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You've got nothing on this: https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/sep/06/revealed-undercover-uk-police-officer-deceived-woman-relationship
19 years!
Obviously doesn't ride a bike as it'd be impossible to hide all the N+1s and shiny new bits from your partner for that length of time...
Does taping over the model number on your camera count as “lying” ?
Yes, mainly by omission and on a trivial white-lie level.
That case takes it to a new level - then they wonder why no-one trusts a cop.
"you listening to what I'm saying?"
"yes"
No. It looks fine.
Does taping over the model number on your camera count as “lying” ?
That's in the same category as replacing a bike with a new one that's the same colour. Fair game IMO.
That case takes it to a new level – then they wonder why no-one trusts a cop.
As much as it's utterly despicable, I can't help being slightly impressed at anyone able to convincingly lie to that level for almost two decades.
I am more worried about the lies I tell myself "Yeah, it'll be fine", "Nah, there's no chance of that happening", "Okay, but what's the likelihood of it happening twice?"
Okay, but what’s the likelihood of it happening twice?
Have you still got enough fingers to count to twice?
Obviously doesn’t ride a bike as it’d be impossible to hide all the N+1s and shiny new bits from your partner for that length of time…
Chap I used to work with collected cars, had done for as decades. His wife eventually found out when she found a bill for the rental on another address.
She assumed it was a girlfriend he'd been putting up for however long, got in the car and stormed round to have it out.
Got to the address and it's a large warehouse type building in the middle of a non descript industrial estate. At this point, working on the theory this was absolutely to do with another women/women she called the police thinking he was trafficking people.
Anyhow he turns up and let's everyone in, looking very sheepish to show her his collection of !30! Toyota mr2 in various states of disrepair.
Wasn't there one a few years ago? Greenpeace or something? Started an entire relationship, kids etc using his undercover identity? I doubt it's that uncommon.
And one of my Dads uncles had two families. One in London and one in Manchester. 4 or 5 kids and two wives. Didn't come to light until his funeral. I bet that was a tense few hours...
If you don't mention something then it's not really "lying" per se, see buying new bike in same colour. My new bass arrived yesterday, Hofner violin bass in case anyone is interested. Did I mention I was thinking about getting one? Yes, many times. Have I announced it's arrival? Nope. Is it in direct line of sight? Nope. Is it hidden? Nope.
And one of my Dads uncles had two families. One in London and one in Manchester. 4 or 5 kids and two wives. Didn’t come to light until his funeral. I bet that was a tense few hours…
Funnily enough; I knew someone in exactly this position. Time was apportioned weekdays & weekends to either partner. Everyone involved knew exactly what was going on.
And to answer the OP's question, I mainly forget to mention things which I may later have to rely on as evidence 😜 Seek forgiveness etc when a new bike mysteriously turns up.
Usually by omission.
Q: How long will your ride be? A: Four hours
Q she should have asked: How long will your ride + pre-faff + coffee stops + scenery/chat stops + post-faff + shower + Strava upload be? A: Eight hours.
Q: How long will your ride be? A: Four hours
Four hours moving time on Strava, so not a lie.
Of course we have had an equal amount of that bottle of wine we shared...
If I can intercept the post before she sees it then I don't have to lie at all.
Chap I used to work with collected cars, had done for as decades. His wife eventually found out when she found a bill for the rental on another address.
She assumed it was a girlfriend he’d been putting up for however long, got in the car and stormed round to have it out.
Got to the address and it’s a large warehouse type building in the middle of a non descript industrial estate. At this point, working on the theory this was absolutely to do with another women/women she called the police thinking he was trafficking people.
Anyhow he turns up and let’s everyone in, looking very sheepish to show her his collection of !30! Toyota mr2 in various states of disrepair.
i love the logic, because everyone knows the next step up from being unfaithful is trafficking people 😀
, because everyone knows the next step up from being unfaithful is trafficking people
Given the rough arse part of Liverpool he comes from, it's probably a step down 😕
My wife has literally no tolerance for hobbies so sadly the odd stealth buy is an essential.
When another car turns up and she gets a bit annoyed, is it a lie to say that we discussed it and she agreed at the time* that buying another car, just for shit and giggles, was fine?**
*The time was about 25 years ago and for a 2nd car
** I need to know quite soon as I am going to look at a 911 on Friday which bumps the car count back up to 5, just after agreeing to sell one because, as a non-driver, she thought I had too many.
I think this is gaslighting WCA, it's generally frowned upon
A 911 you say?
It’s because I have a really poor memory so would forget what the lie was
Same goes for the truth though...
[i]I think this is gaslighting WCA, it’s generally frowned upon
A 911 you say?[/i]
Not intentional. I don't have kids so waste my money on toys. It is the old, ugly 911 and an auto so not that great a brag, plus I plan on cutting it up to make something else anyway.
I work with three women who have discovered well after the fact that their spouses had other families. I think the worst case is where the woman was at the time a police officer and her husband was a detective. They lived in a small town. He had another family and everyone at the station knew about it except the first wife. How ****ing humiliating that must have been.
But...but...surely...after 19 years it probably WAS a real relationship? I mean..one based on lies.... but it's not like he pretended he was a gazillionaire and bedded her, then ran.
19 years.. surely it become real life at that point??!
DrP
I have absolutely, deliberately lied to my good lady. There are some things about my previous career she need not ever know, the questions may be innocent honest responses wouldn't be.
I tried the 'I'd rather not talk about it' but the questions eventually circled back around; instead I'd downplay or give a harmless and innocuous response, and I'm fully okay with that.
Everyone thinks they want to know, until they know.
Well obviously.
Interplanetary bounty hunter sounds like a cool job
Well obviously.
Interplanetary bounty hunter sounds like a cool job
19 years.. surely it become real life at that point??!
I can't imagine otherwise...
Interplanetary bounty hunter sounds like a cool job
It seems somewhat excessive. They sell them at Booze Buster round the corner, they're next to the Twix.
That’s in the same category as replacing a bike with a new one that’s the same colour. Fair game IMO
Friend tried that replacing a Suzuki GSX600F with a GSX-R600. His wife twigged and he ended up without a bike.
Coyote: , Hofner violin bass
Does Macca know yet?
The odd thing about that story was it continued for 7 years after he left the police.
Lie to my wife? If I am away biking or hillwalking and I think I'll be home at 6pm I say 9pm. Better to be pleasantly early at 7:30 than 90 min late.
I need a buffer as once in pre mobile days she reported my overdue from Glen Coe at 11pm.
My dad on the other hand once arrived back more than a day late after getting snowed in at bothy. My mum never mentioned this to anyone until he was back. He was around 80 at the time.
Better to be pleasantly early at 7:30 than 90 min late.
Though it was a surprise to my neighbour who had kindly popped round to check on the shelving in the wardrobe....
If I am away biking or hillwalking and I think I’ll be home at 6pm I say 9pm. Better to be pleasantly early at 7:30 than 90 min late.
If going solo mountain biking I take great care to explain to my wife where I'm going. In case of headbutting a tree or any axe murderer encounters. Usual greeting on return is 'have a nice time, where did you go'?
If I was incapacitated in the woods, I'm not sure she'd noticed 'til the grass needed cutting.
The odd thing about that story was it continued for 7 years after he left the police.
Perhaps I'm being naive, but it seems like he ended up actually falling for the woman, but got caught up in his lie so couldn't tell the truth. The longer it went on the deeper he got. It would be interesting to see his side of the story. I can't imagine it was a particularly nice thing to have to live with from either side.
I have no idea how many pairs of shoes, or handbags, Mrs Vlad has but she can put anyone's n+1 bike habit to shame.
There is no lying on her behalf as far as I know, though I do request she operates to a "one in, one out" rule before the house gets overrun in foot wear. She treats such requests with a heavy dose of contempt, and the postie and couriers still deliver a suspiciously large number of packages...
Like others, of course - but lies of omission, of sparing the truth slightly and always for benefit to her rather than me.
Re the shoes. When crawling around on the floor beneath the hall table last week installing the mesh system as recommended by all on here - tucked away behind some other stuff was a brand new pair of expensive flip flop type things of the sort she wears all summer and as long into the winter as she can (like me and shorts, it's only when toes go blue that proper shoes really come into the equation). Clearly unworn, still with the shop labels on, and a number that was not unconscionable but also 'for flip flops? Really?'
I didn't know what to do. It wouldn't be a confrontation, we speak openly about money and have our own from the shared income so if she bought them that's fine. Maybe a bit wasteful as she has 2 or 3 pairs on the go and some cheaper ones for around the house and garden, but if that's what she wants. I didn't know though why such lengths to hide them?
I could just put them back and pretend I'd not found them, but it was obvious I'd been rooting around behind there, so then I know about it, she knows I know, she knows i didn't mention it, we both know that's a bit awkward. So at the right time I mention it casually and her little face lit up.
Still don't know why she felt the need to hide them, we didn't get there, but she'd forgotten about them completely. I could have put them back and then spent ages wondering why she hadn't mentioned it and the associated weirdness that brings.
My only regret is that if i'd known I could have given them to her as a present and then had all the benefits and the enjoyment of being a good hubby, plus her wondering if she now has 2 pairs the same, but one she can never admit to? Or had she forgotten so well that they never existed?
The deceit would wear me out and my face would give the game away anyway. All major purchases get due consideration and we never challenge each other's decisions. Be true to yourself and each other.
birkyFree Member
That’s in the same category as replacing a bike with a new one that’s the same colour. Fair game IMO
Friend tried that replacing a Suzuki GSX600F with a GSX-R600. His wife twigged and he ended up without a bike.
A friend tried that replacing an R6 with an R1. His wife twigged and he ended up without a wife.
Not quite a lie but I faithfully promised that if I bought a new bike then one bike would have to go to make space for it. I didn’t mention that it would be her bike that went
A friend tried that replacing an R6 with an R1. His wife twigged and he ended up without a wife.
Unless they're destitute or saving for something, divorce seems like a bit of an overreaction. Wonder if she was just looking for an excuse? Be interested to know if he feels like he got the better side of the deal.
Still don't get hiding stuff from your SO. We each get our own pocket money and it's nothing to do with the other as long as its not an obstruction.
Those police stories make me sad. It's an entire relationship built upon dishonesty but nobody ever stops to ask how the person actually feels. I'd imagine it starts with a guilt free shag but quickly snowballs into something outside their control. Of course they could be exploiting the other party the whole way through but there is an alternative to the ACAB argument.
<p style="text-align: left;">'No, I've only had one.'</p>
Friend tried that replacing a Suzuki GSX600F with a GSX-R600. His wife twigged and he ended up without a bike.
Weird. I always thought that in order to ride a motorcycle you had to be a grown adult.
That Guardian story is horrendous, they've not far off stolen 19 years of someones life and quite likely permanently emotionally crippled both the wife and child.
Of course they could be exploiting the other party the whole way through but there is an alternative to the ACAB argument.
The histories of the women exploited by undercover police indicate that quite often they were seen merely as a tool to ingratiate into the community being infiltrated. To that end they were picked because of issues that made them vulnerable to infiltration and often the police officers used information gleaned by other undercover colleagues to ensure they were successful in their pursuit. There was no need to abuse these women it was a choice and in some cases used as a tactic but it wasn’t “I saw her across the room and I was immediately struck dumb and in love”. In most cases all the time the police officer was in the relationship he was reporting on the victim’s friends, family and associates, going off at weekends back to their real wives and families and using the victim as a prop for their undercover life, I’d say that’s pretty mush a definition of exploiting.
It’s not ACAB but these behaviours were completely wrong and inexcusable.
Worth reading
https://www.spycops.co.uk/myths-about-spycops/
Weird. I always thought that in order to ride a motorcycle you had to be a grown adult.
Very few ride them like grown adults!
Very few ride them like grown adults!
...and most cyclists jump red lights.