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"70p for a first class stamp! That's extortionate!!"
This is dispite the UK having the cheapest and most reliable postal service in Europe. OK it may be more than the 5p you paid in your youth but its really not that much for the service your getting......
Anyway, what are you tired of hearing at work?
Work? What's that then?
Literally. It seems to feature in every sentence some of my colleagues say. Also obviously. If it were obvious you wouldn't need to be having this conversation.
“You’ve missed a bit”
"Avoiding action, turn left IMMEDIATELY, traffic in your 12 o'clock, 2miles, is an opposite direction Boeing, same level"
"Is there any way you can get the price down?"
“What do you actually do here?”
“I normally don’t work on this floor”
pomona
Member
“Avoiding action, turn left IMMEDIATELY, traffic in your 12 o’clock, 2miles, is an opposite direction Boeing, same level”Posted 5 minutes ago
How do you find out if there's a pilot on the forum?
Don't worry they'll tell you...
😉
"It wont take you long. I am sure its a simple change".
The voices in my head. (Usually “kill all the sinners and burn them with fire!” Or “eat cake”).
Stamp...what’s one of those?
‘Can’t you just give me a price over the phone now?’
No you can't have a pay rise.
"Whats your best price?" the one I just gave you
"I'm no expert but..." no, you're not.
“70p for a first class stamp! That’s extortionate!!”
If you can find it,Jack Dee does a great sketch about this type of person.
Some folk are just born to whine on about stuff.
"can you just have a quick look at this" machine is normally a broken crumpled mess when I go to look
Let's set up a meeting to discuss it (rather than actually doing it)
"We need an answer to this urgently"
Normally to a problem the science/engineering industry has been trying to solve for the best part of 5 years and would probably require a change in the laws of physics to achieve in any case.
people complaining about stuff, doing nothing about it, then playing blame games when it all goes to shit.
‘I’ve seen on the internet that...’
"Shall we cut the roof off?"
What's the CEOs email address?
"Oh, I just wanted some free advice. What do you mean, you charge? Why can't you do it for free?"
Solicitor.
Let’s set up a meeting to discuss it (rather than actually doing it)
Or
Placeholder for ......
"just a quick question"
“I’m not a NIMBY ... But this is just the wrong place for it”
"on the internet again??"
what are you tired of hearing at work?
People having loud conversations handsfree on their desk phone. Stop shouting and pick up the handset, it's really not that difficult. My particular favourite is when they use this technique to call someone a few desks away.
"Help, I'm drowning".
Me: you’ll need a waterproof.
Child: this hoody is waterproof.
Me: you’ll need waterproof trousers
Child: I’ve got these, my mum says they are fine.
Me: no, they are trackie bottoms.
Repeat those two conversations everyday at an outdoor centre in Wales.
dispite the UK having the cheapest and most reliable postal service in Europe
not sure on the reliable bit (UK is the Brown line that's not Spain)
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Have you got any offcuts of wood?
Firstly, by 'wood' they usually mean mdf, and by 'offcut' they mean an 8x4' 😄
Colleagues:
'has that custom synthesized product I asked you to order yesterday arrived yet? only I've started an experiment and I need it now'
Or from my boss
'Prof X has this amazing technique that works really well we should do it tomorrow & get it working by Friday'
I literally never hear it.
(I live in Australia though. $12 for a pint of beer, yeah.... Enjoy that 70p stamp!).
Bloody Poms.
"Jesus loves you."
Yeah, alcohol is expensive here too, but the frequent one I hear is always along the lines of "we've bought this service and I was wondering if you can help us implement it". They get really upset when I ask to see the risk assessment they must have done before they signed a contract... Bloody Marketeers.
“Jesus loves you.”
If you will work in a church what do you expect?
"Can we have a quick conference call about [item clearly explained in short email they can't be bothered to read]"
"Game of Thrones"
"Sorry, couldn't find the mute button"
We use Skype every bloody day, for multiple conference calls, and have done for years. You think everyone by now would know how to put themselves on and off mute.
“Can you just.....”
Use of the word “just” when it usually means days of work
"stop talking"
" I'm not talking" -clearly were talking as their mouth was going and their mate was giggling.
Year 9 counted me at 52 stop talkings in a 45 min lesson.
Phone call, "I've just sent you an email..."
Well, one of those two things was redundant, wasn't it.
The sound of my own snoring
We'll have to take it to committee.
"You're a cyclist,why is it that ...<anti-cyclist rant>" ?
I'm fairly easygoing by nature, but anyone who uses the word "segue" in a meeting should be taken outside and shot.
fasthaggis
“You’re a cyclist,why is it that …<anti-cyclist rant>” ?
Ah yes, I've been told the same story a few times by the same bloke - how a cyclist he overtook, giving a very wide berth, did some hand gestures at him. I don't think it was me, so not sure why I'm supposed to be at all interested... 😆
"I'm an engineer"
Well,all cyclists know each other Dez a bit like the Borg,so he probably thinks it's one of your mates 😉
"just a 2 minute job" (my arse it is), why cant we (you) do it like this or can we? (ignore the design/H&S/procedure/common sense). No you cant
With release long overdue, bloated and overloading dev & test resources...
"Can we just squeeze this into the release also? Shouldn't take long"
"Takeaway single espresso"
'Most people in business are honest and just want to pay the right amount of tax'.
[strong]wwaswas[/strong] wrote:
“Jesus loves you.”
If you will work in a church what do you expect?
Nah, he works in a Mexican prison 🙂
What I am likely to hear this weekend (and every other weekend when the weather is nice)
"bugger, looks like bloody walkers have left a gate open again. Go sort those sheep out."
Use of the word “just”
Bane of my life!
"I don't know why..."
"My opinion is..."
"In the Daily Mail it says..."
And other logical fallacies :/
Discussions on getting new phones by people who think bigger numbers = better. e.g. Megapixels
How do you find out if there’s a pilot on the forum?
Don’t worry they’ll tell you…
😀
“Avoiding action, turn left IMMEDIATELY, traffic in your 12 o’clock, 2miles, is an opposite direction Boeing, same level”
Flying off boats given you're using left/ right?
Some folk are just born to whine on about stuff.
I know it's the weekend and I don't like to disturb you but....
A colleague is on a Brexit planning team. Every time I see him I ask "have we left yet?"
Oh how he laughs!
"We are where we are" not only does it never apply to a geographical location it's completely senseless. We'd be better off quoting rastamouse and 'make a bad ting good' which is the sentiment that someone tries to convey when they use that awful phrase
At the end of the day...
I'm not racist, but...
I know you're on your lunch but...
Hey, you're a nurse, what's this [shows festering body part].... Even when I say I'm a psych nurse they carry on!
We are where we are” not only does it never apply to a geographical location it’s completely senseless.
Yeah, but it is what it is.
Not hearing but tired of saying
"Have you tried switching it off and on again?"
And if anyone tells me they're tired of hearing me say that try doing it before you call me
"Your call is important to us"
“Avoiding action, turn left IMMEDIATELY, traffic in your 12 o’clock, 2miles, is an opposite direction Boeing, same lev
@pomona
“We’re running late today, can we have a short cut?”
Takeaway single espresso
Could be worse, they could be saying expresso
“He’ll do it on Wednesday when he comes back from annual leave”
No I ****ing won’t, because you haven’t talked to me, understood my workload or realised I’m out of the office until Friday so stop promising customers shit I can’t achieve!!!
"it will be good experience/for your development/for your competencies".
What you really mean is will I take on the job with out grumbling, that all the more experienced guys have turned down and told you where to go.
He's on "annual leave" which makes no sense really, he's on Holiday, or on "leave". "Annual Leave" is how much you can take, not some horrid code name for Holiday.
"Monies" no, it's money, however much of it, it is, it's money.
"Client wants to speak to you" which is often code for "Client doesn't know you from Adam, but wants to discuss something I will find unpleasant to talk about so I've name dropped you as our equivalent of Mr. Wolf from Pulp Fiction"
"Can I borrow you" - are you simple? I'm not a cup of sugar, just ask for my help or a chat.
"Are you busy" which might as well be "it's a trap".
"I can get it cheaper in PC World" - which you can't, thanks mostly to the way Microsoft sell Windows devices, and the fact there's a few hours labour to take it from "Hi" to a fully working and integrated computer on your network, not to mention, you didn't actually know what you needed until you asked me and I spent hours of my time and experience to spec for you.
"Cloud" because "cloud" means internet and internet is free yeah? So I want 10TB of data and a load of programmes available globally through the thinnest of clients in the most secure way possible whilst still maintaining the performance if a 10 Gigabyte internal network, I want it tomorrow and obvs, it's free init? What do you mean pay? My mate runs his multinational on DropBox!
"Ever since" as in "ever since your team installed our new phone system 3 months ago my printer, monitor, car, next doors cat, appreciation of the arts has stopped working, you must replace it immediately".
expresso
Oh. Oh no. Please don't.
There's some sort of therapy being had in some posts up there!
I keep hearing "are you on holiday again?". No, I have a term time contract, it's not holiday, I'm just not contracted or paid to come in.
"It's a regression"
Just because you haven't seen it before and it's the first time you've run that specific test on a feature that already existed doesn't mean it's a regression.
"I installed previous version and it worked fine"
Still not regression unless you've done a controlled test starting from same base point, same test, on both versions and have control over the data source. Even then can be a random issue just haven't noticed before.
Sorry, dev rant. Everything marked regression means top priority and blocks release, in their opinion. 90% have not been and half of those were user error.
"We can do that, cant you..."
Adequately sums up life at the cutting edge of pneumatic s design.
" Office 365 and SharePoint can't do that"
(Today's was being unable to insert pictures into word or PowerPoint)
"I know I should <insert correct process here>, but...." Yep, far quicker for you to disturb me, thus meaning that all those who HAVE followed the correct process have to wait while I explain to you that you need to... oh never mind.
As I'm leaving for the day, having already been delayed so I'm rushing to catch the one train an hour that goes to my station. "I can see you're rushing off, but this wont take a minute". You're right, it'll take at least 5 minutes. It could also wait until tomorrow. Or you could follow the correct process and it could be fixed by someone before then.
Actually, most things people say to me that involve the word "but" in the first sentance.
Hey ho - long weekend coming up!
“It passed last time, I don’t see how the server room has new holes in it”
Or
“You’ll be fine on your own it’s only one cylinder”
yes a 150kg cylinder and there’s stairs.
And the classic:- (me) “we can’t get carry it up the stairs, 300 kg is too much”
(Them):- “have you tried the other stairs?”
feels P-Jays pain
and scc999's pain 🙂
"can we buy this thing I just googled 5 mins ago as I think it might be able to solve the problem I can't be arsed to specify and it turns out they write good marketing blurb that I'm completely sucked in by as thinking isn't one of my skills..."*
* This might be paraphrased a little
Resourcing time
"But you have 2 people working for you"
Yep one does 4 days the other 2-3 so I have 1.2-1.4 people which is why it will take longer!
"We need results for the case study"
The project isn't finished - I'm not making up numbers
"Travelling isn't really work"
when looking at another long week in random places/declining to take the 6am flight as I'm not paid any extra to get up at 3am and spend 18hrs out because we organised the meeting before checking flights