[Closed] To wipe or not to wipe?

invite him over, let him eat curry, then mention that the toilets out of order and he'll have to wait until he gets home?

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How much does he want to see you?

Fluffy towel strung between door frame at crotch height - sorted

Invite him down for beer and curry but slip him a "Mickey Finn" containing 20 immodium tablets.

I'd look on a few of those 'home gadgets for the elderly' type sites - bound to be a diy solution for in the form of a stick to hold the paper or something he can use.

Thread of the week.

EDIT: On holiday one year with a mate he fell off a motorbike and broke his arm and I refused to apply suncream never mind wipe his arse.

toilet plunger stuck to the tiles?

portable bidet?

It's good to see you're all of the opinion the beer/curry should go ahead and that any issues are best solved with some ingenious contraption as opposed to my hand!

Forget elderley aids, AFAIK nothing exists for arse wiping.

[url= http://www.gompels.co.uk/index.php/cPath/198_373?gclid=CJHW6p2HgqUCFVD-2Aod2Q9-OA ]These[/url] may be very helpful.

trade it for a reach around

No, no and no. All kinds of wrong. I would also review the "friend" status due to his even asking you.

just slip some anti diarrhea tablets in his curry and he wont need to go till after the weekend and then its no longer your problem

[url= http://www.essentialaids.com/bottom-wiper-2715-0.html ]BOTTOM WIPER[/url]

or:

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Tell him it will be fine and in fact you are quite looking forward to it, I'm sure he'll think of an alternative pretty quick.

Your username could be very apt if your hand slips 😯

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I had to wipe my brothers arse when I was a kid for same reason. YUCK.

CharlieMungus - Member

Tell him it will be fine and in fact you are quite looking forward to it, I'm sure he'll think of an alternative pretty quick.

Ho ho!

Buy him a nappy

Toys... Did you have to wipe your brothers bum all the time orcwas this a one off??

I hate to be graphic, but surely even with a full hand cast they'd leave his fingers out? unless he has child like fingers, he could wrap up with bog roll and go for it. a bit more difficult, but less difficult than looking your mate in the eye after he's wiped your bum. I think he's messing with you. Just get him some adult nappies.

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You can get these to fit a 20stone man
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Well I come from a big family so we had to take it in turns. I became expert at knowing when he was gonna have a dump and I would disappear pronto, I think my Mum was the most "regular". It still grosses me out, I have no problem doing the kids nappies but a 12 year old boys hairy ring is just not a place I want to go..

Edit - this was just for the period when he was in plaster.

Can't he just use the bidet by himself?

Have you got an angle grinder and how bad are the breaks? I fractured my right wrist snowboarding then went out again 2 days later and fractured the left one. Got the first cast cut off again(I'm right handed) 'cos I was staying in a condo with 3 other blokes for another week and it was gonna get messy. And I couldn't hold a beer glass!

What's he doing in the interim? Saving the moment for the weekend, no doubt.

Picolax and leave him to it!! 😉

Could you not get him to just drag his butt across the neighbor's lawn like a dog.

Nah. I'd do it for my wife but not a friend. I'd see him in a couple of months.

I would wipe would not be the first time I have wiped a grown mans arse

philconsequence, i had you down as a nurse too? Even a proper mental nursie should have been up to their elbows in it at some point, and should be totally immune to dirty protests and great-escape style surreptitious depositing of dirt out of the bottom of trouser leg. 😀

In answer to the OP, I would.

It's just like your own bum but attached to someone you also like and care about.

If i had a quid for every grownup's bum i have wiped (in the line of duty) I would posting endless threads about my blinging workshop-full of matching titanium bikes and my yearly six weeks in whistler.

His wife is looking after him at the moment and although she's driving him here she's going off to visit a mate; he and I have shared so many insane experiences that I doubt he thinks it's too crazy a request (we were well travelled, unmarried, testosterone fuelled Royal Marines together between the ages of 19-25 so you can probably paint a mental picture)

yeah JW i am indeed for my sins, lots of wiping in my early days! if a close friend genuinely needed help then of course i'd dive straight in my get elbow deep.... but nowadays i prefer the recovery/independent living model of care and wwould encourage them to do it themselves first 😉

*drifts off into a daydream about wrinkly, hairy, naked from the waist down, smelly, encrusted psych patients*

that reminds me (more suitable for the "i want to do naughty things to my cousin" thread maybe) of a patient who was aperistalsic and had to be manually evacuated every couple of days... used to enjoy it too! (him, not me.)

[url= http://farm1.static.flickr.com/81/228347839_5f5529d352.jp g" target="_blank">http://farm1.static.flickr.com/81/228347839_5f5529d352.jp g"/> [/img][/url]
[url= http://www.flickr.com/photos/markscott/228347839/ ]VIZ comic - Clag-Gone ad.[/url] by [url= http://www.flickr.com/people/markscott/ ]Eleventh Earl of Mar[/url], on Flickr

This is what you need....the Clag gone!

Let him use a tree.

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[edit]
Damn. Link didn't work.

I'm properly chuckling at the moment.

I would probably stump up the money and buy him that arse wiper as a gift. But make sure you don't give it to him until he gets to yours in case he forgets it!

His wife is going away is she? So who was going to buff his rim if he wasn’t coming to yours eh?

He’s playing you like a cheap fiddle.

Just hope your finger doesn't break through the tissue

Bring your make-up bag with you, put some high heels on, don't forget stockings. He will either love you even more or politely decline your offer of help. Either way you're the winner!

One last piece of advice from me.

Don't let your finger go throught the paper by more than an inch.

(Enhanced when I noticed Houns had this type of thought already)

T

R

O

L

L

🙂

While on the subject, how is your poo pipe Peter Poddy? Did you cut through it OK?

Could be worse, at least you don't have to hold his c**k while he takes a wee, and than give it a shake when he's finished 😯

I actually got it fixed for me, found a great general builder for whom the lure of cash in hand overcame any time constraints. 🙂

The corner is now slowly drying out, ceiling being finished and plastered today...

Just hope your finger doesn't break through the tissue

Rookie mistake. Get the wipee to bend further forward to present a wider flatter target area, and wipe with 2 or 3 fingers, spreading pressure across wider area of tissue (3 layers deep if wiper is anxious or lacks experience) and this minimises the chance of finger breakthrough.

Is that too much sagely advice? IGMC

baby wipes don't 'split' but can't be flushed so everyone has to looka t you walking downstairs with evidence in a small transparent bag (I dont; know why nappy sacks are transparent - it's just the law).

No bidet? How terribly uncivilised.

Install a bum gun.

...

Now I can tell my ass-sponge story.

An American I knew in Thailand used to swear by his ass sponge. He carried it in a plastic bag in his pocket. Whenever he went for a dump he would wet the sponge to help polish things off, before returning it to the bag.....

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Imagine if the asssponge split?

(Is that the first ever word with a triple letter in it I've just invented? I think so!)

into de void, come on, you were bootnecks together.
Surely you've inspected each other for ticks and leeches at sometime or other, this is just a step further.
You can't tell me you didn't get involved in some " manly" gayness whilst at Lympstone?
Unless you were complete pongos then I'm guessing you've at least lathered up together?
Wiping a comrades arse should be nothing to you,after all you were going to give your lives for each other, if the stuff you're refusing to wipe had hit the fan.
M(marine)TFU! 😆

Play the old Paul Daniels trick on him.
Stand behind him while wiping then ask if he can feel your thumb up his bum? When he replies , Yes!, Wave your hands in front of him shouting,
"NOW THAT'S MAGIC"

Ouch, sore head but severe craving for bacon sandwich so I must still be alive. Thank you all for your advice but it has so far proved unnecessary. Spent yesterday in local Rugby Club watching the southern hemisphere onslaught (another ouch) before a move down town where we thankfully avoided a curry so hopefully any subsequent wiping related issues will not occur!

Man up, stick some baby wipes in the fridge and go for it. It's only a ringpiece you'll be wiping and it's not like you havent done that thousands of times before.

Could offer to check his prostate while you're at it too.

captain_spaulding - Member
Play the old Paul Daniels trick on him.
Stand behind him while wiping then ask if he can feel your thumb up his bum? When he replies , Yes!, Wave your hands in front of him shouting,
"NOW THAT'S MAGIC

If you were [i]proper[/i] marines together, wiping each others arses would be quite tame...

"NOW THAT'S MAGIC"

Brilliant!

How did I miss this thread?
I'll say MTFU. But insist that you clean him up the same way you would a baby. Have him lie on his back, that way you can look him in the eye as you wipe, this will ensure that you come out of the experience with the upper hand in your relationship.

Tree-Magnet, I was Recce on 45 Cdo, they don't come any more [i]proper [/i](by which I assume you mean weird/naked/sexually-disturbed) than that! TSY...where were you when I needed that tactic, fortunately he's gone now so I can shuffle off for a snooze on the couch.