[Closed] Really useful instructions

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You can guarantee that little bit of text reduces calls to the helpdesk by 50%...

Insert Tab A in to Slot B.

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On our back door at work there's a sign that says "if you are going outside, take your key fob."

It's an external door. Where else is anyone likely to be going? Narnia?

My new underpants have a label inside saying in large red letters KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE. Whew, that was a narrow escape.

Always like this one, is there another way to pour?

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I know what it actually means but even so... 😀

Software online help where the help for the field with the xxx label next to it says this and only this:

'This is for entering the value for xxx'

EDIT: After writing this, I realise it isn't really related to the Topic, but screw it, I'm posting it. 😉

Most of my calls for "IT problems" are:

User: "I can't log in, it says I've entered the wrong password, but I haven't"
Me: "Change the username to your username, someone else used that machine since."
User: "I have done that and it still says it's the wrong password"
I look at the workstation login screen"
Me "You haven't changed the username! Whats your username?
User: *username*
Me "What does it say next to username"
User: "ummm, someone else that isn't my username"

I wouldn't mind if it was only once per user I got this... I had this with the same person 4 times in one week! I really do wonder what they think username means when they haven't entered it. It has happened a few times after that too.

If you think that's bad, I was on a phone call and said "Now press Enter". He was on the other end of the phone saying "E....N....T....E....R", cue me going red and shouting "I said PRESS enter, not type Enter", he was then on the other end of phone trying to convince me his keyboard doesn't have an enter key. He had the same keyboard as me, as I was the one that installed it, it clearly says Enter.

I know its an IT crowd moment saying "Restart the computer", but the amount of times I ask people to restart the computer and then come back and they say they have, I check and they haven't then restart and it is fixed. What do people think restarting it is, taking a break from the computer for 5 minutes?

Angry IT person, Yes, when I have to deal with complete numbnuts! 😆 This is why I generally try to not deal with ab.users.

My new underpants have a label inside saying in large red letters KEEP AWAY FROM FIRE. Whew, that was a narrow escape.

In all fairness, you could hang them up next to a fire to dry after washing. But don't, okay?

From Sainsburys.

BONELESS COD FILLETS
Contains fish.
May contain bones.

Me "You haven't changed the username! Whats your username?
User: *username*

TBH, you're ahead of the curve if they knew the answer to that question.

I know its an IT crowd moment saying "Restart the computer"

More than once I've had people switch their monitor off and back on again. Then when patiently explained about the big box next to it, "oh, you mean the hard drive?"

Angry IT person, Yes, when I have to deal with complete numbnuts!

You know, I do get that some people aren't technically minded and that's fine. But some folk are almost wilfully stupid.

I once asked someone to read out to me a line of text on screen. Got back, "oh I don't know, I don't understand any of this computer shit!" Point the first, thanks for describing most of my entire working career as "shit;" point the second, you don't have to understand anything, I'll do that bit, you just have to read it. It's a sentence. How is this a challenge exactly?

Then when patiently explained about the big box next to it, "oh, you mean the hard drive?"

Yeah, I've heard people refer to them as hard drives. Only about 30 years behind the times...

Got back, "oh I don't know, I don't understand any of this computer shit!"

What annoys me is that people seem almost proud of their complete lack of knowledge. No attempt to learn, to grow their skills. Just abject refusal to help themselves.

crazy-legs - Member

[i]Got back, "oh I don't know, I don't understand any of this computer shit!" [/i]

What annoys me is that people seem almost proud of their complete lack of knowledge. No attempt to learn, to grow their skills. Just abject refusal to help themselves.

That + 1000 Oh look I'm really stupid as I won't learn anything new. I will just act dumb and ask others.
Well guess what numb nuts you can just stew in your own stupidity my sorting out your own failures just stopped now (my boss included 😀 )

But on the other side of IT "support".

SAP would not open, same error message in complete tech speak. Email in house "helpdsk", this is after a restart, with a screenshot of the error message. Reply, "is it just your computer or are they all like it?" "Can't you just use another computer that works?"

No I can't, this is my computer at my desk, so can you look in to the fault please?

"No, you'll have to contact SAP online help, because we don't know anything about SAP" "TICKET CLOSED"

No it's not, it's because you haven't learned the skills required to do your job.

"Fermée, gesperrte, closed" the sign at the start of a piste with 40cmm of fresh powder.

Some pearls from my team leader...

'Since we've moved desks, (across a room, but kept the same PCs) MS excel is running much slower'

'Oh, well, different calculators sometimes give different answers, even if you put the same numbers in'

'Sometimes, emails just disappear!'

Anyway, back to the OP...