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Just been reading the responses and I’ve nearly ruined my keyboard laughing at some of them so thanks for cheering me up.
I’m waiting for sky to move the dish as they are the ones who put it there. After shoving a letter through his door asking him not to move the dish as I’ve arranged sky to relocate it, he hasn’t touched this dish for a couple of days now, so at least my mother can watch some tv.
Anyway I’ve just found out the neighbour has a cat!
So would you still use sausages for a cat?
So would you still use sausages for a cat?
No.
For a cat you need a cycle helmet, and emergency union flag and a tub of Sudocrem.
Every week replace his cat with an identically marked but slightly smaller cat until one day just don't replace the cat. When he asks about the missing cat pretend he never had a cat.
a drone, a tin of emulsion with a hole poked in the bottom, fly over solar panels
Shit in his hot tub.
Every week replace his cat with an identically marked but slightly smaller cat until one day just don’t replace the cat. When he asks about the missing cat pretend he never had a cat.
Or tempt the cat in with tasty treats once a week, tumble dry it to shrink it slightly, then send it back.
Picolax the cat.
Hammer frozen sausgages into his pussy.
He didn’t do anything wrong in the first place!
He acted the **** with an elderly woman rather than talking to her like a grown adult. He needs knocking out of ****ing alignment himself.
So would you still use sausages for a cat?
Freeze the cat and hammer it into the dog's bum.
Freeze his hot tub and use your hot air balloon to drop it on his solar panels.
After shoving a letter through his door
Get Steve to ease his sausage into the letterbox using a spoon
Slip a frozen sausage through his letterbox and shout ‘oh er mrs the aliens are coming!’.
This place used to be so simple - piss in shoes, own with Bombers, shit down chimneys.
I knew where I was in the old days. Usually on someone's roof.......
When the sky man takes the dish down to move it, take it and shove it in your neighbours’ tea towel holder and then subscribe to BT
This place used to be so simple – piss in shoes, own with Bombers, shit down chimneys.
Or cover the cat in sudocrem?
Report him for having solar panels with out building control approval. Give him some pointless paper work to fill in.
There are so many knobs in this country who think “my house is my castle” and then buy semi detached house.
For a cat you will need either:
A hungry boa constrictor
or
A husky.
Option 2 will be messy and you may need to schedule a dog groomer to clean the dog.
Usually on someone’s roof…….
...clutching your binoculars whilst evading the police?
Report him for having solar panels with out building control approval. Give him some pointless paper work to fill in.
report his hot tub as an unlicensed sewage processing plant
sign him up for a free catalogue through the post from every sex toy shop you can find
reverse the connection on his solar panels so when the sun comes out he has to pay for the privilege of it shining on his roof
Usually on someone’s roof…….
He was in the apprentice Santa Claus programme.
It was going really well until he started losing his hair
Take off and nuke the site from orbit.
Although a noble solution and one I'd otherwise heartily agree with, owing to the semi-detached nature of the properties, you may find that has a somewhat detrimental effect on the state of flyingpotatoes' mum's health.
Cougar
He acted the * with an elderly woman rather than talking to her like a grown adult. He needs knocking out of * alignment himself.
Unlike the OP who set up a hidden camera rather than talking to the neighbour like a grown adult...?
Perhaps my view is tainted, as I live in a semi-detached house with a pain in the arse neighbour. In fact they put an aerial and Sky dish up on my chimney without asking.
If any of the other neighbours put something on my property, I'd speak to them and assume it was a mistake. If my direct neighbour did it, I'd hoof it straight back over their fence. I'd sooner shit in my hands and clap than speak to them.
rather than talking to the neighbour like a grown adult…?
I’d sooner shit in my hands and clap than speak to them.
So the OP should have spoken to his neighbour but you wouldn't speak to yours?
Unlike the OP who set up a hidden camera rather than talking to the neighbour like a grown adult…?
The alternative being to baselessly accuse them of tampering with it? The camera was put in to try and find out who / what was causing it to move.
Cougar
The alternative being to baselessly accuse them of tampering with it? The camera was put in to try and find out who / what was causing it to move.
No need to accuse, you just say "excuse me, my mum's satellite dish keeps getting moved, I wondered if you knew what was going on?"
So the OP should have spoken to his neighbour but you wouldn’t speak to yours?
Nope, already have many times, not wasting my time doing it again. And that you made that assumption is the point really, the neighbour may have had a valid reason not to want to talk to OPs mum (or he may simply be an arse), however we don't have his side of the story.
reverse the connection on his solar panels so when the sun comes out he has to pay for the privilege of it shining on his roof
This thread is my current favourite. So many superb suggestions for vengeance! But this from @mrmonkfinger has made me laugh the most so far.
Thank you!
Hey Retro83 - I've got a hot air balloon I'm looking to offload if any use?
RM.
Unlike the OP who set up a hidden camera rather than talking to the neighbour like a grown adult…?
Why would the OP think it was the neighbour? "Excuse me, mate - you haven't been leaning out of your bedroom window and poking me mum's dish, have you?"
It's not like the neighbour was polite enough to knock on the door in the first place....
No need to accuse, you just say “excuse me, my mum’s satellite dish keeps getting moved, I wondered if you knew what was going on?”
"No idea mate, sorry."
Then what?
Then what?
Sniper, obviously.
I like the cut of your jib.
Can you get a rifle that fires frozen sausages?
Can you get a rifle that fires frozen sausages?
A Wallther PPK?
@retro
For clarity, I have had to travel 10 miles each way to my mother's house to adjust the dish so she could watch tv again.
Then around 9.20pm the neighbour leaned out of his window to smack the dish with a 4x2 so the shadow of the dish isn't on his property. This happened 3 times.
The fourth time he moved it when my mother nipped out to the local shop for 30 minutes at 11am. She came back and told me it had moved again.
I put a security camera up to see what was happening to the dish.
The neighbour eventually posted a note through the door, which I replied with a letter through his door.
I'm only annoyed that he was playing a game of **** the dish out of alignment so my mother couldn't watch tv.
My mother has lived in the property for 40 years, the neighbour for 18 months.
I'll save what he has done with his fence for another thread, but the neighbour is the one who has acted like a child.
If he had knocked on the door and asked if we would move the dish I would have arranged it.
Do you have a dog by any chance? I have spare sausages
Can you get a rifle that fires frozen sausages?
Rifles have girl's names, like Charlene, so I'm not sure they have shooting sausages.
Though these days I shouldn't judge I suppose.
Hang something out your window so it casts a shadow but its still on your property.
flyingpotatoes
Member@retro
Fair enough sounds like he's just an arsehole then.
Cougar
“No idea mate, sorry.”
Then what?
Why would he say that if something is annoying him enough to bother moving it? Makes no sense at all.
Hammer frozen Jobbies into his lawn. Eat the sausages.
Hang something out your window so it casts a shadow but its still on your property.
An electric awning mounted side ways. Then you can wind it in when he complains and back out again half an hour later.
Edit. Or wind it in when he is complaining so you can look and say it’s not out. Then as he returns home wind it out in time for his arrival.
frozen Jobbies into his lawn
You realise freezer sections everywhere have been stripped bare like ****stan's crop fields so you would have to make your own don't you?
An electric awning mounted side ways. Then you can wind it in when he complains and back out again half an hour later.
A huge flag would work better, it makes a lovely noise in the wind and could be chosen specifically to annoy the neighbour, so a union jack, EU, rainbow etc.
A huge flag would work better, it makes a lovely noise in the wind
And a large wind chime attached
You realise freezer sections everywhere have been stripped bare like ****stan’s crop fields so you would have to make your own don’t you?
This is STW. We always make our own.
Makes no sense at all.
Speaking of which, he moved the dish because it cast a shadow on his wall. Makes less sense to me.
This is STW. We always make our own
No we don't.
We buy artisan hand made extra-fine-ds crispy pancakes then cook them in our portable wood fired oven over wagyu birch.
Usually whilst sitting beside our camper converted t4, wearing a 5k watch moaning that our LBS has the audacity to charge rrp for a £6 part when we could buy it for £5.98 on the Internet if only they'd spend half an hour figuring out which one we need.