MegaSack DRAW - This year's winner is user - rgwb
We will be in touch
Why are you, or why do you think you are, single?
Through choice, through fussiness, because you're hideously ugly (looks or personality), shyness??
Why?
Cos the wife threw me out.
All of the above plus selfishness.At the moment the negatives of being in a relationship far outweigh any positives.....and I don't really see my opinion changing anytime soon tbh. 😐
Can't understand why no-one's replied to my on line dating profile though!
And what is your answer, TSY?
I ask the questions around here!
I'm enjoying the single life a bit too much at the moment, and haven't met anyone that I could see myself with long term recently.
*experiences some déjà vu when reading the question* 🙄
Through choice for me.
I ask the questions around here!
I thought you were all loved up with a pixie you met in Lands End?
Choice, need to get some health issues sorted out first then look out ladies 8)
It was a fleeting romance Darcy I had a journey I had to make, a bit like Lord of the Rings. Except without a ring, or hairy feet.
I ask the questions around here!
Might the response answer the question? 😉
TSY in all seriousness, I was single until I was 33. At the time I put it down to spending most waking time either working or training (I was pretty serious about martial arts training back then and used to compete at a national level which meant a pretty demanding training regime). The reality is that that was what I really wanted to do at the time; I was very committed to it and so there wasn't any room for anything else.
Ultimately I guess you can put it down to being selfish, or at least following self interested goals.
A relationship requires a heck of a lot of compromise. Witness I am no longer the ninja I used to be and only get to ride the bike maybe twice a week!
It's all about what you really want out of life TSY but if you really want to be with someone and really share your life with them, then you'll compromise something to make it work.
Except without a ring, or hairy feet.
But with a hairy ring.
geetee1972 - your post probably means that you understand that your taunts on other threads really don't bother me 😉
The alternative is that I'm not selfish... I just need to find someone with the exact same interests 🙂
Single and originally not by choice but it was a good decision that was made for me, not by me! I've got a choice now though as she (wife) wants to come back but I'm saying no, does this make me selfish?? I dont care if it does as I'm enjoying the freedom. I've got over my shyness (not sure if was shyness though as opposed to lacking the skills needed to date after 20years with same partner?) and getting out and about with the fairer sex (which gives me impression im not ugly!).
And I'm fussy!
Does that answer your q's??
I would'nt put up with my shizzle....so I would'nt expect anyone else to (and certainly would'nt respect anyone who did).If and when I'm willing to change I'll re-assess whether I actually want a relationship again.Untill then I've got getting a 1st cat road licence to monopolise my life.
I'm single cos the wife walked out 3 weeks ago 🙁
She decided she wasn't happy with her lot, and wanted 'more' from life.
Still sucks at the moment, but trying to stay busy with friends and family.
Been living like Charlie Sheen for the last few weekends, I'm sure normality will return at some point...!
I was binned by Mrs iDave (not literal/legal Mrs) for having such an unusual lifestyle. Good decision, fine by me as it was early days - happy single, happy not single. Will go with the flow for a while.
TSY - my post means that ultimately we're all lonely and insecure in some way.
So are you trying to find someone who is just like you?
I really can empathise with you TSY. I spent so long trying to find someone who ‘ticked every box’ and I guess at the time I was looking for someone just like me also. When I met my wife (Ambleside YHA, June 4th 2005, members kitchen, over a bag of spinach and a debate on the state of children today) within two hours of talking to her I knew she was perfect. I remember thinking, ‘if that’s not the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with then I am not destined to spend my life with anyone’.
At the time, a large part of that was because I felt she was a lot like I was – shared similar interests, enthusiasms, views of the world etc.
The thing I have found with my wife though is that regardless of all that, she is very much her own person. It’s very obvious that you are also very much your own person (our exchanges in other threads demonstrate this in abundance). So if you want to find the right person, either you want someone you can dominate and control (and I don’t suspect you do) or you want someone who is also very much their own person. In which case, maybe you need to let go of (or to put it another way, compromise on) finding someone who shares all your interests and views and love them for who they are.
Geetee... I'm not actually trying to find anyone at the moment. My question today was prompted by the fact that it's been asked of me a few times recently.
One thing you are 100% correct on though would be the dominate and control thing... I'm very much my own person and know full well that a 'doormat' would bore the living hell out of me.
So to answer your (my own) question Dez... Through choice, fussy and a little bit of shyness. 🙂
I'm very much my own person and know full well that a 'doormat' would bore the living hell out of me.
LOL quite!
Just before I got married I spoke to an uncle whose a psychologist (yes yes.....) and I asked him what was the one thing I needed to make sure I did/didn't do in order to make the marriage work.
He said to me: 'She's a pilot, she likes to fly the plane. Don't whatever you do try to take the controls out of her hands or you'll crash', (she really is a pilot BTW so the metaphor was apt!)
[insert any number of innuendos about controls and her hands]
😉
I'm pretty sure I'm single because I caught my wife having an affair. Since when she's been having a fling with one of my oldest friends.
How come she gets laid and I get pumped forearm muscles?
Well, I was single for the last 18 months or so because I had some pretty big things of my own to deal with and I need to "work out me" before I have any chance of working out anyone else.
I must admit, though, I'm getting pretty bored of that now. It's pretty scary thinking about getting back into it. Not sure why, it just is.
Rachel
That sucks bassspine 🙁
I know its gonna hurt when I find out my ex finds someone new. I'm sure I took the first scalp in the rebound race though... 😆
Having not been single for 7 and a half years, I find the prospect of dating rather daunting too. Life is slightly different aged 30, than it was at 22!
@benman - 40 is no better!!!
I'd give the Internet a go but I have a feeling I would get some seriously dodgy replies. Something I just don't need
Rachel
I'd give the Internet a go but I have a feeling I would get some seriously dodgy replies. Something I just don't need
That said, a 50 year old friend of mine tried the internet dating thing, met a charming lady, and they've been happily seeing each other for the best part of two years. Mind you, he was pretty ruthless with the weeding out of replies, but even then, I'd have expected him to meet a bunch of bunny boilers and have a bunch of truly awful dates. Luckily for him (but annoyingly for me, 'cos it's fun to take the piss) that didn't happen.
I have nothing to say on this thread!! 
Too many reasons to get into. Laziness is one though...
‘if that’s not the woman I’m supposed to spend the rest of my life with then I am not destined to spend my life with anyone’.
I've never once felt that, even after several relationships. I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else. I'm just hoping I've sorted that now...
Rachel
Probably because dispite being a grown man I have the body of a 12 year old boy 🙁
Seriously though I'm 38, who looks after my child 3 days a week as well as a full time job so get very little time to socialise or get out and meet women. My spare time is spent riding.
Yes I feel lonely at times but I made my choices in life so not complaining.
Also when you get to your mid thirties women of a similar age who are single,fit and sane are all taken already.
She decided she wasn't happy with her lot, and wanted 'more' from life.
Exactly how my last ex left me, used to complain of not having much money, (owned our own house, 2 hols a year etc.) or would moan when I worked more hours because she would see me less. Now she's with some unemployed loser. I just don't get women sometimes, maybe it's all these mags putting ideas in their heads that they should all be married to millionaire Brad Pitt lookalikes.
they should all be married to millionaire Brad Pitt lookalikes.
Oh, go on then... 😉
Rachel
I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else
So very true Rachel. It's even worse when you don't realise that this is the main issue in the first place, so acknowledging it and doing something about it is both brave and positive.
Besides you're a woman of impecable and discerning taste right? (hence the Nicolai) so you're also allowed to be picky!
I like to think so!! 🙂
Rachel
I've never once felt that, even after several relationships. I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else. I'm just hoping I've sorted that now...
Are any of us ever totally happy with ourselves though?
I've struggled for years, and know that when I was with my ex (who dumped me about 6 weeks ago now) I felt at least a little bit more complete. But then maybe that's the problem, she certainly wasn't happy in herself, I obviously wasn't with myself (and have taken a big turn for the worse since she finished with me), and so maybe it just wasn't going to happen!
Having not been single for 7 and a half years, I find the prospect of dating rather daunting too. Life is slightly different aged 30, than it was at 22!
The one consolation I have for you here (and to be fair sounds like you've already experienced some of it) is that FAR more women are interested in a 30 year old guy than a 22 year old one. At 22, even girls your own age aren't really interested, so you're generally looking at 18-21yo women. At 30, women of all ages are interested! 😉
In response to the living like Charlie Sheen for a few weeks after a breakup, can only say that after a while you'll begin to feel really low and worthless if you carry it on...
I am single because the relationship I was in ended (my choice) sadly my little daughter will be the only thing I miss.
All that is important at the moment is being with my daughter, then secondly getting out riding.
I'm not a bad looking 42 year old, I have a job etc so one day I may meet somebody, but if it does not happen then I will still have my daughter.
The only bad thing is moved away from all my mates to Lincoln...and in Lincoln I dont really know anybody but I'm not moving as I want to be near my daughter!
been single for a long time and gotten very used to it, I like the freedom.
Kev
I was made single by the ex's choice some 2.5yrs ago now. At the time it hurt like hell and i was in a complete tail spin as to how i was
A) going to pay the mortgage
B) cope on my own
C) ever meet anyone ever again.
The money thing was easy once i'd calmed down, after all i bought the house on my own didn't i?
Coping is easy, the house is tidier, i have more bikes and more time to ride them. Fewer friends now, some of which was my choice some not.
Currently seeing MsD for two yrs now, she's a past girlfriend from some 20yrs ago who contacted me on FB of all places - i keep joking that i was cyberstalked!
Thing is, we don't live together. From being a child till 2.5yrs ago i'd always lived with other people whether that be family, housemates or partner.
The revelation that i actually enjoy my solitude and am happy living alone has been amazing, i don't think i will live like this forever but at the moment it suits me fine.
Not sure how MsD feels about it though....
[i]I think until you are completely happy with yourself, you can't be happy with someone else.[/i]
that is so true. definitely true of me and GF
The one consolation I have for you here (and to be fair sounds like you've already experienced some of it) is that FAR more women are interested in a 30 year old guy than a 22 year old one. At 22, even girls your own age aren't really interested, so you're generally looking at 18-21yo women. At 30, women of all ages are interested!
Sounds good to me! Only trouble is, I don't know where all the single 30 year old women hang out? Certainly not in any pubs I've been to recently! Feel like such an old timer on nights out now...
In response to the living like Charlie Sheen for a few weeks after a breakup, can only say that after a while you'll begin to feel really low and worthless if you carry it on..
Yeah its already getting old. Having a few weekends off now, until a stag do at the end of the month.
I don't know where all the single 30 year old women hang out?
london... but they're all pretending to be 18-22years old from my experience.
here you go lads:
www.slightlywonkythaibrides.com
(works out cheaper cos of the distinct level of wonk each one has
Hmm...
Get bored easily, have control issues, complete lack of tolerance, very emotionally selfish, insecure and borderline psychopathic.
No, I can't understand why I'm single, either... 😕
You have a sense of humour, though - that's worth something...
Rachel
Ah, various reasons. Unrealistic expectations, comparing everyone to the one that got away, selfishness, general antisocialness... And a few others that I've forgotten. I was going to say haven't met the right person but y'know, it's perfectly possible I have and I just didn't bother to find out.
You have a sense of humour, though - that's worth something...
So does Charles Manson, and he's getting even less than me....
Oh yeah, forgot:
Utter perfectionist, fantasist, find it extremely difficult to really trust someone else, and can't stand pretentiousness and falseness. I feel that honesty in others is very, very hard to come by.
...Why are you, or why do you think you are, single?...
various reasons obviously, but mostly because i want the moon on a stick.
WOW Elfin, that's a bit extreme!
Is that really you? you seem different to all that on here! You're funny and smart, I like reading what you have to say, and agree with your point of view on lots of things.
yeah, but he's after a sympathy-shag.
Well, I'd say so, yes, if I'm being brutally honest.
No good sitting wondering why stuff's not as you want, you've got to understand the root causes. Otherwise a person can tend to blame external reasons for perceived failures/inadequacies etc. Which is counterproductive.
I quite like being single though. I sometimes look at couples and think 'jeeze, why TF do you put up with each other?'
Sounds good to me! Only trouble is, I don't know where all the single 30 year old women hang out? Certainly not in any pubs I've been to recently! Feel like such an old timer on nights out now...
Errr, that's the problem... There are no 30yo single women (well maybe in London still hanging on to their early 20's), they've all settled down, are having kids etc. Plenty of early 20's girls wanting older men, and plenty of late 30's divorcee's wanting younger men though... 😉
Get bored easily, have control issues, complete lack of tolerance, very emotionally selfish, insecure and borderline psychopathic.
Utter perfectionist, fantasist, find it extremely difficult to really trust someone else, and can't stand pretentiousness and falseness. I feel that honesty in others is very, very hard to come by.
I sometimes look at couples and think 'jeeze, why TF do you put up with each other?'
Got to be said perhaps I'm a little less extreme than Elfin, but empathise with many, if not most of his qualities. Which perhaps doesn't help that I've recently managed to make the one person inside the last 7 years that has wanted to know me run away!
You have a sense of humour, though - that's worth something...
It gets you noticed, but that's about it... Girls are either superficially entertained by a guy with a good sense of humour, and after 5 minutes of first meeting it has lost its novelty value. Or they're like my ex GF who expects me, after a year of going out together, to be fully of new original, witty anecdotes and stories every single bloody day, and moans "you've got boring" if I'm not! Christ, all the world's best comedians have to recycle their material at some point... 😕
You're right that it is simply a way to "get noticed" - but then we all need something!! 🙂
Rachel
I find being an angry, shouty short person with a big axe gets you noticed....
...not particularly by the people you might want to be noticed by however!
Why are you, or why do you think you are, single?
Had a MLC, ditched the ex and bought a Ti. 8)
I'm happy. 😀
andchoice, fussy and a little bit of shyness
I just need to find someone with the exact same interests
Maybe not [i]exact[/i] but in past relationships i've either;
-done all the compromising and in doing so compromised myself
[b]or[/b]
-felt bad that they would be at home on their tod when i was doing my thing or as on one occasion, sitting in the car when I was snowboarding, was amazing of her to want to do that but didn't feel healthy.
A healthy relationship needs a balance and I'm happy at the moment. Being single doesn't stress me out, I'm confident things will happen in their own time.
Yeti - you can quote me on this when I'm a sad lonely grumpy old man 😆
[edit]
Ha! It was a page [i]and[/i] more than an hour ago I started typing that!
shyness mostly i'd say. a small helping of laziness probably doesn't help.
The love of my life walked away from me in 1995 (Friday March 3rd @ 08.36) I remember the screams vividly even now.
She found a bloke who shared her interest in musicals and married a year later. They split. Shame.
That was the year I spent a week in Scotland on my own and found a MTB hire shop.
Its been bikes ever since.
No room on this hobo road, or nobody crazy enough to join me.
Sharki earlier (but with more plaster and beer):
😆
I'm a widower,and I had 23yrs of genuinely happy coupledom.
I have a dedicated team of daughters, supplemented by an elderly, disabled, inherited FiL, who regularly carry out 'destructive testing' on any new relationship I form.
Thankfully, it supposedly ensures my future happiness! 🙁
Given that I'm a student I should be rolling in clunge, however I'm not, primarily for being shy/antisocial, still hung up on a relationship-that-never-was, ginger, specs, scrawny... So bit of my choice and bit of their choice.
Kit - that offer of a hug is still there... I'm willing to travel 🙂
I think that maybe I just don't meet enough single girls I'm interested in, those I like all just want to be friends, think I'm great etc but don't want more than that. Hopefully at some point I'll find someone who feels the same.
So it's not really fro choice for me but I'd rather be single waiting for the right thing to happen than making the wrong thing happen.
when I was single I didn't come across anybody who sparked my interests; partly because of lack of talent (Dundee!) and partly because I take a fair while to decide if I like someone, be that within friendship or romantic relationship- saves a lot of hassle in the long run.
I'm single as my missus moved out two weeks ago.
It would appear that she's having a full blown crisis over 'what she wants from life'
It's not me & owning a house by the looks of things! (it would've been nice if she'd worked that out six months ago before we bought a house together)
So in answer to your question, I'm pretty sure I'm single through no fault of my own, and I'm actually kind of enjoying it thus far...
I'm quite happy in my own company, can do whatever I want etc. Think I had a bad experience for years with someone I really loved who was a massive control freak. Blind to it at the time. Now, I can't stand the feeling of not being free to do or think whatever I want. Also very fussy, moon on a stick, pretty shy, incredibly ugly etc.
Being single is a choice thing, be it easy or hard.
I chose to be single after a relationship of 12yrs just wasn't going anywhere. After years of supporting, mentoring, helping, financial support, you name it I did it. And one day I looked and thought "nah" I'm done, what's in it for me.. Once I stopped doing what I'd always done I got a different response, she left within 3 months. She sat across from me and said "I'm going home" Those words spoke more about the relationship than any I'd heard in years.. "Home" eh, sure, if she was "going home" that meant not with me and that this wasn't her home.
I said "Ok, your not happy I can see that" and that was it, off she trotted.
Having been single for 2.5 years after that I found that I still had all the spirit and love to give, but this time not overcompensate for the lack of such in the other partner, So far it's going well with my new SO, she's a solid lovely girl of high morals and she'd simply come to the same conclusion in her previous relationship..
Our choice was to get together and we're happy to see how it progresses. We're most definetly in Love and will continue to live apart for the forseeable, but one day we'll make the decision to marry, and that'll be a first for me and her.
I'd say if you are happy on your own, then so be it. If not then there are so many ways to meet new people and you know what, regardless of age (it matters not one kot) you'll find someone who's equal to you.
The way I see it there are people who get what they want and those that dont.
No point in whining on about it...
Well I am single, have been on and off for 6 years, to be honest i would love to be in a relationship, however i do love my cycling too, Its proving hard to find someone local and as mad about bikes as me, but i guess i am a bit fussy to and enjoy my space, as so many of you say it is a compromise, That said if there is anyone in the Surrey/ Hampshire area looking for a riding buddy.. well come and say hi. Not so sure i likes someones comment on here about plenty of divorced late 30s looking for younger men.. i feel like a cradlesnatcher!! someone around my age would be nice or older!!
You need to say how old you are then noodle!
*All fees to be made to payable to Hairy Palms Dating Service c/o Yeti.
Not so sure i likes someones comment on here about plenty of divorced late 30s looking for younger men..
LOL, sorry, was said in jest to cheer the bloke up! Not everyone is the same... Though since my GF dumped me, I have had a fair few older women chat me up it has to be said!
I'm single because I'm very selfish and a bit of a pompous asshole. I have very high standards and I just can't seem to find a partner that fulfills them, I'm usually bored after a few dates. They all seem to be super camp or flaky and want to fit in with a label, whereas I'm "straight acting", I don't have time for all that, being gay is a sexual preference, not some lifestyle mantra. Maybe it's me age! I'm not lonely though, I have plenty of mates and a great family, and spend nearly all of my time doing things I enjoy.