"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-14646532
I reckon the wooden spoon one is much better...
"I said to a fella 'Is there a B&Q in Henley?' He said 'No, there's an H, an E, an N an L and a Y'."
That's a recycled Max Boyce joke - Is there a B&Q in Bala ? Well, there's a B, but no Q.
Plus there's another 'E' in it. Not Bala - Henley. Obviously.
is this judged in context? or purely as a one liner?
.
I notice that Tim "I'm not copying Tommy Cooper honest" Vine is up there at number two - but I guess he delivers so many one liners that at least one of them had to be funny.
I liked this one
"I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."
The chess gag and this one are best...
"My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."
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*Goes back to nerd joke thread*
Walking into town after watching Neil Delamere , I was trying to explain something to my son that he just couldn't get.
Son responded: 'I'm lost like a midget in a small crowd'. He was claiming that as his own but I'm not so sure. It's probably my fault for exposing him to too much comedy the last few weeks.
We were watching a sort of feel-good comedy show where the comedian was talking about 'living every day as if it's your last' and asked a guy on his own in the front row what he might do if he knew that today was his final day alive.
After a bit of screwed-up-face, serious pondering he replied without irony that "er.. I'd probably kill someone".
That got the best laugh of the show.
I remember a good one from a few years back, can't remeber who it was though;
First the Dodo died, then Dodi died, then Di died. Dido must be shitting herself.
[i]Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.[/i]
I think the Tim Vine one is the funniest written down. Gotta be about the delivery which is why Paul Daniels would've flunked it! (plus originality of course)
First the Dodo died
Also, "Dando died".
the Mark Thomas one made me laugh.
[i]"That is wrong on so many different levels."[/i]
Ah yes, the old farting in a lift joke.
None of them area s good as Les Dawson, "Doctor, can you help me out ?", "Certainly, which way did you come in ?".
Or Alexie Sayle "I'm an alternative comedian. I'm not funny"
Or Alexie Sayle "I'm an alternative comedian. I'm not funny"
Never a truer word.
...says the Muppets fan 😉
Hey, don't you be dissing the Muppets!
I went to see a Milton Jones gig. About 500 quickfire brilliant puns, but impossible to remember.
The only one that anybody there remembered was the obscure one about the pirate with the speech impediment (aah...) that nobody got at the time.