Have you considered the possibility that turning her down might also have negative work implications?
Too much to loose
I think that's one "o" too many, but it does take on a rather amusing new meaning there 🙂
Too much, too loose
To munch; to lose
😀
there are some things which a gentleman should keep private.
Personally I think this thread is useless without pictures. Let's face it.. if she doesn't mind you posting pics on here then she will definitely be cool with no strings...
Fortunately, boiled rabbit is permitted on the iDave diet but you can't have potatoes with it.
Molgrips - yes and if I say no there definitely will not be a problem.
I've been assured that whatever I decide will be fine, so the ball is firmly in my court.
Oh I should mention I never met her child as she was being looked after whenever she invited me over, which was a good thing and to my mind reinforced the fact that she only wanted some physical attention.
DO IT...
Without trying to over-analyse (which obviously I've done) the signs have been there for a while that she was interested in a 'normal' relationship and it is only after my insistence that I wasn't, that she has come up with this idea. Doesn't really tie in with what I know about her and smacks of 'getting a foot in the door' rather than a bit of fun and fulfilling a physical need.Without trying to over-analyse (which obviously I've done) the signs have been there for a while that she was interested in a 'normal' relationship and it is only after my insistence that I wasn't, that she has come up with this idea. Doesn't really tie in with what I know about her and smacks of 'getting a foot in the door' rather than a bit of fun and fulfilling a physical need.
This is the bit that rings alarm bells for me. She clearly likes you if she previously wanted a normal relationship with you, and i reckon it'd be hard for her to keep her feeling aside to make it properly no strings. From what you've said, your comment about 'getting a foot in the door' sounds right - she might think she can convince you to have a 'normal' relationship in time.
No strings means no emotional attachment; asking on here suggests you're already putting more thought into it than no strings requires 😯
And for those who suggest women are incapable of no strings, IME some women are much more capable of emotional detachment than most men!
DGOAB - +1
From my perspective the fundamentals of any relationship (whether that's friends, committed partners, no strings etc) is respect, honesty, consideration, and having an awareness of, and sensitivity towards, the feelings of someone else.
So if you think this woman might want more than 'no strings', then maybe the considerate thing would be for you to refuse. Not so much to prevent you from getting any future hassle, but to ensure that she doesn't get hurt in the future.
Other than that, if you think she genuinely is happy with a no strings situation, and you are as well, then as long as you are both truthful and considerate, and treat each other with respect, then there isn't any reason why not. Things like work or 'girls don't do no strings' etc are generalisations, and although for some that wouldn't be right, for others it is.
While it's tempting to get all Richard Keys, I have to agree with dirtygirl. And I think you already know what you're going to do, from your comments.
Just follow your gut instinct.
Just follow your gut instinct.
Go a little lower???
DGOAB/Sue W/psling
Nail on head I believe.
Just to add to the excitement of the day, my new carbon CX forks have been delivered, so first job is get them fitted and go for a spin to clear my head.
the signs have been there for a while that she was interested in a 'normal' relationship and it is only after my insistence that I wasn't, that she has come up with this idea. Doesn't really tie in with what I know about her and smacks of 'getting a foot in the door'
Runaway!
Yeti + 1
What proportion of couples get together at work? My sister married her boss.
What's the worst that can happen? You end up with what sounds like a delightful lady lying next to you with a satisfied smile on her face. If that worries you don't bother. Do you intend to stay single forever? And if not why not this one, if she didn't alreaddy have kids she'd want yours, which do you want?
Interesting take on it Edukator.
Problem is, we don't have very much in common and are very different people AFAIK anyway. Hang on she's just pinged me on FB - better see how the ground lies !
You clearly like her otherwise you would not have posted on here!!
Really wants the worse that can happen (as long as you dont get her pregnant) a few sour days at work maybe then i would just ignore because at the end of the day your single she single and your both want no strings relationship... thats if the worse was to happen.
But really what do you have to loose you never now you may really like each other have alot in common etc.
Why is kids such a problem?
Personally you need to relax have fun and see where things go.
Hmmmmm! All, fairly friendly and chatty, with me being entirely wishy-washy and non-committal as I still haven't finally decided.
Last line from her "[i]So txt my phone instead of FB!!!! Or I'll have a chat ova coffee. If all else fails mates[/i]"
It's the 'if all else fails' bit that rings alarm bells!
Reading too much into it?
Have restrained myself from commenting until now, but..
There will be situations where a colleague relationship will be a no no, and others where it is absolutely the right thing.
We spend a lot of time at work, and, if what I've heard / read / experienced is correct, attraction has a lot to do with proximity...
... making a connection with people - whether that be purely professional or more.
Even professional working relationships can involve very close emotional ties (and I don't allude to anything sexual or improper).
The work I do can involve solving complex problems - some of the most rewarding moments are through sitting down with someone and working through a complex issue, trying to understand whats going on. A breakthough, eureka moment or the dawning of a clearer understanding can be quite an emotional moment, shared, a connection. Similarly, the thrill of a successful meeting / presentation etc can be a shared adrenaline moment.
Partners outside of that close work environment can look in with suspicion, but back to my point, we often spend more time with our work colleagues than at home, and work more closely (on an emotional level) with colleagues than we do with family members. Should be no surprise that strong relationships can be formed through work.
For all the naysayers, I see nothing wrong with Edukator's take on this - add a dose of caution as required
Never dip your nib in the office inkwell
Most of the analysing can be side tracked if you're just direct and to the point with her.
However it wouldn't be half as entertaining for us on here. Do please let us know what you decide to to.
"ova" would be the deal breaker for me. 😉
Last line from her "So txt my phone instead of FB!!!! Or I'll have a chat ova coffee. If all else fails mates"
It's the 'if all else fails' bit that rings alarm bells!
I thinks she means if Viagra is required 😉
I got involved with a no strings relationship with an engaged lass in Uni, was fun but she did get a bit clingy...cake and eat it comes to mind!
Looked like Nicole off the renault ad, so was happy to keep it going until something more serious came along!
Go for it but avoid involving her kids, you two are grown ups they don't need any hurt
Edukator......and I thought I was picky 🙂
Last line from her "So txt my phone instead of FB!!!! Or I'll have a chat ova coffee. If all else fails mates"
It's the 'if all else fails' bit that rings alarm bells!
Id read that as, "well try it and if it doesnt work out we`ll still be mates"
walk away, she will fall for you and all the sh*t will start again.
just my 5p!
+ not fair on the kids!
"Friends with benefits" can work, assuming you're actually friends to start with. Going straight to the horizontal jogging is far more likely to be problematic, IMHO.
I suggest you get it all down in writing a sort of "pre-coitial contract" if you like...
State specifically what acts will and will not be engaged in, acceptable terms of reference and key exclusions (boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, other half, etc)
If that little exercise doesn't deter her then it suggests her previous failed relationships have indeed purged her of all romantic notions or hope of ever being loved and she is indeed an empty husk of a woman only interested in using you as a man whore...
You may then proceed so long as YOU understand you are now using an emotionally damaged woman as a convenient place to park your genitals...
"ova" would be the deal breaker for me.
Just post-menopausal squeezes for you then?
Better to regret something you have done than something you haven't and all that 🙂
I've been assured that whatever I decide will be fine, so the ball is firmly in my court.
Think you need to get your ball(s) in her court...
Aargh - enough with the "regret something you haven't done" brigade, who clearly have never made any extremely poor decisions.
Pretty much all of the things I really really really really wish I hadn't done are in this area.
That kind of thinking is fine for parachuting etc.
But yes - textspeak, and you still claim she isn't a psycho hose-beast ??
Fill your boots! The naysayers are just jealous!
I've had a couple of short term, no strings, work based relationships. But here's the catch... they were short term and we both knew they would be.
I'll give you different advice from all the rest. Take her out for dinner on a proper date with lots of nice wine. Then you'll be able to decide one of 3 things :
1) No strings are go - get in!
2) Let's go home alone before it goes pear shaped
3) Actually strings may not be a such a bad idea.
Aargh - enough with the "regret something you haven't done" brigade, who clearly have never made any extremely poor decisions.
You have quite clearly never seen some of my decisions. I once moved to the Middle East because I was getting annoyed having to ride up the big hill outside my house.
Don't even get me started on past relationships 😉
don't meet the kids until you are ready (never in a no-strings jobbie?)
This - and never let yourself be referred to as 'uncle woodie'
actually in retrospect that's not so bad
I'm still on the fence. I've had a couple of "things" at work, both ended badly, in both cases because the female was properly mental...the work thing is what would put me off.
On the other hand I've no strings a few times and mostly it's all gone fine, but watch out for the warning signs.
next thread - list of top 10 warning signs?
Weight over the bottom bracket and feather the brakes 😉
It's easy for some to emotionally deal with no-strings and not for others. We don't always know which we are as it varies with the other person involved. It could all go wonderfully well, or you may end up adding another kid to her life and becoming her baby daddy. This again may end up being fine in the end.
Don't meet the kids if it's a proper no-strings. They may bond with you and wonder why this new man keeps spending time with their mum. Keep the control 50:50 in the situation. No videos (unless you got mad skillz).
This will definitely change things at work. It can go either way. I personally find it hard to separate fun and connection. Emotionally things snowball for me, but I know this. 7 years later and the hot girl I was seeing lives with me and we are talking about kids and mortgages. I don't have the emotional capacity for stringless flings.
Unfortunately the STW massive can only speculate and amuse you. The kids really add another dimension to this, even more so than work in my eyes. However, it could result in some awesome GoPro footage and a good old fashioned roll in the hay.
Excellent topic by the way.
Double post fail 🙁
I'm sure these things have been said already, but don't have time to read all the posts:
One thing to consider is that after a while, your attitude to her may change.
You may realise that you would like it to move on to a "proper" relationship, because she isn't like your ex, and your previous ideas of "absolute no no's" are actually acceptable and preferable now.
Because she is a different person entirely to the person who you were with before.
But you won't know if you don't give it a try ??
As long as you are able to communicate with each other openly and honestly throughout, then I really can't see an issue with it. It's lies and deceit that mess things up and cause bad feelings/ bad break ups.
Talk to her about it.
Also, it does seem that because you are thinking about it so much, and asking for advice etc. That you are actually looking at as more than "no strings" yourself. You may just not realise it ?
The last time I was offered the same arrangement, I bunked off work straight away and went out to buy new bedsheets and a couple of bottles of wine. Didn't have to think about it for a second 
leffeboy - Member
next thread - list of top 10 warning signs?
Not sure I could narrow it down 😎
nealgloverAs long as you are able to communicate with each other openly and honestly throughout*, then I really can't see an issue with it. It's lies and deceit that mess things up and cause bad feelings/ bad break ups.**
The last time I was offered the same arrangement, I bunked off work straight away and went out to buy new bedsheets***
*I think that's the issue
** yes
*** this must be where I am going wrang
ask on mumsnet.
Kev