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Without wanting to be flippant, the best coping mechanism I've come up with is a healthy dose of nihilism. Not the negative cynical form of nihilism which most people recognise, just an appreciation and understanding that in the grand scheme of things, our lives, the human race, this planet etc is an infinitessimal dot in the wider universe. We could all be wiped out tomorrow by a gamma ray burst or some other catastrophe and there's bugger all we can do about it, so really there's no other option than to get on with whatever you're doing and try not to worry about everything else.
And if that doesn't work, then there's always the option of putting yourself in the shoes of others who are suffering much more. Imagine being stuck in Ukraine right now facing a freezing winter with no heating or electricity, the ever present threat of bombs falling on you and scraping together enough food to eat from empty shelves in the shops?
Its ok for you to be so risk adverse that you don't want to make any commitments. Its you life and you live it as you see fit. As long as you don't become bitter about those who do make commitments that pay off then all is good.
What are you doing about the very real risk that you will have to work a very very long time in order to keep paying rent when everyone else has paid their mortgage off and can retire?
Well, at one point I was panicking because I am still renting with low income and not so young age. It actually worries me no end. Saving is low and pension is practically peanuts. Job was zero hour contract for many years.
Then a so called "friend/colleague (now retired with inheritance as he boosted to me)" started planting seeds of doubt in me to cheer himself up by giving me all the negative ideas. It is not as if he was providing solution but actually adding more stress and worries.
Note, person that only provides you with worries but No solutions is actually a waste of space. This is the sort of person that cherish in someone else worries. Cut them out and distance yourself from them.
I can put down a deposit now for a small flat but due to my age, mortgage will be very expensive if any. My income is manageable but need to take on more jobs.
Bottom line if you feel your budget permits then go for it but do the calculation before making the move.
I don’t think any of us that have said that (or similar) are knowingly peddling unhelpful cliches though.
I think (from my own experience), once you properly get your head around that as concept it is genuinely one of the most helpful things you can do.
That's right, sorry. It's outside of here that I've heard things like there's no need for you to worry about this, you shouldn't think like that, etc.
I appreciate it's helpful not to worry about things I can't control, but as I've said earlier, I'm not worried about those things themselves - I'm letting them influence my life choices. I think that's different, but happy to hear counter-arguments.
Do you want to change, or are you just revealing how you feel?
Don't know tbh. I know it's not normal and I'm doing things differently to most people, which calls for a bit of a sense check, hence this thread.
Has anything actually happened [in the world at large] that has made you have to adapt to it in a major life changing way yet?
No, just know of other people who did.
“a perfectionist with an intolerance of uncertainty”
That's me in a nutshell!
Oh, I sooo recognise this. It’s one of the reasons I’ve not travelled more to ride my bike and missed out on some events. I think it’s got worse with age too. Not long ago I’d go I’d have just set out, prepared but not over-prepared. Now, I’m scared I’ll encounter something I just can’t handle.
Yes. I plan trips away and ride routes in quite some detail. I feel it does pay off, but faced with a free weekend and without any routes planned, I'd stay at home rather than say dash to the Lakes on Friday night for some unplanned adventures.
Its ok for you to be so risk adverse that you don’t want to make any commitments. Its you life and you live it as you see fit. As long as you don’t become bitter about those who do make commitments that pay off then all is good.
That could happen knowing me. I don't want to become like that though.
What are you doing about the very real risk that you will have to work a very very long time in order to keep paying rent when everyone else has paid their mortgage off and can retire?
I have savings and investments that are not houses, more than most people my age have in house equity. At some point once they reach a certain level and I'm ready, much of these will fund a house purchase.
I appreciate it’s helpful not to worry about things I can’t control, but as I’ve said earlier, I’m not worried about those things themselves – I’m letting them influence my life choices. I think that’s different, but happy to hear counter-arguments.
Appreciate the nuance there, but the outcome is still similar if those external factors are affecting what you choose to do?
The bottom line is that I do think we all (no matter what our outlook on the world is) only try to do what we feel is best for us? the differences seem to be what influences those choices and then to what extent we then second guess that or compare to what others have done?
I wish I had some real insight to pass on about how to achieve that state where only 'internal' factors drive those life decisions, and where what others do with their lives doesn't matter... But then, if I did I guess I wouldn't be a lowly art teacher... Sorry.
The only real 'strategy' I've been able to identify in myself is to trust my first, 'gut' instinct when faced with any decision about what to do in life. If it feels right before you've had chance to overthink things then there's a fair chance it might be right - your brain thinks faster than you do? Comes back to the book I mentioned about Taoist philosophy - if I was to sum it all up in one very crude phrase, it would be 'go with the flow'.