[Closed] So I've been dumped just before Christmas

Yes.

Depends, which way were you swiping?

Everyone's definitions of cheating are different, and there isn't much use appealing to the Court of Public Opinion. Personally I [i]think[/i] I'd give someone a pass, but I can see that some would feel exceedingly insecure about that sort of thing.

Is swiping on tinder after a couple of months in a relationship equivalent to cheating given I wasn't going to do anything about it?

Apparently yes to your (now) ex.

A man doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy a car. Let's be honest, you enjoy the affirmation of a positive match, had a significant upgrade presented it self you might have done something about it and you knew you were doing bad every time you opened the app, hence not doing it in front of her.

Am I close?

swiping

Was this a last straw or your only offence? Why were you 'swiping'?

Is swiping on tinder after a couple of months in a relationship equivalent to cheating given I wasn't going to do anything about it?

No, but it might look like you're looking for a soft landing.

I'm out of touch with 'dating' do people use Tinder for fun / social media or is it just a dating thing?

Keep the receipt?

There were mitigating circumstances at the time, in that I wasn't sure if I was that into the relationship at the time. She did catch me at the time and I lied to her about it.

I recently confessed the truth and we're done. Ironically I lied as I was afraid to lose her.
Now what I hate most is how much I've hurt her.

Were you wearing a hat?

What's swiping? I'm out of touch.

So you lied to her and are wondering why she dropped you when she found this out?

I recently confessed the truth

Wait.... She caught you looking at Tinder and you lied about it. Then months down the line you told her that you'd lied and the real reason you'd been looking at Tinder all that time ago was that you weren't that into her?

There are plenty of things that there's just no need to come clean on. This sounds to have been one of them...

[img] [/img]
?

What BigDummy said. Silly move, even if you were being honest sometimes it's best to let sleeping dogs lie.

No I'm quite clear why she dumped me. And why it's my fault.

I was more curious to people's attitudes, at the time I thought it no worse than checking out members of the opposite sex walking down the street.

How many tinder matches you can get over a weekend is a competition between me and my wife. It's only the internet.

Sounds like she is one that's worth being shot of.

I recently confessed the truth and we're done. Ironically I lied as I was afraid to lose her. Now what I hate most is how much I've hurt her

What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive, however it all seems a little trivial to break up an 8 month relationship?

Oh, and.....

[img] [/img]

Is swiping on tinder after a couple of months in a relationship equivalent to cheating given I wasn't going to do anything about it?

I was more curious to people's attitudes, at the time I thought it no worse than checking out members of the opposite sex walking down the street.

I wouldn't (don't) do this either if I were in a relationship.

Shit timing though - sorry.

I was more curious to people's attitudes, at the time I thought it no worse than going to a singles bar and checking out members of the opposite sex.

fify 🙂

Maybe you could get back together when you go up to big school?

was she fit?

[quote=munrobiker ]How many tinder matches you can get over a weekend is a competition between me and my wife. It's only the internet.
Sounds like she is one that's worth being shot of.

That's a bit different though, one of you isn't doing it in secret and lying about it. I'd personally see it as a bit of an issue, how much I don't know but it'd certainly make me feel somewhat less secure and less trustful.

You may only be 2 clicks from getting back together!

At the risk of coming across all stalky and Edukator-y.....

OP - Didn't you get dumped , out of the blue, about this time last year?

A bit of a pattern emerges. Maybe you just don't give off a good Christmas vibe.

*scurries off to check dossier

No I might have a history of relationship woes, well documented on here, partly as I don't always have friends about to talk to.

OP - Didn't you get dumped , out of the blue, about this time last year?

If you are looking to get shot there is no better week - saves a load of cash in presents, avoids tedious 'inlaw' festive commitments and clears the decks for a new year's eve dalliance.

Swiping on Tinder is a lot like making love to a beautiful woman...

[img] [/img]

If you're young then that's something to learn from, if you're not young then you should've known better and it's something to learn from.

Well Perchy certainly takes note of who posts, and what they post 🙂

Well Perchy certainly takes note of who posts, and what they post

It's all in the spreadsheet. 😉

I still don't understand what 'swiping' is in this context. Is it just browsing, or actively engaging ?

I thought there were rules about dumping people before Christmas, something like after the 14th of December you have to ride if out until the first day back at work?

Google 'swiping on tinder gif'.
Couple of very good ones.

[quote="perchypanther"]It's all in the spreadsheet.

He's making a database
He's sorting it twice
SELECT * from contacts WHERE behavior = 'nice'
SQL Clause is coming to town

Your name is going on ze list!

Sundayjumper - awesome 🙂

[img] [/img]

How do you get caught swiping on tinder? For research purposes of course.

A man doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy a car.

One of the joys in life is pottering around showrooms looking at cars that you can ill afford. It's a poor analogy for the OP.

OP, you were in the wrong here and acidtest puts it well:

If you're young then that's something to learn from, if you're not young then you should've known better and it's something to learn from.

I still don't understand what 'swiping' is in this context. Is it just browsing, or actively engaging ?

I've googled....swipe left - reject....swipe right - a goer. If two people swipe right on each other's profiles they are a match.

The impetuousness of modern mating ....

It's not like the end of the world when the immediacy of Tinder allows you to have moved in together by Saturday ...

Genuine 😆 @ sundayjumper

Googled the swipe right gifs, the "Tinder o matic" is pretty good, but my personal favourite is the rotating chicken breast!

One of the joys in life is pottering around showrooms looking at cars that you can ill afford. It's a poor analogy for the OP.

I am sure there are plenty of Tinders that our OP can't afford, and I daresay that if you were to be offered one of your dream cars at a price you could just about cover, your loyalty to your current ride would wane pretty sharpish. Analogy stands. 😀

That wasn't my creation, btw, reposted from Facebook.

I now understand the swiping thing. Not sure it's grounds for dumping in itself but I can see it being a final straw if things were a bit shaky anyway.

Shit timing though - sorry.

Is "swiping on tinder" some sort of "spanking the monkey" euphanism ?

I thought there were rules about dumping people before Christmas, something like after the 14th of December you have to ride if out until the first day back at work?

Yep, technically she's broken the rules of the xmas transfer window 😉

After a couple of month is poor form IMO, what did you think would happen if you were caught out?

Learn from it & maybe consider that you weren't actually content with her anyway?

Seems like she didn't dump you for idly swiping on tinder, she dumped you for lying to her. So with my internet psychologists hat on I can confidently say one of you has trust issues.

Grindr.....next time boyo

. Not sure it's grounds for dumping in itself

Perhaps, but the lying about it afterwards probs didn't help much

Maybe [s]you[/s] just [s]don't [/s] give [s]off[/s] a good Christmas vibe

how do you get caught though. Is it not annoymous. Or do the rejected get to see they are rejected.

There is more to this than meets the eye. Was it her mate you swiped right on?

[img] [/img]

Look on the bright side, at least you'll save some cash by not having to buy her a Christmas present, but if you've already bought one then I hope you've kept the receipt.

Every cloud & all that.

Lying about it; not good, but fessing up you lied about it later was, you have to admit, a real dick move! 🙄

I daresay that if you were to be offered one of your dream cars at a price you could just about cover, your loyalty to your current ride would wane pretty sharpish. Analogy stands.

+1

How many of us have idly browsed bike websites with no intention of buying a new bike, frame or whatever - then you see a bargain that you just can't ignore...

[img] [/img]

You say you're "gutted", but imagine how she feels, having someone she liked turn out to be a disappointing flake. She invested in you and you let her down.

My well-meant advice is don't be "that guy" again.

You sound young/immature. See this as a learning experience about how to treat people decently 😉

A man doesn't walk on the lot unless he wants to buy a car.

As I often say to Mrs S, even if you drive a FIAT, there's no harm in flicking through the Ferrari catalogue now and again.

Oh, how she laughs.

I believe technically speaking we are only programmed to be monogamous because it takes a long time to bring up kids with big brains.

After that its a free for all if you have any sense.

At least you should have plenty of matches already, so a head start on the dating game. The christmas present you bought for her might not go to waste if you act quick.

Illusions, corner of Lever Street.
£20 gets you a full polish and then you can f*** everything.
Dating. Tinder. Grindr

F'kin rank amateurs!