for that (no there wasn't any need for my reaction either, I think we've established that)
Good on you for being good at your job though. I know someone commented earlier that if you pay peanuts etc, but I honestly don't think it has to be like that. You can take a better approach.
[i]As I said, I just need to share. I’m upset. It’s not been a good morning![/i]
If I may, seems to me, from your OP, that you've had a difficult [b]week[/b]. I hope things become easier for you and the family, as soon as.
"then the store not only gets sued but the store manager can get charged with assault, a criminal record"
No they don't not in a million years.
I hope things become easier for you and the family, as soon as.
That's a nice thing to say Solo - I appreciate it. Thanks.
Double post sorry...
Good on you for being good at your job though. I know someone commented earlier that if you pay peanuts etc, but I honestly don't think it has to be like that. You can take a better approach.
Was that intentionally condescending?
This supermarket clearly needs a planned assault...
Get a dozen of us to sit in trolleys whilst others push & we'll all charge in the same time.
Or, we could hire that giant trolley from the Jackass movie... 🙂
Op, you've had a crap day.
Grab a beer & chill out.
So it’s been a very tough morning; wife’s been away all week, I’ve been doing the day job as well as the morning and evening shifts with the kids. We all went into town today to get some lunch and then a shop but as it turned out the wife is just too tired to be able to keep up with our kids who are being seriously difficult.So I’ve gone to do the shopping without her, so she can have a break, and have had to man handle my youngest kicking and screaming across town only to find that he refuses to sit in the chair of the trolley, but he’s quite happy to sit inside the trolley itself. Fine. Let’s keep life simple.
Just perhaps exercise some control on your children, the rest of us customers dont want to have a parent showing no respect for fellow shoppers and then having a row with the security guards and tasking them away from their security job, eg stock loss control.
Why would I do that? He was bang out of order the way he handled it and I did what any parent would do in that situation. I may have been wrong on the kid being in the trolley and for ignoring the first guy, but when the second guy tried to yank the trolley out of me and became aggressive in front of my kids, there isn't a parent in the land who wouldn't have done what I did.
Trolling Supermarket Fighter?
Really sounds like the root of the problem doesn't lie with the security guards who were only doing what they are paid to do . Your children sound pretty badly behaved from how you describe the situation . I have been a far from perfect parent I would accept , but there's no way any of my children would have behaved like that when they were younger or if a child had refused to sit properly in the trolley we would have left the store and there would have been an inquest at home where he would have had the rights and wrongs of the situation explained to him . You have to set standards and put boundaries in place that kids know that they can't cross or you are just setting yourself up for more trouble down the line . It's not always easy in the heat of the moment but it's what works IME.
[i]I appreciate it.[/i]
Likewise 🙂
[i]fervouredimage - Member
Was that intentionally condescending?[/i]
And like that wasn't! The guy's had a tough week, cut him a break.
@GT1972, You don't need me to suggest you ignore the idiots ^^.
[i]takisawa2 - Member
Op, you've had a crap day.
Grab a beer and chill out.[/i]
Nice idea, I'll log-out now and be joining both of you with a brew and a large dose of chill. Looking forward to a bike ride in the morning.
Cheers!
🙂
Sounds to me like your struggling to cope with your situation and this was your ned flanders looses it moment [img] 
[/img]
It was just a petty squabble and your chimp broke out. Considering the amount of posts here about stress, anxiety and depression recently its worth having a think about and if this outburst and stress is isolated to this week or a more persistent thing and addressing it.
Or i could be reading it wrong and your just a bit of a d@&k x
Or i could be reading it wrong and your just a bit of a d@&k x
He's not.
Also, are you calling him a dick and then giving him a kiss?
Maybe he likes kissing dicks?
Unfortunately the national minimum wage they pay for those positions does not attract people who posses those skillsDon't try and fight with low-paid idiots
So anyone that is on a crap wage is an idiot ?
Most parents including myself have been in the supermarket with mental children...sounds like you have anger issues 😕 You were asked to remove said child you didn't next guy came and asked (he prob shouldn't have touched the trolly) you flipped...
Sounds like the guy did you a favour in more ways than one
1 saved your child from potential accident
2 you gotta calm down and not see red how did that look to your children daddy loosing it...Just saying...
Hope your wife isn't to tired to show you some relaxing techniques this eve 😀
so .. you cant control your kids and think its ok to put them in a shopping trolley to keep them quiet.. ffs grow a pair and let them know whose in charge in your house. its parenting like this that gave us tony blair as prime minister.
On the potential accident point if the child is small enough for the built in trolley seat it is safer sat in the body of the trolley as the op's was basic physics and all that .
so .. you cant control your kids and think its ok to put them in a shopping trolley to keep them quiet.. ffs grow a pair and let them know whose in charge in your house. its parenting like this that gave us tony blair as prime minister.
I agree. The OP's parenting is the reason we are in Iraq.
We should send the OP in against Aldi-qaeda
^ Not bad, 7/10.
Oh my word the evening crowd has just arrived 😀
FYI I am a great parent. I can control my children, they do pretty much everything I ask not always first time but eventually. Not all kids are the same. Some are passive some have streaks of independence a mile wide. They are just like, well people. They come in all shapes and sizes. You ever tried to lay down the law with an autistic child and see where it gets you?
So here's a funny turn of events. I'm currently reading my eldest The Magic Faraway Tree and tonight's episode guess which land they visit. Yes that's right. The Land of Lost Tempers. You couldn't make it up. 😀
"evening crowd"?
Is that a euphemism for 'sanctimonious self-righteous seanuts'?
I'm very much enjoying the sage advice from the anger management gurus. Stay awesome guys!
Nothing of the sort. Just seemed like we did dinner bath bed and suddenly the mood changed.
Just for reference I previously posted a remark about 'being good at your job' and someone asked if i was being patronising. No, I honestly meant. I was being sincere albeit clumsily.