[Closed] No-strings relationship advice

Not with someone from work would be my advice. what you going to do if / when it all goes pear shaped

That is my worry too and I've posed the same question directly to her. She's giving all the right answers but not too sure I believe her.

go with your gut instinct. Or could you cope with teh fallout if it all goes pear shaped?

It's not worth it, in my experience there is no such thing as 'no strings'. I've had similar advice before, ignored it, regretted it.

Ride it! 🙂

Gut instinct says don't risk it.

Her personality and behaviour (AFAIK) does not tie in with someone who wants a casual fling and I get the strong feeling as Bucko pointed out that there is no such thing as no-strings.

Potential fall-out is worrying as I still have to deal with the irrational behaviour of the ex three years on and there is no way I'll be put in that position again.

Ride her badly then she wont stick around! 🙂

bobbyg81

Can't do that (not intentionally anyway) as I work in a quite a 'male' environment and if word got out............well, a man has to have some pride 😀

I'll see what tomorrow brings - clear head and all that

In that case stay well clear. Ask if she has a sister!

Apologies to stereotype, but most women don't do no strings, if it's a work colleague I'd stay well clear. Find somewhere else for little head to play 😉

you have one life and you'll be in the hole in the ground for ever so why not have fun now !

Too close of a working environment Woody, I wouldn't.

Sounds like her soul is already going to hell.

Do you want to miss out on a place in heaven for a little sex?

I say go for it. Maybe she doesn't really mean no strings, perhaps she really likes you? Maybe you really like her. Never miss an opportunity to let things change is my advice.

If you behave with dignity and honesty throughout I can't see how you can lose. Plenty of people see people they work with, it's not always bad.

The same happened to me at work, we've now been married 11 years with two kids, he ho. 😉

Bloke I worked with left his wife for the office manager where we worked. She switched roles and started working for him in the company. Then he started playing around, she got (understandably) upset. So he dumped her. Then sacked her.

So yeah. That work romance worked out nicely for her.

Sounds great, go for it. Just be nice, and be truthful about the no strings-ness of it and it will be awesome. I have a friend in an open relationship or three and she loves it. You do have to be unrelentingly truthful to yourself and the other person though.

What a great way to deal with life!! Best not do that just incase something bad might happen!!!
I know quite a few people who have/have had relationships and work together, including myself. Some work some don't and I guess it has to go down to the maturity of the people involved as to whether it will get messy or not if and when there is a breakdown.
More recently I have had opportunities which I have turned down and regretted it, that's a poor decision...

In my opinion, there is definitely no such thing as a no-strings relationship. I have heard this many times before and it just doesn't happen. Seriously don't embark on this if you are expecting no-strings. As soon as you put your pudding in her basin you have strings, if not before

The work side of things sometimes does and sometimes doesnt work. I'm something of an expert having had 4 work-related relationships in my time. No matter how much you both say you will remain professional, prepare for both your productivity to suffer as the excitement of the (no-strings lol) relationship develops

The reality of the situation is that when it comes down to it you are going to do whatever your 'little head' tells you to do, so just let it happen and enjoy it while it lasts!

Alway regret the things you do, not what you don't do. I never met an eighty year old yet who said to me, you know son, the one thing I regret is having too much sex... 😉

In all seriousness, you're single, what's the worst that can happen? So you might have to move stations, localities, services... Countries? It's all an opportunity buddy!

(the majority of long term relationships are formed at the workplace, iir)

No strings is absolutely possible, it's worked out for me when I initially thought it was risky. I doubt I'd risk it at work tho, esp when you don't feel 100% that she's capable. Be clear about your concerns, she may convince you 😉

Or go online? I'm told there are girls looking for fun on the right sites (NOT dating sites)

Man The etc etc

I had a similar experience with a 'no strings' girl, 10 years later she still lingers like a bad smell- women really dont do no strings ... emotionaly they are wired differently to guys and get connected far easier than we do... good luck 😛

What Emma82 said. I don't know any women who can genuinely do "no strings", or not what men interpret that to mean. I imagine you would have to be a bit of a sociopath to really be able to behave that way, or a prostitute. Something you might want to explore perhaps ??

There's a truism about poo and your own doorstep. The kids thing will preclude 'no strings' if you meet them. I wouldn't, unless you don't give a tinker's about your job and are happy to move on if it all gets a bit strained.

it has to go down to the maturity of the people involved as to whether it will get messy or not if and when there is a breakdown

Simon has it.

I've had several amicable break-ups. It's not hard if you are both grown-ups.

I'd do it. Better to regret something you did than something you didn't do. Embrace opportunities and all that.

[i]Some[/i] women happily do no-strings, [b]for a while[/b] at least. My friend was in a no-strings relationship, and all going swimmingly until she starts getting mixed messages - he suggests they spend the day together, hold hands etc. but panics when his flatmate asks if she's his girlfriend or not. Obviously she promptly dropped him, but recently saw him just passing on the street (he with a girl in tow) and he was visibly anxious and awkward about it. I'm sure they're both very thankful that they don't work together.

Do you both have the same concept of "no strings attached" ?

No strings for a month, then if you want to break it off ask her to marry you - that should kill it off nicely and amicably. You've had fun and she's had a nice guy proposed marriage which she just isn't ready for - surely if it works in Hollywood it can work here? 😈

Getting involved with someone you work with? On any level more than 'work'?

You'd need your bumps feeling IMHO. Just have a think about the medium/long term, and see if you can think of any conceivable scenario where its all worked out really well, and everyone's happy

No, me neither

women really dont do no strings

Edit, all above in my (enjoyable) experience, obviously.

had a couple of no strings with people i thought at the start might be psycho but to be fair they held up thier end of the bargain. both work colleagues both 'hated' each other but didnt know about the others extra curricular activities. one married one single both had kids ( who i never met)
when i met the mrs went and had a chat with each of them and drew a clear line in the sand and that was that.. lasted about 3 years a piece all in.. no dates no chrissy presents no hassle..

Do it, i would, if all else fails it'll give you stories to tell 😉

Please post updates though, and pics?

Unless you are in a position of responsibility over her at work then why not? If you are her line manager or a director of the business then I would steer clear for purely professional reasons.

I have had several relationships with people I work with (some worked, some not) never caused any problems.

I managed a stint of no strings with a girl at work who has a kid about 4 years ago... didn't go pear shaped, in fact we are still good friends, just we know what each other look like naked, makes for some good banter, but then I am totally loveable in a rogueish kind of way (according to my mum)

You need to have a feel for the situation, I knew the girl was strong minded and just needed a good seeing to, as she was aware that I wasn't prepared to take on someone elses kids at that time.

Thanks for all the input, particularly the women as it is very helpful. Only on STW could you get such a balanced viewpoint.

Be clear about your concerns, she may convince you

Sooo not true. And possibly a little sexist? some women prefer no strings

I've also had a couple of work relationships in the dim and distant past, neither of which ended well!

If it wasn't for the work aspect (I'm not her boss but do come into regular contact) then I would be more inclined to give it a go. As it stands, I have too many doubts and the negatives outweight the obvious positive!

She wants to come round to my house tonight, so I'll have to let her know by early afternoon.

Keep the advice coming - seems fairly evenly divided at the moment.

Cheers

Do it, i would, if all else fails it'll give you stories to tell

This is what is best for us. Do it.

FWIW, here's some advice from a chap who's been around the block a few times.

Firstly, there's no such thing as no strings sex. One of you will struggle to keep physical intimacy and emotional intimacy separate and thus will come to expect more than the other party is willing to give.

Secondly, never, ever get involved with someone you work with unless you forsee the relationship lasting forever. Post shag fallout can pollute far more than you realise and could put both your respective careers in jeopardy. She's got kids to feed so she doesn't need the hassle.

PJM1974 - Member
FWIW, here's some advice from a chap who's been around the block a few times.

Firstly, there's no such thing as no strings sex. One of you will struggle to keep physical intimacy and emotional intimacy separate and thus will come to expect more than the other party is willing to give.

FFS - is your experience the same as everyone's, ever? GENERALISATIONS DO NOT HOLD.

Much as I would like to bring entertainment to the STW masses............ there are some things which a gentleman should keep private.

Bit late for that I guess 😆

Oh Woody this:

if it wasn't for emotional baggage and a couple of kids, which is an absolute no no for me after a previous debacle.

Enjoy yourself mate, lifes too short, and you only get one!

FFS - is your experience the same as everyone's, ever? GENERALISATIONS DO NOT HOLD.

Calm down fella. There's no need to shout.

I'm giving the OP the benefit of my own personal experiences. I don't see the problem there. If your experiences and opinions are different to mine then vive la difference. I won't shout you down on a public forum.

Nah, I'd not.

Too much to loose

Have you considered the possibility that turning her down might also have negative work implications?

Too much to loose

I think that's one "o" too many, but it does take on a rather amusing new meaning there 🙂

Too much, too loose

To munch; to lose

there are some things which a gentleman should keep private.

Personally I think this thread is useless without pictures. Let's face it.. if she doesn't mind you posting pics on here then she will definitely be cool with no strings...

Fortunately, boiled rabbit is permitted on the iDave diet but you can't have potatoes with it.

Molgrips - yes and if I say no there definitely will not be a problem.

I've been assured that whatever I decide will be fine, so the ball is firmly in my court.

Oh I should mention I never met her child as she was being looked after whenever she invited me over, which was a good thing and to my mind reinforced the fact that she only wanted some physical attention.

DO IT...

Without trying to over-analyse (which obviously I've done) the signs have been there for a while that she was interested in a 'normal' relationship and it is only after my insistence that I wasn't, that she has come up with this idea. Doesn't really tie in with what I know about her and smacks of 'getting a foot in the door' rather than a bit of fun and fulfilling a physical need.Without trying to over-analyse (which obviously I've done) the signs have been there for a while that she was interested in a 'normal' relationship and it is only after my insistence that I wasn't, that she has come up with this idea. Doesn't really tie in with what I know about her and smacks of 'getting a foot in the door' rather than a bit of fun and fulfilling a physical need.

This is the bit that rings alarm bells for me. She clearly likes you if she previously wanted a normal relationship with you, and i reckon it'd be hard for her to keep her feeling aside to make it properly no strings. From what you've said, your comment about 'getting a foot in the door' sounds right - she might think she can convince you to have a 'normal' relationship in time.

No strings means no emotional attachment; asking on here suggests you're already putting more thought into it than no strings requires 😯

And for those who suggest women are incapable of no strings, IME some women are much more capable of emotional detachment than most men!

DGOAB - +1

From my perspective the fundamentals of any relationship (whether that's friends, committed partners, no strings etc) is respect, honesty, consideration, and having an awareness of, and sensitivity towards, the feelings of someone else.

So if you think this woman might want more than 'no strings', then maybe the considerate thing would be for you to refuse. Not so much to prevent you from getting any future hassle, but to ensure that she doesn't get hurt in the future.

Other than that, if you think she genuinely is happy with a no strings situation, and you are as well, then as long as you are both truthful and considerate, and treat each other with respect, then there isn't any reason why not. Things like work or 'girls don't do no strings' etc are generalisations, and although for some that wouldn't be right, for others it is.

While it's tempting to get all Richard Keys, I have to agree with dirtygirl. And I think you already know what you're going to do, from your comments.

Just follow your gut instinct.

Just follow your gut instinct.

DGOAB/Sue W/psling

Nail on head I believe.

Just to add to the excitement of the day, my new carbon CX forks have been delivered, so first job is get them fitted and go for a spin to clear my head.

the signs have been there for a while that she was interested in a 'normal' relationship and it is only after my insistence that I wasn't, that she has come up with this idea. Doesn't really tie in with what I know about her and smacks of 'getting a foot in the door'

Runaway!

Yeti + 1

What proportion of couples get together at work? My sister married her boss.

What's the worst that can happen? You end up with what sounds like a delightful lady lying next to you with a satisfied smile on her face. If that worries you don't bother. Do you intend to stay single forever? And if not why not this one, if she didn't alreaddy have kids she'd want yours, which do you want?

Interesting take on it Edukator.

Problem is, we don't have very much in common and are very different people AFAIK anyway. Hang on she's just pinged me on FB - better see how the ground lies !

You clearly like her otherwise you would not have posted on here!!

Really wants the worse that can happen (as long as you dont get her pregnant) a few sour days at work maybe then i would just ignore because at the end of the day your single she single and your both want no strings relationship... thats if the worse was to happen.

But really what do you have to loose you never now you may really like each other have alot in common etc.

Why is kids such a problem?

Personally you need to relax have fun and see where things go.

Hmmmmm! All, fairly friendly and chatty, with me being entirely wishy-washy and non-committal as I still haven't finally decided.

Last line from her "[i]So txt my phone instead of FB!!!! Or I'll have a chat ova coffee. If all else fails mates[/i]"
It's the 'if all else fails' bit that rings alarm bells!

Reading too much into it?

Have restrained myself from commenting until now, but..

There will be situations where a colleague relationship will be a no no, and others where it is absolutely the right thing.

We spend a lot of time at work, and, if what I've heard / read / experienced is correct, attraction has a lot to do with proximity...

... making a connection with people - whether that be purely professional or more.

Even professional working relationships can involve very close emotional ties (and I don't allude to anything sexual or improper).

The work I do can involve solving complex problems - some of the most rewarding moments are through sitting down with someone and working through a complex issue, trying to understand whats going on. A breakthough, eureka moment or the dawning of a clearer understanding can be quite an emotional moment, shared, a connection. Similarly, the thrill of a successful meeting / presentation etc can be a shared adrenaline moment.

Partners outside of that close work environment can look in with suspicion, but back to my point, we often spend more time with our work colleagues than at home, and work more closely (on an emotional level) with colleagues than we do with family members. Should be no surprise that strong relationships can be formed through work.

For all the naysayers, I see nothing wrong with Edukator's take on this - add a dose of caution as required

Never dip your nib in the office inkwell

Most of the analysing can be side tracked if you're just direct and to the point with her.

However it wouldn't be half as entertaining for us on here. Do please let us know what you decide to to.

"ova" would be the deal breaker for me. 😉

Last line from her "So txt my phone instead of FB!!!! Or I'll have a chat ova coffee. If all else fails mates"
It's the 'if all else fails' bit that rings alarm bells!

I thinks she means if Viagra is required 😉

I got involved with a no strings relationship with an engaged lass in Uni, was fun but she did get a bit clingy...cake and eat it comes to mind!

Looked like Nicole off the renault ad, so was happy to keep it going until something more serious came along!

Go for it but avoid involving her kids, you two are grown ups they don't need any hurt

Edukator......and I thought I was picky 🙂

Last line from her "So txt my phone instead of FB!!!! Or I'll have a chat ova coffee. If all else fails mates"
It's the 'if all else fails' bit that rings alarm bells!

Id read that as, "well try it and if it doesnt work out we`ll still be mates"

walk away, she will fall for you and all the sh*t will start again.

just my 5p!

+ not fair on the kids!

"Friends with benefits" can work, assuming you're actually friends to start with. Going straight to the horizontal jogging is far more likely to be problematic, IMHO.

I suggest you get it all down in writing a sort of "pre-coitial contract" if you like...
State specifically what acts will and will not be engaged in, acceptable terms of reference and key exclusions (boyfriend/girlfriend, partner, other half, etc)

If that little exercise doesn't deter her then it suggests her previous failed relationships have indeed purged her of all romantic notions or hope of ever being loved and she is indeed an empty husk of a woman only interested in using you as a man whore...

You may then proceed so long as YOU understand you are now using an emotionally damaged woman as a convenient place to park your genitals...

"ova" would be the deal breaker for me.

Just post-menopausal squeezes for you then?

Better to regret something you have done than something you haven't and all that 🙂

I've been assured that whatever I decide will be fine, so the ball is firmly in my court.

Aargh - enough with the "regret something you haven't done" brigade, who clearly have never made any extremely poor decisions.

Pretty much all of the things I really really really really wish I hadn't done are in this area.

That kind of thinking is fine for parachuting etc.

But yes - textspeak, and you still claim she isn't a psycho hose-beast ??

Fill your boots! The naysayers are just jealous!