[Closed] Missing someone you know you shouldn't....

Kind of the definition of not moving on...

Time might help, but a replacement is a more reliable solution.

Sometimes you don't you just have to adapt.

Fill your time.

By moving on, I mean we both have new partners.
Feeling like I've lost my best friend. Or am just not remembering all the s**t we put each other through ATM.....

if you love them get bk with them, dont belive all this heathy relationship bull shit.

Oh come on he's been banned for ages do we have to keep bringing it up.

How long til you can get over not being with someone

You don't, but eventually you accept it.

... @ Drac

Oh come on he's been banned for ages do we have to keep bringing it up.

we're talking about TJ, right?

I def think getting back together is a no go. We've done it twice before. N I don't think they feel the same plus they seem happy. So.....best to leave well alone me thinks

we're talking about TJ, right?

who is TJ?

Well, you can either:

1) keep on indulging the thoughts until you reach a state of sufficient anxiety that you have to act upon them,
or
2) you can trust in your previous decision (?) and squash the thoughts down until they are rendered obsolete by some surpassing event/relationship or they form an indestructible emotional diamond in your steadily blackening heart.

HTH

I def think getting back together is a no go. We've done it twice before. N I don't think they feel the same plus they seem happy. So.....best to leave well alone me thinks

[i]"I carry your memory like a bag full of feathers/
Once stuck in the back of my throat, but now a warming dream/
Finally"[/i]

-James Yorkston, 'When the Haar Rolls In'.

If I gave it a shot n contacted them n was rejected I'd be even worse, which is 100% likely to happen.

If I gave it a shot n contacted them n was rejected I'd be even worse, which is 100% likely to happen.

well if i was you id at least give it a go, its better to regret doing something than not. At least that way you tried, that's much easier to live with.

Also, be honest with yourself about what you are missing. Many years ago I went through a pretty painful break up but it was not until years later that I realised, it wasn't her I was missing, it was the quality of the relationship we had.

If you have already been through the mill a couple of times with this person, it may very well be better to endure the pain of getting over it, it will pass, it is only a matter of time. Someone else will come along and make you realise that things can actually be better than you ever thought they could be.

Or you may do the bitter blackened heart thing but that is ultimately down to you.

If I gave it a shot n contacted them n was rejected I'd be even worse, which is 100% likely to happen.

Here's what I'd do, and I'm more awesome than SurfMat:
- Fill your life with interesting things that keep your mind off of them. This is a perfect time to learn a new hobby - dedicate time to it, knowing a new hobby will make you feel better in the long run.
- Fill your life with interesting people, as above.

Don't go to them asking for anything, it's degrading for you and puts them in an uncomfortable position.

Instead, use your new found awesome hobby and confidence from having met new people to live your life better and I guarantee that you will either win them back, or meet someone who's better.
Also, in my experience, it takes an amount of time equal to half your relationship length to get over them. YMMV, except for the guarantee bit, that’s FACT.

You can control what you let your mind think about, if you let yourself wander into thinking about them all the time getting over them will take a very long time. They may always be very dear to you and hold a special place in your heart but you have to decide to move on

indestructible emotional diamond in your steadily blackening heart.

😆

Too true! :darkside:

Shucks.. it's life.. Jeeez.. I don't get over anything, ever. I just granduakky learn to accept that I'll never get over anything, ever.. and the feeling sort of dulls (a bit).

New carbon things, making friends and trying interesting new foods such as chicken kievs help. Other than that, I just suck it up, or collapse on the kitchen floor crying (which happens about ever 6 months or so)

It takes half the relationship time to get over them?? S**t, the next 2yrs are gonna be lovely 🙁 lost my best mate (when we weren't trying to rip each others heads off!!) .

We have al been there fella!

I had turbulent relationship with my little girls mother. It has been over 2 years now, she has moved on and met someone else, which is fine by me....I do not want her, but I do care about her as she is the mother of my daughter - however I miss & crave being in a family unit with my daughter.

The pain will get better and you will meet someone else, just learn from your past mistakes in relationships like I have done.

who is TJ?

Tom n Jerry

When you're having sex with your new partner, imagine they're you're old one. Then it's like you're doing it with them.

Just don't say their name out loud, unless you want a bucking bronco experience.

some people arent the 'getting over it' type.

learn to live with it and try not to let it affect you day to day. Maybe you'll feel better about things in a year, maybe you won't. You don't have to ever feel fine about it, its not a legal requirement.

Personally I'd contact her and tell her the truth about how you feel, she might not feel the same but either way you'll have a starting point that you don't have right now. it'll take some courage to put yourself out there but you can transfer that into your new life if you need to and you won't be wondering or guessing about how she feels, which is important for your head/heart.

When you're having sex with your new partner, imagine they're you're old one. Then it's like you're doing it with them

even better have em both at the same time.. thats what i do 🙂

who is TJ?

Buy yourself a bike and ride hard, all the time.

[i]Personally I'd contact her and tell her the truth about how you feel[/i]

Not at all stalker-ish LOL

Safe to say def over. Found em Selling my own stuff to make money..... :/ awesome....

Buy yourself a bike and ride hard, all the time.

This is my personal tried and tested solution 😉

If it helps...I still have that feeling 18 months on.

If it helps...I still have that feeling [s]18 months[/s] 15 years on.

😕

Safe to say def over. Found em Selling my own stuff to make money..... :/ awesome....

paypal her £20 and get on with the rest of your life then.

Safe to say def over. Found em Selling my own stuff to make money..... :/ awesome....

I'd drop the "friend" bit from what you think of her.

if you have any sexy pictures makes yourself feel better by putting them up on a pervy site, that'll do it.

I went through the same some months ago. It took me a while to realise that I wasn't really missing her, just the version of her that existed in short bursts from time to time. She could be the best company in the world and I loved being with her when she was like that, but I was deliberately forgetting the selfishness, neediness and alcohol induced bizarro behaviour that she exhibited over 50% of the time.

The person I missed never really existed, at least not on a fulltime basis and there weren't enough good times to warrant the stress and havoc.

Also, you must already be a man of steel because you post on STW, but turn yourself into an absolute machine. Oh, and buy a cashmere crewneck sweater...not sure if it'll help, but they are nice and women in pubs might want to stroke you. Or something.

+1 for scuzz.

Probably no help but I (for some bizarre reason) felt like that after my ex-mrs suddenly announced she'd found somebody else to fleece and moved out.

12 years on I realise it was one of the best things to happen to me, was a cheap price to pay really and he's now stuck with her - Ha!

Its like giving up smoking IMO, once you decide its finished its ok, or you can spend the rest of your life torturing yourself with thoughts of going back.

tell me to **** off if you like cos this is just my opinion but.....from extensive personal experience i would like to say to you -
like most of reality, its all in your head. you control your head. get control of this. it wasn't how you remember it, nothing is.

your memory is a really weird thing, its not like a series of photos or a film, your creating it now, in real time and right now your just focusing on the bits that make you remember being in love because that is what you want, to be in love.

go and be in love with someone else. your probably just being lazy because you think the whole 'getting to know and falling in love' bit is going to be difficult and laborious so your reminiscing about someone who you have got past that with, (that was me anyway) but ill tell you a secret........
falling in love with someone new is one of the best bits 🙂
good luck with it mate, heartache is hard

your memory is a really weird thing, its not like a series of photos or a film, your creating it now, in real time and right now your just focusing on the bits that make you remember being in love because that is what you want, to be in love

That, is very well put.

Good post Jonah.

3dvgirl - Member

we're talking about TJ, right?

who is TJ?

He is a name, not a login ID. He is a free man.

Be seeing you...

Happily married for 5 years, been together for 7. I still think often about a girl from 13 years ago. No lingering feelings, more regret over how it all ended and i cant apologise.

if you have any sexy pictures makes yourself feel better by putting them up on[s] a pervy site, [/s] [b]here[/b] that'll do it.

FTFY

Oh, wait...

Fwiw, I had a couple of chances with a girl 6-7 years ago, but screwed them both up (hindsight is awesome). I'd marry her tomorrow, had she not married someone else in the meantime.

He is a name, not a login ID. He is a free man.

Be seeing you...

In death, a member of project mayhem has a name. His name is TandemJeremy. His name is TandemJeremy. His name is TandemJeremy.

I was still thinking about my love 12 months after we split. Then I decided to put her behind me, move on and find someone else.

I found someone, my old love then came back into my life (because she realised she might never have me again if I got serious with someone else). We got back together, got married and now have 2 kids.

paypal her £20 and get on with the rest of your life then.

Better: buy them, and 'pay' with PayPal gift. That'll learn her....

That's really well said Jonah. Taking control of your thoughts can then help you handle your emotions.

Also:

- Fill your life with interesting things that keep your mind off of them. This is a perfect time to learn a new hobby - dedicate time to it, knowing a new hobby will make you feel better in the long run.
- Fill your life with interesting people, as above.

Don't go to them asking for anything, it's degrading for you and puts them in an uncomfortable position.

Instead, use your new found awesome hobby and confidence from having met new people to live your life better and I guarantee that you will either win them back, or meet someone who's better.
Also, in my experience, it takes an amount of time equal to half your relationship length to get over them. YMMV, except for the guarantee bit, that’s FACT.

This is what will happen over time anyway. It took me a long while and part of the reason it took so long was because I resistant by not being able to let go.

Ride away from it. Literally. Soon enough you'll find that you are riding towards things that you want, that you can attain without having to negotiate the past.

I was in your position a little while ago, and I found the best thing to do was every time I missed my ex remembering all the good things, I would stop myself and start to think of all the crap things he did and all the reasons I left, it helped massively, but when a relationship ends you have to give yourself time to grieve simple as that.

go and be in love with someone else. your probably just being lazy because you think the whole 'getting to know and falling in love' bit is going to be difficult and laborious so your reminiscing about someone who you have got past that with, (that was me anyway) but ill tell you a secret........
falling in love with someone new is one of the best bits

From my own recent experience, this is great advice.