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Close call.
About ten minutes from home when the spasms struck.
Hot sweats, unbearable cramp and an arse like a Morecambe Bay Prawn.
As I pulled over I tried to think happy thoughts and imagined trains going back into tunnels and a world without pain.
Whilst death gripping the wheel and shaking uncontrollably I reviewed my options.
No local pubs.
IKEA bag of tools in the back - I could empty that, but it was touch and go.
Probably.
Was just about to welcome the warm, sharty embrace of doom, the steam cleaner and the brown pant shuffle when the spasms eased.
I ran for home, arse barely touching velour as I raced toward the beckoning porcelain.
As with the story of the giant rat of Sumatra, I fear the world is not yet ready for further details.
Anyway.
How was your afternoon?
I once saw a guy jump out the back of a taxi and projectile shit in a bush. Middle of town at 11am.
He was quite heroic I thought.
Power Shite?
#prayforrusty
I'm pretty sure that "Rusty" will be in evidence regardless of faith-based intervention 😀
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Funnily enough (or not) I bought a load of ISO Gels from that Canyon sale last month. Tried one last weekend and it had this exact effect on me. 😐
Funny exact same thing happened to me halfway home from the pub. Doubled up with pain in gut, hot face, feeling sick give then back at intervals. Was having visions of crouching in a gutter but just made it to another pub in time. Then right as rain after that.
I am at peace.
Thx for the hugs.
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I once saw a guy jump out the back of a taxi and projectile shit in a bush. Middle of town at 11am.He was quite heroic I thought.
One of my first jobs i worked for an insane depressed Norwegian. 3 days into the job I was due to meet him offsite at a conference where he was giving a paper. With a few minutes to go, no sign and in the days before mobiles I'm now desperately familiarising myself with his presentation because it looks like I'm giving it.
And then he rolls in looking like death and dishevelled as ****.
Sorry - he announces to the organiser. I am not well and I had to stop for a shit (exact words)
Not sure how to respond and for lack of anything sensible to say, I asked him where,
'By the side of the road. Three times'
His presentation was excellent though.
His presentation was excellent though.
He did it on a piece of slate?
I'm sorry but the worst toilet in Scotland has long been surpassed. The things seen at Rockness can never be unseen 😯