[Closed] Roll up roll up..crowdfund DrP's court case...

You should’ve done crowdfunding ages ago - 6 days after completion she would’ve been stolen

Jarndyce and Jarndyce here you come!

Stop making any mortgage payments until she starts behaving reasonably.

Wow! Sorry to hear this. It must be mega-frustrating...

My sister-in-law's brother is going through a similar thing at the moment. His ex-wife is trying to wring as much as she can out of him, trying to turn their kids against him & get them to spy on him for her.

The only chink of light in all of this that perhaps will apply to you(?) is that so far the process seems to be working in his favour & shown that what he has offered/given her is more than reasonable & it looks like she's going to get less than she would have done if she'd kept it out of the courts.

Best of luck with whichever way it pans out....

I'd take the view that every penny that you spend on lawyers is a penny you could have spent on your kids.

I'd make damn sure that I was fighting for the right reasons and not to satisfy my own pride.

Take a step back and look at it as objectively as you can before you commit to buying a solicitor a new Mercedes.

make her a sensible offer to settle now, otherwise she will also be £50-70k in costs on her sides as well.
so £140k out of the pot combined after house sold and fee's settled etc...

make her a sensible offer to settle now, otherwise she will also be £50-70k in costs on her sides as well.
so £140k out of the pot combined after house sold and fee’s settled etc…

Can you not have a half sensible conversation with her about this?   Realistically, this amount of money could go a long way to supporting the kids that both of you support.   If she's going to spend that, suggest creating a fund for each of them to put the money in, and agree to move on*.  Surely doing that is far better than them growing up with two parents struggling to pay off debt caused by that is ultimately silly argument.

*I appreciate thats much more difficult than I can imagine

Can you not take some tips from the memoirs of that other great doctor? Doctor Shipman

Can you not have a half sensible conversation with her about this?

Rational conversation with emotionally charged people in the middle of a very emotionally charged situation?

The divorce courts are full of utterly irrational people arguing over utter nonsense, one judge was asked to rule on which M4 junction to meet at to hand over kids...

https://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/uk/judge-asked-for-m4-direction-urges-separated-parents-not-to-waste-his-time-39579744.html

Sorry to read this and you have my sympathy. Are you sure there isn't someone advising your ex to do this, like someone with an interest in the case.

Not wanting to spook you, if it's out of character there may be a third party egging her on.

I'd concur with Perchy and suggest you gently explain to your ex that there'll be less money available anyway, if half of it is in the solicitors' bank account.

If not, could we crowdfund you a new patio for less?

Should she be paying half towards the flat?

Did some famous English author not write a book about how only lawyers win in fighting for what you think is right.  Sometimes I wonder if frozen sausages at dawn isn't a better option

Unless you are called Dawn of course

My sympathies are with you DrP.  As smart as the world gets we are still people in the end and that is impossible

And lols at mccruisekeen

Give her the kids, join Medicine Sans Frontiers and disappear. Get yourself posted somewhere proper dodgey, like an Ebola hit country where people will be too scared to come and find you. Send out as much of your money to a random country via western union in 500 amounts each day, pick up money at random country near to the one where you are working and sneak across the border with all your cash. Hide it under the bed at the MSF camp until you can set up a dodgy international bank account.

Give her the kids, join Medicine Sans Frontiers and disappear

Actually, given the folks I know at msf, I'm not sure that's the best option

Edit: having read your edited post, I'm liking your style. Do I know you 🙂

Of course it isn't but it's always good for the morale to know that you could just throw the towel in and do a runner.

Edit: having read your edited post, I’m liking your style. Do I know you

I am 100 percent not on any interpol red notices. Honest guv.

So you pay your living costs, and half of hers, while you split the parenting roles 50/50?
And she still wants more?

Is she claiming loss of career due to childbirth?

Agree with the poster above that suggests pointing out to her that giving a combined six figures to lawyers is money that could have gone to the kids.

Also is there a parallel mumsnet thread where she gives a completely different version of the same story?

I am 100 percent not on any interpol red notices. Honest guv.

Puts oakleymuppet into sanctions list checker just in case...

Move back into the house with the kids.

I’m only at the beginning of this, so far I’ve asked why she has to ask the lawyers stupid questions for me to answer when she could just ask me as it’s costing money, answer was ‘I don’t care how much it costs‘
I also said there’s no point arguing too much over little things as it will cost more in lawyers than they are worth, answer was ‘well don’t you argue then’

So I feel for you DR P and can only imagine how much worse it’s going to get

Strange how they always follow the sames script, trying to get a much from the male as possible, while only wanting the kids part time, seen it so many times, so many broken relationships, out there, some that should never have been started.

So you pay your living costs, and half of hers, while you split the parenting roles 50/50?
And she still wants more?

Welcome to my ex!!!

It makes me laugh..she posts all these inspirational instagram things of "be a strong, independant woman" etc etc, yet in secret is happy to continue sponging off me..
Trouble is, I'm still responsible for half the mortgage.. Annoyingly, exactly 100% of all my single female friends in similar situations accepted that they should pay the mortgage themselves... but not her..sigh!

Also, It feels like we're midway thorough solicitor led negotiations, and all of a sudden she gets knickers in a twist and says "i'm applying to court"...

Madness...

DrP

I went through a fairly amicable divorce and we didn't have kids....it was still a total frigging nightmare. Some of the shite that she wrote on the form where you're citing reasons etc was hilarious!

all my single female friends

Oh yes? 😉

all my single female friends...and my partner..all took on the mortgage.. 😉

DrP

Also my sage advice.....get a puppy, get Tinder....fill your boots 😎

A mate is just starting down this road. His missus went from the love of his life to... well, I'd better keep it to myself. Needless to say I feel for anyone in this situation.

Always the problem in divorce is a lot of peoples knowledge of it only comes from Sex in the City.

Luckilly my ex was sensible and ignored them and we are still friends! But if she had listened to the crazy advice we certainly would not be!

Sorry to hear about your situation but how the hell can divorce court costs reach that amount? I am truly staggered by that.

Is she aware of the potential costs?

There have been times when I do wonder if we would still be together if we could have afforded a divorce.

I've heard of this so many times. Mate of mine has the kids 50% of the time but still has to pay huge sums to her, even though she earns more money than him. Its nuts.

Divorce costs £550.
Genuinely.

Dealing with a greedy lying so and so costs £50k.

DrP

We were going through an amicable DIY divorce, we were just about to complete on a house for her when she went to a solicitor - plug was pulled on the house and we ended up in court.
During the process we were due to go into mediation but again the solicitor stopped that.
Eventually she wanted 100% because "I can't walk therefore I can't work".......but the day before the court case she failed to notice me following her around the town with a camera 🙂
She was carried into court but after a few minutes the judge suggested she went outside and reviewed her demands - we settled 50/50.

By my reckoning it cost her around 50k by the end of the process. I think people often overlook the final cost as the solicitor will sell them the idea they are going to be very well off.

Actually, given the folks I know at msf, I’m not sure that’s the best option

Hmm, I know an ex-MSF now nurse who is definitely the type to do that (minus ditching the kid).

Sorry to hear your ex is a ****ing loon.

I'd like to offer some wisdom but all I can suggest is my mates a pig farmer

Wounded male ego is strong in this thread. Can't we have this chat without the woman-hating (cos they're all the same etc.) and the oh-so-hilarious suggestions that DrP kill the mother of his children.

Strange how they always follow the sames script, trying to get a much from the male as possible, while only wanting the kids part time, seen it so many times

'They' as in women, in general? Cos I have an experience of quite the opposite happening.

And yeah given the number of women murdered by their partners (and it is usually women), it's not really that funny to joke about is it.

Hmm, I know an ex-MSF now nurse who is definitely the type to do that (minus ditching the kid).

Same, it's great isn't it - it's like the medical worlds equivalent of the Foreign Legion.

And yeah given the number of women murdered by their partners (and it is usually women), it’s not really that funny to joke about is it.

There is that - but then again those blokes probably aren't the types who can have a joke about it on a forum to blow off steam. As I said, as long as you can make light of the situation and keep in mind that there's always a way out that doesn't involve suicide or murdering your ex, then you'll be fine.

Sounds like her solicitor's put the idea into her head that "if you pay me X to take this case to court, I'll make sure you get Y."

Only the solicitors win in these situations. File alongside politicians, dentists and used car salesmen.

File alongside politicians, dentists and used car salesmen

Off topic, but what's wrong with dentists to be included in that lot??! (I'm not a dentist by the way, just seems a very random profession to dislike!)

A friend of mine went through the courts to divvy up their assets in a way that pleased everyboby/nobody.
By the time the legal vultures had set one side against the other and it had dragged on and on, the solicitors fees ensured that there were no assets left.
Ironic really...

If we all put a quid in we can pay for your solicitor to send one email. I've just had to pay three sets of legal fees to buy my freehold. One of them really took the piss at £17 for each 6 minute task, plus vat of course! The party with the most minimal interest ended up costing me the most.

Good luck, I hope it works out better than anticipated.

Why is it always the other party on these types of threads that's a complete nutter ? Its never the OP that's the nutter ?

Just saying...

I feel for you, wonder what the other half of the broken relationship is thinking ?

Oh I'm a nutter... no doubt.
But an honest one.... that's the key!!

DrP

Soon to be a poor one.

I’d rather be pragmatic and comparatively wealthy

I feel for you, wonder what the other half of the broken relationship is thinking ?

Also, one of the reasons I want to sit down with her and talk it through is that SOOOO much is lost via bloody the me-solicitor-solicitor-her channel.

She thinks I don't want to go to mediation. her solicitor says "he's refused mediation".
I'm in the ruddy process of trying to arrange it!!!! I can't be more clear that actually looking for a time and date for mediation!! But can I get this through...!

DrP

Does she know that you post on STW?

I’d bet she’s following this thread.

Is there no relative that can pass messages to her if she will not speak to you?

If her solicitor is twisting the message about mediation it might be worth getting in touch and suggesting "gently" that either they pass the correct message along without distorting the facts to ensure they maximise their earnings or you will refer them to the Law Society and then contact the Law Society regarding them anyway.

If they're twisting that message, then what else are they messing up.

have you asked this question on Mumsnet??

I thought this was all done & dusted, I'm so sorry to hear you're having these troubles.

I split and divorced around the same time as you, yet myself and my ex have both owned our own homes for well over 12 months now. I guess I was lucky in just paying a few grand in solicitors fees, but neither of us wanted it dragging out, it only makes it worse for everyone involved, especially the children.

Good luck, lets hope her solicitor makes her see sense very very soon.