[Closed] Shouted at by walker - what whitty response should I have come up with?

'Actually you are you are an environmental vandal....'

lordswood?

"I do hope you're picking up after those dogs.£1000 fine if you don't"

ignore. don't let it get to you,

I think the "yes I know, silly isn't it" from cheeky trails rules is a good answer

'You do know this is a footpath'
'[s]Really ok?[/s]'

Sorry.

"Your face is an environmental vandal."

lordswood?

Yep. Lady with the beagals (lovely dogs) in fact I'm pretty sure I know where she lives too.

Pretty sure she is the one who occasionally puts logs across the trails, which is normally fine, until I got taken out by chicken wire last year....

Pedaling slowly uphill, lovely evening, [b]good tunes on[/b], happy days

'Actually you are you are an environmental vandal

take the earphones out 😉

"funny, I see hoof marks. that makes it a bridleway"

in the NF ?

tell em you're a personal friend of Henry the 8th and he lets you in

Ed: Lordswood - say you thought it was a cycle path, what with all the mopeds, broken glass AND DOG SHIT in there

Sara got stopped by a old bloke last year along a stretch of path by a river (it was a footpath). In the end she asked him whether or not he'd ever been fisted.

Ok, so not exactly Shakespeare, but it was funny, and the look on his face!

I would've said something along the lines of, "givvus a kiss darlin"

Proper LOL at emsz 🙂

take the earphones out

Nah, just turn it up loud enough to drown out the moaning.

emsz - that is brilliant.

Maybe thinking about it I should have shown her the litter I'd picked up from the trails left by others.

I completely understand if she decide to have a moan at the scrots on motorcros bikes who occasionally tear around, but a lonely cheery mountain biker?!

And actually now you say it I'm pretty sure there is/was horseshoe prints on the trail. I believe locals call it the horseman trail (runs along the motorway down to tanners brook)

I don't think I could ever ask someone if they'd been fisted before no matter how rude they are!!!

I usually ask which actual law I'm breaking and then say I'm just establishing prior use.

shes a nobody I wouldnt even stop to discuss her issues. Its a free world.

I would've said something along the lines of, "givvus a kiss darlin"

This kind of approach, I find, is the best and most effective at disarming your adversary. They are stopped in their tracks and just don't quite know how to respond. they're expecting you to get all arsey, but you behave the opposite, and it' really throws them.

Some woman was having a go at me once, I let her have her little rant, then just said 'you look really sexy when you're angry'.

She was really fighting not to smile. Had to maintain the serious face, but was really struggling. 😀

I usually don't bother saying hi, just smile and nod, it prevents them having an "in".

If you were on a footpath she kind of has a point doesn't she?

mother! oh god mother! I'm lost!! (nuzzle)

If you were on a footpath she kind of has a point doesn't she?

Not really. First of all she was an old hag, and secondly she didn't even have a bike.

If you were on a footpath she kind of has a point doesn't she?

No, because the two statements she made other than that is was a footpath, they're both bollocks.

brooess - Member

If you were on a footpath she kind of has a point doesn't she?

Shhh, we're not supposed to be nice to other countryside users or EVER admit we could possibly be in the wrong.

You're supposed to say that you came up with something witty, cruel and cutting, even if, in reality, you only thought of it hours later.

Getting along with horseriders and walkers, especially old ones is sooooo last century.

make up a rap on the spot about being an Environmental Vandal and all the tough times you had growing up in the suburbs, and riding your bike is your only real freedom and escape from a terrible life of cake addiction and blind consumerism.

or make the devils horns "breakin the law breakin' the law".

"Your face is an environmental vandal."

🙂

I know exactly the lady you mean, takes those dogs on the saem walk everyday, same time no matter what. Is that her?

Me, leaning on crossbar of bike, waiting for walker to pass: "Good afternoon"

Walker: "There's no bikes here"

Me, looking down at bike in a confused manner: "Really? I thought I set out on one, what's this then?"

Walker looks completely confused, I ride of chuckling. Good outcome for me, and unless she got too wound up, didn't really affect her either.

But yes, cheekytrails' "really, how silly" wins every time I am given the opportunity.

seems he did try to be nice though rusty, but she fancied a row (or just possibly a fisting?)

make up a rap on the spot

make up a rap on the spot about being an Environmental Vandal

This made me smile, now I can use my frustration to pretend to be Vanilla ice 🙂

Charlie - yep same women, first time she has ever given me abuse, though she has moaned at mates before.

Hey ho, can't be long before she pops her clogs, I'll still be riding 'her' footpath...

oooh, wait - One "I" prepared earlier

It's environmentally whack, so presenting my attack: I'll brighten up your shack, I'm down by law and that's a fact

Chorus could be something like -

I'm an environmental vandal, in my shimano spd sandals, I rip up the trails and make your face go pales.....

Errr....I'm definitely wasted in IT 🙂

My reply would be, ''If I'm breaking the law you had best call the Police, ask them to scramble the helicopter!''

Charlie - yep same women, first time she has ever given me abuse, though she has moaned at mates before.

Hey ho, can't be long before she pops her clogs, I'll still be riding 'her' footpath..

Yeh, just told her about you falling in the stream, she laughed like a drain! Still won't stop!

Just smile broadly and have a little laugh in your voice whatever you say. Some people are just miserable and there is nothing you can do about it. You being happy infuriates them.

it is a bit like getting out your car to explain to someone why their driving was .No one will ever thank you for your input so there is little point. I either say silly isn't it , ignore them or say i am simonfbarnes and I will ride where I please[ works best wehn said in unison by a group of you as you just get a confused look] depending on how arsed I can be.

Yeh, just told her about you falling in the stream, she laughed like a drain! Still won't stop!

RAAAAWWWWARRRRGHHHH

seems he did try to be nice though rusty, but she fancied a row (or just possibly a fisting?)

Some people are just idiots - doesn't mean we have to react in the same way.

Yes, I know the OP reacted politely, but some of the attitudes on here do us (you know, the collective 'us' as we are perceived by other countryside users) no favours at all.

I've seen some really bad behaviour by cyclists towards horseriders and walkers over the last few years - the increasing popularity of our hobby seems to be attracting some people who just don't know how to share the trails with others.

Sometimes, I almost hope the next time someone comes out with a nasty, vicious, petulant remark to a walker with a politely presented valid point, they have their bike rammed so far up their arse that they'll have to reach down their throat to drop their seat post.
Might teach them some manners.

And yes, I do do cheeky, don't we all?

But I tend to abide by the cheeky trails guidelines, which seem sensible and designed to minimise any potential for confrontation or
misunderstanding on either side.

as i said, nod and smile. or, better still

RS the voice of the righteous

Ranting ramblers who are always selectively deaf on your approach from behind-

'where's your bicycle bell'

.... Same place as your rear view mirror!!

"when did you get voted in as sheriff"

One I've been saving up and not had a chance to use yet...

"This is a footpath, you shouldn't be cycling here"
"Are you in the Ramblers Association ?"
"Yes"
Well, think of me cycling along here as a one man modern day re-enactment of the Kinder Trespass"

In the end she asked him whether or not he'd ever been fisted

Nice response. I'll modify that for the next time an old lady asks me if I'm aware I'm riding on a footpath. 'Have you ever been anally penetrated!' and then ride off chuckling.....

Now that might be a reason to call the police, and I'll be on the register in seconds flat.

Seriously. Be nice but firm with these people.

Shouted at by walker - what whitty response should I have come up with?

some nutter dressed in a plastic yellow mac with matching hat & boots stopped me a couple of w/ends ago as I was approaching a gate on some local common land...

started taking photos of me <so she said> as I rode towards it, telling me to smile for the camera as she was going to report me to the council. She then made a pathetic attempt to block my way through the gate. It was all a bit bizarre !

watch out kids there be weirdos in them woods.

Kev

[i]I would've said something along the lines of, "givvus a kiss darlin"[/i]

[i]'Have you ever been anally penetrated!' [/i]

You can see the headline now;

Police Seek Pervert Cyclist who Propositioned Elderly Dog Walker

Maybe;

"I'm the environmental vandal? Do you know the CO2 emmissions created by keeping the average dog?"

So she called you an "environmental vandal", but you think she's responsible for putting logs and even wire across trails?

And you still haven't thought of a pithy response?

Come on, we haven't got all day.

Tell her you're a hologram and don't really exist in material form.

'You do know this is a footpath'
'Really ok?'
'You are breaking the law'

"That's nothing, last time I was up here I was burying the body of the last miserable old busybody who had a go at me."

crazy-legs for the win.

Why not just say the truth:

"I know I'm breaking the law and don't care - I only obey laws I think are reasonable, regardless of how this stance affects others. Anyway, it's a civil law so there's nothing you can do about my being here and I don't give a damn about your views. FO."

"Je suis désolé, je ne parle pas anglais"

I don't think blaming the French for your riding misdemeanors is very morally acceptable. Although French taunting along the lines of "your mother was a hamster" and "I wave my private parts at your aunties" would work.

BELTUPANDFUGGOFFOUTTOVITYAMADAULDCAAAHHHNT..!

usually I just put on my best Jane Austin heroine voice.. and reply with

'really..? how silly. that's awful.. something should be done about that.. that's really not on.. how terribly unfair.' etc etc

If they're in a really bad mood and won't under any circumstances be charmed though.. I just give them a shrug and very cheerful
'it's an awfully good job that I'm so flamin' ignorant then isn't it.. otherwise I wouldn't be able to get home.. now please.. [i]please[/i].. for your family and friends sake.. just [i]please try[/i] to enjoy the rest of the day you crazy diamond..'

I usually say nothing and wait for them to push me off my bike into the undergrowth despite my best efforts to let them by without hindrance.
😐

Do you know the CO2 emmissions created by keeping the average dog?

Are you feeding coal to your dog? 😕

stop dead still and stare deep into their eyes then shout "i'm tandemjeremy and i can do what i want biznitch!" whilst hitting yourself in the forehead and violently waving the other arm about like a broken wing.

always works

'Actually you are you are an environmental vandal....'

Response:

"And you're ugly. But I can stop being an environmental vandal."

Walker; you're not allowed to ride through here.
Me; yes I know, but it's not my bike.
Just throws them long enough for you to be gone.

Are you feeding coal to your dog?

[img] [/img]

As Don Simon said, you did the best thing for that type of person. It doesn't satisfy the ego but the moral upper hand of politeness always wins. It's only those capable enough to realise that will notice, however.

A retort could have consisted of: your pets are descended from wolves, you are an evolutionary vandal. Or: horses cause far more damage to bridleways than MTBers do to trails/woodland/anywhere.

There's always asking for evidence, or questioning her lifestyle habits in terms of environmental damage. I bet she drives a 4X4!

I hate when this happens, it bugs me for ages afterwards too.

By being polite, without admitting you're in the wrong (which you were if it really was a footpath), I think you did exactly the right thing.

Angry shouty types are usually totally disarmed by cheerful good manners.

which you were if it really was a footpath

Nah

"Oh. My. God! Someone said exactly the same thing to me 5 minutes ago! What are the chances? Amazing! Of course, they're dead now."

Then start opening your rucksac.

Spit in their face.

Spit in their face.

Or a good punch...grannies don't like a good right hook to the face.

Indeed, which in itself is a good reply. But yes most STW'ers could deck a granny.

Just be over-the-top polite. When people are trying to start an argument with you, nothing pisses them off more than a polite response.

"You shouldn't be riding here"
"It's lovely to see you. Hope you have a wonderful day." In a cheery voice. And then ride off. Nine times out of ten you'll then get abuse shouted at you from a pissed off walker, yet they'll have nothing to report you for.

But yes most STW'ers could deck a granny.

TBF, not sure that's true....

I had a "lady" tell me I shouldn't be riding up a bridleway. (Chinley Churn) because "your causing a mess, there's lots of tyre marks up there" We had a brief discussion as to whether she had walked through the puddles or round them, and I ended it by suggesting she had no right to spoil my enjoyment of the countryside, and that she was a very rude woman.

Went well....

Just smile as you ride by, and say: "Golly gosh, call the police!"

In a protracted discussion with a rambler: Are you the landowner, because if you aren't, you have no right to complain or block my passage?

Actually some of the responses given above border on the agressive. Not nice whatever the provocation by the [b]old lady[/b]. Maybe you're not the first mountain biker she's had to deal with whilst out walking her dogs on the [b]footpath[/b]

Try being nice and apologise if necessary.

And if you don't then don't dare complain the next time you come across a car blocking a cycle lane.

Sorry to get factual instead of funny but Lordswood is private land with a number of footpaths passing through it. I assume you had permission from the land owner to ride where you like so it doesn't make any difference if you are on a foot path anyway.

It is a bit like a farmer driving his tractor across a field where there is a footpath, he doesn't have to get out and walk on his own land.

Tell her that if she is seen allowing her dogs to foul the path again we will serve her with an exclusion order preventing her from walking within half a mile of the woods. She has been identified by a number of the woodland users as a public nuisance so ask to take her name and address so you can report her to the Forestry Commission. She will probably refuse so then get your camera phone out and take her picture and pictures of her dogs.

I did this when she had a go at me and she ended up running away with her hands trying to hide her face.

Made me smile

Tell her find a bloke and then knock the scab off that thing between her legs and get some excitment in her life - seems polite enough for me!

A particularly memorable retort to one walker having a right pop at us, came when did the 3 towers bivvy ride.

We'd ended up having a quite heavy night when we stopped (I know who i hold responsible for that). Beers, curry and then hip-flasks aplenty. As we packed up and set off in the morning, we were accosted by mr boring-red-socks, lecturing us on how we were damaging local wildlife by riding on the footpaths

Before any of us had a chance to retort, one of our number, who'd been looking pretty ropey from the off, dramatically projectile vomited, Mr-Creasote-style all over the grass directly in front of him, splattering his walking shoes. We all then rode off, leaving him quietly reviewing his freshly decorated shoes 🙂

Hadge, you smooth talking barsteward.

Find myself bemused by these posts because everyone is so friendly at Cannock. Walkers step to one side and smile when I pass, horse riders wave and say hello it's another world

I called an irate female walker a "f*cking dick" when she screamed abuse at me last week. The look on her face was priceless

99.9% of walkers I've met have been polite...stepping to one side and controlling their dogs.

One old man I met on a bridlepath was horrible. But I think he was just a horrible person so I ended up feeling sorry for him.