Not sure I will get through this one

That sounds devastating, I can't really offer anything other than sympathy or trite sounding advice that you know already but I'm hoping you can steel yourself to get through. Rage and vent here, it's better than bottling it up

Mate that sucks. 

Where are you? Reckon there's someone on here nearby for a pint/cuppa/ride/whatever if it helps...

Sorry to hear that mate, it sounds awful.  Vent away, and ask for help if you need it. There are good people on here.

Vent away mate, we all need to sometimes. Grief in any form is horrible and feels like it'll never end but it will, it'll just take time. Sending virtual manly hugs and back slaps.

As others have said vent on here, or speak to a trusted friend if you can. Just hang on.. Life will get better 

Have you downloaded Tinder yet?

Posted by: sharkattack

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Have you downloaded Tinder yet?

I think you’ve gone early….. Maybe pornhub first.

OP- breath, talk and ask for help from good

mates. If not then find someone from STW for a beer/ride. Sending healing vibes.

That's heavy. I can't think of any help to offer, but if you can think of anything, just ask.

hmm, a tricky one for sure.
best i can summon initially is "bad stuff comes in 3s" or "this too shall pass".

its not clear where your Mum is currently, but do you have the option to take a little time from work to go to NI and see folk there?

So sorry you’re going through a tough time St, this isn’t a remotely profound thing to say, but as far as the end of your relationship goes, you will get over it, I promise, we’ve all had our hearts broken at some point, when it happened to me it took months and months, but you will emerge a stronger, better person, more in touch with yourself. I look back now and realise what a lucky escape I had. Similarly I’ve got friends who’ve been through the same and all of them have gone from being in the pit of despair to being in a much better place. It just takes time, don’t try to rush it and be kind to yourself, and having a bloody good cry is almost always helpful - let those tears flow if they’re there! Good luck mate!

Tough times, lad. Wishing you well.

Sorry to hear that stcolin - can’t chip in on the relationship advice as I’m not experienced in break ups.

If there’s nothing left for you in England perhaps a return to NI is what you need so at least you have family around you.

Another option - I think tpbiker is looking to offload a girlfriend!!*

(*may come with a financial risk though!) 😀

That sounds rough. Just keep posting on here if it helps - or as above if there's anyone on here local to you (there will be) for a cuppa/vent/ride in person I'm sure plenty would be happy.

Sorry to hear that dude. You'll get through it. Where are you based? Might be someone nearby to arrange a ride, at least?

As others have said, it's worse than worse. I'm not alone yet but it's such an easy situation to find yourself in when all you have left is an OH and parents. There are definitely other people out there who as adults don't have many mates but I've not yet worked out how to find them so if you find out first let me know! Definitely declare where abouts you are in case somebody is nearby to offer you an ear.

Sorry to here, obviously devastating for you.

Can you get out on your bike with someone of here locally?

Always find a good ride sorts my head out when I'm annoyed and up against it 

So sorry to hear you're having a terrible time.  Man hugs sent via the Internet. 

Thanks for all the replies. I have spoken to a friend back home which has helped a little tonight.

I'm in Congleton. I'm in the local MTB club, but don't really know anyone well enough to call out.

A problem shared is a problem halved...

One thing I have been consistently surprised by during my own personal struggles, is the kindness of random strangers... In the last few years, I have been through all sorts of shit, not least had bowel cancer and several operations to deal with it. During that time, of the many hundreds of people I know who'd say I was a friend, 4 of them actually checked in with me to see if I was OK and if there was anything they could do to help... 4...

I had a lot more genuine heartfelt offerings from people on this forum when I posted about my problems, and many late night messages back and forth (some with people I've still never met!) helped massively to deal with the problem!

Society is to blame... EVERYONE is too busy for everything these days. And it's only when somebody actually hits their own genuine crisis (not a manufactured one that's totally inconsequential), do they begin to realise how alone we all are, and often then start to actually reach out to others to reconnect with the world and offer what little we can in the way of help!

My door is always open... Not just metaphorically.

Don't know where you are, but even if you don't want to own up, at least feel that you can PM one or some of us to start with... I would suggest perhaps reaching out to old friends and Family in NI too if you're still close, maybe book a week's holiday back there ASAP and see if that can help put things back in perspective. Personally, I know the only person that I have left on my side that I can rely on is my GF, so I absolutely understand how cut up you must feel. My Dad is a complete narcissist and confabulates his own version of events with reality more often than not. My sister might only live an hour away, but she might as well be the other side of the world, she's distanced herself from me seemingly on purpose over the decades, I suspect because she's always seen me and my Father fighting consistently, and she knows how to get whatever she wants out of him, but not out of me... Friends have all abandoned me, some I'm absolutely sure it hasn't been personal (just distance for instance), but I've been told I'm "too much" by countless former friends now (I was diagnosed with debilitating ADHD and Autism only a few months ago, which is apparently a very common experience for neurodivergent people), and I have no further family or network than that... It's all just my long suffering GF! And amazing as she is, I wonder at what point she reaches the point of no return herself...

If you're anywhere near Worcester and fancy a coffee (or a bike ride when it's a touch warmer), I'm all ears...

Take one day at a time mate that's all you need to do right now.  They all add up to healing over time. 

Sorry mate, that's a really bloody shit hand you've been dealt. 

I have no meaningful advice I can offer when it comes to what to do. What I can say is however you feel right now, know that there is always a way out, a way on.

I've had a couple of pretty epic 'downs' in the past year or so and I'm absolutely a terrible example of how to deal with them. I cannot stress enough that your choice to vent is the best one. You might feel alone but you're not alone now - there are some strangers on an internet forum who are with you in virtual spirit. 

Some of my most uplifting days of this year have been down to spending a bit of time riding my bike badly with folks I met on the internet. Then occasionally chatting shit about life in general in the pub or cafe afterwards. I know you are not local to me but it matters not, if you find yourself Nottingham way then I'll put the kettle on. Or offer a few local riding spots. Or something. 

Keep posting mate. 

I'm going though some stuff at the moment but as sure as the weather is going to be shit tomorrow I know, I absolutely ruddy know that things will get better at some point even if that reprieve is only a temporary one. Those temporary reprieves are what keep me going these days.

Absolutely nothing lasts and thank God, that includes the bad times.

Be selfish for a bit, make plans for a daft mini adventure, it doesn't have to be grand. Distract yourself, books, movies, riding, whatever keeps you putting one foot in front of the other. 

Things must be very raw at the moment and thought it likely makes you want to punch anyone that says it (it's how I've felt a few times when it's been said to me), it *will* get better and you do need to know that. 

As ever, this place is at its absolute best when people are struggling, so keep posting mate.

I could only wish my problems were like yours.  Be thankful you have your health.  Everything else can be fixed I hope.

You don't need someone to call out, just ask on here. I've picked up good riding mates from people asking for a coffee or ride on here so do it.

Genuinely sorry to hear the news and I to can only offer sympathy, advice you know, and from experience in other areas the pain gets less with time.

James

Dammit, not a good thing to hear and I know exactly how you feel (went through something very similar in 2024).

Time _will_ heal the pain that you feel right now, so just take things one day at a time. It's good that you have a club to be part of and things to do around other people; that will help a lot. Most importantly, don't be afraid to reach out to people and talk.

Thanks everyone. And I'm sorry to hear of other peoples troubles. 

Last night and throughout the night was just continuous panic attacks, and this morning I feel like I've been hit by a bus. Can't eat because I feel sick.

Losing another person and the feeling of loneliness is too much. I haven't grieved really for my dad this past year. I feel like everything is coming out at once. 

We also have a dog together and he has been an amazing support for me when I have been down, so not being around him soon is really really hard to take.

I'm not sure if taking time off will help, but I also feel like I can't work. 

How do you deal with 11 years of memories, photos, possessions? I built my life here in England with her as I was only here a few months when we first met. She is so intertwined with me life here. 

Oh no there's a dog involved as well! They're such massive helps when it comes to feeling blue because no matter what they'll love you and never leave you so that's going to be a double blow as well. I don't think time off will help either if it were me personally I'd continue to work as I'd need that contact to make things feel a little better. Do you have people at work you can be honest with or do you work in one of those false places where you have to say everything is fine? I'm lucky in that my workplace is one of the first with people who I feel I can be honest with and say when I'm not feeling on top form.

Not quite sure about work. It's a small team and everyone is supportive, however I'm not sure how it will all go down with my boss.

When my ex dumped me (out of the blue) in 2024, I felt exactly the same way. I basically did not sleep for a week and ended up in pyskakuten to get help for the sleep and the breaking down. That admission was the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life, but that's a story for another time.

ANYWAY, the breakup came on the back of a bunch of bad shit, including having to help treat a young lad at the dropzone that came in way too fast and needed medevac to the local hostpital. I was low anyway, but the breakup hit me like a brick. The week of work that was between that and the trip to psykakuten was terrible and I wish I had not done it, but there was nothing else that I could fill my life with at the time. As it is, I took some time off as sick leave and then was on summer leave, so I had some time for the meds to start work and to try and find some stability.

TL;DR: If your boss has any sense they will understand that you are going to be less than useful right now and that actually letting you have time off will help. Book a trip or something with the bike, I hear Corsica is nice this time of year.

I've been on Setraline, however I'm coming off it at the moment as it hasn't been helping other than giving me nausea, and a bit of weight gain.

I do genuinely fear I'll have a full on nervous breakdown as I'm really on the edge of it right now.

You'll be fine mate, you've got no choice but to be. Life goes on and it's impossible to stay stuck behind. Every time something in life puts you down, kicks your arse, overloads you with stress, you'll come out the otherside of it stronger, with new coping mechanisms, having learned new things about yourself and overall a better person for having gone through it. Progress comes from being uncomfortable, and it applies to everything in life. 

For now, just reflect, allows yourself to feel what you're feeling, be thankful for not what you've lost but for what you had the opportunity to have. Fire up a VPN and crank a few out, get yourself down the pub and have a few beers and absolutely throw yourself into a new hobby. Now's the time to focus on you, what you want, and what you need to get the most of out of what you have. Everyday it will get easier, and you'll start to look forward to tomorrow because it will hurt a little less tomorrow than it did today, and before long it wont even hurt at all.

You've got this mate, we're all here for you 🤝

If you’re coming off meds I’d seriously suggest booking in a GP appointment urgently. It sounds like you need to have a conversation about new meds and remember these often take a few weeks to kick in and become effective. 

+1 for what frank sez, coming off antidepressants is no time to be going through hard times 

Colin (?), sorry to read of bad times. 

I'm in the local MTB club, but don't really know anyone well enough to call out.

Do try someone if you feel you can - they may well appreciate being asked just as much as you appreciate them listening.

You'll have a good sense of who would be ok to ask, some people are just good listeners. Maybe just to meet up for a ride and brew a coffee outside, that sort of thing. It could be the start of a good friendship. 

I remember your earlier posts, how low you were - you got through that, you'll get through this. I had a break up after 8 years a little while ago. At the time it wrecks the emotions, so confusing more than anything and 'what will I do now?!' Personally, I learned how to enjoy being on my own. Being with a woman/man isn't the be-all! Then I met someone else, took it slowly and it became the best thing ever. Meaning the last breakup was a good thing! I never usually reply on these threads as I don't know if I'm saying the right thing, but you've shown the strength and resilience before that means you'll get through this. 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know how it feels when you can't think straight, can't escape even for a second without your thoughts flying around your head. Best way I can describe it for me is it feels like I am out of sync with myself and can't find a way back. But, eventually, you will. Take it one day at a time, you never know what tomorrow will bring, or how you will be feeling. One day you will just start to feel less panicky, less on edge, be able to smile again, be able to get some enjoyment out of something (anything!) and you will feel more like yourself. I can't promise how long this will take, but it will happen. In the meantime, and I know how hard this is, try not to just dwell on things. Try to fill your day with things to do and do them even if you're just going through the motions. I used to just sit in a chair and close my eyes and try to wish the world away but all it did was make me feel worse. Don't be too hard on yourself though if you do find yourself doing these things, just try and restrict it to certain times, then get up and do something. 

My thoughts are with you. 

Hey stcolin, I’m local to you (Knutsford) and joined Congo MTB about a year ago, but haven’t made it out on a ride yet. If you ever fancy a Peaks ride or a mess about on The Cloud - and a chance to vent - add me on Insta or similar. mrflynn.me

I’ve had my own share of wobbles and mental health stuff, including coming off meds. Personally, I’d really recommend speaking to your GP rather than stopping cold turkey! 

My take on this might be a bit different than others, but look to yourself – you don't need someone else, be you and accept that. Yes, it might hurt for a bit, that's inevitable, but nobody needs someone else to be themselves. Just enjoy who you are, enjoy the space and when you are ready, move on.

And yes - I have been there before (I found out, on the day we were meant to be exchanging on a house together, three months before our intended wedding, that my fiance had been cheating on me with our mortgage advisor).

Tough time, OP.

There are already plenty of good advice above so give them a try.  But whatever you do, just stay strong and endure the pain.  Try not to rationalise the whole situation.  You can try to ask yourself the "what if ..." but they are all already in the past.  Can't turn back the clock. You will never forget the experience as it is something that you have to go through in this life.  Just stay strong to go through it.  Consider this experience as a "tick" box you have completely.  (from a religious perspective, this relationship has run its course and the cycle had finally completed for one of you)

Took me 17 years to "get through" the pain of my relationship breakup experience.  Still flare up occasionally but much better than those days where I first found out the source of my problem.  My head nearly exploded (extreme headache) and I didn't sleep for more than 3 hours a day for 9 months, and did not speak to anyone at all (including posting on STW).  I went complete radio silent. My heart rate and blood pressure shot up to the point that my GP prescribed me with blood pressure medication.  I just couldn't care less as I was going through a period of extreme anger and pain.  I felt the loss but more precisely I felt like a fool because I listened to ill advice (the cause of my relationship breakup - parents).  Yes, I am alone in my experience with family members in the other part of the world (nearly loss my sister to Stage 4 cancer during that time but my father bites the dust (no sympathy there from me))

OP, endure it, stay strong.  A chapter of your life is now closed, but new chapter is also now opened. Whatever you do, don't give in to the fear (loss and pain).  If you "give in" you will have to go through the pain, again and again and again + N ... until such time as you are able to handle the pain and get up yourself.  It is a path you have to walk yourself.   

I would be back to the doctor's for another few months of sertraline. If you were a regular user and know the dose and how your body reacts initially then try that.

It won't be a miracle cure but just give you some time to breathe and get some headspace. It's just the worst time of year, it's far too dark and cold and wet to be outside. 

Just take it easy on your self. One day at a time. One foot in front of the other . Try and stay off the booze as that really doesn't help. 

Just keep going. Things will be better over time . Life has many ways to kick us in the nuts . You just gotta roll with it , burn her clothes and move on 

My son broke up with his partner of 16 years (she ended it), he was pretty much where you are now. That was four years ago. 

After 6 months of being down about the world and life in general, he met someone on Bumble. They were married within a year and have an 18 month old son. He has never been happier. He looks back and acknowledges that the break up was the right thing for her to do, and it has worked out perfectly for him too (his previous partner never wanted kids).

I hope that small tale shines a light in a dark place - time heals and life will get better.

If it gets really bad call the Samaritans 116123 - they can really help you through.

You will get over it, you definitely will. So in the mean time, go and see your mates, have a week off work, do some exercise, listen to music, get back on the meds for now. Just get through this period.

IANAE

Thanks again for all the replies, really means a lot that people have taken the time to give advice.

Everything is still up in the air, and I'm just taking each day as it comes. I don't feel fit for work at the moment, but I think I need to try to get through it as it will help keep my mind occupied.

This is the worst time of year, even when things are rosey in life. So coping with the depths of winter adds in that extra layer of sh1tn3ss.

Couldn't agree more, I always struggle in the winter even when things are relatively ok in life. 

I'm glad to see you're posting mate and like you say, one foot infront of the other. Let the future take care of itself for the moment. 

keep posting, keep venting, keep sharing, keep riding

sorry, nothing insightful to say, just hope you guys get through it and come out the other side