My youngest lad is 18 in a few weeks and has never had a job and doesn't show any interest in getting one !!
he`s at college at the moment and does 4 days a week there and hoping to go to uni in sept, but shows no interest in getting a part time job and getting some money in the bank before he starts ! .... me and the wife have had a fair few chats and rows with him about it but nothing changes ! ... come Friday,sat/sun .... all he does is sit on his pc and game .. all weekend long !! ..... we are getting really near the end of our tether with him now ...... I've just cancelled his phone contract as I was paying that and we don't give him any money for anything ..... only thing we pay for is his bus pass for college ..... anyone else have a teenager that's a pain , and what would you do with him !! ...... think I already know the answers but would like to hear your views !
Perhaps try to convince him that job experience is just as good at qualifications.
Change the locks?
what does he actually want to do ?
Cross your fingers he grows out of it
I didn't work through my a-levels... Didn't do me any harm...
Hes doing games tech at uni if he goes .....
@ jamj .... did you manage financially ? .. as we dont earn enough to help him out !
Tell him that whatever he saves between now and when he goes to Uni, you'll match £ for £.
That's what I intend to do with mine.
Unplug the PC, allow access only on payment?
@ daffy ... good idea ... that will cost me £0 then ! 😀
@ count ... weve already agreed that the pc`s coming out of his room next week and his xbox !
Tell him money is tight and uni is no longer an option. Either he gets a job and contributes or you kick him out when he's 18 and he becomes the states problem. Pretty much what my step-dad did to me (despite what he was earning). I doubt he did it with my best interests at heart but I think it worked out in my favour long term.
If he's not paid for it then take the computer from him. It's a very clear indication that you get what you work/pay for.
If he insists on doing the bare minimum to get on then give him the bare minimum back.
Luxuries are for contributers!
He could be doing worse things, just remember that too. Stealing from you and funding a drug habit being one of them for example...lifes not all that bad.
he's like a PC - if he doesn't work switch him off and back on again.
all he does is sit on his pc and game
Hes doing games tech at uni if he goes
If he was intending to study Geography, and spent all weekend absorbed in atlases...would that be a bad thing?
Charge him rent for what hes uses !,treat him as a tenant hopefully thatll encourage him to get a job !,failin tht Kick him out !
I remember a pal of mine having trouble with his lad at 16,he told the school careers officer he wanted to be a drug dealer when he left school !,he says there's a kid near my nanas got a scooby and an Evo,wears all the top clothes gets up when he wants got loads of cash & the cops don't do owt !,like my mate said !,he's got a point !..,
But,he's seen the light & didn't go tht route,& works full time now ...
Find him stuff to do in the house to help pay his way. If nowt else it will teach him he aint getting a free ride anymore.
Games tech ?
Pc's, phonesd and xboxes as a privilege are a good way to implement reward and discipline, as long you start when they are young and stick to rules. Removing them when they are 18 and you are losing your rag is unlikely to do anything but create tension and hatred.
When my youngest brother went to uni, it was virtually impossible to get a part time job, employers know students have higher priorities and can get employees who can give them higher priority, students know employers aren't interested in them. Times have changed, there are more students and less jobs for them to do.
can empathise - our youngest is online as soon as he gets in and until he goes to bed. We are having some eating challenges as he wants to be pale, thin and interesting and he's also discovered politics and that the world is not a fair place for everyone. All of this I can cope with as he's currently an A* student at school but we're watching him very carefully.
@Stumpy As has been said - it could be a lot worse, frustrating yes but at least it's not drugs or booze. I didn't work during my A-levels and my parents were skint, but I did work all through Uni to pay my way. Have tried to help parents out ever since.
Parenting - no decent user manual. Good luck.
He cooks his own food, washes his own clothes, in short if he refuses to contribute he sorts his own shiP out.
Had this with mine.
Me. Food ready
IT. K, be down after this game.
So fed up of a cold dinner on table for hours,binned food, stopped cooking.
It. Where's my jeans?
Me. Where did you put them?
It. In the wash basket.
Me. Then thats where they are.
Sounds harsh, but he was learning that the worid does not owe him a living.
You want, you earn.
Turned out ok, he has been in work since leaving school.
On better terms with him now, he could see why it was done. I still have a little chuckle about it now.
I'm 18 and hoping to go to uni next year. I don't have a "job" as such, and neither do half of my friends.
My parents give me an allowance, but beyond that, I generally have to fund my own habits (biking mainly). I tried to make money by fixing iPhones and learnt a lot through doing that. I also chop wood and work for my dad who is a carpenter every so often.
Some other people I know literally aren't allowed jobs in case in jeopordises their "studying" which is ridiculous in my opinion.
Your son seems to be in a pretty normal situation for an 18 year old to me.
Basically, if he has a need of money he will have need of some form of income, and may decide to get a job, so maybe cut his allowance to necessities only?
Sc-xc playing video games teaches you nothing about making them. See all the failed experiences of games journalists trying to make games or joining games studios.
Most 18 year olds are like that , it took me time to get my ass into gear,not that it helps but I was a right nob until I had my first child at 22, changed when I had responsibilities and now doing great.
Sc-xc playing video games teaches you nothing about making them. See all the failed experiences of games journalists trying to make games or joining games studios.
^ but is he just playing them?
I agree that simply playing would not necessarily help - but to the untrained eye he could be just 'on the computer again'...but in fact is programming/coding/whatever it is that he wants to do.
Knowing nothing about computer games though, I could well be very wrong!
Hes doing games tech at uni if he goes .....
@ jamj .... did you manage financially ? .. as we dont earn enough to help him out !
That is the difference - although my parents weren't minted... If you need him to contribute I don't know what to suggest, other than to explain the situation to him openly.
What I didn't say is that I did apply for a lot of jobs at that time but only ever got two interviews... It was the early '90's and part time jobs were bloody hard to come by. I suppose my parents could see that I was making an effort to find work even with no success. I did manage to find work part-time and holidays through my degree though.
Yep .... only playing them,not actually coding them, which is wants he wants to do !! ...
and as for applying etc , we wouldn't mind so much if he was sending out cv`s and looking actively .... but he cant even be arsed to do that ..... he sent 1 out in 2 yrs and that was last week to where his sister works !
After my experiences with uni I think uni's only right for proper professions like Dr, lawyer, accountant etc or if there is a clear career path or a very specific degree which will lead to a very specific job eg trading standards officer. Otherwise I'd be worried he'll be wasting time & money & end up no better than when he started. For a lot of people, myself included uni is just a way to shirk having to get a job for a few years. Would be much better served by getting a junior job in an industry he's interested in & working up. An apprenticeship of some kind?
My Bro is 32 and hardly worked so he's got along way to go.
Hi I've read through this thread with interested as me and my dad now no longer have any kind of relationship, at the age of 16 I started an apprentiship as a carpenter/joiner on the princely sum of £400 a month. It cost me £160 to get to work/college, £110 a month car insurance, £30 (ish) pound a month phone contract, with these few out goings I was left with around £100 if I did no extra mileage and didn't eat and my dad thought it was more than fair to ask for £200 a month. Needless to say the relationship with my dad didn't last and I moved out. I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend with parents that were understanding enough to take me in.
I have worked every day since I was 16, I then went self employed at 18. I'm now 22 I work for myself constantly have many happy customers, have all the mountain biking kit I could want, but unfortunately as far as I am concerned no dad.
but unfortunately as far as I am concerned no dad.
Ah that sucks. Maybe he'll apologize when he sees how well you are doing?
Funny you say that as he is a decorator and as coincidence would have it we have worked on the same building site for the last 6 months, not one word has been spoken between us in that time.
at the age of 16 ... £110 a month car insurance
???
[i]Your son seems to be in a pretty normal situation for an 18 year old to me.[/i]
+1
My son is very similar to what the OP describes. It doesn't bother me a huge amount. We set ground rules and after some arguing he generally sticks to them. He's doing well in college and is on target to get the grades he needs for uni. We tell him he has to choose one day when he gets no computer/xbox which works fine, he has to do chores.
I wasn't anything like that (I had jobs from the age of 12 and was earning good money in part time work by the time I was 17) but I don't expect him to be the same.
He's a loving, compassionate, well rounded individual who struggles to get off his arse sometimes. I'm not going to punish him for that. We pay for his phone and bus pass and give him money if he needs it but he gets no allowance of sorts.
To the OP I'd try and relax about it a little. If this is the only thing that troubles you about your son then you're in a good place. You've done applied some pressure but I'd not take it much further. When he gets to uni and finds himself restricted through lack of cash then he'll change by necessity.
If money is going to be tight
Very hard to judge what kind of degree it is from the phrase 'games tech', but if he really wants a job programming games, he'd be much better advised to do a software engineering or computer science degree. Far more rigorous, and gives a much deeper understanding of computers and programming (and prepares you for jobs in *any* industry, not just games). If he really wants to do games, he can write them in his spare time - it's what the vast majority of the best graduates that we interview have done.
I was 17 in the October aprentiship began in the September
Maybe he's frightened, it's quite a scary thing to do. If home life is pleasant and safe, and he has food and a bed and is not being hit then he has no fear/hatred to help him overcome his fear of the outside. Also, I wondered if he is depressed and escaping into gaming?
Have you tried just talking about it (and trying not to get angry - even though that will be REALLY hard)?
Sorry, but just to be clear Stumpy
The issue is that he wants to go to university in September. You can't afford to support this so it will only be possible if he earns some money, as the maintenance loan is impossible to live on?
Given the last round of graduates I interviewed, unless he is going to go to Uni and come out with a first class degree in a 'proper' subject, then he's better off getting himself an apprenticeship and not starting adult life out with £50k of debt, given that you are unable to support him.
My folks were pretty balanced in that if I wasn't in full time education, then I was charged rent. This included summer holidays, so come June, I was working until the end of September. Regardless of whether it was delivering pizza, flipping burgers, or as an office tea boy.
Perhaps a full & frank discussion that if he's not going to come out with a 1st, then nominally he will have debt payments of around £400 a month with no income when he graduates. (not true but this is the effect on his taxable earnings when he does get off his arse). Thus, if you're not in education, you pay rent, and if you are in education, then no rent but you're on your own.
(games tech sounds like a modern day equivalent of 'media studies'. Unemployable.)
Thanks for the replays .... hes doing games tech at college and going onto computer game technology at uni .... everything from design through to coding and development ... hes done us proud at college and on for distinction in all his modules and so easily got enough points for uni and we are very proud of him ..... its just the financial side we are concerned about and the fact he hasnt worked before ...
just thought it would be easier for him having some money and some real life experiences rather than all in the virtual world !!
I know and do agree he could be alot worse ..
@ fizz .... funny you should say that as my eldest lad is about to finish uni this year and guess what subject hes done ?? ..... yep .. media !! ..... we did tell him before he started it !
Job aside as I don't know what to suggest or anything there. Encourage him to make a blog reviewing the games that he plays and apply for positions with gaming websites writing reviews, I doubt it pays but he'll at least have something relevant on his CV if he manages to get a position. Downside is that if he's successful he'll probably get sent free games to review which probably won't help the whole job situation.
buy him a bong
Has he ever done any work for money? Cleaned your car? Cut the grass? Paper round? Saturday job?
everything from design through to coding and development
Again, it's difficult to judge from so little information, but this sounds like the kind of degree that won't really help getting a job in the industry as it's too broad, and competition is so fierce.
I can only speak from the programming point of view, but the best graduates I've interviewed are always the ones with the comp sci / software engineering degrees. The exceptional ones are the ones who have also worked on games in their spare time.
I've interviewed a few applicants with generic games tech degrees, and none of them have got past the initial technical tests.
Not to dismiss your son's achievements, but if he wants to work in the games industry then he's at the stage now where it would be a very good idea to decide which discipline (programming? art? design? audio?), and pick a specialist degree that will give him a solid professional skill, and one that can be used outside the games industry as well.
Never even had a paper round !
and @ al , we have told him to be more specific ..... hes more into the programming side and so we are pushing him towards that
