She's chosen her life and all you can really do is let her know you love her (which it sounds like you've done).

She knows what has to change and, tbh, it sounds like your step Dad is pretty much a carer for her so if he gives her what she wants because he loves her and it makes his life a bit easier it's difficult to blame him too much?

You can't help someone who won't help themselves Mick, I really believe that. Just be there to pick up the pieces as much as you can 🙁

she was legless in bed? no wonder she fell out of it....

Feeling your pain, geordiemick. In an almost identical situation with the MIL. We had 5 years of picking her up, dusting her off, and trying to set her back on track, and every single time she threw it back in our face. She gets unbelievably insulting when confronted - I've never endured such venom as I have from drunken mother-in-law.
Last straw was when we had our first child, and her first grand-child last November. We thought she might have made an effort to play a part in his life, but no. She thinks she deserves a part in our lives, but I've spent far too many nights comforting my broken wife to let that happen. We broke off contact just after Christmas, and our life has been considerably less dramatic & stressful since.
As mentioned above, you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.

Could I call her GP and get some help??

Could social services help in any way??

We sense your desperation, but woody2000 speaks the truth - in these types of cases there's little that can be done by wither family or professionals, if the person won't let them.

DrP

Get in touch with these people, they'll understand exactly what you are going through :

http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/about

Well if nothing else it looks like she managed to raise 3 decent kids.

It's like a teenager in a way, you have to let people make their own decisions about life. Sounds like she knows her body is on it's way out and chooses to get drunk to allieviate the sadness in her life.
If that's the case, there's little you can do. Best wishes.

Well if nothing else it looks like she managed to raise 3 decent kids.

I've met Mick, there's nowt decent about him 😉

Had an Aunt & Uncle in the same position - alcoholic (secret - yeah as if) Aunt got everything she wanted (lots of booze), Uncle to soft to stop her, family challenged them both several times and it only led to bitterness and arguments.

Ernie's suggestion is a good one and one we tried, but without the person's acceptance of a need to change it's a hard fight.

Hope they can offer you some support to deal with it.

From the sound of it shes over the rude-health tipping point. Let her enjoy her last years. Stop stressing her.

What do you want? A healthy miraculous recovery and totally drink/fag free? Wont happen as shes not 30 and in recoverable/reversable health. Therefore just be with her and enjoy her.

I doubt I'll live into my 70's. Doesn't mean its all **** compared to someone pissing themself clueless for another 10-15yrs ontop.

From the sound of it shes over the rude-health tipping point. Let her enjoy her last years. Stop stressing her.
What do you want? A healthy miraculous recovery and totally drink/fag free? Wont happen as shes not 30 and in recoverable/reversable health. Therefore just be with her and enjoy her.

Surely the issue is that her drinking habit has just lead to her being hospitalised, and quite aside from the physical damage to herself, is putting avoidable stress and strain on her family. Is she really ‘enjoying’ her last years breaking bones?

I feel for you Mick, as I’m in a similar situation – my mother has had mental health problems since I was a toddler, and has been a functioning alcoholic since I was in my early teens. She’s gotten worse since my dad died though, getting through a couple of bottles of vodka a week, and drinking 3 or 4 glasses of wine whenever she’s out – even if it’s at a baby shower afternoon tea. Everyone else is supping tea and coffee and scoffing cream cakes, and she’s downing large glasses of the house red.

Her drinking has caused a huge amount of heartbreak in the family – there was the time she couldn’t go to my 30th birthday meal, because she was too drunk to even walk, or the time she accidentally set fire to the carpet with a carelessly discarded cigarette. She won’t go to see people or go out for meals unless somebody offers to drive, or goes to see her, because drinking is more important than her family. We want her to sort herself out, because she’s a risk to herself (falling and breaking something, accidentally setting fire to stuff, leaving the gas on) and to other people (driving when she’s almost certainly over the limit).

No-one can talk about it to her though – she’s often very negative and unpleasant, but try and talk to her about her drinking and she gets very abusive and starts blaming everyone else for being puritans, etc. We never know how much of her behaviour is because of her mental illness, how much is the drink and how much is just her. I’m pretty certain that the drink is exacerbating her mental health issues (she won’t take any medication because you can’t drink when you’re on it. She tried once. It really didn’t work out...)

I wish I knew what the solution was.

My sister is exactly the same right now. Any slight stress and she loses it, hits the bottle, Intermittent drunken rages and not caring for herself. I refuse to become her carer knowing what she is capable of when drunk. Unfortunately one of her daughters finds herself stuck in that role. She has to get out but I suspect it will the end for my sister. 🙁

You need support.

She doesn't.

She's made choices and continues to do so. These choices have led to her losing two legs and hurting the others in her life. This is really hardcore selfish behaviour. Few take it [i]that[/i] far. All the love and support in the world is not going to change things unless she decides to change, and it sounds like that ship sailed...

Look after yourself, prepare yourself for her dying prematurely, and don't blame yourself. Her choices.

A GP can do nothing for her here. Social services can do almost nothing.

Al-anon is a good call by ernie.

she was legless in bed? no wonder she fell out of it....

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I work as a community nurse and see people like your mum quite often , I do think that she is making her choices and full marks to your step dad for sticking by her, life would be more difficult without him.I think support is important but she has got to live her own life, I sometimes find myself having to defend the actions of a parent who continues to drink smoke etc but people continue as they perhaps gain some pleasure from these actions

We're going through exactly the same with the mother in law and have been trying to deal with it for a few years now.

Its bloody hard - more so on my wife (dad died early 50's and s**t scared of having anything happy to her mum).

Trouble is there's so little you can do. GP's don't want to know generally, social services can't really do anything.

Its horrible to watch someone you love go through this kind of thing, and hard to support someone watch someone they love go through this kind of thing.

Sorry I can't be more positive but unless the person involved wants to change its very unlikely they will

My thoughts are with you...

Cheers

Danny B

Well she cant drink in hospital unless she has the hand gel, which some patients do drink or slurp,just perhaps this mishap will trigger her responces to stop drinking, or she will come out a rampant drinker andf make up time for what she has missed, either way its her descision, and sadly youve got to live with it, and the nhs keep funding her treatments

thanks for the honest and respectful replies folks. Ernie's reply seems to be my only option and a lot of you have only said what i was thinking myself anyway.

I have no doubt as soon as she comes out of the hospital she'll be making up for lost time, it's really my step dad I feel for as he has to be with her almost 24/7.

Oh, don't forget, shock and waterproof phones on offer at 3 network. 😳

This thread is useless without pics...

These choices have led to her losing two legs and hurting the others in her life. This is really hardcore selfish behaviour. Few take it that far

All those with self-destructive friends and relatives have my sympathy 🙁

is now in hospital with broken hip.

Don't be afraid to be humorous

Doesn't look like there's much of a happy ending with this, all you can do is be there for support when it's wanted. Chin up, keep strong.
RM.

Doesn't look like there's much of a happy ending with this, all you can do is be there for support when it's wanted.

It's difficult to offer any advice without knowing her personal circumstances but I have seen several people, with similar problems, have their life turned around purely by being in accommodation with 3 square meals a day and someone to keep an eye on them and offer help. I can understand your anger at your Stepdad but in reality, what are his alternatives? You say he is spineless but by the sounds of it, if he doesn't give her what she wants his life would be hell. What would happen if he left, as he is presumably her carer?

I don't envy you but it sounds like you have done your best and she isn't willing to help herself, otherwise it would have happened long ago.