[Closed] The joy of having kids…

Stoner Jr Jr this morning: "Im nearly full up of breakfast. This leg's full anyway. I need to eat more to fill the other one up to my knee at least"

Is it a "joy"

Just askin like..

My 5 year old last night - 'do all baddies have moustaches'?

(She is utterly absorbed by the world wars and we normally read war books for bedtime - this has been going on for months). She has even learned how to spell Hitler. 😀

HTF did a kid get the wheels off the dishwasher tray?

Can you send him round to get the stuck pedal off my road bike?

My 6 year old at around 3:30 am last night

"You didn't give me any water. Don't forget to fill up my water bottle next time".

Cheeky git. I'll play with his Lego while he's not looking 🙂

... when your adult son becomes an obsessive Strava roadie and has a stable of 3.

I blame the mother. 😆

4am this morning. Daddy, I think I would like to go back to wearing a pull-up nappy...

When they go splat and cut their knee and come out with:

"Where my blood go? I need that, you put it back in"

He's 2 and a half now and getting steadily funnier, V2.0's due any day now.

my 3 yr old had a bad dream and came into us at 2am, waking us both up, wife asks whats the matter?

'I didn't want daddy to wash my pants' lol.

Eldest (just past 3 at the time) having a full-on tantrum because I finished the drink she gave me. It was a pretend drink..!

when my youngest was two she decided to use the carpet as a canvas for a large sudocrem painting, the stain is still there, all metre square of it...

eldest was making Mrs Ed laugh and she said 'Francesca, you're a comedy genius'

'Mum! I'm not a comedy Jesus '

when my youngest was two she decided to use the carpet as a canvas for a large sudocrem painting, the stain is still there, all metre square of it...

Could've been worse, the cat could have been the canvas!

[quote=loddrik ]when my youngest was two she decided to use the carpet as a canvas for a large sudocrem painting, the stain is still there, all metre square of it...

you sure it wasn't the cat?

One day they will all be 16.

Edukator, that is such a sad thought 🙁

Could've been worse, the cat could have been the canvas!

Oh the cats have all been painted on or drawn on at some stage. 😆

(Watching mummy eating toast with seeds in the bread)
Kiddie: What are those?
Mummy: Seeds
Kiddie: If we plant them can we grow a toast tree?

And another on the war
Me: The baddies (the Germans) wear crosses around their necks (so she could work out who were who in the pictures)
Kiddie: Do the goodies wear ticks?

One day they will all be 16.

Mine are 11 and (almost) 9 now, and they're still brilliant and hilarious.

For anyone who's not read it:

[url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/my-daughter-has-coated-cat-with-sudocrem-what-to-do ]Sudocrem Cat[/url]

IMO the funniest thread ever on STW.

As you were.

It was on a similar thread years ago that someone posted this image. Not far off how mine "helped" me a few years ago.

[img] [/img]

My 4yr old told the 7yr old that he had learnt at nursery that another name for your willy and bawbag was your 'pirate parts'. Five minutes later the 7yr old is parading round the house fully naked except for the pirate patch from the dressing up box partially covering his little cock and balls.

When he's not being a provocative, anti-social "ado" junior still has moments of being brilliant. Today has gone well so far but will degenerate at some point. Had a Telecaster + acoustic guitar jam this morning and swam together at lunchtime. There are far worse in his class which is resulting in a catastrophic divorce rate among the parents.

My youngest has just gone off to Uni ,we are all missing him a lot .
It only seems a blink ago that we were reading Hungry Caterpillar.
Hold them close and treasure those simple years. 🙂

Our 4 yr old regularly uses the word 'whoopsidentally' when something unplanned happens - breaking big bros airfix etc. We're in no hurry to correct her - it should be a proper word and in the dictionary.

Hold them close and treasure those simple years.

Good advice but hard to follow when in a case of perpetual near exhaustion (2yr old and a 7m old here.)

One day they will all be 16.

All at the same time? That's gonna be WEIRD!

when in a case of perpetual near exhaustion

That's what makes the good times great Mr B 😉

Paying at the till after shopping at the supermarket my 2 and bit year old tells Mrs teadrinker who's packing the shopping "Mummy put shopping in Daddies back door"

Daddies back door is her reference to the boot of the car. We often get strange looks when she mentions this in public.

When do you have to stop reading The Hungry Caterpillar? 😯

Though Room on the Broom is still my favourite....lived the way a toddler who can't read could recite it perfectly. The whole book. Over. And over.....

I recently discovered that the only place to ask the "how was school today?" question and get a response other than "fine" is on the trampoline in the garden. So that's where I ask that question now, in a 3-way bounce-fest after I've put my bike away. I can bounce really high when I want to. Building up to a somersault.

Just this very morning. Jnr is 2 1/2...

Jnr: "Daddy, what's the skirrel doing?"
Daddy: "He's hiding his nuts in the garden"
Jnr: "Why doesn't he hide them in his pants like you?"
Wife spits Cheerio's across the table..

CANT WAIT TO HAVE KIDS.

Batshit crazy little people I can call my own.

it is, after all, the reason we are here, fab thread.

Our twins aren't at the talking stage to come out with classics but one continues to copy the sounds she hears us make and even came out with: oaooooh noahhooooo. At four months we were impressed. but every little smile makes the pain and suffering worthwhile.

I was shopping one day, and pulled my wallet out to discover my bank card was missing. Where the hells that gone? So go through the usual procedure, report it missing, wait days for the new one to arrive

Then, on walking through the front room, I look down to see it sticking out of the card reader on this

[img] http://argos.scene7.com/is/image/Argos/1514526_R_Z001A_UC1587439?$TMB$&wid=312&hei=312 [/img]

Bless 'em

My 2 year old spotted an elderly gentleman on a mobility scooter coming towards him on the pavement. He waits until said gentleman is right beside us and then shouts at the top of his voice "LAWNMOWER!!!!"...

Ah, fond memories. The time we were in Sainsburys.. "That man's black!" shouts my boy (then aged 3 or 4).
Might remind him of that later - he calls me racist if I just say the word black these days 😆

Non Parent With Not Quite Wife at 27 At That Definitive Point In Life..

Not got 'em yet, but it's planned. I've always been parental but wonder if most people anticipate the joy in parenthood, or if it's a wonderful surprise thrust upon them?

I'm glad I've read this thread. My wife has her 12 week scan tomorrow afternoon. I'm trying to contain my excitement about the whole prospect at this stage but I am overjoyed at the prospect of our first.

New chapter in life.

You've got 12 months of hell first mate.

and no sex

You've got 12 months of hell first mate.

Don't spoil it.

this morning 630 im woken by

'DADDY NATHANS DONE A POO AND A WEE!!'

bleary eyed I wander in, the youngest is standing in his cot and says 'daddy I dun a poo and a wee'

Hes nearly 2 and just started talking properly so its quite cute

as I lift him out- a blob of sweetcorn filled poo escapes from his overloaded nappy and lands splat ont he sofabed......

Im sure I have loads of cute storys to tell about them but right now, cant think of any!!

on a recent trip to Legoland

6yr old daughter number 1... "will the toilets be made of Lego"?

6yr old daughter number 2... "Evil Knievel, was he a baddie in Star Wars"?

to be honest we get pearls of wisdom everyday and it's fantastic :o)

fervouredimage - there will be no more of your normal evenings activities....

[img] [/img]

Enjoy it though. Parenthood is ace!! Sometimes....

😀

fervouredimage - Member

I'm glad I've read this thread. My wife has her 12 week scan tomorrow afternoon. I'm trying to contain my excitement about the whole prospect at this stage but I am overjoyed at the prospect of our first.

New chapter in life.

Good luck with the scan, it's pretty amazing in itself. 🙂

And the bit about 12 months of hell isn't true either, just be prepared to work stuff out rather than listening to other people's "advice" about what you should be doing (I am aware of the irony of that "advice" 🙂 ). We have a two year old, next one's due in March... 🙂

What a brilliant thread..

We were having dinner the other night whilst our 4yr old (Callum) was holding court as usual, wife was still chuckling about something he said when he proclaims she's 'properly got the giggles on her', cue more laughing.

Whilst getting changed for swimming as a two year old he loudly asked his Mum 'What's big bum doing' about a rather large lady who was getting changed next to them, the wife still had tears in her eyes when she told me a few minutes later 🙂

I've been trying to cheer Callum up after his inevitable spills by telling him that chicks dig scars and then showing him one of my (many) past injuries, our 16mnth old fell over at the weekend and Callum sat down in front of a now bawling Finley and told him that chicks dig scars before pulling up his trouser leg to show a bruise on his knee 🙂

They're the best entertainment 🙂

@Binners

I reckon the kitchen will still have a similar look to it though - baby toys, clothes, nappies in place of bike tools and parts. Me and Kes will work something out.

It has been the hardest, most frustrating, exhausting, draining, disgusting and infuriating experience of my life. It will stress you, your partner and your relationship to breaking point, and beyond. Sometimes more than once a day. You will have no time, money, patience, energy or sex. Ever. Again.

I wouldn't have missed it for the world. 😆

Good luck with the scan, it's pretty amazing in itself.

And the bit about 12 months of hell isn't true either, just be prepared to work stuff out rather than listening to other people's "advice" about what you should be doing (I am aware of the irony of that "advice" ). We have a two year old, next one's due in March...

Thanks and likewise congratulations.

I've prepared myself for the advice overload that will be coming our way. It's all well intentioned so I'll just nod and smile... for now.

You've got 12 months of hell first mate.

and [s]no[/s] not as much sex

😉

Anagallis junior is almost 4. Picked him up fro nursery the other day " daddy daddy I was really good I only fight a bit"

First 12 months is easy they can't move around too much 😀

Good luck Ferv, I thought the scans were fantastic.

Mini me is due any day now (currently 6 days late so he's obviously got my timekeeping).

Can't wait for him to arrive, then the fun starts.

One of my firends has two kids and her little boy was very fond of the word penis...everyone had one according to him.

She took the kids swimming and whilst they were getting changed he shouted at the top of his voice 'mummy you've got a penis'. She said that she got a few funny looks as she walked out of the cubicle....

3 year old daughter whilst watching the bike race part of ironman Wales shouts ... "look daddy... That man has brown skin!" He nearly fell off his bike laughing.

My 3yo insists he's a boy. I asked where her willy was, she said 'Here!' And mimed waving a willy about. 'Daddy I just petending' 🙂

Good luck Ferv, I thought the scans were fantastic.

I'm really looking forward to it. It's been a difficult process getting ourselves to this stage for all sorts of reasons so it feels like it's going to be an incredibly poignant moment (as it is for everyone of course).

You've got 12 months of hell first mate.

The first 6 to 9 months is pretty easy really. The next 9 months are bloody exhausting (teething, endless colds and illnesses, hours of trying to get them to sleep in the early hours of the morning, proper tantrums.) Gets a lot easier after about 18 months.

+1 on 18 months being the point it actually starts to get easier. Easier, mind, not easy 🙂

It then gets harder again s they start answering back more...

I envy you all. Currently seeing my chances of ever being a dad disappear.

I have an 18 month old daughter who is awsumz.
Our cat turned up the other day having been sent from NZ (Long story...) and she basically walked behind him all day shouting ibsy ibsy ibsy ibsy ibsy then waving her arms round and laughing, proper laughing. They now seem to have reached an accord and until such a time as she smears Sudocrem on him it shall remain that way. She has started farting and laughing then holding her crotch and screaming Ooooooh Noooooooo. I may have caused that one. You soon learn to never touch something you don't want them to touch and never say something you don't want to hear - a lot.

Our almost two year old lad delights in running through his list of exclamations at the top of his voice: "Fa goodness sake! My word! I say! ****s sake!"
😳

I'm really looking forward to it. It's been a difficult process getting ourselves to this stage for all sorts of reasons so it feels like it's going to be an incredibly poignant moment (as it is for everyone of course).

Good luck buddy.

We had a bump or two along the way and getting the all good at that 12 week scan was amazing. The lady who did our 20 week scan was really good and explained everything she was seeing in detail - like showing us the valves in the heart opening and closing. Amazing.

We had a 3D scan too which blew us away even more. I just want to meet the little bugger now.

3 y.o daughter on recent trip to Cornwall:

Wife: The pasty shop has closed because they've run out of pasties.
Daughter: Why?
Wife: Because people have eaten them all
Daughter (pointing at rather large lady standing nearby): Did she eat all the pasties?

Our chap currently can't pronounce direction.

He's also obsessed with getting his boys bits pointing the right way so they're not uncomfortable.

This results him saying "oh no, wrong erection!" quite a lot.

L'il J has very recently stuck a bank card in the car cd player & killed it.
He now says "I lub you dada"...... 🙂

Our youngest had one of his front teeth knocked out by his big brother with a rifle butt (EE-3 Carbine Blaster Rifle incase anyone's interested) which resulted in a bit of a speech impediment for a while where he couldn't pronounce the sounds 's' or 'f'.

This coincided with his favourite derogatory comment being 'scum-bucket'.

Very embarrassing with your 4 year old calling your wife a cum-bucket in Tesco's as loud as he can when told he isn't having a bar of choc at the tills :-).

Also very proud when the speech therapy started to work and he was caller her it pronounced properly, (it's the little battles eh)

Nothing like being woken up by "DADDY! HERE! POO OF DOOM!!" ringing out from the baby monitor at 6:30AM.

Wandering into my son's playhouse (calls it the 'lab') to find it all a bit 'Breaking Bad'..
[img] [/img]
[img] [/img]

He's a legend! Only 4!

DrP

DrP Junior's "lab" earlier.

[img] https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRmksFv6wKZXLD7NgOEVMBAPoW4gFlf53NmmhKJXx3qbvAMcTZV [/img]

My then 3 y/o daughter whilst sitting in the trolley at tesco as a rather large (actually she was extremely large) lady walked past us, just started giggling, then just as the lady was right next to our trolley she pipes up "ha ha that lady is really fat". I was speechless and the lady huffed and waddled off. I did try and apologise, but she wasn't having any of it.

I took the family out for breakfast to a cafe one Saturday morning. My son who was around 15 months at the time was still having his bottle of warm milk in the morning. Order breakfast and mrs muggo gets my boy a juice drink which he pretty much guzzles in one. Just as our food arrives my son starts coughing, so I sit him on my lap and rub his back, he then vomits all over me. It was a horrific smell, a mixture of curdled milk and black currant juice. The man on the table next to us put down his knife and fork and a fiver and just walked out the cafe. Me and the boy had to sit in the car in our pants while mrs Muggo and fatist daughter finished their breakfast.

Firstborn (sex as of yet undetermined - we figured it was the one true fun surprise left in life) is due on Oct 4th.

Small wife now resembles a pygmy hippo and is doing a bloody good job. Been amazing.

Got lot's to get on with still, we aren't the most organised and we feel remarkably calm which can only be a good thing

Never been more excited than right now.

do step kids count? bfreeman0 Junior having a full on tantrum when I come home from work. Apparently I should never have left.

crankbrat is 3 and just at the knowing his own mind bit we have constant Toddler logic .this exchange was when trying to get him out of the car so I could go to work:-
"no leave the car here I want to play in it"
" I cant I need to go to work"
"daddy !RIDE YOUR BIKE!"
"I cant my bikes at work"
"well you can walk I'm playing in the car now"

They only get better as their personalities develop. Mine are 9 and 6 now, and great fun!

My youngest had a bit of trouble pronouncing her Rs at one point. She also really liked malt loaf, which she called curranty bread. Well, she tried to...

Congrats Ojom

My daughter shouts about the cock and how it's cocking.

She means the clock and its ticking...

Mind you my son loves transformers and Ratchet is one of his faves. Unfortunately Ratshit isn't a great thing to be shouting about the place. Worse when he does a drawing as school and captions it...