don't forget to knock one out before you rattle the young hottie
I would make sure the young hottie in generally interested in you that way before making any decisions, is could sway you either way
I know what's right and I know what's wrong, but its the bit in the middle that gets me.............. FUN 🙂
All the sensible stuff has been said already I think. At my first ever job my boss passed on this wisdom to me...
"Never pass up on a shag, you don't know where your next one is coming from".
He's onto his 3rd wife now.
It may seem rational to you at the moment to have a fling with the young hottie considering home life is a bit crap, however do you really know how devastated your wife would be if/when she finds out what your considering. You may not be intimate with your wife but there could be underlying reasons she may be embarrassed to talk to you about. It's a difficult subject to raise but you really need to have that conversation with your wife.
If things are OK except for the lack of sex why not explain to the wife that you have needs and although you love her and the family very much if she is not prepared to get intimate with you on a regular basis ask her if she minds if you get it elswhere , you never know you might just get incredibly lucky . On the other hand perhaps your " technique " is somewhat lacking and she has just become bored with the same old sex .
If the current relationship isnt a shout fest most of the time, and all your after is a bit of a cuddle, you need to talk it out and make changes to make it better. Otherwise, suck it up and stay put for the kids sake. Sorry but I think thats just the deal when you have kids that age.
I said we went to Relate. Nothing really changed - my wife isnt interested in doing so. I've stuck it out for quite a bit longer. What age do my kids have to be for me to stop sucking it up? (have you ever been in this situation?) 🙁
For me, the fact that you have posted your thoughts on here tells me that you (and your wife) need professional support not just the STW take on the world. I would urge you to do that before doing anything else. Also, take a moment and ask yourself these two questions:
1) How would you feel if your wife planned to have an afair and didn't express her frustrations and despair to you? How hurt would you be when you find out? Speaking about this may be hard, but I'm sure you don't want to hurt her in this way.
2) Are you ready to explain to your kids (one day) that you cheated on their mum and had an affair? One day you will have to.
Your relationship with your wife may be broken, but the one with your kids doesn't have to be. It would be better to sort out your current relationship before starting another.
Good luck
How would you feel if your wife planned to have an afair and didn't express her frustrations and despair to you?
Husband, I'm a normal human being who can't survive on one shag a year.
Fair play luv.
Blimey, right bunch of misanthropic cold hard pragmatists on STW aren't we 🙂
I got no advice about you current relationship except to say you shouldn't underestimate the difficulties a split may present when it comes to your relationship with and access to your kids.
As for this bit of fluff, my spidy sense is saying "gold digger / daddy seeker / old-man-curious home-wrecker / serial flirter". Be careful (and a little cynical) there fella
Separate the two, decide on your marage outcome first there will always be some one looking for a shag.
You never know separating may give you time to go out and have a social life, and spend with your kids.
what is this youngster looking for a long term relation ship, a shag, or is she a nut job with daddy issues looking for an older man.
Talk to your wife, she may feel the same.
I don't normally do relationship advice and I haven't read all the posts but as a kid my parents were not far off the same position you're in, but stayed together "for the sake of the children". It was awful, the arguing, the atmosphere, the long silences, scared to speak in case one of them exploded. When they did finally split, i was happy to see the back of my dad, but the upshot of it is that I have never had a proper relationship with him. In fact, haven't spoken for nearly 20 years.
If that's not what you want from your relationship with your children, think seriously about whether you have a future as a family and if not, start thinking about getting out before the discomfort becomes resentment.
@jsmith, I was recently divorced. I stayed for along time so I could be with my kids. That's a lot of wasted years and the divorce only gets more expensive. From what I read it's time to move on. Perhaps you need the fling to convince you you'll not be sad and lonely as you described but in reality you don't need it, just make the break. If you do just make sure you keep the kids interests at the forefront of your mind and make sure you remain part of their lives.
Consider having an affair. Several of my mates have done just that and it's worked out OK.
(Conversely, the one's who did the decent thing, and divorced have been pretty damaged by the whole experience, as have the children involved).
Good luck.
Consider having an affair. Several of my mates have done just that and it's worked out OK.
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As a child of a broken marriage, you should undoubtedly try and fix what you have got before you go through a break up. I think the only other person who was the child in this situation has posted the following:
BigButSlimmerBloke - Member
I don't normally do relationship advice and I haven't read all the posts but as a kid my parents were not far off the same position you're in, but stayed together "for the sake of the children". It was awful, the arguing, the atmosphere, the long silences, scared to speak in case one of them exploded. When they did finally split, i was happy to see the back of my dad, but the upshot of it is that I have never had a proper relationship with him. In fact, haven't spoken for nearly 20 years.
If that's not what you want from your relationship with your children, think seriously about whether you have a future as a family and if not, start thinking about getting out before the discomfort becomes resentment.
This is not the only angle. Aged 29, I am only now starting to get to know my mum again after she left for greener grass when I was 14. It came out of the blue to all, we never saw them argue as kids. I saw her regularly until I was 18 at which point I was old enough to decide I couldn't forgive her, the next time I saw her was 6 months ago.
I still don't forgive her for a couple of things, in particular for not trying to work things out with my dad. You have this shot now to try and make things work, don't waste it. If it doesn't work then at least you can say you tried. Your wife may be keeping lots from you about her mental health or just simply how she feels. How do you know she isn't still deeply in love with you but severely depressed, as others have implied?
Just because there are kids is not reason alone to stay together, but it is definitely a reason to try and make it work for all involved.
My advice to the poster would be, if you can't make up your own mind, and have to consult a bunch of anonymous people on an internet forum as to whether you should seduce a younger woman who may or may not like you, is: you won't have the necessary confidence to seduce her in the first place. I'd stay where you are.
