[Closed] The Next Channel 4 "Reality" documentary?

"benefits" - a cutting edge documentary following the under-class of the UK as they cheat the benefit system to "earn" the maximum each "payday", we follow 4 families as they apply, collect and spend their hard earn't money on drugs, drink and i-phones.

"Nick-Nack Paddy's Smack"

Patrick (21) is a long term Heroin user. In this four part series we take away Patrick's heroin and methodone and our cameras follow him through the highs, but mainly lows, as he tries desperately to hold his world together.

Didn't they do that one already, Phil?!

"Could Get A Car For that"

Our investigators follow the secretive world of mountain biking where men and women buy tiny bits of metal for huge sums of money and hide them from their partners. 'Tommy' is typical of the cult and spends most of his time at home on internet forums talking about bikes rather than riding them. Tommy has run up a £20k debt buying bikes that never come out of the shed and has a chronic addiction to carrot cake and niche whiskeys

'the fickle world of the Chelsea supporter'...

I'd like to see people who provide appalling customer service explaining why they are so bad face to face with annoyed, frustrated and upset clients.

I'd call the program [b]THE CHAIR[/b] and would like to volunteer for the episode that features BT.

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"TandemJeremy's Cold Turkey", in which the subject goes through the torment and trials of coming to terms with not being Scottish, as well as not being able to be right about everything online.

😈

(I know he's reading.... 😉 Need to prompt him to come back....)

Leave him alone eh... you've had your fun.

I was once , kinda vaguely , a celebrity of some kind , try to figure out who the **** I am .

"Could Get A Car For that"

Our investigators follow the secretive world of mountain biking where men and women buy tiny bits of metal for huge sums of money and hide them from their partners. 'Tommy' is typical of the cult and spends most of his time at home on internet forums talking about bikes rather than riding them. Tommy has run up a £20k debt buying bikes that never come out of the shed and has a chronic addiction to carrot cake and niche whiskeys

Superb 😉

try to figure out who the **** I am

How about [b]"I'd do owt to be on telly me!"[/b] ?

Give Kerry Katona and vairous other 0/10s a set of bolt cutters and a video camera. They get 5 minutes of prime time telly exposure for every bit they cut off their own bodies.

FFS CPT give over you are just making yerself look like a male hen - you really are pleased about being seen drive someone off a forum - if that has indeed happened. Why oh why would anyone be pleased about this oh look my "victim" is upset how good and clever are we and now lets have some jokes at their expense really poor example of human behaviour and compassion

[i]"Could Get A Car For that"[/i]

Oh yeah - could definitely be a series!
Episode 2) Features Mr Nomusictaste desperately trying to justify spending £10000 on a hi-fi to listen to Pink Floyd in his 8x10 living roomed flat. "It sounds so much better than an iPod!" "Pardon? Oh, no of course I can't take it on the train."

you really are pleased

Am I? How would you know? Actually, I'm not. I'd far rather see him here, to be honest, even if he was an insufferable prig at times.

Oh shut up! take it to a different thread Junkyard. Hang on I'll bump one for you

Reverse Extreme Makeover

very clever j-me

"who's the daddy?"

Follow Tina in her search to identify which of the seventeen different boyfriends she had during a two week period in 2008 is responsible for impregnating her, and will subsequently be served with a CSA assessment form...

The secret life of a singletrack forum writer,

We watch as forum writers ignore their work to type meaninful words for others to digest.

Confessions of a mountain biker,26 parts,

101 things to do with a bike thief,may contain gratuitous violence, swearing, and nuts.

Tandem Jeremy , where is he now,

Extereme makeover, watch as various men try simple DIY tasks while asking for step by step instructions on a bike forum,

Single track doctor, watch as various non medically trained staff try to diagnose a serious medical condition using google on a bike forum,

Ten Dam Jeremys

A topical chat show with ten guests on the panel, [s]arguing[/s]discussing a diverse range of topics including, "The work ethic of Mexicans", "Spoonerisms on the BBC", "Rugby Union aren't Bath & England Great" and "Cycing Helmets, the facts".

Guests include, Jeremy Clarckson, Jeremy Guscott, Jeremy Irons, Jeremy Hunt

<edit> No offence meant for TJ.....I don't condone any of the behaviour certain forum members exhibited. I hope if he's reading he sees the funny side of this post </edit>

*Waits for junkyard to lay in to Project and j_me in the same way*

*Feels sure it'll be a long wait*

[i]very clever j-me[/i]

Ditto!

'Fixie My Life?'

Our cameras follow Ty, a young media student living Blackheath in London, as he attempts to ingratiate his life into the secretive and aloof fixed-wheel bike culture that dominates the lives of countless 18-35 year old trend setters in East London. Watch in stunned silence as he attempts to befriend Elsbeth, a tattooed twenty-something preserve maker and sometime cardigan knitter, using a set of Miche crank-arms and a Hello Kitty limited edition cake whisk. Feel his pain and desperation as he calls his parents in Andover and asks for an increase in his allowance because his Dia-Compe brakes were stolen and he's spent all his wages on gingerbread lattes, cranberry beer and the latest edition of Rouleur magazine. Smile as he triumphs against his nemesis Salvadore in their ongoing row over the efficacy of Mac software over Windows...

Bullheart - GENIUS!

Giggling out loud in the office! 😆

a male hen

I'm here all week. Try the salmon.
😉

bullheart, i've enjoyed your contribution to this thread, have a lolcat
[img] [/img]

CaptainFlashheart - Member
*Waits for junkyard to lay in to Project and j_me in the same way*

*Feels sure it'll be a long wait*

If you cannot see the difference between their comments- which made only a reference to his name and lighthearted play on the name Jeremy and your snidey personal dig then you are buffon

FFS you started a thread on it as well CPT

you started a thread on it as well

Indeed I did, and you have wrongly assumed that meant that I was somehow celebrating "getting him out" or something. I feel no need to comment on my own behaviour, thanks, and I'm really not sure you have any need to either.

By the way, what's a "buffon"?

Bullheart - 10/10. I'm trying not to snort with laughter, but I'm not sure I'll win.

Buffon

[img] [/img]

What about "The Picolax Effect, A Fly In The Bowl Documentary"?

I will comment on what I want thanks assuming your greatness allows it - darn I am not questioning you again there am I?
buffon is a football player but I think you can work out the typo without my help. Remember dont comment on my behaviour - you would not want to appear to be a hypocrit now would you

:yawn:

get a room you two, a quickie might help reduce the sexual tension

MAMILS Vs MAMIBOS the current state of cycling in the UK.....

get a room you two, a quickie might help reduce the sexual tension

I doubt even Channel 4 would stoop as low as to screen that.

Jeez, I go play football and Junkyard dumps all over my nice thread again. Here's another documentary idea:
"Forum Whingers" - A day in the life of someone who browses internet forums. Not to contribute anything amusing and/or useful to the threads, oh no. Just to whinge at other posters how naughty, unreasonable and unthinking they are about everyone else's feelings.

(Cancelled after one episode for being too damn BORING)

Forget about Jeremy, what about...

'Internet dating with The Southern Yeti'

It could be interactive with viewers e-mailing in suggestions for which particular perversion he takes on each date...

I heard their new series was going to be called 'Have Your Cake and Eat It'. The premise is this. A roving reporter finds a disfigured/mentally disabled/poor/undereducated/mentally ill/fat person, then proceeds to point and laugh a them at some length. Then they give them a cake and tell them to eat it. If anyone complains that the show is exploitative, the producer says that they did them a favour because they gave them a cake.

bullheart knows too FAR much about fakengers... 😯

[i]'Internet dating with The Southern Yeti'[/i]

Will it be based on your blog?
You are keeping a record on a blog, aren't you?

bullheart knows too FAR much about fakengers...

I teach at the BRIT School.

You are keeping a record on a blog, aren't you?

LTFU*

(*Link the....)

I'm not, maybe I'll start.

People could even choose which dates to go on...

a quickie might help reduce the sexual tension

DezB subtle as always but was that not whinging as well ?

Nope, never. 8)

Around?

yu have to pay them that much dosh to date you ....really

[i]was that not whinging[/i]
I'm allowed, its my thread 🙂

Any [i]ideas[/i] then?

Random people are given 2 minutes to talk about whatever they want and STW Jamie shoots them down in less than 10 words?

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careful now, sounds like you and TSY might have an in-joke going on 😉

welcome to a sexy party anytime, leave your keys in the bowl and join the fun!

[img] [/img]

'Shot down in Flames by STW's James'?

"TandemJeremy's Cold Turkey"

*Yawn*

How about "Wrasslemania: Internet Tough Guy Edition"

You could all meet up in the carpark behind the Matalan at Edinburgh Seafield and have a primary-school-esque pushing match to sort it out once and for all.

Craig Charles as commentator, Chris Akabussi interviewing the participants.

😆

Any ideas then

[i]Random people are given 2 minutes to talk about whatever they want and STW Jamie shoots them down in less than 10 words?[/i]

Is that based on reality?

Ten Dam Jeremys

Or we could have Tan Dem Jeremy, which would be about a local sunbed shop owner 😉

I always thought there was a fair bit of mileage in "When Forumites Meet" - a select group of Forum Dwellers are dragged from behind the comfort of their computer screens and put into a pub where they have to interact face to face.

Topics for discussion to include religion, politics, what tyre for... and helmet wearing. 😉

The episode with TandemJeremy, simonfbarnes and CaptainFlashheart would be worth the licence fee on it's own!

A few more;
[i]Man Remedy Jet[/i] in which a man fixes a jet using Google for instructions.

[i]Am Nerdy Jet Me[/i] in which contestants pretend to be aeroplanes, with or without a unionised workforce

[i]Dreamy Jet Men[/i] - in which contestants objectify men in uniform

[i]My Jam Entered[/i] - in which contestants enter .....(That's enough now. Ed)

"singlespeeders"

a selection of 2 minute short films where these weird cyclists explain why they think they're still single.

"swinley sexy party"

much like the orgy out in the woods scene in the second series of True Blood, but with bikes.

[i]Am Nerdy Jet Me[/i] in which contestants pretend to be aeroplanes, with or without a unionised workforce

Do they have a conveyor belt?

crazy-legs - Member

Am Nerdy Jet Me in which contestants pretend to be aeroplanes, with or without a unionised workforce

Do they have a conveyor belt?

"Hello, is that Channel 4? Yes, I have an idea for a show I'd like to pitch to you......

😆

What Will He Buy Next? Bloodbath Splatterfest

An insane bastardised hybrid of the Generation Game, QVC shopping channel and the Russian Roulette scene out of the Deerhunter.

Hidden Camera's are placed in Hora's household on an average midweek evening. Meanwhile five forum regulars are selected at random, given a revolver and thrown into a submerged cage full of rats.

As Hora fires up his mac and flexes his credit card, Five terrified potential victims wimper like children and soil themselves, while being shown very briefly Hora's browsing history for the day.

In amongst the Dwarf Porn and christian evangelist self-help sites will be clues as to what Hora will feel the random urge to buy.

Will it be the dodgy Subaru off the Auto-trader site?
He wouldn't possibly buy another Santa Cruz frame would he? The 28th? Would he?
There was a Whiskey site. Will he buy a single malt? Just to look growed up?
Could he possibly buy ANOTHER set of forks? But which one's?
He was randomly babbling about love-eggs before. Would he have ordered some.
He used to own a Saab. Perhaps he's got a Turbo dump valve for one of those. Or was it a Mondeo?
A years supply of Monster Munch?
Spangles?
A dry stone wall in Yorkshire?

Who knows? Lets be honest: The poor bastard probably doesn't even know himself? He gets confused. What chance have these poor mugs got. But guess they must........

As Hora purchases increasingly random things, fuelled by cheap red wine and the voices in his head, the poor wild-eyed loons have to shout increasingly frantically, while weaping now in desperation, what these purchases could be.

IN the random case of getting an object right (Aaaaah it was the 28th Chameleon) then a round is removed from the chamber of their revolver.
After half an hour Hora slumps back on to a chair, satiated for the evening. His addiction briefly becalmed.

The forum members aren't so lucky. Lets count the rounds left in those guns. Its barrels against temple's time guys. Be brave now

MAU! MAU!!!

binners = Awesome!!!

Youth Hostelling With Chris Eubank?

Inner City Sumo?

........Monkey Tennis?

Harry_the_Spider - Member
How about "I'd do owt to be on telly me!" ?

Give Kerry Katona and vairous other 0/10s a set of bolt cutters and a video camera. They get 5 minutes of prime time telly exposure for every bit they cut off their own bodies.

Didn't ITV try this with "I'm a celebrity........", but local Aussie authorities threatened to prosecute them for cruelty to dumb animals?

[i]much like the orgy out in the woods scene in the second series of True Blood, but with bikes.[/i]

Are you the vibrating horn woman?
[img] http://iamatvjunkie.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451c17f69e20115715f46de970c-250wi [/img]

Phil? - Did you ever go and un-tie Timothius?? 😯

After half an hour Hora slumps back on to a chair, satiated for the evening. His addiction briefly becalmed

was thinking about timothius the other day! can't remember if i loosened the knots or not 😕

In amongst all the rubbish on this forum there is some true genius.....Bullheart I salute you:))

Ah, but have you seen the latest??

Get beautiful over made-up young folk face to face with people with facial disfigurement!
[url= http://www.channel4.com/programmes/beauty-the-beast-ugly-face-of-prejudice ]"Beauty & the Beast"![/url]

Why didn't I think of that?!

i thought the guy from that first episode was a bit of a hero and the girl had some deep seated issues that he managed to help her with 🙂

the preview for this weeks episode made me want to turn off the tv though.