Kids are all different, but some things helped a bit with us:
- We had her in bed with us, much easier for feeding and I think the closeness also helped with sleeping - we used slings too instead of pushchairs, and the thing would often fall asleep in the sling.
- When she got into a real crying fit, I'd blow gently on her face - would often snap her out of it, and she'd just give me a really annoyed look and then doze off. Six year later, she now does it to me when she thinks I'm nagging her about something 😀
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There is never going to be the one perfect answer but (as another father to twins here) we found that the single best thing we got for our two were little blankets with knots in each corner. I stumbled across this solution after yet another struggle getting them to sleep and I noticed they were both hanging on to my thumb. I mentioned this to my wife and she went out and got these blankets and they used them as a replacement thumb (hanging on to the knots).
Still we did then go on to spend an inordinate amount on extras, spares, replacements and emergency ones 🙂
Thanks for the pointers & experience everyone, we managed a much more civilised night after 4 very difficult ones! We agreed I will bathe, nappy and feed in the evening & get him off to sleep and then I'm 'on duty' until 1am - then it's shift change 🙂 If he was kicking around in the [now slightly tilted] moses I'd get him out, wind him until I got something out, and get him back in there as soon as the eyes were closed for a minute.
If he was unsettled but not windy, a hand across the chest actually seemed to really help soothe him - thanks for that one mogrim, and I tucked in the blanket tighter and with his arms under there (rather than swinging about and doing that bloody reflex 'arms in the air' thing constantly!)
Great news OP. Some brilliant advice on here.
It's a marathon, so hang in there.
Mine are now old enough to rag round trails, climb mountains and give me grief about revision for exams - different stresses but so much fun...
Congrats OP.
Our little dude is nearly two (it's flown by) and was / still is a bit of a monkey when it comes to sleep.
The first three months were bloody hard work and we had to work really hard to make sure that we were nice to each other! I ended up in the spare room a lot so I wasn't totally destroyed for work and every two weeks my other half would have an evening / night / morning at her mum and dads so she could get a good nights sleep and recharge a bit.
In the very early days he'd be horrid between 8-11 (basically whilst I had him) and just cry and there were plenty of times I found myself wondering what we'd done! I'd end up sleeping on the sofa with him on my chest. It then got a bit better before getting worse again and we ended up using a crying technique that worked pretty well and got us going again. Even now he's an early riser - come 5/5:30 he's wide awake and ready to go.
They are brill though and it gets more fun as a dad once they're a bit bigger.
Good luck.
My little girls is 10 months this week, can't believe how quickly that time has gone. The past couple of months have been the best as she is now much more interactive; it's such an amazing feeling when I walk in to the room and she smiles, claps, and say dadda, or waves good bye.
The fact that breast feeding worked for us helped a lot in the beginning with cosleeping making night feeds easy, the trouble is that the baby won't now go to sleep at night without boob, and won't settle again without boob. My wife won't leave the baby to cry more than a few seconds without giving boob which is all very well now but is going to be a real challenge for her sleep wise when she returns to work in a couple of months. So boob or bottle there is no easy or right way.
As others have said your relationship with your other half should not be neglected (well not the emotional side, the physical side might take some time). I've learnt to roll with it when I know my wife is tired an emotional and to as long as the baby is safe small differences in parenting techniques do not matter.
Good look, it will be worth it.
Stumpy, our little man does the exact same, asleep soundly for 30 mins on mum, very carefully place him in moses (like you're handling high-explosives) & boom - the eyes ping open & it all kicks off again! Will review the angle/setup in there.
Ah, the built-in baby altimeter.
Little really to add other than it does get easier. I have a 15 week old son and he's getting really interesting to play with which really helps with the whole 'is this really worth it' question.
We use infacol before his bottle to reduce stomach pains, it seems to make things easier as before he'd wake with real screams of pain and he doesn't now.
Also, in terms of help around the house. 2 things we couldn't be without.
Ewan the dream sheep (plays womb sounds and has a soothing red light on)
Secondly is the Tommy Tippee perfect prep machine. It's quite expensive but means that night feeds take a couple of minutes to prep with no boiling of kettles etc. It all helps when trying to not wake them up too much in the middle of the night.
Both of these can help them get to sleep, and subsequently give you a little more time to sleep as well.
We also put a book under his mattress at the head end which helped, but he did end up slipping down the bed by the morning!
With our first we were a bit "oh shit, oh shit" and he was especially excellent at throwing his milk straight back due to gastric re-flux which saw the poor little sod on baby gaviscon for about 4 months (this was irrespective of what ever formula he had). He went straight onto formula from birth, it calmed down after a while and now at 4 you can pick him up, dress him, drop him in the car, drive, drop him off at his Grans all still asleep.
The 2nd one was a bit of a dream from day one, will happily go to bed awake and then drop off and sleep right through, he's 2 now.
No. 3 was due to arrive yesterday so **** knows what this one will be like.
You'll get used to it and develop the ability to cope with surprisingly little sleep.
Your other half may well change her thoughts regarding career, mine certainly has and she's Regional VP at a large bank.
I mentioned earlier in the thread about the cocoonababy, seriously do yourself a favour and take a look at it
[url= http://www.madeformums.com/reviews/cots-night-time-and-nursery/travel-cots-and-beds/-red-castle-cocoonababy/1893.html ]http://www.madeformums.com/reviews/cots-night-time-and-nursery/travel-cots-and-beds/-red-castle-cocoonababy/1893.html[/url]
Thanks for the good wishes - good luck with your new arrival Steve!
Ewan the Dream Sheep sounds mental, I'll take a look (and at the Cocoonababy too). Already all over the Perfect Prep machine, a friend basically forced us to buy it long before bambino turned up & I'm so glad she did.
Ewan the dream sheep sounds mental but does work.
It does get better, am currently sat outside with my 13 month old chasing a load of balls around the garden, its awesome
Our new born appears to like the Cocoonababy, we are also prewarming it with a water bottle (remove as baby goes into it).
We have a dream sheep but jury is out for me on it making any difference.
Sometimes you've just got to take a step back and look at the craziness of it all and have a good laugh.
My advice - just chill out and go with the flow. There's not a lot you can really control at the moment and you'll just get upset trying. Take lots of advice & experiment till you find whatever works for your family.
We've got a 14 week old who has suffered badly with wind from the beginning. We tried comfort milk which didn't help, she's much better on aptamil. Infacol made things worse, we've just started using gaviscon which seems to be helping loads, but we just need to get the right balance as it can lead to constipation.
We got so much conflicting advice from health workers, none of which really helped and actually just frustrated us. Remember that your little one isn't seriously ill, so long as she's gaining weight and generally happy, she'll be fine.
I know being told it will get better doesn't really help you right now, because right now things feel so hard/helpless.
We started to see improvement at 13/14 weeks. We feed her every 3 hrs during the day and try to make sure she gets good naps, and now, for the past week she's slept from 9pm until 8am without waking. This will happen to you, hang on in there.
Edit - ours has been in her own room for many weeks now after a few weeks downstairs with us on the couch overnight, then progressing to the landing outside our bedroom, then to her own room. We've never felt bad about not having her in our room, she's way too noisy!!
Further edit - struggling with the seettling process is no surprise when you're knackered. You have to make sure each of you gets a good night's kip every now and again, it makes a massive difference. Sleep in a sparer room if necessary, just make sure you each get your turn. Once he's sleeping through, things will be so different
Regarding the cocoonababy thing, we were lent a puddle pod thing which is similar, but not as expensive.
I think officially you aren't meant to let them sleep in it, but everyone apparently does. We did and she was fine in it.
We put it in the cot.
When she got too big for it, we transferred her directly to the cot with some rolled up towels either side of her to comfort her and that worked a treat.
massively +1 for Ewan and the Perfect prep machine
OP
We had similar circumstances, I was working 5hrs away within a few weeks of baby 1 arriving and he came out via c section. Family 3 hours away.
I honestly don't remember how we did it but currently slumbering upstairs are 7 and 4 year old boys who are (to us at least) amazing (& infuriating) and proof you can muddle through. I guess we did it because you have to and your post above seems to be leaning towards the sort of coping strategy we ended up with.
Mrs g-d did all the night shift feeding on mini g-d 1 (breast fed) and I did nappy changes and intermittently slept in another room to stay fit enough for work and then at weekends it was all 3 (then 4) of us - team effort. Barely rode the bike for the first year.
No. 2 we used bottle/formula and breast. I did a late bottle feed (night owl me) so she could go to bed early and then do the dream feeds and I'd sleep through and get up for work. I'd get in and cook.
Also on no.2 if he was unsettled at our meal time I would go walkabout round the house with him to chill him out. Mrs g-d then got a chance at a hot dinner (mine was hot when she had to feed him when dinner was out). Even a little thing like your sausage and mash still being hot when you eat it can be a bit of a boost.
I'm pretty good on no sleep but it tested me to my limits.
One other thing, which I find when work starts to overwhelm everything else (whether at baby stage or just generally) is to just tune out what I'm missing out on (bike riding usually is what suffers these days) and accept and focus on what I have to do rather than think about what I want to do.
My work throws up lots of intense short term projects that are not work/ life balance friendly. If I rail against it I'm less productive and more unhappy.
Ear plugs - not just for trying to sleep with, but when he is grizzling and crying and you are walking around with him at 2am getting stressed out, it cuts down on the terrible annoying and upsetting noise they make.
I imagine noise cancelling headphones might work as well.
Give a set to your wife as well.
Not much I can add, but certainly try putting him down on his front not his back. Just because "the book" says that's how you do it doesn't mean it's right (it used to be the standard way!).
Also - live to work or work to live?
Just remembered something that worked for us. Our first baby's sleep pattern was reversed - day was night and night was day. We used a large 'rainmaker' (Think that's what they are called.) a cylinder filled with beads that you invert at intervals to let the beads drop slowly from top to bottom. IIRC it works because a lot of babies like white noise and it helps them settle.
Feel for you. My boy is 14 months now and loads of fun. The first 7.5 months were awful. We had no more than 4 hours broken kip. With no family support we were close to breakdown tbh. As soon as you start getting some proper sleep everything will be easier.
Other thing we've got is 'bedtime bunny' a soft toy he has at night which you can clip 4 dummies to. Most of his waking when he was a little older was the dummy fell out and he couldn't find it. He wasn't fussed by Ewan, he just gets chucked about....
