[Closed] Old-age or SAD?

I recommend Tesco's finest Horseradish crisps as a perfect accompaniment to mustardy sandwiches. They're currently my favourite non-chilli flavoured crisp. Probably up there with Branigans if they weren't crinkle-cut.

Add some nice blue cheese too.
Mustardy sandwich, crisps, cheese.

I aim to put the tree up on the 24th. Kids means I am forced to compromise to the 22nd.

For the last 5 years or so I've hated the run up to Christmas, busy with the kids doing shows and concerts, used to organise the big Scout group fundraiser, sucked all the fun out of it for me.

The weather and darkness don't help either. Not interested in buying or receiving presents, we're fortunate that we have fairly simple tastes and if we want something we just buy it.

Noticeably worse with another Covid Christmas to be fair.

I limp through December and see 1st January as the start of a fresh chance, arbitrary I know.

SAD, old age, Aspergers.... i resent Christmas and all the associated shite.

I now have a completely unreasonable attitude to it all and can no longer hide it.

I just dont get any of it.

^^^^ what he said

Guess out of the entire house, whose room is devoid of trimmings.

P7, dude, in seriousness are you OK? If you're in any way local I have a futon and an open door policy, so long as you shut it behind you again because Escape Cats.

Is humbug just ageing or is it a symptom of more sinister issues?

It's ageing. As you get older you realise cynicism is justified as you have experienced a lot to be cynical about.

I dunno about that, I was a cynical prick before I hit puberty.

Have you noticed less seasonal joi de vivre? What are the symptoms?

Don't beat youself up too much OP,ageing and SAD can't take all the blame this Xmas.
I think the last two years have knocked a big chunk of good cheer out of most people,it will take a lot more than some mince pies and a bit of tinsel to get folk back on track.
Hang in there.

I feel the same, smaller kids stop me going full on Grinch.

Before marriage and kids I went away a lot for Christmas, mtbing in southern Spain, singles sking, off to Miami to stay with a mate, NZ or Aus, etc.

I would so love to go sking with the family, or any of the above. I even checked out the weather in Spain recently.

Last couple years I have negotiated a local ride on the mtb straight from the house. Wow this makes a difference.

Oh I forgot to mention we always have the mother in law from fricking hell staying with us alternate years, or we go to my lovely sis in laws where the demon MiL will be. I really hate how this woman regularly ruins this holiday period, and I think I hate Christmas because of her.

@Cougar - you're a star for such an unsolicited offering, am v grateful and touched. Not mega-worried at the minute, but figure it’s enough to seek professional counsel in the NY.

I was being serious in my OP. Was quite literally a brain-dump as happened. But reading it back it reads like some affected sarcastic joke or a rejected script for ‘Withnail And I’! Not the case, so will investigate/seek to solve it.

Not to continue to be too serious here tho, as I’m aware that positive change is going to come because I’ll make it happen. Onwards and upwards. Life’s what you make it - to the greatest degree. Nothing wrong also with a bit of jokey or even honest humbug of course - but actual cynicism is a step too far IMO.

🎶 I'm dreaming of a nice Crispmas 🎶

Nothing stopping one quiet night of mustardy sarnies, crisps, beer and browsing by candlelight, while ALSO investing the rest of the season making other people feel wanted and valued like they are. (Getting ashamed now for self-indulgent feelings earlier, which is a good kick up the arse!)

That scene up there ^^ looks pretty nice and cosy to me😜

52, cycnic and a baahumbugger too. Christmas for me is largely time off work, and sharing nice food with my family. Left to myself there'd be no tree, decs or cards in our house.

I'm actually quite maudlin at times and have spent a chunk of a day messing in the shed, listening to music of the past, reminiscing, and in floods of tears,
and perfectly happy being so. Perfectly happy being perfectly sad.

On the other hand I've also spent time in very dark and worrying places and sought counselling a few times for it.

You may be able to recognise which place you're in?

If it's the happy being sad and eating your mustard and crisps crack on, if it's the other, yeh, speak to someone, I'm glad I have, and I will again if the need arises.

7 years working in retail when I was young means I loathe the run up to Christmas. The day itself is tolerable, only due to Pigs In Blankets, but if I could ignore the whole thing I would.

In an attempt to lift my spirits, I bought some hot cross buns last night. I'm sticking it to the man this Christmas!

I retired 3 weeks ago , just thinking I've hardly heard a Xmas song at all .It's great on my terms , every job I ever did was full on right up to Xmas .Postie, driver for a butcher , retail , so I was always washed out by the time Xmas got here .
I could care less about putting up a tree myself , grandkids lift the spirits though 😎As someone said C word has certainly done it's worse 😔
Our personal situation is far from great , Mother In Law died the end of October and Father In Law looks to be any day now .Poor sod is in the same care home as MIL riddled with Cancer , shot to pieces with Dementia refusing to eat even his carers are willing him to go now . As they say you wouldn't keep a dog like it 😔😔😔😔

Feel for you oldfart - lost my father in law back in the summer and mother in law somehow keeping going in a home. MrsMC was going to travel down to visit her this weekend but she's fourth on the list of approved visitors and only 3 now allowed

I haven't been on here for what must 5 years or more but have found myself browsing these pages more and more frequently in an attempt to get my expanding arse back on the bike. What I have found are more and more topics and posts that make me sit here and think "that's just like me, that's how I feel" and this is another one of them.

I'm 50 and love my Christmas because it's one of the few times of the year when I can be truly alone. My partner will travel to see family on the other side of the world for Christmas most years and I will make the excuse not to go because I get to see my kids on Boxing Day, don't get me wrong, I love my kids but as they're all grown up so it's not such a big event anymore. I used to tell my Mum that I was going spend Christmas Day with friends and that I would be fine but it was always about being alone and I do feel bad about those lies now but every now and then I'd cave in and invite my folks, sister and family round for the day. Lots of work but it was enjoyable and one of the few times my Mum got to relax was when she came to me and that always made me feel good but I struggled to be around the rest of my family who have a penchant for laziness, not just at Christmas but all year long, and that just makes me angry. I do love Christmas shopping and buying gifts for others, just not that bothered about receiving them as the pleasure for me is in the giving.

For the first time in decades I wish I could have a family Christmas but after losing my Mum a few months ago that ship has sadly sailed. My partner managed to get out to SA before the s**t hit the fan and God willing will be back in February, I will get to see my girls on Boxing Day and I'll love it but I'm strangely okay with being by myself for most of the festive period. Yes I miss my partner, yes I miss my Mum but I'm also looking forward to a Christmas dinner of Fish Finger sandwiches (it's about the only time I get to indulge in that guilty pleasure), beer, wine and some "Me" time and reflection.

I think that recognition of an internal issue is such a hard thing to accept and take action on as sometimes it can be difficult to determine if the feelings are healthy or not. Sadness is healthy and wanting to be away from other people is healthy, especially if those people bring you down, but it's being able to recognise the point where those healthy feelings, due to intensity or length, become unhealthy and detrimental to your wellbeing. Sometime we are blessed with a good friend, partner or family member, hell even a forum member that will have the courage to ask if you're okay, listen to you and tell you when they know you need help and it is those people that make this world a better place.

Never be afraid to ask for help or talk to someone, never be afraid of your own feelings and recognise that we are all different, with different needs and different triggers for contentment and happiness. To others, friends included, they think I'm a little strange at this time of year and they feel sorry for me but you know what? It's my choice and I'm happy with it.

Shorten Christmas. Try to ignore it and get involved later at a fast pace.

It's the stupid dragged out Christmas by the shops selling crap that kills it.

I dunno about that, I was a cynical prick before I hit puberty.

Ha, doesn't mean you can't become more cynical.

Fair. (-:

it’s one of the few times of the year when I can be truly alone
...
I will make the excuse not to go
...
(it’s about the only time I get to indulge in that guilty pleasure)
...
[and more]

Look, I'm going to be blunt here because, eh, well, I usually am.

See that thing you're doing here over and over and over where you're beating yourself up for the crime of wanting five minutes to yourself? Knock it the hell off.

Some people are just wired that way and you know what? It's OK. It's really OK. We're conditioned to believe that self-care is somehow tied into being a rejection of those we love. And it's bullshit. It can sometimes be abusive bullshit, I've had relationships that included conversations along the lines of "... and that's more important than me, is it?"

Needing to sit in a dark room in front of a movie or go out for a walk on your own is normal, it is healthy; it's not a rejection of your family but a recharge of your batteries. There's this notion in some circles that in order to commit to a partnership you have to give up your sense of self, and this too is bullshit.

As a then-partner said to me once and I've oft-repeated on here since, back when I was tying myself up in knots of guilt for leaving her alone for an evening because I was effectively primary carer for both her and my poorly mother, "will you just go out, if you fall over then you're of no use to anyone else." That was the point I had an epiphany, I wasn't being selfish in going out with friends or on my own, I was being selfish in not doing so.

You want a fish finger butty, you gods damned well have a fish finger butty and keep a spare frozen finger to hammer up the arse of anyone who tells you any different.

I sent my youngest off to school last week with a yummy ham and cheese combo, with a scrape of delicious tangy whole grain mustard on.
She returned in disgust, furious that her sandwich had been sullied with 'beads'.
Henceforth, mustard will be referred to forever as beads in our house.
Sorry, not much help with the issues at hand. All I can recommend is avoiding media as much as possible and know that there are many others out there who's idea of a good afternoon is likewise sitting alone for a while with a pint and a sanger.

Lots of good points on here.

For me I remind myself that Christmas is just the hijacking of the old pagan midwinter festival. That was about having a feast and a get together as an antidote to the cold and the dark and to celebrate the winter watershed.

Put like that - and doing away with the cod-religion, the commercialisation and the stress - I can accept it for what it is (was). A big feast and party to challenge the winter blues and celebrate the fact that from here on the days get longer and the nights get shorter and before you know it it's March and the trees are in bud!

Within that, as Cougar says if you want to spend some time on your own, to reflect and recharge, so be it. There's no one correct way.

But if you keep in mind that the whole shebang is really about putting a finger up to winter and celebrating the watershed as we move inexorably to summer and (hopefully) dusty trails then hopefully that'll put a spring (see what I did there!) in your step

Thanks Cougar and Amen to that but I'm not into feeling bad or beating myself up for how I feel, it was more about sharing my experiences over decades.

I'm not always great at getting a clear message across and I may have dwelled too much on the negatives when the message I was trying to get across was the last paragraph. Maybe I should have started with that without all the contextual waffle.

Only thing that I know I need to stop doing is man the **** up and stop making excuses to spare other people's feelings and just be upfront about it.

The forced jollity, embracing buying stuff no-one needs to meet expectations no-one really has the conviction to back up, but are equally to involved in going through the motions to admit?
What's not to like!
The whole thing is a nonsense - at 48 I've just realised that Halloween is way more fun. Has all the fun of dressing up and eating sweets and, if you're lucky/depending where you live, some genuine community spirit and it's over in one day...and then a week later it's fireworks night.

Like James Murphy said - Christmas will break your heart.

Living with long term Dysthymia and getting old with no kids ( didn't want to force another with my genes to go through life) I've disliked the Greed fest for several decades . I understand for many it's a nice break with family but for others it's simply emotional blackmail . The awful weather and darkness is the worst part though .
I go downhill every November.
I guess without it there would be little distraction from the oppressive months so it kind of breaks things up.
I actually enjoy Xmas day .. don't see anybody and it's lovely and quiet so normally go for a ride.
Like someone said above...New year's Day is for me a kind of turning point where things begin to head in the right direction and despite the cold I can see spring far in the distance.

i started to get like this, my daughter is now 12 and the "Magic" of xmas is slipping, we just get a want-list from her, she is not bothered by the decorations, santa or the elf anymore.

But, i have found the best is to be a little selfish as you say, i always organise a ride finishing in pub in between xmas and New Year with friends, and i usually get a small bonus from work, so i spend half on family, half on me on something i genuinely want, last year i got my Technics 1210 turntables serviced and re-coated, this year a record that i have always wanted, but is daft money for what it is really...

I tend to enjoy Christmas eve with friends and boxing day with cold meats and pickles, far more than xmas day itself, lot more relaxed and less stressful.

Im not a fan of Christmas either for several reasons which i wont go into here,

My wife is a paramedic so sometimes has to work christmas day, one year she was scheduled to work and i got so much pressure from friends and relatives who told me "You cant spend xmas day alone!!"

Oh how wrong they were, my wife went to work at 6am, i prepped a little xmas dinner for when she got in, but that was all done nice and quietly on my own listening to the radio, i went out for a bike ride as it was dry, i got back had a nice beer or two and lunch while watching a film or two and even had an afternoon nap.

I still look back and think of that as one of the best christmas days i have ever had, no stress of presents opening or entertaining nephews/neices, no small talk with others it was absolute bliss.

I do enjoy my own company though and always have.

Dont beat yourself up about feeling the way you do.

SAD is a much bigger time period than the run up to Xmas, typically most including myself feel it come on from September and last through to March or April. For me, sadly the shortest day next week doesn't mean I'm roughly half way through this annual monkey on my back, the cummulative effect of shorter days makes Jan and Feb the worst for me to endure.

Only thing that I know I need to stop doing is man the **** up and stop making excuses to spare other people’s feelings and just be upfront about it.

I think that was my contextual waffle. (-: Point is, I understand putting others before yourself, but that shouldn't be at the cost of never doing anything for yourself. If you feel unable to communicate your needs then, well, that's an issue. It's perhaps not even about manning up so much as being honest with yourself. Unless you're so fat that you have smaller fat people in orbit around you, what's the harm in the occasional fish finger? Why on earth should that be an annual treat that you feel guilty about?

I appreciate that my own experiences may not be representative as my direct family is, well, my mother and that's it. I've been dragged kicking and screaming into 'family life' via my partner in the last couple of years and I've mostly taken to it like a duck to petrol. But I have to keep a grip onto my sanity and if that means "I just need to nip to the shop, we're almost out of lemonade" in the middle of a houseful of people then so be it. I almost envy smokers here, they have a convenient excuse; I think perhaps "going for a Not-Smoking Break" should become a thing.

Lots of people seem "flat" this year work is killing me I'm sure of it add to the fact my better half has blown up early and had a huge row with all of her family and our daughter. I've been forced to be extra Christmas happy to keep her spirits up.
5 less people for dinner though.
I will be eating ginger bread later so that's nice

Back in 2011 before grandkids when the family was being its usual ballache we thought how far can we go to get away from all this crap before we starting coming back ?;
Those 3 weeks in New Zealand were the best Xmas ever !😎
Xmas day we were in a small hotel right on the beach it was amazing .Our meal was booked for the evening so I did my hunter gatherer bit .Only place open was a garage where I bought 2 meat pies for dinner .Sat on the beach eating them heavenly 😎
NYE at Mount Cook was really special as well

It's too dark to do sod all and that makes it boring. It isn't the cold and wet, it is the lack of light to do things. I lay in the bath last night thinking that I should be timetrialing. Right now I would be just making the turn on our evening 10 if it was mid summer. Instead I have just thrown the teddy out of the pram because Zwift is too bloody complex.Age doesn't help. At 58 I remember Christmas without the commercial crap and it not starting until a week before the day. Nearly 30 years in primary schools has kicked that out of me. Funnily enough, whilst I hate the present buying, all those cards and fuss I have begun to enjoy the last week of school in the last few years. Aided of course by my class teacher who is young and pretty and loves the whole fussing thing:) 🙂
Find the good things be they gorgeous work mates or some self esteem building with something unusual.

I’ve always suffered with SAD even when I was a kid. From mid October on there is a physical feeling in my gut, which I find hard to describe, and which lasts until mid February (ish).

I actually think that the only thing that gets me through this season, is Christmas. Generally (probably more pre-covid) people seem happier and more sociable which has a positive effect on me, plus there’s the two weeks off work to look forward to. January soon brings me back down with a bump, starting on NYE which I hate with a passion, but am considered as being an old misery if I don’t want to attend whatever gathering we have decided to attend.

I have felt like this in the past, everything around Christmas being additional hassle and jobs to do just when I don't need them. Recently I have been a bit more selfish which I think is important to do.

Yes, I spend time wrapping presents, doing cards, shopping and all the jobs I don't like doing, but I mix in some positive stuff for me to look forward to. While I'm buying stuff for people I'll grab a some little odds and sods for myself at the same time - nothing expensive just books or gadgets I've not got round to getting through the year. I'll wrap those up for myself for Xmas. I like cooking, so planning the Xmas day meal, doing the prep work, and pushing the boat out there I count as fun. Then in amongst the mix of family visits over the Xmas to NY period I will mix in trips to football, or golf days with mates to keep my spirits up

It's impossible to feel festive when it's 13c outside and I'm still cycling in short sleeves. Back when I was a child I'm sure we had snow drifts and icicles and holly trees with berries. Bah humbug.