[Closed] SP#R

High volume, lower percentage – Big bottles of Zoyder, mainly. Cheap, but bulky and harder to hide away.
Low volume, higher percentage – Cheapo whisky or vodka. Bit pricier, but easier to hide and quicker to drink.

We used to refer to this trade off or volume/strength as 'Smiles Per Gallon' - you could extend your range if the booze you were buying was past its sell by date

I looked older early,

I was once told I was 'born 40'

Plastic bottle tramp cider and super strength lager, occasionally the lofty heights of a bottle of special red or half a bottle of nanaholic sherry

Smiles Per Gallon

nanaholic

*Applause*

About 16 studying for O Levels so time off school for home revision.
Used to go to the snug bar of the Shoulder of Mutton and have a half pint or Morlands Bitter. if you proved you weren't going to be silly you were allowed to move up to two halves. And the following year another one added.
Any bad behaviour and you were out.
It turns out that miscueing a bar billiard ball through the etched front window (proper etched - none of this stuck on film crap) counted as bad behaviour.

Merrydown Gold.

I was quite the sophisticate in the Buckfast Triangle don'cha know.

you could extend your range if the booze you were buying was past its sell by date

actually the best range-extenders were past their sell-by date, stamped 'For Duty Free Sales Only' and, for some reason had been sprayed with perfume.

Forester's cider. 97p a litre for a bottle. Sold by the local corner shop, the owner of which gave zero damns about selling weapons-grade trampoline to 15-year olds.

strongbow was a favourite as was fosters from the local shop where the owner didn't care.

Had a friend who was rather partial to the odd bottle of archers.

Löwenbräu was the beverage of choice at my sixth-form

Royal Dutch lager 39p a can, a quality lager - unfortunately low quality but at 15 you couldn’t be too fussy

scrumpy from a tiny pub ( really just an offy in a small village) converted from a lockup just a couple of tables with built in cribbage and a hole in the wall. Think they were just thankful for the trade 🙂

I never looked old for age, still don't, but got served in the New Inn, Headingley, and leeds poly union from about age 15 and a half. Student area so easy to blend in.

Drank all kinds of nasty stuff. Double diamond (I think, or some northern equivalent of watney's red barrel) party 7s being the worst.

Thought this was going to be a Roman history thread. Ego destituta.

Thought this was going to be a Roman history thread

It could be. I love how in Rome they still have SPQR on the drain covers in the street, just like in Asterix.

I love how in Rome they still have SPQR on the drain covers in the street, just like in Asterix..

I had no idea it was that influential a series. Brilliant.

I used to apply my sister's mascarato my top lip to give me an instant 'tache and five years.

I was a fan of super cold Tennents Super. At 9ish% I was ****ed on three quid's worth.

Brown Ale, Archers (neat), 20/20 (strawberry, obvs) and the cheapest canadian (not sure why that mattered) whisky.

Fat Sams in Newcastle for underage heavy metal drinking...£1 for a bottle of brown! A good night out for £5.20p (5 bottles and the metro home!)
Good times.

Helden Brau Super Strength (8.5%) for about 90p a can. There was a septic tank with a raised wall around it behind our local village hall in Goosnargh, affectionately known as the "Heldy Bin", where we stored all the evidence.

4 cans of that stuff and you were lucky to stand up afterwards!

Couple of pubs in town would serve us at 16 (even though I was probably barely taller than 5' at the time), so it was whatever generic lager they had (more often than not Skol or Carlsberg).

From the offy it was usually Hofmeister, Red Stripe, Thunderbird or 20/20.

My saturday evening ritual was a bottle of cinzano and 4 cans of tennents super or if flush a small bottle of whisky- usually did the trick

Once drank a carton of out-of-date cucumber wine at a house party.

I threw up all over a girl who'd just shared a very personal (non-sexual) bit of info. I felt awful.

After learning that alcohol is flammable, I remember us being confused and disappointed at not being able to set light to a can of Skol.

Who knew that the 96.5% of it that wasn't alcohol could be a problem... Certainly not us...

First go was a 4 pack of 'Breaker' my mates older Brother drank Breaker and he was pretty cool, he had a TVR and everything, sadly even cold in a glass it's horrible so warm from a can in the park.

After that I went though a period of drinking Stonehouse and Strowbow from a plasic 'Flagon' it started okay, but as it got warmer and flatter you needed to steel yourself, chug as much as possible before the taste reached you.

That was that whole 14-16 period, once I reached 16 we had access to Student Union Cards, they didn't actually show your DOB and you could get them from 6th Form colleges, but it was good enough for the local underage pub so that was it, I still couldn't drink a whole pint before it got to warm and flat for my teenage tastes, but I could battle though.

Even now I really don't like the taste of booze too much, my Wife takes the mick I have to have a 'dash' of lemonade in my beer at home.

As others above, I have never looked old for my age (I was once ID checked in a bar in New Orleans when I was 30) but bizarrely when I started drinking at around 15 (when I looked 12) I had no problem in most places as I think they simply didn't believe I'd have the balls to try had I not been old enough.

out-of-date cucumber wine

That sounds like it should be a euphemism

Couple of pubs in town would serve us at 16

We had a local with a right battleaxe of a landlady, proper matriarch. We'd occasionally chance our arms only to be told to bugger off. I was so looking forward to celebrating my 18th birthday there. Come the weekend I strolled in with my driving licence in my back pocket, ordered a pint and she went "certainly sir," I was absolutely gutted.

I was once ID checked in a bar in New Orleans when I was 30

To be fair, that's not unusual in the US. Some places will just routinely card anyone they don't know. They have an odd set of priorities over there.

...addendum: if I started my actual pub career fairly early. And let's face it, the last three months is the longest I've gone in my life without visiting a pub or bar. By three months. Anyway, post script is that my bang for buck drinking was more as part of the student pre-load. Sainsbury's vermouth being an unpleasant but reasonably potent little number on an ABV/£ basis. Or 2L bottle of merrydown, neck enough to pour in a can of special brew, and neck the rest.

Once drank a carton of out-of-date cucumber wine at a house party.

I threw up all over a girl

Did you ask her if she'd like a taste of your cucumber wine?

To be fair, that’s not unusual in the US. Some places will just routinely card anyone they don’t know.

In many states, it's the sever who's prosecuted for serving underage drinkers, and with a lot of 'test' purchases being made, it's seen as safer to card everyone.

Oh dear, I'm not sure I want to admin this but....

2 offies down the road from where I grew up were great for underage alcohol purchases. One was Victoria Wines, the other a single owned shop whose name I can't remember (was a very long time and many underage drinks ago)

The drinks of choice between my mate and me were usually dictated by money available but would consist of at least 2 of the following

Tenants Super (do they still have the pictures on the cans?)
Thunderbird Red Label
Woodpecker/Strongbow cider (don't remember the White Lightning type ciders being available back then)
Colt 45 (I still get the ad jingle for that one going round my head every-so-often)
Carlsberg Special Brew
Miniatures of Pernod.

The Pernod was bought to stick in the Carlsberg to 'make it taste better'. The cider was usually mixed with either the Colt 45 or Tenants and Thunderbird was usually an optional extra.

Funnily enough, although I like a good quality beer and gin I hardly ever drink these days.

Can't think why.

Thinking about it I don't think cider was available in plastic bottles back then, only those brown glass ones.

Now that does make me feel old.

To be fair, that’s not unusual in the US. Some places will just routinely card anyone they don’t know.

In many states, it’s the sever who’s prosecuted for serving underage drinkers, and with a lot of ‘test’ purchases being made, it’s seen as safer to card everyone.

Yeah I kinda get all that, but in my case I was with a bunch of much younger people (late teens to early 20s who were doing summercamp) and I was the only person they asked - and this is in New Orleans where its practically the law to debauch in the streets (I was in the middle of Bourbon Street FFS) LOL!

I was once ID checked in a bar in New Orleans when I was 30

I got ID'd in spoons in peebles last year. Didn't bloody have any. The guy stuck to his guns though which i respect was pissing myself as i am clearly over thirty, my other half who does actually look young thinks i look 40.

Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure DVD has a brilliant bit in it about getting ID'd in America.

I got ID'd in Whistler, aged 31.

Local pub was good for us from about 16 onwards, then I started on generic 'might blind you' smirnoff ice rip offs at uni, maturing onto Woodpecker by the time i got to the third year. I don't drink now...

Tennents Super

Trampagne

Slightly backstreet independent always did the trick for me. I looked 18 from about 16, tall, stubble, etc. The guy gave me no bother and I was low risk because the sirens didn't sound the first time he took a chance!

I used to be the "mule" for my schoolmates. I actually stopped purchasing spirits because I couldn't trust some not to cause themselves issues and stitch me up! Cider and sh1t beer mostly. I was lucky enough to know a decent beer so ale for I.

Pitt’s Head in Coventry. Very much an old mans pub. We used to buy pints of mild which were truly ghastly but also very cheap 😂

Whilst we're talking about underage Boozing, I'd like to reassure anyone who thinks it doesn't go on anymore in the age of "Think 25" etc, it does.

I'm the proud owner of a 14 year old Idiot, I don't mean he's stupid per-se (it's unproven so far), but his shocking mix of absolute confidence mixed with his total lack of experience (as found in most teenagers) makes him do idiotic stuff.

What follows is also a warning to any other parents out there who think it might be a good idea to use creative way to 'teach them a lesson'.

Scene 1 - 31/10/19, Halloween, like every teenager since Sky started broadcasting terrible US sitcoms into our homes, he and his Friends think Halloween is some kind of party that everyone should be making the most of. Mrs. Jay, wary of his Idiocy told him, very clearly and in a way that would leave little doubt in his mind she was very serious, he needed to be home at 21:30, so don't come in at 21:31 unless you're prepared to hand over your phone for a week.

This is turns out was his first attempt at underage, unsupervised drinking, we'd introduced him to 'the drink' ourselves, trying to take away some of the illicit novelty factor, it didn't help. They spent most of the evening pooling their money, talking the tallest 'biggest' girl of the group into 'chatting up' the dirty old shop keeper and finally, at around 21:00 they had secured 'the drink'. The problem was he was 20 mins walk from home which only gave him 10mins drinking time. He begged for more time via text, Mrs Jay said no! She'd already heard sirens. So, they ran from the shop to the park at the end of the street and before he'd even caught his breath he downed his half of the bottle of wine he'd bought with his mate, and ran home.

He reached our house with moments to spare, he came in the door sober, but stinking of wine, said a few words when he started to slur a bit, by his own admission he was half way up the stairs toward salvation in his room when his legs started to give in, at the top of the stairs it hit him, BOSH. A huge wave of vomit came, he fell to the floor, vomited some more and passed out.

The grounding was weeks, and even I thought it was never going to end, I think he went out again around Xmas time. His mobile sat in my wife's car for weeks. He vowed, as I think we all have from time to time to.

"Never drink again..."

Scene 2.

15/06/20, last week, Monday to be exact. With lockdown starting to ease slightly in Wales, he wanted out, I was glad to see him leave the house, he usually spends most of his Summer Hols in his bedroom, and was looking to have a straight 6 months of near vegetative state in one unbroken run. Mrs Jay and I were very, very clear. The Social Distancing rules + our house rules in regards to time couldn't have been clearer. He was meeting 1 friend and 1 friend only, she lives the other side of a large park near us. They would find somewhere quiet to sit, 2m apart - mostly because a lot of old ****ers near us who hate kids most of the time have taken lockdown as carte blanche to publicly harass teenagers for being alive.

So, he left the house. a few hours later we get a text from a mobile number we don't know. "Ethan is drunk and hurt, you need to get him" oh dear, frantic my wife calls the number, no answer, she texts "where is he?" she responds with "xxxx Park" which is huge, finally she finds him, he vomits in her car, that's a big no-no, he's bleeding from the back of his ear and plastered, again, he's also soaked through. We'd just had new carpets fitted so he's put on a chair in the garden to dry out and ideally stop vomiting, because he's doing it every 15 mins or so.

I know he's pissed, he doesn't deny it, but Mrs Jay is trying to tell him off and doing the dying swan act. Dodging the bollocking by pretending to be passed out. He walked into the garden, but now he can't walk. Wife is a nurse and she's making sure his airway is clear and all that, but I'm catching the odd smirk when she says, "well, he's clearly ill". He's also got a small cut to his head, a scratch really.

This, was the point I ****ed up.

Keen for him to understand he's up Shit Street, I said "Hun, should we be worried, he's soaked through, he's got a head wound and he's barely conscious, is he drunk, or just a bit drunk with a concussion, did he fall into the river?" So we play act about going to A&E to have his stomach pumped etc but he's not going for the bluff, so she calls one of her mates, another Nurse who used to work A&E "you should take him in", speak to NHS direct "you should bring him in" bollocks, I've got to take him in.

By this point he's suddenly a lot more sober, but we have to take him in now, NHS direct have informed them we're on our way.

So there I am, taking a Drunk idiot with a scratch into A&E at the tale end of a pandemic, to the very hospital we took his Grandfather 4 weeks previously who ended up dying of COVID, you'd expect him to accept the enormity of it, but no, he's desperately trying to play the "sympathy card" to get out of trouble.

At the Mo there's a special Children's A&E, mostly staffed by Paediatric Nurses, this is the first problem, I was hoping they'd weigh in with the "what the hell are you doing drinking yourself stupid during a pandemic you absolute socket" but no, they're all making a fuss of him, retelling stories of their own teenage drunken antics etc. We spend a few hours in there, he's fast asleep in bed, battery gone on my phone, nightmare.

Doctor comes, who I sort of know through work, embarrassing. On the balance of probability he's a piss head, but there's a chance it could be concussion and they don't want to CT because of his age, we'll take him in for the night for 2 hours obs. Great, I can finally get home and get some sleep before work.... nope.

2 hours later, at around 2am we get to the ward, he's 14, not 4, I'm more than happy to leave his drunken arse there and head home, I might get a few hours in... nope.

The Nurse pulls out a tiny Murphy bed for me, I didn't discuss it, but I go the impression it wasn't voluntary. This left me in a pickle. 1) I couldn't call my wife to update her, 2) I'd taken her car, because he wasn't being sick in mine and all her work stuff was in it, which she's need in the morning 3) I had a rocking horse shit pick up with the council in the morning to collect an old mattress that was still in the garage "can I pop to the car for a bit?" I lied "Okay, but please don't be long". So I sprinted out, to the car, drove 5 miles home, asked my wife to drag the mattress out to the kerb, which she declined, she also gave no shits about me having to stay over. Dragged the mattress out solo in the rain (king sized hybrid job that weighed a tonne) grabbed a few thing, jumped in my car and got back an hour later. The nurse looked at his watch when I got back, said "where did you park?" and left it at that. I lowered myself onto the beam they called a bed, pulled over the crisp packet they called a blanket and fell asleep, for 43 minutes, before they did the next lot of obs, I was glad to hear him at least moan when they woke him up, I'd been awake for about 19 hours at this point.

The next morning groggy, smelly and tired, I answered a few difficult questions with Child Services, seems it's my fault, they even said as much to my Son, great... left. got home at around 08:45, showered, changed went to work.

16/06/20, with 43 mins sleep I spent the day in work dealing with crisis after crisis, but at least it was my birthday.

Got my own back in the end, he was Voluntold he was taken park in an anti-body test as his penance for wasting NHS time, but because he's a baby, they gave him freeze spray before they took the blood. Next time I'll take him, and I'll explain his sins and ask if they've got a bigger needle, and to forget the spray.

My first underage was usually a 3l bottle of White Lightning or Diamond White "cider".

This progressed on to vodka, usually mixed with Coke but sometimes neat. It only took me about another 15 years to realise that vodka makes me blank very easily.

I need necked a half bottle of Smirnoff in the metro center, missed the train back to Carlisle and ended up in Newcastle. In my drunk state I paraphrased Train Spotting- "take the worst whitey you've ever had, times that whitey by a thousand, this is that whitey..."

Merrydown Gold.

I was quite the sophisticate in the Buckfast Triangle don’cha know.

£1.79 a litre, 8.2% - mmmm.....

I'm of the generation too old for cheap cider, there was Merrydown but that was expensive. So our underage drinks were fortified wines such as Lanliq, Eldorado, Four Crowns. Buckfast was only just starting to become popular in Bathgate by the time i started going into pubs (age 15)

Minging as a drink but were before their times in having a screw cap so could be hidden if the police turned up.

White lightning. Someone else probs bought it looking back as I can still get ID'd now in my late 30's