@mattyfez does that mean that the Hardly (sic) Davidson across from me is not a decent motorcycle? Regular 10 minute warm-ups performed by someone who should know better on a machine with a noisier than normal exhaust.
People who cannot put the shopping trolley back in the correct place, what I mean is the the small trolleys connect to the other small trolleys and the big ones connected to the other big ones. It's not like it's hard.
Morons on public transport who haven't worked out what headphones are for.
People who cannot put the shopping trolley back in the correct place
Just sling 'em against the cycle stands, innit.
For me, people who talk during loud gigs. Or try to. They're never saying anything worth vocalising and there's little point trying to be heard over, recent example, Converge.
You’ll never see them riding a honda 750, because they are usualy dead or in jail before they can afford one.
Have a neighbour with a Panigale V4 who does it.
That's like four honda 750s?
does that mean that the Hardly (sic) Davidson across from me is not a decent motorcycle?
IME, most people who buy Harleys are just stuck for something to polish.
Have a neighbour with a Panigale V4 who does it.
How big are his chicken strips?
Does that mean that the Hardly (sic) Davidson across from me is not a decent motorcycle?
correct. Dire tripe for posing on. they think everyone loves the sound of a Harley on open pipes. Its probably running really badly on its open pipes and squawkin chicken ( screaming eagle) carb that it will not idle properly
People who take their dog for a "walk" with the person riding a bike and the dog attached with a lead, particularly dogs that look as if they are a) miserable and b) nowhere near fit enough to maintain the pace of the bike.
People who change their minds about what they want to buy in the supermarket and just heave out random stuff from their trolley and leave it on the nearest available shelf - particularly chilled or frozen food just left on a normal shelf.
People who refer to their pets as "fur babies".
Have we done folks who either at the entrance to a shop or at the top of an escalator, instead of moving along, just stop? They often look about gormlessly or fiddle with something. As my wife said to one person at the top of an escalator on the underground she nearly collided with. "Pretend it's a city, and you have to share the space with thousands of other people"
Climate change deniers
Pretty much everything else has faded into the background.
Gits who put their feet on seats on public transport - especially those rear facing ones at the back of Edinburgh buses.
Pubs that have out of date events on a boards outside their premises.
If you can't be arsed to update the info I can't be arsed to come inside.
Have we done folks who either at the entrance to a shop or at the top of an escalator, instead of moving along, just stop? They often look about gormlessly or fiddle with something.
We have, but it's worth a repeat.
A special mention for the ones with soluble children who when leaving shops suddenly realise that coats need doing up and 17 other things.
While we’re on the subject of loud motorcycles have we mentioned people who feel the need to warm them up for half an hour next to several blocks of flats on a hot summers morning while everyone’s got their balcony doors and windows open?
Or minicab drivers who’d stop in the lay-by underneath everyone’s windows at 2am idling their diesels for half an hour while they wait for the next ride to come in on the app?
I don’t miss living in London can you tell?
Teenage boys in the gym hogging the machines/stations
10 reps then sit around for 5 minutes chatting or scrolling before doing another 10 reps, repeat
Get on with it, or f off
The designers that think it’s ok to make headlight bulb changes only possible by removing the whole ****in unit🤯 along with a front wheel, arch liner etc etc guess what I was doing yesterday???
Teenage boys in the gym hogging the machines/stations
10 reps then sit around for 5 minutes chatting or scrolling before doing another 10 reps, repeat
Get on with it, or f off
Just 5 minutes? Luxury. Still, trying to move such big weights with such poor form, won't be long till they are injured and out the way....
Haha aye the gym bros hogging machines is definitely one of mine too. They seem to be in groups of 3-4 in my gym. Recently, a group of the absolute whoppers were on the cable lat pull-down machine while I completed my entire workout. * * wits.
And the pops and bangs dickhead brigade as well. There’s a particular cockend on our estate with one of them Toyota gt86s who has an absurdly loud exhaust and likes to drive past my house (and probably everywhere else too) in a gear or three too low for his road speed. I mean I like the sound of an exotic engine on song as much as the next petrol head but I can do without being woken up by some 4 banger piece of shit slow as piss Toyota at 7 on a Sunday morning. The prick.
My parents and my sister failing to call my son on his 10th birthday. I’m f*^#ing furious.
Anyone with a motorbike who thinks 'loud exhausts save lives'.
No they don't; they just mark you out as a ****ing bellend.
Similarly those who ride with their main beam lights on all the time because it makes them visible. No it doesn't because all we can now see is a green blob where a motorcyclist should be.
Haha aye the gym bros hogging machines is definitely one of mine too. They seem to be in groups of 3-4 in my gym. Recently, a group of the absolute whoppers were on the cable lat pull-down machine while I completed my entire workout. * * wits.
Wasn’t West Park Leisure Centre in Long Eaton was it? 🤣
Wasn’t West Park Leisure Centre in Long Eaton was it?
I work all over the country and go to many gyms.
It's all of them 😬
Potential buyers ghosting you, personally and professionally. If you aren’t buying what I’m selling, after expressing an interest, please tell me.
Opening a bag of pasta expecting it to open cleanly but instead it rips down the entire length and spills the pasta everywhere, just design a ****ing bag that opens you utter dicks
Opening a bag of pasta expecting it to open cleanly but instead it rips down the entire length and spills the pasta everywhere, just design a **** bag that opens you utter dicks
Same goes for a bag of mixed nuts 😡
Weed smokers. Everywhere these days.
Absolutely stinks. Really makes me feel sick.
I remember when dope used to smell really nice.
Smell it so much, everywhere now. Rank.
Not to mention everyone driving about stoned with acrid weed smoke billowing out of their cars. 😐
The designers that think it’s ok to make headlight bulb changes only possible by removing the whole **** unit🤯 along with a front wheel, arch liner etc etc guess what I was doing yesterday???
I've posted this before I'm sure. I once got a phone call from the car park by a colleague who'd just got out of Halfords with a new headlight bulb for his Astra van. "Can you pop down and have a look, I can't work it out." I was like FFS, it's a bulb you cretin, it'll be a plug and a clip.
Got downstairs and... you know, I can't work this out either.
We came back up, hit the Internet. "Step 1: remove radiator."
My parents and my sister failing to call my son on his 10th birthday. I’m f*^#ing furious.
If it's any consolation, he probably doesn't care so long as there's video games or Lego.
My parents and my sister failing to call my son on his 10th birthday. I’m f*^#ing furious.
My Dad did this. Then sent an email two days late wishing the wrong son a happy birthday.
We don’t really celebrate birthdays so thought it was quite funny… but I can see where you are coming from.
How about another nomination:
Coming back from six weeks secondment to find the person that backfilled me kind of did some of the stuff they felt like doing but not the stuff they didn’t like, leaving me a twisted mess to untangle and apologise for.
Haha aye the gym bros hogging machines is definitely one of mine too. They seem to be in groups of 3-4 in my gym. Recently, a group of the absolute whoppers were on the cable lat pull-down machine while I completed my entire workout. * * wits.
Does your gym not have the arch nemesis of the gym bros to keep them in check? The wire-y old man on a mission. The sort that looks about 54kg but is bizarrely strong and they all know could kill them. They have absolutely no compunction about reclaiming machines, usually by offering to work in while dripping in sweat wearing thread-bare gym kit from the 80s.
Same gym bros will come and hassle you 2 mins after you get on a machine and ask you how many sets you've got left.
'Dunno, I'm finished when I'm finished' normally pops their tiny brains 🤣
Opening a bag of pasta expecting it to open cleanly but instead it rips down the entire length and spills the pasta everywhere, just design a **** bag that opens you utter dicks
Same goes for a bag of mixed nuts
And then there's rice! Especially with a disabled wife who refuses to open such bags by simply using scissors, when her teeth and her one hand "are fine". Rip! "Can you fetch me the hoover?"
Students people that decide to have a group meeting/chat moment at the bottom (or top) of stairwells.
How big are his chicken strips?
Utterly non-existent.
The bike gets utterly thrashed beyond the point of stupidity. He also has a problem with alcohol and a death wish.
It's ~2 years old, and i'll be quite honest, the engine *really* doesn't sound well anymore.
He will kill someone eventually, but until the police catch him in the act (most of the neighbours have called them at some point) they won't do anything.
The likelihood is that he'll kill himself though. Mostly rides on empty Swedish roads.
https://twitter.com/MrJackLowe/status/1696432901737337057
Actually, piss-boiling seems pretty proportionate, on reflection. Carry on.
I know a guy that used to do that circa 15 years ago. Free into festival said it was incredible what you'd find in tents, electronics, drugs booze, sex toys, shit but tens of thousands of pounds worth of stuff.
Actually, piss-boiling seems pretty proportionate, on reflection. Carry on
Insert every festival here.
Although people do seem to leap to defend Glasto. But it is the middle class luvvies paradise.
My brother went to Glasto this year (I didn’t get a ticket but I’m not bitter 😖 ). He brought all his stuff back + a really nice tent upgrade (Decathlon Airbeam blackout), toilet tent and a few accessories.
I really think they should allow the general public to go onsite to get whatever they want (perhaps with a deal that they can’t leave unless they have their booty plus a bin bag full of litter).
Probably justifiably cross, but I was held up at the post office today because some karen didn't know the PIN number for her card for whatever transaction she was trying to do.
Despite the queue steadily filling up the entire office and out of the door she stood at the counter whilst she phoned someone (presumably her down trodden husband) to get the PIN.
Justice was served though as she did the walk of shame past the queue and got a classic british death stare from about 20 people.
Stuff that makes me cross?
People that say PIN number
😹😹😘
Insert every festival here.
Really not. Greenbelt last weekend but I suspect that there are a lot of smaller festivals that are similar
Stuff that makes me cross?
People that say PIN number
😹😹😘
See also
CAT Tourniquet
Main MSR
Cheese not being cut perpendicular to the sides.
My wife now does it on purpose
Stuff that makes me cross?
People that say PIN number
😹😹😘
Grammar Nazis 😉
And people who don't understand what a colloquialism is. 😀
Cheese not being cut perpendicular to the sides.
My wife now does it on purpose
Just now:
Asked me to clean something.
Played hidey-tidy with all the cleaning products.
Had a strop when I finally managed to dig them all out, "I've just cleaned that bit!"
So... 🤷♂️ what, you expect me to lick the shower door clean?
Probably should be cross-posted to the menopause thread.
Mattyfez ...
Bastard! but it does suggest it is about to be eaten
The use of oh instead of zero when telling you a phone number
The use of oh instead of zero when telling you a phone number
"Oh? Oh is the noise you make when having sex!"
Platoon Sgt on pay parade circa 1995.
Sticking plasters that are impossibly fiddly to get out of their packaging when blood is gushing out of your finger, without lots of swearing.
I now just go for electrical tape unless it's really serious.
Sticking plasters that are impossibly fiddly to get out of their packaging when blood is gushing out of your finger, without lots of swearing.
Or those shitty plastic ones that you don't realise you bought by mistake instead of the fabric ones. You usually only find out when bleeding everywhere and the bloody things refuse to stick.
So… 🤷♂️ what, you expect me to lick the shower door clean?
Cleaning as a dangerous/extreme activity.
OK here's a good one.. trying to spell something out over the phone...
You can tell they are struggling so you switch to the standard A for alpha, T for tango etc. phonetic alphabet.
Then they get even more confused.
M for mother? yes M for Mike..
What?
etc.
People who stab into the margarine. You go from one side to the other, not try to get lumps out the middle.
And never, NEVER, should the knife go from the toast to the butter with crumbs on it. Crumbs have no place in or on the butter when its still in the tub.
When my wife handed my sister in law a present for my niece and was immediately handed it back saying "she wouldn't like that".
OK here’s a good one.. trying to spell something out over the phone…
You can tell they are struggling so you switch to the standard A for alpha, T for tango etc. phonetic alphabet.
Then they get even more confused.
M for mother? yes M for Mike..
What?
etc.
**** yes. Boils my piss.
Up there with the poster an the 'oh' instead of zero and people who can't use or understand the 24hr clock.
phonetic alphabet.
I used to know a bloke who'd use words like "psychiatrist/pneumonia" , "know", etc wherever he could - but he was a bit weird all-round
People who stab into the margarine.
People who buy marg... WTF is up with that? You may as well use Castrol GTX.
I get very angry with the religious fundamentalists objecting to reproductive rights or dignity in dying with their bogus made up objections. At least be honest and say your objection is religious. don't make up scare stories!
I like the older UK phonetic alphabets
one started Ack, Beer, Cheese IIRC
I get very angry with the religious fundamentalists objecting to reproductive rights or dignity in dying with their bogus made up objections. At least be honest and say your objection is religious. don’t make up scare stories!
This is a really good one... classic modern american paradox... can't have an abortion, but if its born you can blow it to bits with a shotgun.
Get of my grass!
People who stab into the margarine. You go from one side to the other, not try to get lumps out the middle.
And never, NEVER, should the knife go from the toast to the butter with crumbs on it. Crumbs have no place in or on the butter when its still in the tub.
Coffee granules in the sugar bowl.
My mum had carers visiting for a brief while. How is this a difficult concept? Bits of sugar in the coffee is a non-event, bits of coffee in the sugar ****s up the sugar.
See also, people who stuff condiment bottles directly into their food. Ketchup bottles in cafés with bits of egg hanging off the neck, what, was there a concern that you might miss?
People who stab into the margarine.
People who buy marg… WTF is up with that?
Margarine hasn't existed in the UK for some time. We sacked off hydrogenated oil years ago.
I can't belive it's not butter!
Gross stuff. Proper butter or nothing is my philosophy.
I don't often use butter, but when I do it's actualy butter.
It's butter-adjacent.
Various takes on "spread" is a thing. Marg not so much.
Phillidephia cheese is not cheese, it's very light mayonaise.
https://www.philadelphia.co.uk/
Proove me wrong.
BBC R6 music whenever there's a festival. Yes I get there was/is a festival and you have free tickets and probably a backstage pass and nice accommodation and are actually being paid to be there but do stop banging on about how banging it was.
"Oh I'm so tired as I've just about recovered from glasto 2021" chuff off!!! and actually play some music.
Yes, disproportionately cross.
The concept of generations having arbitrary names and dates. Using such dates and names as insults.
Also the word "Karen" .... unless preceded by Space.
If my 6yo boy could post:
I WANTED THE OTHER SHOE ON FIRST!!!
The concept of generations having arbitrary names and dates. Using such dates and names as insults.
Ok boomer.
I used to know a bloke who’d use words like “psychiatrist/pneumonia” , “know”, etc wherever he could – but he was a bit weird all-round
There's a "useless phonetic alphabet" poster floating around in one of my mates houses. He uses it with cold callers and scammers.
It's actually quite funny.
People who use signage when signs will do.
People who use "in the xyz space", as in, "we are rolling this out in the customer space".
No, you are using it with customers. The "space" is between your ****ing ears!
People who buy marg… WTF is up with that? You may as well use Castrol GTX.
ObTJ: Putoline
‘forward plan’
A plan is by its very nature about things that haven’t happened yet, forward in time if you like. Any other kind of plan would be a record of what has happened, or a backward plan. Just ‘plan’ would suffice, ta very much.
Amazing how once one cretin has set a precedent for the use of nonsense language it spreads like a virus.
YouTube clickbait language - eg "This hurricane is going nuts" , "Solo shopping trip on street of death" "This bathroom habit will turn you into a liberal"
(one of these is real, see also use of bathroom for bog)
BBC R6 music
R6 is a rich seam of annoying things, chief among them being Mary Ann Hobbs' irritating voice. What is she smiling about?
What is she smiling about?
The transient journey through space and time as music takes you to a safe place where we can all come together as one.
Apparently