[Closed] Saved from my own stupid joke

'Why the hell don't I ever learn just to keep my stupid attempts at humour to myself?'.

A mantra I live my life ignoring.

Yesterday I found myself in the middle of the office, in the middle of a riff about new words having to be wrestled from giant squid, and just thought "wtf am I even saying? How did I end up here? How do I get out?"

[i]and just thought[/i]

"Why am I here, alone, on a bank holiday?"

'Why the hell don't I ever learn just to keep my stupid attempts at humour to myself?'.

I have been wondering. Was about to start dropping hints.

😈

Why not share the joke, I could do with a laff.

I do that a lot.

I say something I think is funny, then remember I'm not down the pub with my friends who share my inappropriate humour

(like when a colleague ate a chocolate éclair in one go, and I asked him if it reminded him of prison)

Sarcasm too...only certain people think I have a sense of humour in the office, the rest think I'm an arse.

"wtf am I even saying? How did I end up here? How do I get out?"

😆

if my currency had just depreciated substantially.

I cant tell you how much I hate that phrase 👿

I think one of our directors needs to take note.

Motivational phrase last week was that we have a good arsenal and are kicking down doors 😮

We're a small time IT consultancy not the drug squad, no wonder sales are poor if armed assault is the technique of the day.

I cant tell you how much I hate that phrase

Why? Are you aware the word has two meanings?

I cant tell you how much I hate that phrase

I'm sure you could if you really applied yourself.

Sarcasm too...only certain people think I have a sense of humour in the office, the rest think I'm an arse.

Welcome to my world 😀

Had this a while back...but was chatting with prospective clients about putting a timber floor in their bathroom - a job I was not massively enthusiastic about to be honest. But they were nice people - seemed pretty cool and relaxed and because they seemed that way, I'd have happily gone through the pain of arranging what they'd wanted done. The lady of the house was rather cute too. 😀

After I'd been there for a while, they asked me to just go back over the sequence of what would need to be done so I started saying "Well, we'd take the bathroom out on Monday, put the floor down on Tuesday..." At this point that bloody Craig David song "Seven Days" (I think that was the name of it anyway.) came into my head as what I'd been saying kinda went with the rhythm of the song. So my conversation went "We'll take the bathroom out on Monday, put the floor down on Tuesday, WE'LL BE MAKING LOVE BY WEDNESDAY..." For ****'s sake!! What was I ****ing thinking?? 😆 😡 😮 😳 😐

I looked up expecting them to be at least giggling. They JUST DIDN"T GET IT!!! Just looking at me with "What the **** did he just say?" written all over their faces. I could feel the blood rising in my neck, as my face obviously got redder and redder and I'm wondering "How do I possibly rescue this? Do I mention the song?" So I just blundered on and got the hell out of Dodge as quickly as I could.

I didn't get that job funnily enough. 😀

^^ Feel for you, that's the kind of thing I would have done

I've had a few problems myself, trying to be tactful in your 2nd language (or just plain not understanding the gravity of the situation) often doesn't go to plan...

I plan to send something and then I think on it for a bit and decide it's better not to. Then I do it anyway - hence a totally pointless post such as this.

Genuine LoL @DD - sounds like something from Anchor Man!

In work I just keep my mouth shut, so many people take offence and my boss has decided my face doesn't fit.

Pigface - Member

.. and my boss has decided my face doesn't fit.

Are you a dairy farmer?

I'm glad it's not just me that has this affliction. It's almost like a form of Tourette's, there's a bit of my brain that's wired directly to my mouth with no firewall.

In a meeting at work the other week, we were discussing our small holding area between the back doors and the front doors and I suggested, "oh you mean the perineum?"

Brilliant DD! 😆

We had a contractor in at work fitting new air con units. He was explaining to the facilities manager that he couldn't get access around the back just as I was walking by.

I mindlessly chipped in "yeah, I have the same problem with the wife".

deadlydarcy - Member

"Well, we'd take the bathroom out on Monday, put the floor down on Tuesday..." At this point that bloody Craig David song "Seven Days" (I think that was the name of it anyway.) came into my head as what I'd been saying kinda went with the rhythm of the song. So my conversation went "We'll take the bathroom out on Monday, put the floor down on Tuesday, WE'LL BE MAKING LOVE BY WEDNESDAY..."

Pro tip- it's much safer to go with "chill on sunday".

allan23 - Member

Motivational phrase last week was that we have a good arsenal and are kicking down doors

We're a small time IT consultancy not the drug squad, no wonder sales are poor if armed assault is the technique of the day.

Hah. You've got a less dirty mind than me apparently, armed assault is a good outcome there.

Lost me there Panther 😆

Lost me there Panther

If you were a Pig Farmer , your face would fit just fine innit?

Now you are taking the mickey about my ugliness 🙁 that is a very hurtful and cruel thing to do.

I want you to think hard about teasing those who are less attractive than the norm.

Shame on you 😉

A few weeks ago we had a new shiny whiteboard installed in the work shop. Before we all we all went home i decided the white board looked too white so i drew a large (3foot) willy with wings and a galaxy scene. The willy was in the process of "crashing the custard bus" and I wrote the slogan "Shoot for the stars"
All fun and games till i found out my workshop manager, site manager and regional manager had all decided to go and have a look at the new whiteboard.
Luckily they saw the funny side

Oooft! I've been pwned by Pigface 😳

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like the man said.... 😉

'Why the hell don't I ever learn just to keep my stupid attempts at humour to myself?'.

I saw a patient a few years with a benign lump on her finger...

I reassured her strongly.

"But surely you can give it a name?" she said.

Apparently "Ok, how about Eric?" was not what she was expecting...

took some emollient wordstoget out of that one 😳