You need to find something she enjoys.
Something where the experience part of the activity masks the boring exercise part.
The gym is never going to do that.
This. I bloody love exercise but ask me to go to the gym and I'll (un)politely decline. She's more likely to do something if she enjoys it and/or there is a social element. Parkrun is a reasonable idea, very sociable and easy to do. Yoga or Pilates classes are also worth thought. But as above, make it something she wants to do and not something that you want her to do.
It’s part of the deal when you get married.
Only if you stay together 😆
There was a guy in my local bike club who had been married 30+ years. His wife got Alzheimer's and he divorced her because he didn't want to look after her. His kids wont have anything to do with him and he was left in no doubt that he wasn't welcome at the club.
Serves him right.
Hmmm, I'm not sure "Lazy" is a useful label to put on your missus OP. but I recognise the pattern.
I'm definitely more active than my wife and she also has back problems, but there is a root cause.
She got help extremely late, She had an epidural and a C-section (almost a decade ago) with our first and it was only after talking to other people she realized there should have been follow up to help with the impact to her core muscles from the C-section (your lower stomach muscles get cut FFS) and that the back pain thing may or may not be related to the epidural... Having kids isn't all fun and games for the Female body.
Anyway a couple of months ago, on the third attempt with a GP she finally got a physio referral... Her back issues have improved as a result, I still have to prompt her to do the exercises the physio has given her though during the week, but her general mobility is getting better and she wants to do more exercise.
She wants to get more active, she already enjoys walking, the odd bike ride and doing the odd gym class but her motivation is normally at a low point after a day at work, coming home and child herding for a bit, she ends up flopped on the sofa watching rubbish. like lots of people she seems to think exercise means she has to go to a gym or other special venue... I'm unlikely to change her mind about this, instead I'm just going to try and remove barrier for her and make being active as easy as possible...
She has requested that I set up a mini gym in the Garage (cross trainer/running machine/rowing machine type setup) which I'm going to do along with a small telly/firestick/bluetooth headphones to try and remove all potential excuses for not being active... I'll probably make use of this too so there are fringe benefits for me in all of this...
But yeah, it can be frustrating but she doesn't need a "bully" or a "trainer" she simply needs a "facilitator" someone (i.e. me) who makes things easier...
Trying to link injuries to exercise or lack of it isn't always simple. For example, I read an academic review paper on stretching about 15 years ago. The interesting thing was that people who stretched had more injuries, but sampling problems meant that it was impossible to tell if the stretching was causing injuries, or people with injuries tended to stretch more. Whatever the case, people who play sports more are more likely to get injured and also more likely to stretch and to exercise.
Edit: This wasn't a reply to cookeaa, by the way. He posted after I started typing this up.
Is that true? My watch tells me that if I do three half hour runs a week I’ll be healthier and I mindlessly obey it. My blood pressure has dropped from a bit high to perfect. Can I get away with a bit of gentle cycling and some walking instead? I’d much prefer that.
Yep, you certainly can. Combined with a good diet you will not need to do any more than that
Don't forget the true definition of fitness is to be average at everything.
I am a gym beast, ab wheel roll outs, front levers, 20+ deadhang pull ups, get the drift?
and up until a phone call a few hours ago i thought i was the fittest person in our relationship by a long chalk.
There by the grace of god springs to mind.
You're her husband so she's not going to listen to you.
Maybe you can have a word with her girlfriends. They could encourage her gently to go for walks/swimming/pilates or even dancing.
If she likes music she should like dancing. It's great exercise, keeps your mind busy and staves off pain.
How are you going to cope when your parents need looking after?
The key for a healthy old age is to keep active - it doesn't mean mad exercise, so encourage some form of exercise that's not a chore ! Walking is excellent.
My MIL is an example of doing nothing - just gives up. She's now in a nursing home, unable to even get up to a commode. She's given up trying. That's meant she can't go and live back in her own home after a short illness.
Tell her you'd like to do pilates to improve your flexibility, but could she come along to support you because you're intimidated by a classful of uberwimmin?
Alternatively, every time you walk down the pub, repeatedly shout 'race you!' and sprint towards the next lamp-post. No woman can resist that.
I got back problems when I was a courier, from driving all the time. Doctor said I should take up walking, or cycling, to strengthen my stomach and leg muscles too, and take the stress off my back muscles.
So I started walking,and cycling,and that got better, and one thing led to another...
The first step is the hardest, its the same every day, if I get on the bike, or walk down the road for 10 minutes, it normally turns into at least half an hour, and most of my aches and pains go away
I aplaud the ops honesty
To many people in life do not speak there mind from fear of what people think and I'm also aware that it's difficult to get your point across on sensitive subjects online.
Far too many overweight lazy People in the UK and if the bad back is been used as an excuse then the op has a valid point.
My wife became overweight and lazy in life and without my brutal honesty which as her husband only I could deliver without upsetting her resulted in us being best friends .
Remember it's sometimes cruel to be kind .
It's certainly not game over after having a discectomy - I had one in my twenties and can still ride MTB, go to the gym and even deadlift the heaviest I've ever lifted at 42 years old. (It also helps that I'm a chiropractor and I know what exercises/treatment help)
As others have said, it's all about finding something she enjoys doing and work towards that. I don't really like doing core/mobility work but I do it so that I can ride my bike more, which is what I really enjoy. Find something to motivate her and work towards that.
Is the OP divorced / murdered to death by his wife yet?
Stuff this "for better for worse" shite. Life is a ride and you can hop off any time.
If your missus won't look after herself and you're scared that you're going to end up caring for an invalid - and not just an invalid, an invalid who didn't have to be and, through inaction, did it to themselves then that's a grieveance in a relationship that must be taken seriously by both parties.
She doesn't have to flog herself to death, but she must do *something*, regularly and often. The trick is helping her find something she enjoys.
If she's intransigent then that shows she cares as much for your feelings as you do for diplomacy 🙂
Indoor climbing is great for flexibility, good to get your back moving. It is social and doesn't entirely feel like exercise. It's a good chance for a long chat and there's usually a cafe. Just good fun. The fact you wake up the next day aching is a bonus.
