[Closed] Screaming kid next door - reasonable?

You think it's bad? Can you imagine how the parents feel?

[url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby_colic ]Colic[/url]

Or maybe they trying that technique where you let the baby cry itself out...although I've often wondered if that's just an excuse for lazy parenting!

Not much you can do to be honest...going round to complain is likely to be met with "What do you want us to do? It's a baby."

report to social services & then you wont have to make small talk either

It is difficult because the parents can't just go running every time the child screams - they need to manage the cries (which are often for attention). It is rough on you but they can't be expected to give in to the child because of you.

Saying that, I have spoken to our neighbour on more than one occasion to ask him if our childrens' crying keeps him up or disturbs him. He admits he can hear it sometimes but says it doesn't bother him. I feel I can't do much more than that.

As for hammering at that time - weekdays or weekends? I was doing DIY on Sunday morning (drilling right through two exterior walls to put in a co-ax feed to a new TV. I could have started at 7am (our girls were up at 5am 🙁 ) but I did other stuff and waited till about 10.30am which I thought was a fairer time to be drilling.

Perhaps have a polite word about the hammering but just joke about the crying - maybe he will take a hint and try to manage the cries a bit differently.

^ with druidh on this one.

We had one who would not sleep and screamed every 40mins-hr each night for 18 months - we then ended up with a week of nights of screaming for 3-4hours per night to break the habit it became. We did go round neighbours and speak and let them know mind.

I take your point, d, but equally they should know how their neighbours feel. Maybe they are trying, and a week is far too soon to expect results. I had a more distant neighbour whose son screamed and squealed right up to the age of five or six. Somehow then someone got it under control. Fortunately I only noticed it outdoors.

Then they got a dog of a nervous nature, and left it alone in their garden all day. Some neighbours are born like that.

Kids cry - get over it. You should try living with the crying rather than next to it.

Some neighbours are born like that.

what - prone to complain about anything 🙄

Child crying, accept it. It's all part of life.

Hammering at 7:20 in the morning? Taking the piss, have a word.

Its common...parents will no doubt be sick of it and wired too - they've had it for the full year.

Controlled crying is in no way a lazy option (where you leave the kid for short periods to scream). The easy option is to continually run after the kid every time it screams but this just builds up a problem later on - the kid learns that by screaming they can get their own way...

Wonder what the dad was building after a night of screaming... 😈

I suspect they're trying the "let the kid cry itself out" technique (which will be good for you in the long term) and it could all have been sorted if they'd let you know first.

What do you expect the parents to do? Gag the baby? The hammering is out of order, though. However, you won't have gained much of a reprieve since it's acceptable to make noise from 7.30am to 9pm according to Manchester council, so yours might be the same.

Having said that, a new family has moved opposite me (ground floor of a small development of flats) and their kids fail to appreciate that other people live close by. Can't hear them in their flat, but they are noisy sods and they've filled up the hallway with bikes so you have to weave your way past, and it's scratched the paint. OK, so not technically my problem but like everyone else it comes out of my service charge to fix.

They chose to have a kid so not much sympathy with the parents to be honest.

I've not spoken to them much but they don't seem like bad parents but it would be good of them to ask if it was disturbing us or just move the kid to the room farthest away from our house.

The hammering was this morning, if it 7.20am on a weekend I'd be having words.

I CALL TROLL!!!!

They chose to have a kid so not much sympathy with the parents to be honest.

It's your parents that I feel a bit sorry for, ending up with a kid like you.

Or fair troll on the screaming, poor one on the diy.

......we moved into a house 2 months ago, its a semi and our child is having sleep issues at the mo we are trying different strategies to help us get some sleep, then to top it all off our neighbour cranked up the music on a few mornings.....

Its a 1 year old child, they cry, its been one week. HTFU.

If you have a little'un and are aware that their noise could be making your neighbour's life a bit hellish (and yours too, but it was your lifestyle choice 😉 ) would it be unreasonable to consider moving the sleeping arrangements around if possible so they were not in a room with an adjoining wall? A bit of inconvenience for you for the sake of the neighbours. Sadly most folk I know seem to metamorphosis ("we'll never be one of [i]those[/i] parents!') on child birth and become a little self involved about such things.

Edit - I tend to go around with beer/wine/flowers when I know I have been a pita neighbour. Parties & DIY certainly count but I would have thought problems with small noisy sprogs it would also be good. It does not reduce the problem but at least they know you are thinking of them and are aware of the problem.

Starting noisy DIY at 7:20 am is definitely unreasonable - I'd have no issues with challenging a neighbour about that (unless it was a one-off) ... in my opinion, 8am is just about acceptable if it's really necessary, but we're always up and about by then so it wouldn't be disturbing us ... if I'm expecting to make any (possibly) disturbing noise I'll do the courtest of letting the neighbours know beforehand ...

Re. the screaming baby, unless they're utterly oblivious/inconsiderate the parents are probably well aware of the disturbance it's causing, thus adding to the stress of dealing with him/her. After a point, there's not much you can do with a screamer. If it's just for attention then the 'leave them to cry themselves out' is arguably the best thing to do, otherwise all they learn is that screaming gets them what they want. Thus in the long term, they just become spoilt, demanding little brats.

My baby daughter has taken to screaming at 5am. I'm not aware of anything that would stop her, that wouldn't be classified as abuse.

......we moved into a house 2 months ago, its a semi and our child is having sleep issues at the mo we are trying different strategies to help us get some sleep, then to top it all off our neighbour cranked up the music on a few mornings.....

Why were you hammering and banging around at 7.20 am though?

[b]vinnyeh [/b]- If you don't have anything useful to say then can you please refrain from childish remarks.

Not a troll just wanted to see if this was normal behaviour from the kid and hear some of your experiences.

The last two night both our girls (2 years old) were up for 3 hours screaming. Nothing would calm them, it was just the way they were.

If my neighbour came round to complain I would probably rush into his unlocked house, lock the door behind me and go to sleep on his bed.

Perhaps he was building a neighbourhood naughty step ?

I had neighbours once who came round to say sorry about the crying baby for the next few months...I didn't used to like them much, but I wish they were still there compared to the bastards who moved in after them.

To be fair I think if it were my kid I'd move it to the furthest room away, my cringe glands would be throbbing more than my sleep deprived eyes if I thought the neighbours lives were being disturbed by my own troubles.

@rkk - distant neighbours, I said, I never complained. Others, nearer, did about the dog. It went, or learned to be quiet.

MRanger156 - You don't live in Salford do you? I reckon that's me 😀

More a reflection on one of our neighbours...

... they seem to alternate their complaints around the 3-4 houses closest to them. Neighbours the other side were "allegedly" forced to install new double glazing because of barking dog.

They're currently complaining about our dog barking - despite attracting it's attention through the fence then ignoring. There'll be a spate of knocks on our door, then it will be one of the other neighbours turn...

They chose to have a kid so not much sympathy with the parents to be honest.

you chose to live in a semi=detached house so absolutely no sympathy for you 😀

no you live in brentford, i think thats my family

Kids crying is the same as a dog barking, controllable and a nuisance.

you chose to live in a semi=detached house so absolutely no sympathy for you

No-one chooses to live in a semi-detached house, it's just that they can't afford to live in a detached in a suitable location (myself included). So you're suggesting he deserves to have noise nuissance because he can't afford better? Novel.

Why were you hammering and banging around at 7.20 am though?

to drown out the crying. lol.

Causing a nuisance - tough luck

Causing a Statutory Nuisance - not acceptable, but difficult to verify either way???

When we moved into the house our neighbour was an elderly lady, never heard a peep from her.

Poor house deign really, why have the two master bedrooms sharing a wall.

I don't think its a noise complaint issue, just would expect a bit of courtesy really.

mastiles_fanylion - Member
If my neighbour came round to complain I would probably rush into his unlocked house, lock the door behind me and go to sleep on his bed.

😆

If my neighbour came round to complain I would probably rush into his unlocked house, lock the door behind me and go to sleep on his bed.

I wouldn't go for the bed M-F, you'll still hear them 😉

Earplugs for sleeping?

I think it's reasonable to expect babies to cry [some more than others] and just as reasonable to expect neighbours to tolerate it.
We'd always apologise to neighbours for any inconvenience it may be causing in a ... 'shrug' - what can you do? sort of way.
I don't recall any of them taking anything other than a pragmatic view of it.

IME - I can't imagine any parent putting up with it more than is absolutely unavoidable.

I wouldn't go for the bed M-F, you'll still hear them

The poor 1 yr old has probably realised he's going to spend his working life slaving away to pay the pensions of 240,000,000 STW forum dwellers after they'd trashed his planet and driven up house prices to a level where he'll never be able to afford anything more than a scrape in the ground covered with a leaky tarpaulin.

I'd be ****ing livid if I was him.

its a difficult issue.

I think I'd go round and let them know its becoming a pain in the gentlest politest way you can. It may be that they could swap the rooms around so it did not impinge on you so much. It may be there is nothing they can do

Get a PA rig installed in the kids bedroom micced up so when the kid screams it is replayed back to the kid at 140db - they will soon stop crying...

Of course, defeating the feedback loop might be a challange.

There are less kids around these days...and more older grumpy bastards. What is normal kid behaviour is perceived by older grumpy bastards as a problem because they are unfamiliar with it.

My son is 15 months old, and he tends to wake at least once a night, with accompanying yelling.

If you think someone else's kid yelling in a house next door is bad, wait til you have one of your own in your own home - believe me, the parents next door are probably doing their damndest to make sure their child doesn't scream.

That said, I do nip 'round to the neighbours every now and then to see if he's keeping them awake, and we do try to be good neighbours - doing them favours like dump runs and the like.

Hammering at 7.20am is out of order, too - I try and do quiet DIY stuff until 11am at least at the weekends rather than hammering early in the morning.

I'd suggest you go and talk to them - you know, pass the time of day, mention the hammering is a bit of a PITA - and ask how the kid is. It's probably teething or colic or both, and you should get an apology.

Mind you, why are you asking on here, instead of going next door and talking with them? I'm assuming you've passed the time of day with them since they moved in, of course....

In our semi you can hear the neiboughs and they can hear us but thats because its a 1901 semi and the wall between us is a single brick thick and the floor joist from both houses are conected to each other. Its not a problem as we both have kids and talk often as well as givin advaced warning of any unsual noise. Kids cry/scream espicially when very small as you can't reason with them to get them to stop. WIth our eldest (now 8) we had to do controlled drying as she didn't like going to bed and would have screaming fits and would sit and shake the stair gate. We knew that she was safe and all that would happen is that she would fall asleep eventually at which point it was easy to put her to bed. this only lasted for around 4-6 weeks but sometimes its the only way you can teach them that you mean what you say. Its not easy to sit and listen to you kid cry/scream so its not a lazy way to pearent.

Kids crying is the same as a dog barking, controllable and a nuisance

Controllable? at 1 year old? Are you mad?
My 3 year old wakes up crying and screaming sometimes. He's only just of an age where I can calm him down if its been a bad dream/overtired from the day before or whatever. Younger than that, no chance

If you ever have kids, and you find yourself in the same situation, there's NOTHING you can do.

LHS - do you have kids?

3 thanks yes.

Controllable? at 1 year old? Are you mad?

If being mad is picking my baby up to comfort it, feeding it when hungry, changing it when required, singing it to sleep when scared, then yes I am mad.

You may find this a little crazy but some people would describe those parents who just leave their kids to scream for hours in their cots mad!

All kids don't react like that though LHS

Our first had collic and at times there was no amount of comfort, reassurance or cuddles would calm her.

she's 21 now and far noisier

Children cry, if you don't like it live in a cave or detached house.

I am not sure what having a word will do, as I am fairly sure the parents are aware that the child is crying.

This site, does seem to reinforce the stereotype that cyclists are selfish ****s, who think that they are the centre of the universe, doesn't it.

LHS - do you have kids?

Controllable? at 1 year old? Are you mad?

If you ever have kids, and you find yourself in the same situation, there's NOTHING you can do.

Earplugs for sleeping?

I think it's reasonable to expect babies to cry [some more than others] and just as reasonable to expect neighbours to tolerate it.
We'd always apologise to neighbours for any inconvenience it may be causing in a ... 'shrug' - what can you do? sort of way.

You see, that's what I was intimating on the last page about people becoming insular when they become parents. The reasonable and controllable bit is about how the actions of your family effect others - not the crying per se. I think it would be reasonable for the family with the persistently crying kid to do what they could to reduce the nuisance caused to others first by shifting around the rooms so the little fella was away from an adjoining wall before those effected should resort to ear plugs. There might be NOTHING you can do to stop the screaming kid screaming (and effecting you) but there is often something you can do stop it effecting others.

ps. effect, affect - can never work out which to use....

I am not sure what having a word will do, as I am fairly sure the parents are aware that the child is crying.

they might not realise that the noise travels and they might be able to put the child in a different room where the crying is less audible

This site, does seem to reinforce the stereotype that cyclists are selfish ****, who think that they are the centre of the universe, doesn't it.

richc - and you appear to be an excellent example of the type!

"my child is crying - they do that - suck it up!"

We'll see what happens tonight. I've got some earplugs but don't really like using them although I think I'll have to.

I've always - pre- and during parenthood - taken the view that children are an inevitable consequence if being human. Humans wishing to live and otherwise congregate with each other is another.

Before having a child, the sound of a baby or child screaming would cut right through me. Often, I had to fight the urge to think (or even ssay) "shut that kid up."

After becoming a parent, I think the same thing. But now, I have the pressure of also thinking "this is really loud right next to my ears", "I can barely think what to do", why are you crying - what can I do to help?". My priorities have shifted away from considering my neighbours as top priority, to the rather helpless and upset human in my arms.

I empathise with the disturbed sleep of the OP - when I live in flats and attached houses my neighbours caused enough of it. I also urge the OP seeks to empathise with the parents who, when presented with a screaming child who just won't stop yelling its head off, will themselves try any *technique* to minimise the crying right now and in the future.

Having a 3 month old I totally agree that sometimes there is nothing that can be done to make them stop crying, and evenig if holding them does you still have to try putting them down to see if they will go to sleep, otherwise you're stuck in a vicious circle!

However, we do always try to apologise to neighbours if it's been a bad night, or day for that matter!

BUT, I would expect our neighbours to say something if we were disturbing them, otherwise it's hard to know what level of sound will get through the walls, I guess I should be trawling internet forums trying to see if they're whining online about us! Grow some and go speak to them, otherwise they may not know they're affecting you as badly as you suggest. 🙄

op have you tried a mustache 🙄