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My thoughts are with you TJ.
If only she'd worn a helmet...
Bugger TJ. That's shit just as you were looking forward to retirement adventures. Having just been through the same thing with my sister-in-law I have an inkling of what you and your partner went through and fully agree with your views on assisted dying. Fortunately it looks like you have the support of a great group of friends to help you through the next weeks and months. All the best.
Sorry for your loss, TJ.
That's shit, I have no words, just take care of yourself.
Horrible horrible news, big virtual hugs for you.
Apologies, late to this, after, incredibly, being off the forum for a whole afternoon.
Very, very best wishes TJ, sounds like she lived her life, and indeed her death, to the fullest.
Sorry to quote a whole block of text, but that’s one of the most difficult but equally beautiful things I’ve read on here.
Agreed.
Heartfelt condolences TJ, treasure those years together. Better to have loved and lost.
but that’s one of the most difficult but equally beautiful things I’ve read on here.
I don't mind being difficult but I object to "beautiful" 😉 I have clearly ruined a hard won reputation as an old curmudgeon
Well, wear it - you earned it, I'm sitting on a very dusty bus this morning. Words of condolence are so very weak at times like this, but I'm so sorry for your loss. 🙁
TJ, I only know you as a shadowy, occasionally ranty personality living just across the way on the other side of our bonny wee country. I feel for your loss acutely but value very much your beautifully written message here on the death of your lovely Julie. You have successfully turned a difficult and painful situation into something positive and memorable for us outsiders and for this I greatly applaud you. You have my respect and I hope your path gets easier now.
There's a fireside and a berth for you here in Angus if you're ever touring this way.
My sister has worked as a hospice nurse for a long time. She says the best thing you can do for someone is give them a good death as far as you can.
You'll always have that to look back on TJ
So very sorry for your loss OP. Wishing you all the best.
Heartfelt condolences TJ. Sounds like you both had it very 'together' and did things on your own terms (as much as you could). Draw on that, and the support you received from others, over the next few weeks and months.
Wow so sorry to hear your sad news and yet I’m also so impressed with how you have handled this terrible time. I’m sure I’d be in pieces. Remember the good times over the years you had with MrsTJ and please come on hear to vent when you need to
Sorry for your loss TJ.
Take care of yourself.
Sorry for you loss TJ.
Best wishes from Pete, Jackie and Boot the cat.
That post about Julie's passing says so much about you and the bond the pair of you had. Keep plugging away you beautiful ranty shite. As others have said, I hope I have somebody like you helping my passing; sod it, I would even put up with the kissing if you increased my drug load first. if you want anybody to blether to; use the folk on this place.
I don’t mind being difficult but I object to “beautiful” 😉 I have clearly ruined a hard won reputation as an old curmudgeon
That hard won reputation is in tatters, fella. When it comes to cancer, a 'good death' is a precious thing, and I hope that the knowledge that you helped give it to her will bring you a lot of comfort over the coming weeks and months.
Sorry for your loss TJ
I don’t mind being difficult but I object to “beautiful” 😉 I have clearly ruined a hard won reputation as an old curmudgeon
Not with me. We don’t agree on stuff like helmets for example - what in the scheme of things is very minor. What matters is your consistent, quiet, measured support and your humanity.
In this community of largely excellent people, you always come across as one of the most humane and thoughtful.
Take that wannabe curmudgeon! (Said with affection and a hug).
I can imagine few things more devastating that losing a partner like that, but from what I can tell from here you must have had a particularly special bond, which makes it all the more heart-breaking.
Credit to you both for achieving a dignified death for Julie within the law, which I know sometimes seems like an ass in this regard, the issue having come up in my family too.
I hope in time only the good memories remain, and it seems like you made plenty of them. In the meantime, I can only add my condolences and urge you to look after yourself.
I hope that in years to come you can treasure just how much you have done for her in her last weeks.
That post is beautiful about how you cared for her.
Sat here with tears in my eyes.
Keep going with everything, it's clear everyone on here cares so much for you, despite being an argumentative arse sometimes
I have clearly ruined a hard won reputation as an old curmudgeon
If it helps, whilst what you wrote and did was indeed beautiful, I still think you're a miserable bastard 🙂
Sometimes life is particually cruel , and this seems like one of those times. You (both) work hard for decades , scrimp , save , worry , budget , make do , form a plan etc. Then there is the end of the rainbow in sight, you can take your foot off the gas , relax , enjoy what you have effectively earned over the years. Then out of the blue, cancer.
Quick change of plan. Re-evaluate , adapt , crack on .
The outcome is inevitable. The bit in the middle is where you show how caring and respectful you can be . It sounds to me like you did the best you could, given the circumstances. There will be dark days , for sure , but try to remember the best of times. Sorry for your loss TJ.
Sometimes life is particually cruel , and this seems like one of those times. You (both) work hard for decades , scrimp , save , worry , budget , make do , form a plan etc. Then there is the end of the rainbow in sight, you can take your foot off the gas , relax , enjoy what you have effectively earned over the years. Then out of the blue, cancer.
fortunately we spent all our money on adventures rather than saving for our old age 🙂
So sorry to read this TJ.
Remember lots of people on here ready to go for a bike ride with you.
So sorry to hear this TJ. My mum did exactly the same - diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with liver secondaries and chose to forgo treatment. I have some peace knowing we fulfilled her wishes by letting her come home and die as she wished and hopefully you will too.
You’re a good bloke Teej, my thoughts are with you. 👍
thinking of you TJ, stay strong.
Sorry for your loss. Like others I've never met you but value the contributions you make to this place. Never being worried about going against the tide.
My dad also chose to refuse cancer treatment to extend life without quality of life and died at home with his family round him. The MacMillan nurses were brilliant.
So sorry for your loss TJ.
Sorry TJ.
I kissed her good night. she smiled. I settled down to sleep to wake for her last breaths
well that just set me right off.
So sorry for your loss TJ. I can't bear to imagine what it must be like.
So sorry to read this TJ. Take care and all the best.
fortunately we spent all our money on adventures rather than saving for our old age 🙂
Good. A reminder for us all to do what we can, while we can
So sorry to hear of your loss TJ! Julie sounds like such a brave person, choosing to die on her own terms, with dignity, and with the comfort of her lifelong partner being at her side and ensuring her final weeks were as positive as possible surrounded by family and friends. Life kicks us in the teeth at the worst times - I have read many of your previous posts about you retiring and your plans for even more adventures.
I was deeply touched by your second post - how strong you must have been to care for Julie with such tenderness during her final few weeks.
My thoughts are with you and your family. Take care of yourself at this difficult time and cherish the memories of your 42 years together!
Sorry to hear this TJ.
Glad that you were able to spend time together over the last few months on your own terms.
I have to say that all we can hope for TJ is when it's our turn we've managed to pick a partner that's as good and compassionate as you are.
Huge respect.
That is a shittest of shit news.
I hope your memories of your times together help you through your grief.
TJ, really sorry to hear this.
As I said on another thread this forum can be full of petty bickering but when the chips are down pretty much everyone on here is a decent person.
I'm sure I'm not the first to say this but I hope that in a few years you'll smile when you think of her, because the memories you have will be happy. You clearly did exactly the right thing when caring for her at the end. Wishing you all the best.
Sorry for your loss TJ.
TJ - I rarely post nowadays, but I just wanted to send you my heartfelt sympathies. Empathy can be painful, and I have had my own recent losses and grief, but equally it can unify people. Loss is a part of love, and without it our lives would be so much less, despite the pain of grief. If virtual hugs can be shared, then here is another one from the mountains of Wales. Take lots of care of yourself now, and cherish all your wonderful memories of a life well lived with Julie.
Condolences TJ, lovely way to go and knowing you helped her to the end.
42 years of good times from what I've read here. I've enjoyed reading about your adventures over the years and still have the pictures of you two on a tandem or on holiday in my head. I wish you well, TJ.