I am going through a similar thing with my wife. She was told she had cancer summer 2020 and put on palliative treatment 18 months ago and keeps fighting. 50 sessions of chemo, a hip replacement, 2 Christmas's and some real ups and downs but you need to make sure you talk to friends STW or anyone. You physical and mental health is paramount to you supporting everyone in your life. Try and focus on the now instead of when the worst could happen. Try and be positive and even go for a short ride or walk or even a pint with friends. It shouldn't also be the only point of conversation. Talk about other crap. Its very easy to write this but now just have to follow my own advice!! Good luck on your journey.
Unfortunately my Dad caught covid last week whilst still in hospital and passed away this afternoon. I'm at a complete loss, mainly because my daughter has Covid and I currently have symptoms (albeit testing negative) and I don't feel like I can go and be with my mum and sister at the moment
So sorry, my condolences to you.
Oh no, Dan, that is heartbreaking, I am so sorry for your loss mate, sending a great big virtual hug to you and your family.
Oh that’s awful, so sorry
Thats brutal. Nothing we can do or say can help really. Just know that your friends and us are here for you and do not be afraid to ask for help.
Re the Covid and being with family - are they vulnerable? Ask them if they want to take the risk?
@tjagain not vulnerable, I just need to be sure it's the right thing to do. I don't want Mum to get and be cut off from her local support network after I've gone. It sounds silly but it's one of the many things on my mind
Really sorry to hear that news.
Stay strong for your Mum and family.
We have all got your back.
Sorry for your loss.
As for your final point, it's Not silly at all, she'll need her social network as well. Can you video call? Far from the same as being there in person but all I can think of to suggest.
@swdan, I hadn't seen this thread when it was first started, so have only read it all through just now. I am so sorry.
I can sympathise deeply, as I lost my dad - with whom I was very close - five years ago to cancer, and I still think about it all the time. It is horrible.
I am thankful to this place for the sincere care and expressions of sympathy, though, as it is a reminder that we're not alone. So, not that you need me to say it, but don't stop coming on here for advice, support, or just to vent.
Best wishes in spite of everything.
Thank you all. We still don't, and probably never will know what the original illness was. They don't think it was cancer in the end but just this week mentioned that it might be lukemia. Unfortunately once we left the relative safety of a very good ICU I was always worried about covid and the hospital he was in was known to be struggling and had installed extra beds in their wards to fit more people in, meaning the beds were closer. That's not their fault, they did what they had to do. In the end he wasn't strong enough to fight it, he went from having a spiking temperature to this in the course of about 24 hours.
Dan, my deepest sympathies to you and your family.
My Dad died of stomach cancer 30 years ago and I still think back to how he was when he had good health.
It's a really tough time for everyone and made worse by your daughter's covid.
You're not alone.
You will find inner strength to get through this but be prepared for big moodswings; don't try to fight that - just let it happen.
If you need to cry just do it - don't suppress it; it's a normal emotion.
Always remember the good times and share them with your Mum; family photos are a good way to do that.
When you need to talk outside of your family I would suggest calling the Samaritans as they provide a great listening service.
As pointed out above you can (and should) continue posting here; emotional support is massively important.
Tough times mate, hang in there.
Only you know whats best for your family at this moment in time.
Similar to my dad, was stable and ok in icu, on the mend and getting better so back to a ward, heart attack next day. Gone.
Covid is a bar Steward.
I’m also very sorry to hear this. Stay close to your mother and sister by phone and you’ll be able to be with them very soon. Accept offers of help and hold onto the good times. I miss my parents every day.
Aw Jesus mate - I'm sorry. Lost my dad 20 years ago - and I still think about him, if not every day, then certainly every week. More so recently actually - I wonder what he would have made of all this.
Grief is a funny thing - it's a cliche, but it's true that it affects different people in different ways - my sister became a deeply unpleasant person while she was grieving for my dad. So just don't judge people too harshly in the coming weeks/months, they are just trying to process/come to terms with it as best they can.
The hardest thing I found was that "life goes on" - not that (insensitive) people say it, but because it's true: you still need to take the **** ing bins out and change the lightbulb under the stairs. It feels like you should get a reprieve from all that sh*t, but you don't - some dickhead will still ring up and try to get you to combine your gas/electric when you feel like the world has stopped turning on it's axis.
Don't know where I'm going with this other than to say that the death of a parent is one of the hardest things most people have to deal with, so just go easy on yourself, and those around you.
Terrible news Dan. Please have my deepest sympathies to yourself and your family. 🙁
