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[Closed] Time for some honesty and a reach out for advice

MoseyMTB · 2016-02-19T20:30:34Z

So, this seems a strange post to write but I feel like I've been living two separate lives. This last year things began to spiral out of control with my wife being diagnosed with Rheunatoid Arthritis at 27, me becoming a carer whilst her medication settles and my own problems with the onset of anxiety and panic attacks. Being told that we might not be able to have children was soul destroying. The medication my wife is on means a extremely high rate of birth defects and not being on the medicine leaves her crippled. All we wanted was a family so this really hit us hard. For the last six months I've become a shell of my former self. I don't go out to see friends, I make excuses to not be places and I let the anxiety win. All the while becoming a burden on my wife who needs me more than ever. The only place I've felt like myself is on here, and that's an image I paint of what I want to be and not who I really have become. I spend more time building bikes than I do ride. Now I feel trapped, we've moved t Stockport to be nearer my wife's family (which has been a real help) but I've no friendship group and spend my time at work and at home. I've put on weight and lost all motivation to stay fit. I took the step to take my life back and have started seeing a counsellor through the NHS, he's prescribed me citalopram but it destroyed my vision. The counselling is really helping and i do feel like there is a way forward. I want to stop being who I am, I want to get out and be the old me, but the anxiety stands in my way. I don't want to be a burden on people but I'll never make new friends if I don't take the step. I have a close friendship group but all have moved away with family and work. Biking and being outside make me so happy but the anxiety stops me getting out and meeting people. I don't really know what I hope to gain from posting this but maybe someone out there is feeling the same and needs that motivation too. I have an amazing family and the best wife in the world. Seeing me like this destroys her and she blames herself. The arthritis needs to be her focus not me.

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moose

Posts: 0

Free Member

Congrats dude. Bring on the sleep depravation and stinky nappies!

Posted : 28/01/2017 10:39 am

jambalaya

Posts: 0

Free Member

Gorgeous 🙂

Posted : 28/01/2017 11:46 am

stumpy01

Posts: 17843

Full Member

MoseyMTB - probably shouldn't be using the forum for this....but just sent you a message, re baby bits...

Posted : 30/01/2017 2:49 pm

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