We'll have to take it to committee.
"You're a cyclist,why is it that ...<anti-cyclist rant>" ?
I'm fairly easygoing by nature, but anyone who uses the word "segue" in a meeting should be taken outside and shot.
fasthaggis
“You’re a cyclist,why is it that …<anti-cyclist rant>” ?
Ah yes, I've been told the same story a few times by the same bloke - how a cyclist he overtook, giving a very wide berth, did some hand gestures at him. I don't think it was me, so not sure why I'm supposed to be at all interested... 😆
"I'm an engineer"
Well,all cyclists know each other Dez a bit like the Borg,so he probably thinks it's one of your mates 😉
"just a 2 minute job" (my arse it is), why cant we (you) do it like this or can we? (ignore the design/H&S/procedure/common sense). No you cant
With release long overdue, bloated and overloading dev & test resources...
"Can we just squeeze this into the release also? Shouldn't take long"
"Takeaway single espresso"
'Most people in business are honest and just want to pay the right amount of tax'.
[strong]wwaswas[/strong] wrote:
“Jesus loves you.”
If you will work in a church what do you expect?
Nah, he works in a Mexican prison 🙂
What I am likely to hear this weekend (and every other weekend when the weather is nice)
"bugger, looks like bloody walkers have left a gate open again. Go sort those sheep out."
Use of the word “just”
Bane of my life!
"I don't know why..."
"My opinion is..."
"In the Daily Mail it says..."
And other logical fallacies :/
Discussions on getting new phones by people who think bigger numbers = better. e.g. Megapixels
How do you find out if there’s a pilot on the forum?
Don’t worry they’ll tell you…
😀
“Avoiding action, turn left IMMEDIATELY, traffic in your 12 o’clock, 2miles, is an opposite direction Boeing, same level”
Flying off boats given you're using left/ right?
Some folk are just born to whine on about stuff.
I know it's the weekend and I don't like to disturb you but....
A colleague is on a Brexit planning team. Every time I see him I ask "have we left yet?"
Oh how he laughs!
"We are where we are" not only does it never apply to a geographical location it's completely senseless. We'd be better off quoting rastamouse and 'make a bad ting good' which is the sentiment that someone tries to convey when they use that awful phrase
At the end of the day...
I'm not racist, but...
I know you're on your lunch but...
Hey, you're a nurse, what's this [shows festering body part].... Even when I say I'm a psych nurse they carry on!
We are where we are” not only does it never apply to a geographical location it’s completely senseless.
Yeah, but it is what it is.
Not hearing but tired of saying
"Have you tried switching it off and on again?"
And if anyone tells me they're tired of hearing me say that try doing it before you call me
"Your call is important to us"
“Avoiding action, turn left IMMEDIATELY, traffic in your 12 o’clock, 2miles, is an opposite direction Boeing, same lev
@pomona
“We’re running late today, can we have a short cut?”
Takeaway single espresso
Could be worse, they could be saying expresso
“He’ll do it on Wednesday when he comes back from annual leave”
No I ****ing won’t, because you haven’t talked to me, understood my workload or realised I’m out of the office until Friday so stop promising customers shit I can’t achieve!!!
"it will be good experience/for your development/for your competencies".
What you really mean is will I take on the job with out grumbling, that all the more experienced guys have turned down and told you where to go.
He's on "annual leave" which makes no sense really, he's on Holiday, or on "leave". "Annual Leave" is how much you can take, not some horrid code name for Holiday.
"Monies" no, it's money, however much of it, it is, it's money.
"Client wants to speak to you" which is often code for "Client doesn't know you from Adam, but wants to discuss something I will find unpleasant to talk about so I've name dropped you as our equivalent of Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction"
"Can I borrow you" - are you simple? I'm not a cup of sugar, just ask for my help or a chat.
"Are you busy" which might as well be "it's a trap".
"I can get it cheaper in PC World" - which you can't, thanks mostly to the way Microsoft sell Windows devices, and the fact there's a few hours labour to take it from "Hi" to a fully working and integrated computer on your network, not to mention, you didn't actually know what you needed until you asked me and I spent hours of my time and experience to spec for you.
"Cloud" because "cloud" means internet and internet is free yeah? So I want 10TB of data and a load of programmes available globally through the thinnest of clients in the most secure way possible whilst still maintaining the performance if a 10 Gigabyte internal network, I want it tomorrow and obvs, it's free init? What do you mean pay? My mate runs his multinational on DropBox!
"Ever since" as in "ever since your team installed our new phone system 3 months ago my printer, monitor, car, next doors cat, appreciation of the arts has stopped working, you must replace it immediately".
expresso
Oh. Oh no. Please don't.
There's some sort of therapy being had in some posts up there!
I keep hearing "are you on holiday again?". No, I have a term time contract, it's not holiday, I'm just not contracted or paid to come in.
"It's a regression"
Just because you haven't seen it before and it's the first time you've run that specific test on a feature that already existed doesn't mean it's a regression.
"I installed previous version and it worked fine"
Still not regression unless you've done a controlled test starting from same base point, same test, on both versions and have control over the data source. Even then can be a random issue just haven't noticed before.
Sorry, dev rant. Everything marked regression means top priority and blocks release, in their opinion. 90% have not been and half of those were user error.
"We can do that, cant you..."
Adequately sums up life at the cutting edge of pneumatic s design.
" Office 365 and SharePoint can't do that"
(Today's was being unable to insert pictures into word or PowerPoint)
"I know I should <insert correct process here>, but...." Yep, far quicker for you to disturb me, thus meaning that all those who HAVE followed the correct process have to wait while I explain to you that you need to... oh never mind.
As I'm leaving for the day, having already been delayed so I'm rushing to catch the one train an hour that goes to my station. "I can see you're rushing off, but this wont take a minute". You're right, it'll take at least 5 minutes. It could also wait until tomorrow. Or you could follow the correct process and it could be fixed by someone before then.
Actually, most things people say to me that involve the word "but" in the first sentance.
Hey ho - long weekend coming up!
“It passed last time, I don’t see how the server room has new holes in it”
Or
“You’ll be fine on your own it’s only one cylinder”
yes a 150kg cylinder and there’s stairs.
And the classic:- (me) “we can’t get carry it up the stairs, 300 kg is too much”
(Them):- “have you tried the other stairs?”
feels P-Jays pain
and scc999's pain 🙂
"can we buy this thing I just googled 5 mins ago as I think it might be able to solve the problem I can't be arsed to specify and it turns out they write good marketing blurb that I'm completely sucked in by as thinking isn't one of my skills..."*
* This might be paraphrased a little
Resourcing time
"But you have 2 people working for you"
Yep one does 4 days the other 2-3 so I have 1.2-1.4 people which is why it will take longer!
"We need results for the case study"
The project isn't finished - I'm not making up numbers
"Travelling isn't really work"
when looking at another long week in random places/declining to take the 6am flight as I'm not paid any extra to get up at 3am and spend 18hrs out because we organised the meeting before checking flights
I pay your 'kin wages dontcha know
"We need to... [do the thing]"
Usualy spoken by a weasely account or project manager.
Translation... "I won't so you have to..."
The Royal we..
Flying off boats given you’re using left/ right?
Nope. The ones that fly off the ground use left & right too.
Agile.
Makes my piss boil.
It seems to be an excuse for having 109 projects on at once and unrealistic production targets.
Agile.
Makes my piss boil.
High 5!
But, in my case, routinely used by manajerks who have no idea that it doesn't mean WFH or hot-desking.
"...the match last night..."
‘Have you heard what Helen’s done’
Nope. The ones that fly off the ground use left & right too.
What about the ones that fly off conveyor belts?
For me, involved in a lot of data analysis, it was always the phrase "can you add in...."
Well yes I could and if you'd have specified that in the original task, it'd be done already but now you're asking me to go through the entire database all over again, re-extract the info with the new parameter added in and recalculate the lot.
Becasue you didn't know or understand what it was you wanted in the first place but just knew it involved "data".
what are you tired of hearing at work?
“Plater on the way over, he’s Motability”
“Plater on the way over, he’s Enterprise”*
And repeat
And repeat
Possibly every couple of minutes or so over a nine-hour day.
Thankfully, it’s a bank holiday weekend.
*Plater - driver delivering/picking up cars on trade plates.
Get a dragon to chase the postie.
