[Closed] smacking kids

My boy is 5 and I've not smacked him, well apart from a tap on the back of his hand when naughty to show him the potential consequences. I do though threaten him with smacked legs. We are very fortunate that he's a very well behaved boy and never thrown a tantrum in the same way is see other youngsters do.

All of that said, if the need arises for a slap, he'll get it without question.

Short of the never did me any harm comments, I can't see a problem with having an option. Stop abuse but don't interfere with normal life.

before smacking your kids,take a minute to try and remember how it made you feel to be smacked as a child. there's more effective ways to discipline a child (and yourself)

It's not smacking, it's hitting.

My feeling is that for general disobedience it's probably not necessary, but if it's disobedience that resulted in a potentially dangerous situation e.g. running off and towards a road, then the shock of a hand across legs/backside would probably be a strong deterrent. Obviously it'll be less of a deterrent if it's used all the time as it loses its shock value.

It's not smacking, it's hitting.

No, it's smacking. Hitting is quite different, usually with intent to cause harm.

It's not smacking, it's hitting.

Good point.

Half a gram Is ok now and then if they won't go to sleep, shirley?

No, it's hitting. If you need to justify what you do by calling it 'smacking' fine, I guess you're allowed to. But don't kid yourself. It's hitting. If you did that to anyone else you wouldn't get away with it.

Has been illegal for years in Scotland. Remember a case where a tourist hit their kid in a shop and got arrested when I lived there.

No, it's hitting. If you need to justify what you do by calling it 'smacking' fine, I guess you're allowed to. But don't kid yourself. It's hitting. If you did that to anyone else you wouldn't get away with it.

No, it isn't. If you can't tell the difference between a very rare smack to the back of the legs that causes no physical harm, to an uppercut to your face, then I think you might have a problem.

You're entitled to say that you disagree with smacking as a form of parental discipline, but you can't redefine the term for your own convenience.

I've never resorted to smacking/hitting my kids (12 and 16 now) and TBH can count the number of times I've raised my voice to them on the fingers of one hand. YOU'RE the adult, they're just doing what's in their job description.

Smacking children is a reflection on the of the adults rather than the kids behaviour IMO.

What is the technical difference between a hit, a slap and a smack?

Personally, I've always considered it far too extreme and cowardly a punishment, but I have 2 reasonably we'll behaved 5 year old girls, not some total tear away of a boy...

Really? Didnt know that. Has it had any positive effects? Have many been prosecuted for a simple slap or is it just window dressing?

gwaelod - it is NOT illegal in Scotland. Certain types of physical punishment/chastisement are. These include shaking and using any form of implement.

I have to say that I'm in the "never did me any harm" camp but then I can tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse.

zokes - Member
No, it's hitting. If you need to justify what you do by calling it 'smacking' fine, I guess you're allowed to. But don't kid yourself. It's hitting. If you did that to anyone else you wouldn't get away with it.
No, it isn't. If you can't tell the difference between a very rare smack to the back of the legs that causes no physical harm, to an uppercut to your face, then I think you might have a problem.
You're entitled to say that you disagree with smacking as a form of parental discipline, but you can't redefine the term for your own convenience.

Call it what you like, it's using violence to control another.

I was smacked when I was a nipper but it was a different time back then so using that as an argument doesn't really wash. We're more enlightened now, hitting/smacking/beating/the slipper/etc doesn't really have a place in today's society.

If you can't apply discipline without resorting to violence then I politely suggest reviewing your parenting technique.

And yes; I'm a dad and never had to raise my hand/fist/belt to get my lad to get him to behave.

If you can't control you children without smacking, then you are a p**s poor parent.

Presumably making it illegal doesn't actually stop it, it just stops it happening it in public places.
On the grand scale of things I'm not concerned. The occasional smack, and I do mean occasional e.g. less than once a year does no harm. Systemic hitting / smacking of children is already covered by existing child abuse laws. There's a grey area between these to extremes which consists of continuum of parents failing to cope with their children to a lesser or greater degree. Making smacking illegal won't make them better able to cope with what ever parenting issues they have.
That doesn't mean you shouldn't make it illegal, but it's need to be acknowledged that this in itself probably won't make much difference to child abuse levels.

Would you 'smack' a child if they could 'smack' you back?

Call it what you like, it's using violence to control another.

There are better ways to get the point across to children.

I don't see a need for it and have never smacked my kids. If I need to smack my kids I've failed and been out smarted.

What happens when your child gets older or the smacking no longer hurts and the "didn't hurt" comments come out? Do you smack harder and harder until they crack, do you re think then or do you cross the line? Better not to travel that road from the outset...

Each to their own and all that but isn't it time to move with the times and use your head. If you do and are successful, why would you need to hit someone so much smaller than you.

scotroutes - Member
I have to say that I'm in the "never did me any harm" camp but then I can tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse.

Quite, pretty simple really.

What will the tsar be thinking next - stopping teachers hurling board dusters?

Presumably smacking or hitting is used as a last resort when reasoning with a willfull 5 year old who really hasn't got the life experience to understand the consequences of their actions has failed?

Or are children just mini adults i.e. a smaller version of 'me' and have the same motivations, reasoning, outlook etc...?

Can only really see this going one way; usual STW polar opposite views, much bitter argument, high horses and ultimately closed. Reasonable troll BTW.

IanMunro - Member

Indeed. Just like our police force do.

Well, that's me converted, back in 5, I'm just going to thrash the lad for waking me up too early... He's got to learn somehow...

I've not got kids and have no plans to have any so I suppose I'm not in anyway qualified to comment on this other than I got smacked as a kid and I turned out okay.

However, I've two mates with kids that spring to mind. Both from very similar backgrounds, areas and incomes.

One has a little girl about 5 who has been smacked two or three times. She's lovely.

The other has a boy 12 and a girl 10. The parents strongly support the idea that smacking is wrong. Those too are so badly behaved, I avoid going around his house. In my opinion both of those kids would benefit from a smack.

Captian slow said it better than me.

By the time smacking/hitting/call it what you want to make yourself feel better, becomes an option* you've failed the parent test.

* it isn't one.

@nickc. Yeah sure, as that's the only measure of good parenting...

Next time you are in a fight with a grown man, try slapping his wrist or giving a quick smack on the back of the leg. That'll surely stop him in his tracks as it's exactly the same as "hitting", right?

glad you're not my parent/s, Boblo

scotroutes - Member
Next time you are in a fight with a grown man, try slapping his wrist or giving a quick smack on the back of the leg. That'll surely stop him in his tracks as it's exactly the same as "hitting", right?

By that logic, next time you're kid is acting up; head butt the little scrote!!

Seriously, how often do you get into fights??? I've not had one for about 25 years.

Well can someone tell me if im a good parent or bad parent I have four children and resorted to smacking one of them on a few occasions because of his behaviour.

Or am I 75% good?

Love the truly abstract 'you are bad at something' comments without knowing the whole story. The son I smacked is now 20 and acknowledges his behaviour was extreme compared to his siblings and doesn't feel he was treated badly.

Like everything in life there is a time and a place. I was not smacked alot as a child, but when i look back on those times now i really did deserve it ( drinking, smoking, being a little prick). I am a father of 2 and would not hesitate if the situation arrises to give my kids a tap as a last resort. Does this make me a piss poor parent as people are suggesting? Or is it just a difference of oppinion? Each parent has their own methods of correcting their children. Is a child thats had a few smacks growing up destined to be a mindless thug as an adult, I think not. I understand that this thread will generate alot of debate and appologise for fueling the fire but some peoples closed minded views are quite annoying

By that logic, next time you're kid is acting up; head butt the little scrote!!

By that logic, next time you're kid is acting up; head butt the little scrote!!

I think you've kind of highlighted the point that scotroutes made, ie that he can tell the difference between a smack and physical abuse.

[quote=Pik n Mix said]If you can't control you children without smacking, then your a p**s poor parent.

Male cow excrement!

I was smacked as a child, and Stockholm syndrome aside, my parent's were for the most part excellent, and apart from the shooting cats with crossbows, mugging old ladies and pulling wings off flies, I'm a useful contributor to society, and a reasonably well rounded individual.

My parents smacked me, as a tool to focus my attention. It wasn't a beating, nor was it violence as someone else stated. It was a single open handed strike or two on my backside, and it was done at a time when I did not have the cognitive reasoning to process that what I was doing was wholly unreasonable, or downright dangerous. Occasionally it was just because I was being a little shit. I was never bruised, and I never felt unloved or abused.

I think a lot of times it was done out of panic e.g. when I'd run out onto the main road, or tried to pull a boiling kettle over myself and I don't personally think that either of my parents actively chose to smack me, it was always more of an automatic, instinctive response.

To criticise parents for that sort of behaviour is just wrong.

I am just waiting for them to put a foot wrong. Can't wait. 😈

Anti here, no need at all IMO.

[i]To criticise parents for that sort of behaviour is just wrong. [/i]

Aye, give 'em a slap, that'll learn 'em.

I think a lot of times it was done out of panic e.g. when I'd run out onto the main road, or tried to pull a boiling kettle over myself and I don't personally think that either of my parents actively chose to smack me, it was always more of an automatic, instinctive response.

I can completely understand that - problem is, that blows a big hole in the idea that smacking is a calm, considered method to make a point to a child.

gwaelod - Member
Has been illegal for years in Scotland.

POSTED 49 MINUTES AGO # REPORT-POST

It becomes illegal to hit your child when they reach 16. As they would be classed as an an adult at his time.

However, hitting a child hardly promotes a great model for your children, doe it?

Well, this turned out rather predictably.

Hint: A parent's choice in their method of discipline is not a reliable indicator of their ability to parent children.

And to conflate "hitting" with a gentle smack is just as ludicrous as suggesting a softly spoken word of warning is the same as yelling two inches from their face. They're both verbal forms of discipline, right?

So far the only time I have wanted to smack crankbrat was when he tried to run in the road and then bit my hand when I stopped him . I didn't hit him . I do not intend to hit him as a punishment . I was smacked on a very a very few occasions as a child it did me no harm but nor did it achieve anything that could not have been achieved in a different way.

I do use physical coercion to punish holding still for a count of 30 and to get what I want clothes on hands washed etc . The threat of being made to do something when I have counted to 5 normally gets it done by 1 or 5 when he is being cheeky.

Their is no clear answer but if we are to condemn the bad and abusive smackers then they will point to the good ones and say there is nothing wrong with it they do it and had it done to them and it never did any harm . If you have the wit to see the difference between hitting in temper and a controlled disciplined smack you have the wit to find an alternative way of teaching your child right and wrong.

Broadly anti here too BUT I also recognise that this is a cheap way for Mrs Atkinson to raise her profile...
Apparently there are a lot of 'other things in the queue first' so next to no chance of any changes to existing laws anyway.

No need is there. Only need to shout at our 3 year old if he goes near the cooker or somewhere dangerous. I have only shouted a few times at him and the look on his face is enough to put me off ever hitting him. I was whacked with a dogs lead regularly as a child and and it didn't stop me being a little shit.

So many perfect parents with perfect kids in this thread

Or lots of bollocks being chatted

You decide

I am just waiting for them to put a foot wrong. Can't wait.

Best comment of thread - made me laugh!

So many perfect parents with perfect kids in this thread

I don't think anyone is saying they have perfect children, just that they have other ways to control them without resorting to hitting.

I do wonder about the mental well-being of a generation of children brought up with the stigma of being put on a naughty step or being [s]put in isolation[/s]shut in their bedroom; mental punishment may be as damaging as physical punishment. Physical punishment may take other forms, not just slapping eg restraint, holding still to admonish a [s]verbal assault[/s]telling-off, etc..

If a child is being punished, they need to understand why. It's no good to just slap them, it's no good to just scream at them.

A lot of parents need to just step back for a moment and consider why they are punishing a child - unfortunately it is more often because of their own frustrations, lack of time for the child, selfishness or even embarrassment rather than anything the child has actually done wrong.

A gentle slap in the right circumstances with a considered explanation of why does no harm IME; lashing out in anger just does harm and is wrong.

Just my thoughts.

I haven't read all that. To answer the question - just on rare occasions, perhaps two or three times. Once was when he decided to run off from a crossing, sideways, into the traffic. The reaction was immediate, perhaps instinctive, and the event resolved safely and quickly. Under the circumstances calm and mature reasoning was not an option. And I believe that children are programmed to push the boundaries

Then there's the other extreme: seeing and hearing a young mother saying to a pre-school child 'Come here you little shit'. I feel that's more deserving of attention and forum criticism.

Always turn pan handles away from the front of the cooker, folks. Make it an established habit now, you may need it later. Similarly keep electric leads tidy.

Smacking and hitting are different, I'm not so sure.
If you were slapping your husband or wife with intent to control behaviour it would be physical abuse.

Education is the answer OP, but the education system isn't very interested in creating reasonable well rounded people.

9 y/o boy and a 15 y/o girl. Never smacked, there are other sanctions. What I tried to do though was be consistent and set clear boundaries very early on. Really pisses me off to see parents laughing at their children misbehaving and laughing along until little Jack / Jill crosses the line and then the predictable smack comes along with prolonged verbal bollocking. Or indeed using the smack as the first sanction.

If you are comfortable with hitting your kids, that's your choice. After all learned behaviour never did anyone any harm.

Surely punishment is punishment no matter what form it takes. Would you 'punish' your wife if she did something wrong. Is n't that known as mental abuse.

Spare the rod and spoil the child, but then I have no kids and am rapidly becoming a curmudgeon these days...

psling you make an interesting point, I'm anti smacking myself, but am not really sure why when I think about it in more detail. I expect one of those road crossing type incidents will occur at some point and I may smack him, who knows. I wouldn't want that making me a criminal though.

Education is the answer OP, but the education system isn't very interested in creating reasonable well rounded people.

I think it would help if the parents backed up the teachers, many are well out of control by the time they are going to reception, so the later streams of education have no hope in trying to get them back on track, when it isn't backed up in the home. There are plenty of parents making comments of I didn't do well at school and i've done all right, so you don't need to bother son, heard it only earlier from a neighbour when his son passed the 11+ and they wouldn't send him to grammar.

I don't have kids, but is it ok for me to discipline other people's kids by smacking them? I mean, if it's fine for the parents then surely it's ok for other people to get involved as well?

Mmm I see why there are so many awfully behaved children...

I did it once when my children were young but it traumatised me quite badly and didn't seem to achieve any more than having my daughter treat me with distain . Didn't work for me but both children have grown up well balanced and loving , I imagine smacked children , when they grow up won't thank their parents for treating them in a way that is now illegal .

they wouldn't send him to grammar.

That's another story, I wouldnt send my son to a grammar school.

Very envious of all these perfect kids on here. I'll swap you for 2 of the 3 foster kids we look after and see how long it takes before you want to ring there bloody necks. 😀

That's another story, I wouldnt send my son to a grammar school.

Be interested to know your reasons.

I was utterly battered as a child and even spent a week in hospital.

I have no cautions, arrests for violence or criminal record and my last punch thrown was 20yrs ago. My last fight Intervention was 1yr ago.

I do however utterly dislike politicians of any sort. Sick of them.

The "antis" will always win this argument. All they need do is show that some people (e.g. them) can't tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse and it becomes societies role to step in and protect them/ their children from themselves.

All of this misses that fact that mental and psychological abuse is likely to be more damaging in the long term.

FWIW, a couple of years ago, my daughter (now 17) asked "did you ever smack me as a child?"

Smacking children is a symbol of failed parenting!

what you want is a shock collar

[img] [/img]

Hitting is quite different, usually with intent to cause harm.

So describe for me exactly what the act of smacking entails. What is the dynamic and the experience (generally) of each involved? What precisely is the purpose of the act of smacking? Can a child smack another child? Can an adult smack another adult?

[quote=grum ]I don't have kids, but is it ok for me to discipline other people's kids by smacking them? I mean, if it's fine for the parents then surely it's ok for other people to get involved as well?
I'll see your straw man and raise you another.

If it's OK for me to bath my infant daughter, is it also OK for Jimmy Saville to do so?

I agree largely with psling and would prefer not to and I can't think of any reason to do so after they are 5 or 6.

onzadog - Those too are so badly behaved, I avoid going around his house

That was my reaction initially as well but I've been out for a bike ride now and I realised that in almost every case where there were poorly behaved children in families that were anti smacking the families actually didn't appear to have any form of 'end of game' punishment that they were willing to enforce so rather than the lack of control being due to lack of smacking it was more due to lack of authority. There were lots of threats of 'no ipods' etc. but it was never enforced as that took a lot of energy and willpower.

Parenting can take a fair amount out of you

The "antis" will always win this argument. All they need do is show that some people (e.g. them) can't tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse and it becomes societies role to step in and protect them/ their children from themselves.

All of this misses that fact that mental and psychological abuse is likely to be more damaging in the long term.

You seem confused. The anti's children don't need protecting from smacking/hitting.. Society is trying to protect children from poorly educated parents who have their blinkers well and truly on.
Just because mental/pshycological abuse is the same or worse why should that make any difference to banning smacking.

Education is the key.

I've smacked both my 5 and 3 year old boys from time to time. Most commonly because I've run out of patience but also in rare moments because they've done something so incredibly reckless that a short sharp shock was required. I'm not proud of it and normally ended up apologising to each child along the lines of "I'm sorry I smacked you but this is why I did"

MrsP is an infant school teacher and encourages me to find other ways - parenting is a continual learning curve!

That said, I don't believe any lasting harm has been done. I'd rather have my my kids and their standard of behaviour than a lot of the ones I see out in public or at the Beaver group I help to run. And no, I don't think it is ever OK to lay a punitive finger on other peoples kids and would go batshit crazy if anyone did to mine.

I'll see your straw man and raise you another.

If it's OK for me to bath my infant daughter, is it also OK for Jimmy Saville to do so?

I toyed with the idea of putting a wink by my post but decided not to bother. 🙂

I was being facetious - however presumably no-one sees anything wrong with an adult giving someone else's kid a verbal bollocking if they've been out of line and their parents aren't around - just wondering where the line is?

Smacking is surely ok as a disciplinary measure or not. People who do it at home - are you in favour of its use in schools?

Smacking is surely ok as a disciplinary measure or not. People who do it at home - are you in favour of its use in schools?

No it's not ok. But it's still understandable for parents to resort to it with their own kids. I would expect better from childcare professionals....

Let's turn this around.

My father was mentally ill and self-medicated with alcohol. When he was mentally unwell he beat me - but not at other times.

Not realising there was another way around this - aged fifteen I started to take a beating too many and turned on my father and beat him very badly. I did this several times until he left me alone and I was in control.

Needless to say, I am deeply ashamed.

In your eyes, was I wrong to smack my parent...?

Love the article 'Politician with two grown up stepchildren tells an actual real parent what they SHOULD do' 😆

Abit like 'heating bills not our remit citizen so wear more jumpers' advice.

One when adult hits another adult with violent intent then its assault...so why is it OK for a parent to smack a defenceless child and it not be classed as assault?

One when adult hits another adult with violent intent then its assault...so why is it OK for a parent to smack a defenceless child and it not be classed as assault?

Because as well as giving you a special insight/authority that non-parents don't have, being a parent also gives you special rights (though some of these aren't recognised in law for some reason).

God forbid you should ever criticise anything a parent does in relation to their children, even mildly. This is totally unacceptable.

Unless you are talking about poor people aka 'chavs', in which case criticise away.

😛

Going back a page and off topic. I think grammar schools are a massive waste of resources, ethically corrupt and would like my son to move into adulthood having a comprehensive understanding of society.

can't tell the difference between smacking and physical abuse

It's not the antis who can't tell the difference!

Oh yes it is!
Well, it is the panto season 😀

I smacked both my boys when they were little on a few occassions when I judged it appropriate, once they passed about 5 or 6 I stopped. I'm a monster but a very happy one with two very happy little monters of my own.

I'm loving the smacking is hitting comments, yeah, of course it is.

Perhaps rather than banning smacking and spending cash on enforcing an unenforcible law, they would be better to spend the cash on parenting lessons:

That way, the smackers will understand not smacking isn't akin to acts of water boarding or mental cruelty, and the anti-smackers will understand smacking does not necessarily equate to physical abuse.

We've chosen not to smack. I was smacked, my wife wasn't. Our kids are well behaved. I hope that I keep control and never feel it is my only option.

The govt should focus on other areas of child welfare. Smacking and abuse are already covered.

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