[Closed] So, that new Vauxhall advert......

....I don't think I can cope.

I don't think you can either.

It's a car, that you don't like, and that you are not going to buy, no big deal.

(5/10 for the Charlie Brooker impression though)

It does look bloody awful, and the marketing does seem to be aimed at people that would annoy.

Not quite enough for me to have a freak out tho

I don't like those ads- especially the Juke/Qashqai(?) ones because they imply that the urban environment is some sort of battleground you need a big car for, when the reality would be closer to a Smart car.

MOKKA!?!

Don't blend in. By blending in.

Vauxhall is the b ark......

I take it from the fact that you're referring to adverts, that you're watching commercial television channels?

How frightful!

The Mokka and Juke are the sort of car that beige people buy to make them appear slightly more quirky and interesting.

They're probably massively stupid and impractical cars, but they say "look, I really have got a sense of humour and everything". Or some such.

I know binners, but I've moved to Burnley now.

It's part of the citizenship and naturalisation process.

The Joke is.
The Qashcow is surely the car where the advert demographic and the driver demographic differ the most. Advert seems to make it hip and trendy, but every driver of one that I've seen here must be well in to Saga insurance and free bus pass territory. Guess the higher seats make it easier getting in/out?

Curse you!!!!! You've made me go and google it now.

That's possibly the blandest thing I've ever seen. There are more interestingly designed tennis balls out there. One of those could crash through your front window and the only reaction it would provoke would be a laboured yawn.

Mind you... that could be said about 98% of cars. And 100% of this type of thing

I have two very good friends that bought a Cashcow recently. I was slightly disappointed with their choice. But they remain very cool, kind and amongst my closest friends. They just choose to drive a different car. Hard as it might be for me, I manage to deal with this. It appears some struggle with the concept of other people choosing to drive cars not to their taste. How do they get through the day at all?

With difficulty DD, with difficulty.

It's enough to send you grey, it really is 😉

Don't get me wrong, I genuinely love ugly, practical cars - function over form, every time.
But like a concrete carpark, this is offensive on so many levels.

Is it wrong of me to admit I quite like the Juke? Definitely better looking than that Mokka.

Apart from anything else I couldn't face driving a car named after a dyslexic coffee. A bit like driving a car called Sharron

I got told about these a few weeks ago when a student of mine told me her mates mum was getting one and I honestly thought she had got the name wrong.

Mokka......Mokka.......Mokka, no still doesn't make sense.

But Vauxhall do make a car now called Adam.......

[img] ?p=120110_05:39[/img]

I've seen worse, shit name but not the worst looking car on the road

Is that what it looks like? Jeez, what's so spleen venting about that?!?

[i]The Qashcow is surely the car where the advert demographic and the driver demographic differ the most. Advert seems to make it hip and trendy, but every driver of one that I've seen here must be well in to Saga insurance and free bus pass territory. Guess the higher seats make it easier getting in/out? [/i]

Its on the NHS essential car scheme, so probably all those District Nurses. Although they'll be the 2-wheel drive ones, as you can't now have the 4-wheel drive ones now - a bit daft for where we live...

So its a jacked up Astra

I think we are seeing the beginnings of a height arms race

Range Rover and Audi will need to bring out taller SUV's as they can't look down on the spivs anymore as they are all driving Cashcows, Pukes and Shokkas.

Before you know it will be like being on the top deck of a double decker

Have you seen the advert? 🙂

It's not the looks of the car I object too, it's the smugness of the imagery and the sheer lazyness of the design and marketing.

But mostly the name. 😀

At least Suzuki tried to get the spelling right.

Is that what it looks like? Jeez, what's so spleen venting about that?!?

It's more the advert. Imploring people not to blend in while a Kings of Leon hipster drives it around.

Not quite annoying as the Charlise Theron 'J'adore Dior' advert though - now that upsets me.

smugness of the imagery and the sheer lazyness of the design and marketing

I think you've just summed up every car advert pretty well there ...

As jaov says, it's car advertising in general. I saw one in the cinema yesterday for the Giuletta which made me do a little sick in my mouth.

it looks like a suppository

Fugly car, but that bloke... He's a rather good looking fellow IMO I can see nothing wrong. 😉

Still not as bad as the fiat multipla. Never has a car been so wrong.

I think the multipla was right in lots of ways. Stuck two fingers up to the world and said "I'm ugly but I'm practical. Get over it."

waits for the vauxhall ads to start appearing over >>>>>>

I'd still rather have that than an Astra, higher (better?) driving position and more comfortable (a supposition have driven neither). OK it may not satisfy the vrooom vrooom constituency of STW'ers but it's prolly a decent car, a better proposition as a family car than the usual 5 door hatchback.

Anyone who thinks a car should look like a dolphin needs help.

The drivers I respect most these days are in either Hyundai or Kia. Not sure what this says about me (and am a tiny bit worried about the answer...)

Of course the car I really want is a Van.

deadlydarcy - Member

I think the multipla was right in lots of ways. Stuck two fingers up to the world and said "I'm ugly but I'm practical. Get over it."

Spot on.
If they weren't so wide I'd have had one ages ago (not really practical for the narrow country lanes round here).
The 'challenging' looks were a masterstroke - shame they dumbed the later versions down.

I love the Doblo too - each one has three separate designs of side window:
Someone has really thought about making it as ugly and uncoordinated as possible, and it works perfectly.
I think they look great - ugly, but great.

Whereas with the M***a, some asshat has just rounded the edges off a Juke during their lunch hour, named it after his regular coffee order and submitted the results when he got back to the office.
Lazy, arrogant thinking & cowardly design.

Practicality? Noooo.
Originality, Oh nooooo, we don't need any of that.
Let's call it something 'modern' and put a bloke the target audience will either fancy or admire in the advert and we'll sign the whole thing off.

Dont get the concern.. looks just like loads of other cars currently on the market.

The Mokka and Juke are the sort of car that beige people buy to make them appear slightly more quirky and interesting.

I bet he drives one.

[img] [/img]

Remember with the name RS, that wll have come from Opel in Germany. It may well work for the rest of Europe (only guessing there tbh) and the days of separate names for Vauxhalls went years ago. I suspect Vauxhall salesmen all over the country are facepalming with the thought of trying to sell something called a Mokka.

I don't remember many coffee shops selling "Mochas" when I was in Germany last year. (But again, I could be imagining that.)

some proper ****y car adverts about lately, I don't mind decent adverts even if they are selling absolute dross or the blatantly crap Ads for equally shit products. But some of the latest motor ones are proper going for the clichéd "this is not a car it's a lifestyle choice. Show everyone what a unique intelligent, strong, compassionate, individual you are by purchasing our motor, it's headlights are slightly more rounded than our nearest competitor and comes in a slightly different shades of silver"

toss.

The car is bland, but the name is a joke. Its like they ran out of ideas or someone thought it was really good.

The advert are no worse than the mountain bike ads in all the mags that make out their bike will turn you into a 'riding god', instead of an 'oh god, I'm not riding that'

FWIW it was in a recent Top Gear magazine & they rated it quite poorly. And a mate of mine test drove one with the intention of replacing his Yeti to lower the repayments. But, he reckoned it was awful. Not even sure he got as far as driving it (although he might have done). Apparently the interior was really low-rent compared to his Yeti & it wasn't going to be much cheaper.

Have the Multipla advocates actually driven one? I got one as a courtesy car and it was diabolical in every respect, and I've driven some sh1tters. Really cheap materials and build quality, noisy, slow, awful to drive and to cap it off it guzzled fuel.

The Cashcow is exactly that, a best seller that other manufacturers are trying to copy. And other posters are right in the easy entry and sense of confidence of the higher position appeals to the "grey hair; beware" tartan blanket brigade.

Old people really like high seats, cos they are old and have trouble getting out of lower cars. So it's a fair market segment. They also need to be small cos old people are usually hard up and don't need a family sized car.

They should make one that looks like a 1930s Rover though, that'd be more appropriate.

I passed five Qashqais on the way home. All were being driven by folk, none of whom looked over 50.

Yeah that's the thing with Faux x Fours, they're not really targeting the hive of STW, they're looking at young 20 something's who have Jobs in offices and care about their careers and starting young families.

Thing is, not much of a market to go for.

Thing is, not much of a market to go for.

Well, the Qashquai alone had a 15.9% jump in sales from 2011 to 2012 and was 6th most popular in the UK, although well outsold by the Golf in 5th place. Not bad for a car being sold to not much of a market. And, I'd hazard, most people driving them are far from retirement age.

Most Qush sales are Company Cars though.

I had a bright blue original Fiat Multipla. I loved it. Especially the fact that most people hated it. Had three children and we used to bundle down to the south of France in it twice a year. had it for about 5 years and did 95,000 miles in it.
Great original car and despite what crashtestmonkey says it was ok to drive and three front seats is genius when you have children.

Most Qush sales are Company Cars though.

Source? And even if it were so, what difference would that make anyway?

My point is that Qashquai's are incredibly popular across quite a few demographics. You see them everywhere...the city, the country, the burbs.

DD good point.
The Qashquai is a big success, it's a car that ticks lots of boxes for lots of people.
It's a hugely versatile and adaptable platform which appeals to a varied bunch of potential owners.

What's possibly more important is that it doesn't really alienate anyone - It's big enough for families or outdoorsy couples (unlike the Juke and Ma) but not too big to be awkward.

The Ma however is a 'lifestyle' product - you can fit kids in, but not all their paraphernalia.
It's too small to carry people and loads of outdoorsy stuff, but too big to qualify as a true city car.
It values style over substance and (even if it does look like a beaky squid) flatters to deceive.

Vauxhall are pushing it at us btw:
[img] [/img]
Dunno about you, but I get terrible chaffing riding in leather pants.

Source:

Company Carpark.

RS, I loves it in white.

It looks just like a Duster. The local Renault salesman feigned polite amusement when I translated "duster" into French.

I saw one about 6 months ago driven by a rep in Michaelwood services - looked ok in the flesh tbh, albeit I did give him a word in the ear about his maladjusted headlights dazzling me on the motorway beforehand.

Those Dusters are popular in France I noticed during the summer. They're pretty horrible looking. I'm guessing that being Dacias, they're on the cheap side.

Vauxhall haven't designed a car that's aesthetically any more interesting than an Ikea tea towel in god-knows how long. Every single one is a vapid compromise of design features and the result is so horribly middle-of-the-road you wouldn't be able to get two of them down the same street at once. With several decades' hindsight the Chevette looks mildly interesting - other than that leafing through Vauxhall's design history is like watching some very ordinary grass grow.

The Multipla was a brave and utterly fantastic piece of design and an admirably ballsy product.

The Multipla is horrendous, just admit it and stop trying to be STW-fashionable. I only ever see them driven by beardy yoghurt knitters and women with knitted hippy shoulder bags and 3.5kids anyway. The same people that thought 2CV's were cool 20 years ago - they weren't, they were crap too.

Vauxhall's are inherently bland though, I'll give you that (I never want to be inside a Vectra ever again).

smug, piss-boiling scenester who wears brown leather trousers and gels his beard.

It is a good beard though.

I'm not saying the Multipla was cool or that it isn't driven by yoghurt weavers. I'm saying it was good design and I'm glad Fiat had the balls to turn it into a product. The replacement version was as exciting as a Vauxhall.

TheArtistFormerlyKnownAsSTR - Member

The same people that thought 2CV's were cool 20 years ago - they weren't, they were crap too.

You're right - Dyanes were way cooler - hatchback, see?
Wish I'd have kept mine, it was wonderful. 🙂

Vauxhall's are inherently bland though, I'll give you that (I never want to be inside a Vectra ever again).

labsey - Member

It is a good beard though.

Is he breaking it in for an adult?
Sorry, but outside of the mythical land of Bellendery, no beard has ever looked like that. There's not even any breakfast in it.

4 Qashquixes in the carpark at work belonging to the shiny suit ****ers and shoulder padded she-****ers of the recruitment agency below us. ****ers.

There are many uglier vehicles out there today and I really struggle to see what message they are trying to convey as there is simply no thought applied to the aesthetics.

I think Fiat win in the ugly stakes, Qubo and Dolo! Ugly as sin but I think their Idea takes the cake as obviously what they are saying is "We have no idea!".

Mini coupe, soooo impractical you would need to be about 4ft tall to live with that on a day to day basis and looks pish in the Cooper.

Renault Twizy! I kid you not just take a look for yourselves!

Anything by Chrysler especially that cruiser.

Friend has a Juke and loves it, terrible IMO. Either you buy a 4X4 or a people carrier, these 'lifestyle' things seem to tick no practical boxes or silly/for the hell of it boxes.

[i]Friend has a Juke and loves it, terrible IMO. Either you buy a 4X4 or a people carrier, these 'lifestyle' things seem to tick no practical boxes or silly/for the hell of it boxes. [/i]

But most of them are not actually 4-wheel drive, just look like 4x4's.

The Mokka and Juke are the sort of car that beige people buy to make them appear slightly more quirky and interesting.

Where as everyone else insists on buying cars in various shades of the most boring colour available - grey/silver or something that looks like grey/silver

Friend has a Juke and loves it, terrible IMO. Either you buy a 4X4 or a people carrier, these 'lifestyle' things seem to tick no practical boxes or silly/for the hell of it boxes.

My dads got one. I asked him why he bought such a hideous pile of crap. His answer was that it was 'fun'. He has the 190bhp turbocharged petrol one, and he's an ex-rally driver and advanced driving instructor. So that's fair enough. Plus even my mum (who's 66-ish) finds it fun because she can get away from the lights faster than the boy racers and the diesel Audis. 🙂

Bez - Member
Vauxhall haven't designed a car that's aesthetically any more interesting than an Ikea tea towel in god-knows how long. Every single one is a vapid compromise of design features and the result is so horribly middle-of-the-road you wouldn't be able to get two of them down the same street at once. With several decades' hindsight the Chevette looks mildly interesting - other than that leafing through Vauxhall's design history is like watching some very ordinary grass grow.

The same can be said for many car manufacturers, because they play the safe numbers game.

VW? Hmmm, the new Scirocco, perhaps. But that's no better than the new Astra GTC. Passat/Phaeton...?!
Audi? Aggressive fronted middle management boxes?
Citroën? Plenty of boring design but have some interesting cars in the ds range now. They tried with the C6 that was supposedly a good exec car, but no one bought it...
Renault? Yeah, the Megane from a few yrs ago had that bum on it. They tried a few design statements like the Avantime & look how well that did?

Thing is, they want to sell cars. They can't afford to spend millions developing a car, then give it a strong design that 90% of their market look at and go 'eurgh'.

It would be nice to have some interesting designs back on the road. Something that got people talking again (good & bad). Last car I can think that did that across a wide demographic was the original Ka.

Not sure the Ka will ever become a "classic" but it deserves it. That original design ran for years and years. In fact, despite many thinking that Fords are a bit boring, they've often been the ones to break the mould. Escort MkIII, Sierra, Ka, original Fiesta.

Yep, I think the Ka was '94.....

Puma too was another of their good efforts. Wiped the floor with the only real competitor I can think of when it came out; the Tigra.