[Closed] Razzle in my pocket

Never stole any no but I’m off the Hedge Porn generation.

I bought a jazz mag once - psyched myself up to go in the little corner shop. Grabbed the mag from the shelf (Penthouse, I think), grabbed another mag, to hide it behind (as you do, er, did). Turned around - in this shop the magazine rack and the counter were directly opposite each other.. and stood behind the counter was a girl I fancied who lived in the same road as me Ah man, there was no going back. Face red hot, dumped mags on the counter, paid, scarpered. Gave up on ever asking her out anyway. Ah the joys of being 42. ( I was 17 really 😀 )

I was once returning home on my white Amaco "racer" when I spotted that distinctive fleshy hue in the middle of the road. I pedalled over and there for my taking was a brand new copy of Escort. On the cover - the girls of Southampton; stripping off at bus stops at 5am. It was up my jumper before you could say "toss".

Was it jettisoned from a car? Quite a mystery but I made good use of it.

My first purchase was from a tobacconist at Knaresborough Bus Station. I couldn't reach the shelf so I told the lady that I was buying it for my dad who was at home ill and she got it down for me.

A few years later I got a train to Leeds specifically to go to a shop where they sold harder stuff (still all black starred out naughty bits though). Unfortunately I spent all my money on the train so I couldn't afford it so I nicked it and ran out of the shop and it went flying out of my jacket as I ran. I did manage to get it back though 🙂

Anyone remember white dog shit?

Anyone remember white dog shit?

Not me, I stayed with the mainstream publications.

I worked in an experimental recycling project in about 1980. Our work involved sorting domestic refuse, dustbin rubbish. We learned that any bundles of magazines double wrapped in plastic bags and then taped shut, were bound to be porn. What a lot we found! Everything from Mayfair to very unleasant specialist stuff which I couldn't face.

Like Drac I'm old enough to remember grumble mags being recycled in hedgerows.

I did once purchase a games mag which contained an interesting and unexpected bonus supplement, one which I genuinely did not add myself. Presumably some other reprobate had been having a sly browse in the newsagent before I took my pocket money in for the monthly copy of Your Spectrum.

https://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/today-i-found-some-retro-hedge-grumble/

😀

A mate of mine had the most comprehensive collection of magazines I'd ever seen. Some mainstream stuff and some from the US and Scandinavia. It was about 1990 and I'd just purchased a desktop publishing system for my technical publications department. This gave me access to an A4 scanner. So...I scanned in the Greater Manchester Police badge to make a convincing letterhead and composed a letter. Something to the effect that GMP are aware of porn circulating around building sites in the Salford area (mate is a joiner) and that a task force was being put together. I sent the letter.
He went out at four in the morning and burnt his entire collection!

I didn't tell him for about fifteen years and even then he was absolutely fuming.

I think buying a lady friend a copy of Playgirl* might have been a misplaced act of equality back in my youth.

* not quite sure of the name but it had lots of pictures of men with big dicks

Did any of you have a wee compartment under your bed to stash a good copy of maybe a Fiesta with readers wifes. My mum never ever found it or was maybe scared to look

A friend of mine had the task of clearing out his dad's collection of gay porn after his dad sadly passed away, all bagged up along with some toys, took them up to the recycling centre and one of the bags split just has he launched it into the skip, leaving him with an empty carrier bag in his hand, whilst strewn all around his feet were numerous gay porn mags fluttering in the wind...

I worked in my local fishing tackle shop and one of the regulars worked at a recycling centre. He brought in stacks of jazz mags. I ended up taking the lot home and then flogging them all at school. I made quite a bit of cash.
Later that year we had an assembly about why we should stay on for 6th form and the head of 6th said about suggestions they'd had to make 6th form better...one of them was a porn library, at which point half our year turned around and looked at me.

My mum never ever found it or was maybe scared to look

I thought I'd done a good job of hiding my (very small) collection of mags, only to be told by my mum about 10-15 years later that perhaps I'd hadn't been as clever as I'd thought 🙂

My best mate at school had access to innumerable Colour Climax grumble mags and we made good coin selling them to the lower years and then “confiscating” them a week or so later.

My brother found a bag full of hardcore stuff. After a few days he decided to burn it as he wasn't getting any work done..

He built a bonfire in the garden and started to burn it. Unfortunately he lived in the grounds of a National Trust property, next to the coach park. Chunks of the magazines would detach and get caught in the updraft, scattering themselves (with closeups) across the estate. I think some recently arrived grannies got quite an eyeful.

A mate had a thriving business passing on stray copies of gentleman's magazines he obtained as a paperboy - think he took from the returns pile.

Thought my collection was well hidden but mum found it and ordered to have a conversation with me about it.

Dad: Mum found your magazines. I'm very disappointed in you

Me: Sorry

Dad: You should have told me where to find them

Probably not the telling off mum was hoping for.

i remember finding a copy of Electric Blue in a hedge once when i was quite young, 10 or 11 maybe, which was 30 years ago...

Ive always known about hedgegrow porn as a thing - but what the hell was it really all about?? why did folk chuck their grub mags in the bushes??

It came as quite a shock to me when I discovered that real ladies didn't have massive staples in them.

Anyone remember white dog shit?

Not me, I stayed with the mainstream publications.

You owe me a new keyboard.

One thing I remember about Razzle (also being of the hedgerow grumble generation) was the precision that went into the Razzlestack arrangement that often featured. Never mind the lung capacity of the lady on the bottom of the pile, the photographer was an absolute perfectionist. That's the thing with modern pron, no precision, no spirit levels, no metre rulers.

Not me, I stayed with the mainstream publications.

LOVL!

In about '95 several people squatted in our student accommodation whilst we were away over the summer holidays. The landlord and his sons chased them off but they left behind the proceeds from a porn shop they had robbed. Literally hundreds of BDSM mags, very tame by Pornhub standards, just grainy posed pictures of men in track suits using slippers on bums, quite eye opening. It took the Police two cars to cart them all away.

It came as quite a shock to me when I discovered that real ladies didn’t have massive staples in them.

I've seen a couple of videos that would suggest otherwise

Anyone else helped them self

continuous helping yourself can make it worse

It still happens, there still is hedge porn. Just not in magazine form. We found this out on our lockdown walk last week

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why did folk chuck their grub mags in the bushes??

Because porn is harder to dispose of than spent fuel rods from a Magnox reactor.

Because porn is harder to dispose of than spent fuel rods from a Magnox reactor.

I can’t say I’m surprised they chose you to conduct that study 🙂

That's actually the complete pilot training for the Boeing 737 max.

@cynic-al - we still get it! I think it was down to the bone meal content of dog food of that era.
We feed our dogs raw food. It's basically minced up meat, carcass and bone.
One advantage of this is that the product is solid and easy to scoop!

That’s actually the complete pilot training for the Boeing 737 max.

It's actually "Dorcel Airlines - Flight DP69"...I'll let you google it.

we still get it! I think it was down to the bone meal content of dog food..

don't recognise a sarky "not another nostalgia thread" remark when you see one, eh?

When I started working for the local council in the parks & Landscape department back in 89 we used to always find the stuff in the hedges/bushes.

Anyone else helped them self

A-ha. A euphemism for exactly what top shelf literature was intended for.

Anyone remember white dog shit?

Not me, I stayed with the mainstream publications.

Deserves recognition.

:applause:

It’s actually “Dorcel Airlines – Flight DP69″…I’ll let you google it.

Is it safe for work?

I'm in my home office if that makes any difference.

I did once purchase a games mag which contained an interesting and unexpected bonus supplement, one which I genuinely did not add myself. Presumably some other reprobate had been having a sly browse in the newsagent before I took my pocket money in for the monthly copy of Your Spectrum.

I admit I used to take delight in rearranging the "supplements" in John Menzies as a youth.

Did any of you have a wee compartment under your bed to stash a good copy

Mine was in a genius spot in the airing cupboard (in my room) under the bottom of it (it was one of those ones that hung over the stairs and started around waist height in the room). Genius until a pipe sprung a leak and my dad found it that was. Tbf he never really cared.

BillOddie showing a lot of knowledge about this topic...

I can't see that text on the image.

Anyone care to remember Bizarre mag & those pesky bdsm sexual midgets

Tatts, prince alberts etc

Totally awe inspiring mag as a teenager

Anyone remember Lynn Armitage the cyclist pornstar ? my mate used to babysit for her !

Some of the posts on this page are priceless!

I’ve not laughed so much in ages!

Great thread....hilarious. I'm just listening to Mr Drury at the moment.

When at uni about 20 years ago I was in the local newsagent when another of the customers decided he'd plucked up enough courage to make his selection from the top shelf. He tried to make a quick grab for his chosen mag to hide behind the more regular title he already had in his hand. However he was almost too quick and due to the way the magazines were layered the one next to it fell open on the floor. Embarrassing enough but this created a domino effect and literally the whole content of the top shelf fell to his feet, one after the other, probably taking a total of 10 seconds whilst everyone in there just turned and watched. Drawing much more attention than he was hoping for I imagine.
I'm not sure how this was all tidied up, I paid for mars bar and left, looking forward to regaling my housemates with the story when I returned home.

The village i used to live in collected papers and magazines for recycling, they were stored in the old blacksmiths workshops, once every 3 or 4 months one of the big recycling plants would send a truck and container for us to load up, it would take 5-6 of us 3 hours to load up. the driver always left behind a very good collection of Europe's finest jazz mags, the next morning whilst on my paper round I would collect them up and sell them at school

At school (to get out of Religious Assembly) me and my mates were responsible for sorting out all the newspapers and magazines donated to us to sell on for recycling. There was tonnes of it collected each term, with regular finds of grumble. Whoever was donating it knew it was going to our school so I reckon they were doing it as an educational service (which it was!)

I think some recently arrived grannies got quite an eyeful.

🙂

Last hedge porn I "came across" was in 2012. There's a picture on my Flickr but it's a bit too Readers wives to post here.....and it contains a 29" wheel to make it worse

and it contains a 29″ wheel to make it worse

Pervert

Anyone remember contact mags? There were usually a couple of those in my regular rural hedgerow repository. At the time as a, youth, i fancied responding to the various broadminded ladies seeking no strings adventurous times. I never did pluck up the courage, and I was never quite sure how the PO box reply system worked. Probably just as well, as i might have got into a whole lot of bother.

I guess the advent of internet dating sites and Tinder have pretty much made contact mags obsolete.

I think some recently arrived grannies got quite an eyeful.

I missed that.

Is it part of the narrative of a post or is it from the 'plot' of one of the more niche films....

I fondly remember those days. As a youngster being titillated by a quick leaf through your mum's Littlewoods or Grattan catalogue, where occasionally in the right light you could glimpse a darker shadow of that never glimpsed by a ten year old pubic triangle under the fabric. To finding a copy of one of the art pamphlets of the time where there was actual naked bush, but tasteful, mind. And then being shocked by your first find of proper grumble, of the 'are you going to put sauce on this kebab' variety. I had no idea it looked like THAT* under the 70's undergrowth!

There's no build up any more as far as I can tell, just straight in to the deep end.

* Typing that has just made me remember one for the 'long lost threads' thread. Who remembers Flapjackie?

Anyone remember contact mags? There were usually a couple of those in my regular rural hedgerow repository. At the time as a, youth, i fancied responding to the various broadminded ladies seeking no strings adventurous times.

The modern equivalent exists on the interweb however it is now much easier to recognise that there really aren't that many 'broadminded ladies seeking no strings adventurous times', just men pretending to be broadminded ladies seeking no strings adventurous times or ladies that want your money. Nothing has changed.

I found my dad's stash when I was a teenager and used to liberate the odd magazine or three and keep them under my mattress.

My most embarrassing moment was one evening when he just popped his head round my bedroom door and said "I don't mind you borrowing the mags lad, but put them back when you're done will ya!". I was convinced he hadn't noticed I was taking them - and going down for tea 15 minutes later was excruciating. 🙂

Razzle in my pocket - What a brilliant track that is. Dury at his best, or one of his bests.

My Mayfair that I borrowed all these years ago was a much classier mag than Razzle, one page in with razzle and the bra and pants were off, at least Mayfair there was a bit of foreplay a few pages to read before nakedness

a few pages to read

What were you reading that had pics, Sandy's Fantasies were Club weren't they? (Though from memory they may well have featured in Mayfair as well).

So - did anyone ever spot someone they knew in Readers' Wives? I once spotted the PA of an old boss in a copy which was a bit of a bonus as she was very cute.

I once received a collection of pron mags as a birthday present from my best mates sister. It was appreciated much more than some of my other presents (underwear & Lynx gift sets)

Not spotted people I knew in mags, but worked with a lass who did a solo video in the late 90s (apparently she held a premier at home for her mates so it wouldn't come as a surprise if they saw it!) and I've ridden with a clubmate who was quite open that she worked in the adult industry, although I have never tried to find any of her work. Lovely girl to chat to but apparently not my scene.....

@teesoo - how very progressive. Did she "help you use them?"

I found my dad’s stash when I was a teenager and used to liberate the odd magazine or three and keep them under my mattress.

My older brother had quite a collection, but then one day I managed to rip one of the pages so had a dilemma - extract the page (not the centrefold so a bit more work) and hope he didn't notice, put it back ripped or confess. I went for the extraction (just pix on those pages so no loss of continuity in the stories) but then had to dispose of it so decided to flush the ripped pages down the bog. You have no idea how much work it is to flush a load of scrunched up shiny paper, that stuff will not sink! I don't think he ever realised though, or if he did he never mentioned it.

My older brother had quite a collection, but then one day I managed to rip one of the pages so had a dilemma – extract the page (not the centrefold so a bit more work) and hope he didn’t notice, put it back ripped or confess. I went for the extraction (just pix on those pages so no loss of continuity in the stories) but then had to dispose of it so decided to flush the ripped pages down the bog. You have no idea how much work it is to flush a load of scrunched up shiny paper, that stuff will not sink! I don’t think he ever realised though, or if he did he never mentioned it.

YOUR OLDER BROTHER??????????? Fair game, take them, let him know, no need to hide.

I once took an entire role of negative film (we had a darkroom at home when we were kids) of pictures of my older brother's girlfriend. Then told him over tea (in front of our parents) that 'I'd found some exposed film when looking for a new roll' and the look on his face was priceless. It was never spoken about again, after all what could he do? Tell mum that I'd stolen the nudey pictures he'd taken of his girlfriend.

It was never spoken about again, after all what could he do? Tell mum that I’d stolen the nudey pictures he’d taken of his girlfriend.

Jesus, where did you grow up? Sicily?😂

Jazzmags were a potent currency I seem to recall. You could get a significant amount of goods and and gadgets for the Scandi stuff. I once traded a copy of Private for a model Volvo artic' c/w Maersk containers!

Probably about 1990 I worked in a large office building with a great group of lads.

One day one of them - let's call him Andy - came back from a trip to the gents and announced he had found a jazz mag in Trap 2 but had left it there.

One of the others popped out a few minutes later, recovered said item, and secreted it about two thirds of the way down the pike of litigation case files in Andy's in tray.

Took about three days before Andy was sorting through his in tray with our line manager trying to find a file when he uncovered the magazine. In front of the boss.

I think his horrified reaction and desperate denials of knowledge, combined with the rest of us wetting ourselves with laughter, convinced the boss that it was a set up and not a disciplinary matter.

We have clearly all grown up...no-one has asked RocketDog for his Flickr address!

@derek_starship

Unfortunately no. She just presented me with them and said "Happy Birthday, I thought you might find these...handy"

Awesome thread, there's just no sporting endeavour in internet porn. 90s was clerly a golden age.

Last time I found hedge porn, it was at the top of the barely legal descent in hebden bridge.

In the late 90's a mate I worked with in a large shop told me about a small stash of porn hidden above one of the toilet cubicles in the bog. You had to climb up onto the toilet and push the panel up to get them down. They were obviously put there by our last manager as they had his address written on them in pencil. Obviously delivered by his local shop. He got sacked coincidentally for shagging two female employees on the premises.

Anyway...

Sometimes to relieve a bit of boredom of working as a lowly shop assistant I'd nip up there to "go to the toilet". I was only in my early 20's.

My "mate" rumbled me one day and accompanied by another "mate" they came in the gents with fire extinguishers and started spraying them both under and over the cubicle door whilst shouting out "stop having a w*nk!". I was shouting my innocence and for them to f*** off which they finally did.

What was gauling was that they were perfectly right in their assumption and never tired of reminding me of it.

Still, it was a feral place to work. I was given a load of out of date condoms by another "mate" so I had a great week rolling them onto various door handles around the store or leaving them stretched playfully over the keyboards of the customer service teams Pc's. One of the happiest moments of my working life was seeing a manager I really disliked hurriedly grabbing a door handle to go through to reception without even noticing the pre lubed condom stretched over it.

They were simple but happy days.

Never found hedge porn as a youngster so had to make do with my mum's Kay's Catalogue.

My mates dad had a stash in their loft that we nicked some of
But my mum found my stash & my dad gave me a talking to, explaining how dissapinted my mum was

On a Scout hike we were going on a Patrol camp (no leaders) we found a massive bag in a hedge , carried it back to the campsite . I had an asthma attack later that evening! & my parents had to come & pick me up.

I was gutted to learn the rest of my patrol burnt it all page by page on the campfire

Yup hedgeporn was a thing in my youth too.

Back in my boy racer days we were once parked up in the usual place one weekend morning when two of the more dodgy guys pulled up in their battered old Volvo- "Want some porn lads?" Opened the boot and it was full to the parcel shelf of various jazz mags..

Apparently they had followed the van that had been dropping off the magazine's at newsagents!

Has anyone ever seen someone they know in one?

That’s actually the complete pilot training for the Boeing 737 max.

That nearly got my pad covered in the lemon cake I was eating! Well done! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Apart from sneaking looks at the lingerie section of the various catalogues that used to be around the house, I’d occasionally find copies of ‘Health and Efficiency’ magazine in hedges; it did come as something of a relief when finding some more ‘up to date’ hedge grumble to discover that women weren’t completely smooth and featureless like a Barbie doll ‘down there’!

Has anyone ever seen someone they know in one?

Having studied Classics at Cambridge, I am confident that the correct answer to this is 'Your Mum'.

On a Scout hike we were going on a Patrol camp (no leaders) we found a massive bag in a hedge , carried it back to the campsite . I had an asthma attack later that evening!

Must have been some racy stuff to bring that on!

I don't believe for a minute that porn was burnt.

That reminds me, I've found more than a few old mags around work, usually on top of switchboards or tucked behind panels on top of the unistrut. Probably from bored sparks pulling cables.

So – did anyone ever spot someone they knew in Readers’ Wives?

No but I know a girl who appeared in a Female Faketaxi video.

Hang on...whaddya mean fake? Surely that is true, like a fly-on-the-wall documentary...?

That's just what the video says, it's probably just a legal thing 😉

In the late 80s my first graduate job was working in marketing for one of the big tour operators and I used to have to travel to the printers of the brochures to sign the it off as ready to go to print. At one printers near Peterlee I was there with a colleague, the female designer of the brochure, and the printer's account manager was really keen to show off the new multi-million pound press they had just installed and asked me to follow him when my colleague wasn't around. I was left speechless and open-mouthed when a centrefold of Club International model with her legs fully akimbo was shooting past at the rate of a couple of hundred copies a minute. The account manager then proceeded to give me samples of the various porno mags they printed there which I had to carefully hide from my colleague.