[Closed] Things you dread your parent saying

"bitty"

"There's something wrong with the internet"

Did you hear that your sister called me a miserable lazy fxxxer?

My parents buy the mail for the TV guide apparently...............

thisisnotaspoon - Member

My parents buy the mail for the TV guide apparently...............

And mine. Are we ...... related?

"My computer isn't working"

My FIL asked me to help him install the Daily Mail app on his iPad....

"Hello"

And mine. Are we ...... related?

To the teenage son: "We seem to be getting through an awful lot of Kleenex"

Have you read the TV guide. It's flippin ace which is tragic given how utterly abominable the rest of it is. Surprisingly the daily what's-on recommendations are not aligned to the mentality of the readers/paper.

Post-xmas at the in laws I intended to track down a way of getting the Mail TV guide (even paid for) without having to buy the rest of the paper or in any way indicate to the owners/industry auditors that I like The Mail. However I never looked into it.

thingsparentstext is quite good for a laugh. Even if they're probably not real.

[edit] maybe not.

My Dad telling me he'd got gangrene in his big toe and the first he knew about it was when a big lump of dead flesh fell off as he took his sock off out was one of those 'too much information' moments.

'i'm going to travel the world while I can and spend all your inheritance'

"You've never really settled down with any of the girls you've dated. You're not......you know.....erm.......I mean......it's none of my business but....."

To paraphrase:

"You came about because my coil fell out whilst I was walking through Stockport"

[quote=footflaps opined]My FIL asked me to help him install the Daily Mail app on his iPad....

Surely there has to be an alternative app for such scenarios. If not there's clearly a gap in the market and it's time for me to get working on my app writing skills...

MoreCashThanDash - well, you know, it's fine, honestly, but, you know, are you, you know, well, you know..?

'I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed' 😥

I was once on the recieving end of texts meant for my sister from my mum saying what she'd like to do to Alfie Bow. Grim doesnt cover it.

You can't eat bacon...

IHN 😉

IHN - Member

To paraphrase:

"You came about because my coil fell out whilst I was walking through Stockport"

*heart's a-flutter*

"Now I'm going to be blunt about this..."

(Another "we're so much more capable as adults than you are even if we're increasingly left behind by modern society and wouldn't dream of letting you speak to us like that")

The hospital just called....

[i]That's rough. Hope the therapy worked! [/i]

She picked her moment too; my wife and I were having lunch with my folks. And her folks. After they'd all been at our wedding ceremony that morning...

You have a Brother called Mark, he lives in the Huddersfield area.

Sorry IHN - this thread wasn't supposed to be that serious 🙁

Drac wins.

I was once on the recieving end of texts meant for my sister from my mum saying what she'd like to do to Alfie Bow. Grim doesnt cover it.

Can't imagine it would have been much better if she'd sent them to your sister 😐

(Better for you though obviously 😉 )

[i]Sorry IHN - this thread wasn't supposed to be that serious[/i]

No probs. I thought it was hilarious 🙂

Northwind - Member

"There's something wrong with the internet"

LOL. Briliant. ^ This.

I was out in your Uncles Audi the other day and this cyclist decided to have a go at him for encroaching on an ASL.

damn onion beat me to it
😉

My mother only buys the Mail for the crosswords and by that I don't mean the headlines!

Took my mum to task when,over the Christmas holidays, she began reading bits of the Mail out loud, she only did it the once. The kids were in the background pissing themselves laughing at me and my mum arguing over why the "source" in a DM article is never actually named.

My mum doesn't ever say much directly but her condecension of anything "new" is quite articulate.

"So when are you going to arrange the Christening?"

My dad reads the Daily Fail. It gives him something new and immigration related to bang on about every day. I wouldn't wipe my arse on it even if we ran out of bog roll.

Then again he also watches [i]Crap In The Attic[/i] and [i]Hovels Under the Hammer[/i] with the volume turned up to the max. I think it is all to do with getting old and the fact some peoples world view shrinks as they age.

I can remember my dad saying "I'm just trying to give you the benefit of my experience........" which was the cue for me to turn off.

He died when I was 19 and as I get older I realise what a practical, intelligent chap he was. My mum and he renovated a house whilst both working and bringing me and my brother up. He was willing to turn his hand to any DIY/garden task and made a good job of it. I am always amazed at how good their garden looked when I look at old photos.

I now catch myself saying similar things to my kids. They do not really listen but I hope they will look back as fondly on me as I do on my father.

"Your mum can still get into many of the positions she could at your age..."

"I've spoken to the consultant and he's said weeks rather than months".

Had that from one parent last year and I'm dreading hearing it from the other this year.

Sadly the consultant was, if anything, overestimating things.

"You've never really settled down with any of the girls you've dated. You're not......you know.....erm.......I mean......it's none of my business but....."

What euphemism for 'ugly' were they groping for? 😆

Oi!

" I am telling you for the last time, you are not adopted."

From: "You're gay, that's disgusting. You mustn't meet anyone. It's against god."

Two years later: a strange Welsh mother attempting to be Edina with a fashionable gay son. Could have been worse, she could have aimed for Patsy. 😀

"Have you ever watched Jeremy Kyle?" - hint - even during unemployment... no.

"I hope I'm not on The Facebook! The internet is just for perverts and weirdos. They get at your information through the wires"

"I love you and your brother dearly, and I wouldn't be without you, but if I had my time again, I wouldn't have had children."

"Have you been keeping up with Coronation Street? [Insert recital about a particular storyline as if it's a real situation]" - particularly amusing as I've never watched it out of choice, and have never watched it at home

"You're not fat, you're just heavy built, like your nan. And you do like your pudding. Not like me, I was Miss Pelsall 1962, I have very fine bone structure. LOOK AT MY WRISTS!"

"The gays wear leather caps. It's part of their uniform." - Yes, she was being serious.

"They can't both wear dresses! One of them has to be the man!" - my mother upon realising that there was a lesbian couple getting fitted for their wedding dresses the same time as me.

"Promise me you'll never marry a black man". - I was 11 at the time.

My mother is ace, it's like there's no gate between what she thinks and what she says!

You have a Brother called Mark, he lives in the Huddersfield area.

The joy of a new sibling juxtaposed and forever blighted by the fact they're a Yorkshireman... 🙁

'Your dad's just had a pulmonary oedema and has been rushed to hospital...'

Followed a couple of weeks later by:

'The doctor thinks mum has had a minor stroke, can you come and take her to A&E for a scan?'

(Mum seems to have recovered, dad had to have heart bypass surgery and is still recovering).

It was a rough couple of months though.

Drac - Moderator
You have a Brother called Mark, he lives in the Huddersfield area.

New keyboard please!! 😀

Moved to Cornwall with the future MrsCat then got a call from my Dad to say Mum had been rushed into hospital (in Rotherham) with multiple bleeds into her brain and suspected sub-arachoid haemorrhage and unlikely to live.

20 years later and the dotty old bat is still with us.

This lad I know had a party. His Dad came back and said "who's been shagging in your bed because it won't be you" whilst holding up a used condom!

update - all is OK, they had the Telegraph

[quote=marthall opined]

You have a Brother called Mark, he lives in the Huddersfield area.

I think there was a bit more significance to the name and location than that!

OT - but during heated argument

Mum - You're just like your father
Brother - Is that why I get up at 4 in the morning and leave botles of milk on people's doorsteps?

"what I suggest you do"

Now my dads in a care home with Alzheimer's disease I realise that most of the time he was right, but at the time it used to drive me up the wall.