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rape his dog with his veg
or his veg when he's not looking
Yeah teach his Aubergines a lesson 😡
Dig up all of his veg and then in a 'Forest of the Impaled' style mount it all on spikes in his allotment. If he has any prize marrows, hollow one out and put it on your head, then just sit there rocking back and forth, grinning when he tips up.
Only on STW will people worry over a patch of borrowed land that they aren't even that bothered about tending. FFS. 😆
Hire a rotivator and accidentally lose control taking out his shed in the process.
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OK actually I re-read the first post, lots of stuff has happened previously but that's still an action packed day in the life of an allotment owner!
The way I see it is that your allotment is a bit scruffy and you don't have many plants to worry about (true, or am I assuming this?) so you having nothing to lose. You can irritate the hell out of him without breaking any allotment rules and all he'll be able to do is break your broken hoe, move the fence he's already built or shout at you a bit.
MrNutt - only speed read this post, so sorry if you this has been mentioned, have you tried talking face to face with the site rep(if you have one)?
Contacting the council direcetly is a waste of time, as you have found out, but your site rep will normally have more leverage.
Also start talking to other plot holders about what is going on, you never know there might be other problems he is causing to others & that could help your case.
Last one - Don't rely on the council plot plans either, as these, over the years can get fudged.
My plot is aparently a pond! 😉
Good luck btw.
KICK HIM IN HIS SAGGY BALLS!
+ we need some pics posting too
A weekly photo update on how its going?
Plant some cannabis in his allotment then call the drug squad!
The International Military Tribunal at Nuremberg, which followed World War II, called the waging of aggressive war "essentially an evil thing...to initiate a war of aggression...[b]is not only an international crime; it is the supreme international crime[/b], differing only from other war crimes in that it contains within itself the accumulated evil of the whole."[1] Article 39 of the United Nations Charter provides that the UN Security Council shall determine the existence of any act of aggression and "shall make recommendations, or decide what measures shall be taken in accordance with Articles 41 and 42, to maintain or restore international peace and security".
Trenches. You need trenches!
Sounds like a police job to me. :/
Sounds like a "Going Postal" job to me. Be careful, if this doesn't really matter to you, the outcome might be something you regret.
One guy I lived with said he'd shag a dog for £10k in front of his own family.
Oh and burn him
Nuke his plot from orbit.
Its the only way to be sure.. 😉
Set up one of these:
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Ring the police from a payphone saying you've seen him burying a body in his field. They'll come and dig it all up for you.
I think a [url= http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/BLU-82 ]Daisycutter[/url] would be appropriate given the circumstances
EDIT: Yay! 200!
Have you kicked him square in the balls yet?
Stuff it, I have just re-read the whole post..
Sounds like this old guy has totally lost his marbles & needs your help in redesigning his plot.
Art! that's what he needs, a work of art on his plot.
Its best to keep your plans for his plot a secret, don't want him to get too excited, so working at night is your best option, I also would recommend making this a gift, so no need for him to know that you have done all this hard work for him.
You need to consider your planting carefully, select the best quality products & attention to detail it vital, to help you I have found a garden that I feel will look appropriate for such a character, please see the pic below:
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Please note the scale of the statues, these can vary in size if needed, but I think if done correctly, he will love the final effect.
Midnight gardening, you cannot beat it 😉
Mr Nutt where are you? Surely if this guy has damaged property then it is criminal damage.
Clearly the guy is as mad as a cat in curlers.
BUT you need to stay on the right side of the law. To start trashing his shed / owning him with bombers will just feed his persecution complex further and things WILL get out of hand.
Not sure what you can do to remain on top here, its very difficult to deal with people who are intentionally spiteful etc. If you cant reason with him (and clearly you have tried) and the law / council wont help uphold the law / boundary.
My suggestion would be to put concrete in to a depth of 2' on your side of the boundary, then set 5' high concrete posts 1' apart.
OR
Get in touch with the local rag and get down there with your kids and give the greatest sob story ever told "how you feel closest to your grandad there and how you are scared to go down to this peaceful place now since this old git started throwing his weight about. Diarise EVERYTHING and photograph all damage / movement.
OR
Finish your social experiment.
You absolutely cannot allow this man to get away with his behaviour... By means fair or foul, you have to demonstrate to the guy who is boss.
The Police and Council are simply responding to your protest with a nod and a wink. As other posters have said, write to each authority asking for an explanation as to why they fail to act, providing notes, photographs and statements wherever possible. And copy your local MP in on the communications too.
If this fails, the best thing to do would be to grab him by the throat, hold the broken end of the hoe to his nose and threaten to ram it in between his eyeballs if he dares to provoke you again, reiterating that you know exactly where he lives.
Finish your social experiment.
oh ok then....
did none of you pick up on the:
Godwin St
reference in the initial thread? 😈
Scenario loosely based upon the Palestine/Israel conflict, cheers for playing folks, I thought the earlier mention of Hitler may have prompted folk to make the connection but nope, come on fellas, 6/10 must try harder!
😀
😀
😀
cheers all, its been emotional 😀
erm Is this trolling? 😉
TBH I thought the timescales that this was supposed to happen over was the biggest giveaway (as already pointed out) but who cares, it was a great thread! I like the Roundup in water butt idea - that has been filed away for future reference.
****...I was reading down throughthis to post "Good Troll". Too late 🙁
Top effort though. Can't believe how many fell for it.
Ooh ooh ooh Do i get a prize?
Seriously, it all happened a bit too fast from the border dispute escalating to the busting of hoes, are we in Ipswich?
Clearly the guy is as mad as a cat in curlers.
That is a great line, never heard that before.
Contrary to other posters perhaps escalating and [i]encouraging[/i] his paranoia and persecution might make him do something utterly stupid that the council/police would have to take notice of.
hamas drawing up plans to own likud with bombers.........
Hmmmm, so this is the answer is it.
The international peace delegation is here to discuss the conflict.
Tony what do you propose?.....
Well, I'm gonna rape a dog with some veg and take it from there.......
😀
Swine. It took six pages to sucker me in and I fell for it...
Nicely done. I read the last page first, and the rest is much funnier that way 🙂
[img] [/img] /p>
The penis park in Korea. A strange place to go.
I don't care. It was fun!
And I wanted to suggest caustic soda sprayed over his plants, you joker!
Well done!
OK, I'm thick.. godwin st being a reference for what??
try here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin's_law 😉
admittedly it was a subtle reference, but was there any need for me to mention the street it was on?
Godwins law
drat - cross post
Nice Troll... could have done with a few more hints though
did none of you pick up on the:Godwin St
reference in the initial thread?Scenario loosely based upon the Palestine/Israel conflict, cheers for playing folks, I thought the earlier mention of Hitler may have prompted folk to make the connection but nope, come on fellas, 6/10 must try harder!
Yeah you think you're clever, but what the farook has Naziism (hence the 'Godwin's Law' reference I suppose) got to do with Israel/Palestine situation?
I had thought about the parallels between Israel/Palestine and your fictitious allotment actually. Spose I should've said so, but couldn't be bothered really.
Troll FAIL.
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I must say I had a lot of fun reading through this thread. Didn't get the references, but there's nothing new there. It was worth it for the 'mad as a cat in curlers' line. Makes me laugh each time I read it.
Haha sour grapes elfin ;D
I found MrNutt's effort today to be funnier and more engaging than anything that elfinsafety has ever posted, so that's good enough for me 🙂
Goblinelf - MemberYeah you think you're clever, but what the farook has Naziism (hence the 'Godwin's Law' reference I suppose) got to do with Israel/Palestine situation?
Yeah, he is clever. And you're a daft dipstick of you can't figure out the connection between the Nazis and the Israel/Palestine situation.
.
Alfinstargob - MemberI had thought about the parallels between Israel/Palestine and your fictitious allotment actually. Spose I should've said so, but couldn't be bothered really.
'Cause you did.......and no, you couldn't be bothered.
But you managed to make the effort to post [i]that[/i] comment
.
Effinfairy - MemberTroll FAIL.
TROLL SUCCESS !
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