[Closed] Poorest films you've seen?

The Bodyguard - Witney Houston and Kevin Costner.
I walked out of the cinema.

Note to OP - thanks for writing 'film' and not 'movie', we are British and live in Britain 🙂

@binners I use a similar reverse scale with anything Mark Kermode likes. I know for a fact, it's going to be shite.

As for bad films - anything with Tim Robbins in it. I want to get all punchy when his face appears on the screen. There is, however, one exception to this - Shawshank.

The Player got loads of rave reviews (even nominated, I think???) but I had to turn it off.

Boogie Nights is the only film I've ever walked out of at the cinema. Pish.

This

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Dezb don't do it , you'd be better watching clingfilm

Talking of Michael Caine, anyone seen [url= http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0083806/?ref_=nm_flmg_act_39 ]Deathtrap[/url]?

Christopher Reeve attempting to act without a cape. God, it's embarrassing.

Weird how tastes vary. I'd say Highlander, Fight Club, and Zoolander are fine enough films. Classics even, in their particular genres, in my opinion.

Do people [i]really[/i] think they are worse than:

And as for "any film with Nicolas Cage". [url= http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000115/?ref_=tt_ov_st ]Really?[/url]

Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona, The Rock, Con Air, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Kick-Ass, The Croods ?

An ex of mine tried to get me to watch Withnail and I. I lasted about 5 minutes and had to switch it off.

Although I have been known to be wrong. I hated Trainspotting the first time someone tried to make me watch it. Saw it quite recently and loved it.

Amazed nobody has mentioned Pacific Rim.

And as for "any film with Nicolas Cage". Really?

Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona, The Rock, Con Air, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Kick-Ass, The Croods ?

You do list some decent films but any of them good have been made better by casting someone other than Nicholas Cage.

Amazed nobody has mentioned Pacific Rim.

I suspect that (much like the two trailers I just posted) anyone who went to see that movie got pretty much exactly what they were expecting. 😀

And as for "any film with Nicolas Cage". Really?

Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona, The Rock, Con Air, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Kick-Ass, The Croods ?

Not to mention City of Angels.

I'd never trust any human being who professed anything but contempt for any Adam Sandler film

You do list some decent films but any of them good have been made better by casting someone other than Nicholas Cage.

Pfft...

[img] ?1316458594[/img]

besides, look how versatile he is:

[img] [/img]

http://niccageaseveryone.blogspot.co.uk/

That Wolf of Wall Street was pretty dire, very seldom I click away especially with frequent gratuitous sex involved but it went on way too long.

Die hard the last was pretty crap as well.

Nicolas Cage ruined Con Air an otherwise excellent vehicle for good psycho method actors..

Lone Survivor another disappointment.

That Will Smith thing about forgotten earth or some similar title, avoid it.

Anything with Wesley Snipes in it or that horrendous woman who's name I cannot bear to even remember, long pointy face something about wives..

I do watch far too much crap.

I saw Pacific Rim on an aeroplane, and probably missed some of the subtlety of the dialogue and the grandeur of the cinematography as a result.

The audacity of it appealed to me though: in the first 3 minutes, you're told that monsters are erupting out of the Pacific Ocean from another dimension, that this went on for a while until humanity developed massive, punchy robots to fight them, and that this was going pretty sweet until recently. You then have 2 hours of robots punching monsters, culminating in one of the robots jumping into the other dimension and destroying what appears to be a confused alien owl with a nuclear bomb, before somehow parachuting back up into the real world.

Also, I loved The Gray, which is truly, utterly terrible. It was like an interminable, 2 hour strip-tease, which stopped just at the very second that Liam Neeson was about to glass a wolf with a tiny bottle from a minibar.

🙂

that horrendous woman who's name I cannot bear to even remember, long pointy face something about wives

Pondo

"Had the same thing with Anchorman."

I managed to revisit this and almost enjoyed it. First time I'd given up after 15 minutes. I think I had imbibed more the second time.

[i]Wild at Heart, Raising Arizona, The Rock, Con Air, Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Kick-Ass, The Croods ?[/i]

Red Rock West is such a good film, even Cage can't ruin it.

Angela's Ashes. They're all well poor.

The Constant Gardener. I actually tried to fall asleep in the cinema and failed because I was too angry at how crap the film was.

The Happening 91 minutes waiting for something to happen.

The Happening 91 minutes waiting for something to happen.

That sounds bad until you realise it's only half of a Meet Joe Black.

Sharknado.

Stiggy - Member

Amazed nobody has mentioned Pacific Rim.

And so it should remain. It's not high art but it does what it's supposed to, really really well. And some other things quite badly but even I couldn't watch 2 hours of nonstop robots punching aliens.

I could though.

Number 1 in that list is:

Highlander.

You're patently wrong, not merely for the perhaps minor but critical point that Highlander is in fact ace, but because Highlander 2 exists. So even if we give you the benefit of the doubt and agree that Highlander is crap (which it isn't), you're still demonstrably wrong.

I have failed to read every post and still declare myself the winner for not only selecting a very poor film (buckaroo Banzai across the 8th dimension) but also the most obscure.

If only they'd made "Buckaroo Banzai Against the World Crime League" and it turned out to be really bad, both of my previous comments about Highlander would apply here too. (-:

Bring it on, so bad I'd have walked out if it had been an in flight movie.

Bring It On is a bit of a guilty pleasure for me. This may in part be due to the fact that I'd happily spend 90 minutes watching Eliza Dushku eating crisps.

But with logic, so does highlander 3 and a TV series.

Then a again, at 16 I loved highlander 2!

Romy and Michelle's High School.... - Embarassingly bad.

Paranormal Activity 5 - I guess I got what I deserved going to see that one but I was accompanying a hot girl so I should be forgiven.

Well, in the highest, time honoured, traditions of the STW forum. I have failed to read every post and still declare myself the winner for not only selecting a very poor film (buckaroo Banzai across the 8th dimension) but also the most obscure.

That sounds bad until you realise it's only half of a Meet Joe Black.

Admittedly it did have lot of brad Pitt doing character no2 (dazed and confused) of his 3 character repertoire, and there was an audiable collective gasp in the cinema when he took his shirt off (tho tbf I LOLed when he got run over), but that still didn't ruin it.

There Will Be Blood.

Actually you can add any Daniel Day-Lewis film to the list.

Zero dark thirty

Tinker tailor soldier spy - got bored after half hour and switched it off

Any afternoon film on channel 5

The Box has an interesting idea to start with and seems to be going somewhere. Would you press a button in the box for $1,000,000 but a stranger dies? Then is goes bat shit crazy - It involves NASA, the NSA, floating cubes of water, a wedding, kidnap, aliens, Sophie's choice, possible extermination of the human race. And finishes like this -

This was on TV last night - I stayed up and watched it but it was truly awful.

I'd also like to add "Frozen" not the Disney film but a 2010 horror film. Basically take the Open Water plot but put the people on a stuck chairlift overnight. Replace the Sharks with Wolves and voila a rubbish film. The film was that bad that I thought I had dreamt it!

Those nominating Highlander and Highlander II have obviously not had the misfortune of encountering, as I sadly have, the appallingness that is Highlander III.

Knight Moves. Christopher Lambert was in that, and it was rubbish.

Without a Paddle. Shindler's List is funnier!

The Tree of Life - turgid, content-free shite of the very highest order.

Natural Born Killers, I walked out and went to the pub
Harlem Nights, same there as well
There's a number of others but I'd have to look them up and I don't want to be reminded of them

Remake of Clash of the Titans: Terrible terrible film.

[i]two words
Claire
Forlani
[/i]

You are clearly a man of extremely good taste. What a beautiful woman.

Anyway. Rubbish films. The big lebrowski. Pants. Not good in anyway whatsoever.

Red 2 - garbage
I am legend - garbage
Never made it through Pulp Fiction yet either. Either fall asleep or turn it off.
Tokyo Zombie is probably the worst film I've seen though.
Some Z movies have redeeming features but thats just plain crap!

D0NK - Member
that horrendous woman who's name I cannot bear to even remember, long pointy face something about wives
can you give us the quick clue coz I'm getting nowhere with the cryptic.

Who was that dissing the greatest movie of all time back there Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, even made the Benedict Cumbersome look capable of acting.

edit, googled that failure to launch, Sarah Jessica Parker, definitely falls under the heading 'unattractive to men sir'

Drac - Moderator
Actually you can add any Daniel Day-Lewis film to the list.

Not seen Last of the Mohicans then.

Or My Beautiful Launderette, or Unbearable Lightness of Being etc etc etc.

I've just watched Haywire on Film4 - utter shite

[i]I am legend - garbage[/i]

There's been three, which one?

Land of the lost. What the actual **** was all that about.?

The second Hobbit film - far too long and at variance from the book.

Ghost Dog. Poor script and even worse acting.

Terminator 3 was awful.

Drac - Moderator

There Will Be Blood.

Oh hell yes, a film where all the characters were hateful & I really didn't care what happened to any of them.
Stupidly the wife & I stuck with it till the end! We both agreed the evening would have been better spent doing anything else.

Men In White without a doubt.

Freddy Got Fingered but only cos no one will watch it with me 🙁

Cherry 2000, Eraserhead, more recently In Bruges. The first Hobbit film was poor and we're very unlikely to be buying the second.

Boxing Helena rings a bell for poorness, too. The follow up to The Rocky Horror Picture Show was awful.

Truly, Madly, Deeply should get an honourable mention. Tedious chick-flick drivel.

Cletus - Member

The second Hobbit film - far too long and at variance from the book.

"So we're introducing a new character"
"Uh, OK, who?"
"A female elf warrior"
"Hmm. But why?"
"To be the love interest for Legolas"
"wut"

And all that black arrow pish, what the hell? Still, at least something actually happens in it, even if it is all drivel.

Battle Los Angeles - hands down the worst film I've ever watched, oh and Daredevil is piss poor as well.

Mutant Chronicles with Ron Pearlman and John Malkovich.
I suspect they had large tax bill come in unexpectedly to make them appear in that rubbish.
Waste of 2 hours of my life....

Not seen Last of the Mohicans then.

Like I said any Daniel Day-Lewis film including that massive cheesefest. Nice back drop though.

You've got to rate Gangs of New York surely?

I think you could pretty much do a sub-thread with the poorest films you've ever watched starring Michael Caine. Here's 'Bullseye!'

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300 rise of an empire just appalling, dire boring dull rubbish shite.

Thomas and The Magic Railroad.

You've got to rate Gangs of New York surely?

Had potential but failed.

film threads make me so angry but theres no point arguing...

worst film ever is Green Street.

I'd forgotten one: Piglet's Big Movie. So crap that even my (then) 4 year old daughter on her first ever visit to the cinema got bored.

Eat, pray, love.

.....and I actually paid to watch it, all of it 😡

This seems relevant...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/how-many-bad-movies-have-you-seen

(...though again I think [i]some[/i] of those movies are actually okayish, even if they aren't high art)

Cloud Atlas - expected better but spent most of the first hour laughing at the fake noses.

conan the barbarian, the new one - plot, acting, it has neither
scorpion king 2, see above, and not even any decent action
inglorious basturds, tried a few times, failed to find it interesting in any way and never made it past the start

On the Adam Sandler question, while he is undoubtedly a very poor actor, I did enjoy Happy Gilmore. Any film pointing out the ghastliness of golf has some merit, and of course the immortal exchange:
Shooter McGavin: "I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast"
Happy Gilmore: "You eat pieces of shit for breakfast!"

Also Citizen Kane is consistently rated as one of the best ever. I kept waiting for it to get going. Dull, very dull.

Citizen Kane

Sandlers sold out, but as said Happy Gilmore is great - as is Punch Drunk Love and The Wedding Singer.

cannot comprehend the Inglorious comment. its one of the best openings in cinema ever!?

inglorious basterds, shall not be accepted, great film.

This seems relevant...

This has reminded me that I walked out of The Avengers, thus making it the only film I've walked out on. Meet Joe Black is still worse purely on the grounds that they were really trying.

Independence Day - so bad on so many different levels. I'm always surprised to be the first to suggest that on such threads.

I think we need a female equivalent to the Adam Sandler/Daniel Day Lewis/Nicholas Cage bilge-fest

Any film with Jennifer 'I used to be in Friends, and have a haircut' Anniston in it. How the hell they keep paying that woman to make films is beyond me. I believe she made one recently with Adam Sandler. A critical mass of unwatchable drivel was reached. Mark Kermode said it was the worst film he's eve seen. I have no reason to doubt him

My Direness Scale works on potential vs outcome.

A film has a huge budget, decent actors, good source material and is still a turkey is a much bigger crime than a low budget young director whith ideas that don't quite pan out. And add a star for gratuitous inclusion of either space ships or Jim from Neighbours.

The high spot of awfulness by those criteria is Prometheus.

Indiana Jones the Crystal Skull redeemed itself with one scene.

But then it is self-selecting - I know not to put myself through anything with Jennifer Aniston, either of Brangelina or Tom Hanks. or anything based on a computer game.

Indiana Jones the Crystal Skull redeemed itself with one scene.

Go on... ?

I walked out of Alien Nation (aware that ages me !)

It had Jim from Neighbours in it ! Keep up down the back there....

Mike from Neighbours is in quite a few films too. Kiwi actors get points too for example the guy who plays McCoy in the new Star Trek.

I cant defend Jennifer Aniston apart from being filthy in Horrible Bosses and tbh i quite liked Along Came Polly.. but i will stick up for Nic Cage. He has been in some drivel granted (who hasnt) but Leaving Las Vegas is an all time fave and his is one of the best performances ive seen. he has been in some other belters too, Matchstick Men, Adaptation, Bringing Out The Dead, Kick Ass.. Con Air was good too and i even liked Face Off. so to dismiss 'anything with Nic Cage in' is ridiculous.