[Closed] Kids and internet porn

et it happen as part of a managed sexual [s]maturation[/s] masturbation process

FTFY

Really depends on the Porn they watch I guess

It's a bit scary that youth seem to think that triple penetration is normal 😯

It's a bit scary that youth seem to think that triple penetration is normal

I doubt they do...

It's a bit scary that youth seem to think that triple penetration is normal

You don't have to let them. Just tell them you don't want to 😉

Define 'normal'

😆

Common place

Tis an interesting topic for discussion. Not sure it'll stay on the straight and narrow here though. 🙂

Really depends on the Porn they watch I guess

Hmm, not sure really.
I'm sure there's some porn out there that reflects the reality of human relationships, but I've never [s]found[/s] heard of it.

Problem 1 is that porn just sets up unrealistic expectations and usually isn't a great example of how to treat women.

Problem 2 is that there's so much of it and access is so easy.

I'd say restrict access as much as poss, whilst trying to minimise the effect of the stuff they do see.

Depends on the age of the kids I suppose. The days of porn stashes in a hedge are long gone unfortuately.

Porn isn't about human relationships though. I think it's important that kids learn that of course, and about relationships in general.

The thing is, how are kids going to understand how porn fits into life if you ban it at home?

...how bad of a thing is it if your boys end up finding porn on the internet?

A pair of boobies? Not damaging at all. An underage ladyboy mating with a dead horse? Probably very damaging indeed.

So our house rule is no porn, and we'll be checking your computer usage regularly, which we do. We use a decent web filter (K9), so in the unlikely event they do stumble across something inappropriate words will be had suitable to the content. Our youngest liked a Facebook post which seemed innocent enough, but when clicked showed a young girl in a worryingly suggestive (but almost certainly legal) pose with a guy. He hadn't clicked it, but of course every other friend and family member might have! It's a question of what is appropriate, and content.

You don't have to let them. Just tell them you don't want to

This. As I'm constantly telling my younger partner.

Our job as parents is to lay the rules down, to be seen to be doing the right thing. I'd be highly surprised (and probably a little disappointing) if all my children didn't bend those rules as much as we all did when we were young.

Frequently used to find 'hedge porn' when I was a kid. The fact that all of the men and women had no detectable genitalia left me scarred and bemused for years... 😯

I'm sure there's some porn out there that reflects the reality of human relationships, but I've never found heard of it.

Problem 1 is that porn just sets up unrealistic expectations and usually isn't a great example of how to treat women.

I dont really see how we can put the genie back in the box though as i dont know a single man [ and very few females] who have never seen any porn. I would say it is about managing it and that largely depends on what they see

Rusty I agree, overall, it is not good

Utterly irrelevant I'd have said.

It has led to the demise if hedge porn, which was more mysterious and eagerly received than Christmas when I was a kid.

molgrips - Member

Porn isn't about human relationships though.

It is, you know.

It's massively influential in reinforcing the harmful aspects of gender stereotyping and normalising aggressive behaviour.

It also leads to very unrealistic expectations regarding body image.

Might be worth sitting them down and talking about porn, the porn industry, women and sex.

They'll find, [s]come across [/s] encounter the muckier end of things at some point. It falls on you to educate them that what they might be watching could be suicidally desperate people who've run out of life choices doing uncomfortable, degrading acts and deadening themselves to emotion and feeling through drug abuse.

There's some good porn out there, but it's like the meat industry. Do you want to watch a battery hen with dead eyes and no feeling, or a free range chicken with freedom and choices, who's enjoying themselves?
After that, how many porn actors and actresses are genuinely happy, with healthy relationships?

That should give some food for thought regarding how porn should influence their attitudes towards sex, women and relationships.

There's some good porn out there, but it's like the meat industry. Do you want to watch a battery hen with dead eyes and no feeling, or a free range chicken with freedom and choices, who's enjoying themselves?

I've not seen that site. Linky?

Free access to my computer with no restrictions here. He got a lecture when he managed to crash Madame's work computer with a porn virus that demanded money to unlock and not to be prosecuted - how we laughed (once I'd fixed it).

I did explain that not everything on the Net is appreciated by members of the opposite sex (or even same sex) that he is likely to meet in real life.

We all have a fantasy world in our heads, some of those fantasies become reality with willing consenting adults.

There's some good porn out there, but it's like the meat industry. Do you want to watch a battery hen with dead eyes and no feeling, or a free range chicken with freedom and choices, who's enjoying themselves?

Agreed, probably.

real world...caught out my son who was 13 at the time. left his itouch lying on the sofa, open up browser, back one page...bingo.

We had a conversation about respect, and about why it was wrong at his age, and about the birds and bees, and what porn was and what and who it was for. Luckily for me and his mum, he's got a sensible head on him, and he hides his browsing habits better now 😉

Has it damaged his idea of women? I doubt it, lad is surrounded by strong and intelligent female relatives who'd bring him up pretty sharpish if he got any funny ideas.

I'd hesitate to call porn 'wrong' generically. Large parts of the porn industry - sure. But making a taboo out of it could have risks.

It's massively influential in reinforcing the harmful aspects of gender stereotyping and normalising aggressive behaviour.

Hmm. I'm sceptical of this. I think society reinforces harmful gender stereotyping in all sorts of ways. If you're a misogynist, then you're going to be into misogynistic porn. If you're a sensitive chap, you're more likely to be into higher quality erotica instead.

It also leads to very unrealistic expectations regarding body image.

Far less damaging on average than women's fashion magazines, imo.

For the record, I am not a consumer of porn, in case you think this is about justification. Nor do I have male kids.

I specified male, because most 'bad' porn is male orientated, isn't it? Is it?

molgrips - Member

I'd hesitate to call porn 'wrong' generically. Large parts of the porn industry - sure.

No one has said it's 'wrong'. 🙂

But making a taboo out of it could have risks.

Hmm. I'm sceptical of this. I think society reinforces harmful gender stereotyping in all sorts of ways. If you're a misogynist, then you're going to be into misogynistic porn. If you're a sensitive chap, you're more likely to be into higher quality erotica instead.

And if you're a child, you're vulnerable and easily influenced by whatever you happen to find.
Which is highly unlikely to be 'higher quality erotica' - which makes up a tiny, tiny minority of the grot out there.

Far less damaging on average than women's fashion magazines, imo.

How many young boys do you know who read women's fashion magazines?
Everything that reinforces unrealistic expectations regarding body image is a bad idea.

My 4.5yr old daughter just likes fairies and the like at the minute. But she's growing up fast. Dreading her looking at porn or getting involved with boys or drinking cider or taking drugs!

Why can't they stay young?!

Far less damaging on average than women's fashion magazines, imo.

If you're a sensitive chap, you're more likely to be into higher quality erotica instead.

I am sure that is what the kids are seeking out

as for whether porn is worse than female mags type stuff then that is between a rock and a hard place

I dount reading nuts [ does that still exist?] helps much either tbh

HandwringingMiddleClassTrackWorld.com

In a few years your daughters will be involved in the kind of sexual activity that you will struggle to remember...

crikey - Member

HandwringingMiddleClassTrackWorld.com

Deleted because it came across as a it preachy, but no, not really.

"Unrealistic expectations of body image".

You guys should have been a bit more selective. 8)

In a few years your daughters will be involved in the kind of sexual activity that you will struggle to remember...

Chortles!

As a functioning adult, considerably younger than the lot of you, who grew up with an internet connection in his bedroom, chill out.

Also, thanks for putting 'children' and 'porn' together in one URL.

In a few years your daughters will be involved in the kind of sexual activity that you will struggle to remember...

🙁 Eldest daughter is 13.

Please, please let it be at least a "few" years.

As a father of 2 girls I think that you need to educate kids into being able to say no to things they don't want to do and understanding that just because someone says they want to do it doesn't mean they should.

Porn is out there and you aren't going to close the internet down to avoid it so giving kids the right skills to handle difficult situations is the approach we are taking.

I accept my children are going to experiment and good for them I say but doing it in the right way is down to how you as a parent bring them up and support them.

As a functioning adult, considerably younger than the lot of you, who grew up with an internet connection in his bedroom, chill out.

I suspect this is the right approach.

When teenagers in the 90s, it was More magazine and lads mags that were going to lead the us astray. Prior to that, it was computer games, video nasties, punk, the Beatles, Elvis...

With regards age, I think that if you're too young for it, it's meaningless. When I was a kid I just thought that sexy pictures were something adults did and I wasn't in the least bit interested either way. After a certain age, well I think it was more about curiosity.

A 14 year old wide eyed seeing something for the first time isn't going to be thinking the same things as a 40 year old regular user, imo. I struggle to imagine a kid following the same crude, aggressive or misogynistic thought processes UNLESS they've been brought up in an environment that perpetuates them anyway. If you've grown up surrounded by nasty lecherous male role models then you're more likely to adopt similar behaviour. Conversely if you've been brought up in a caring sensitive and emotionally aware household then I think it's unlikely internet grot is going to turn you into a sexual monster.

It all comes down to education and awareness again doesn't it?

It all comes down to education and awareness again doesn't it?

Basically this.

You want things to get better, you teach your sons to respect women. It's a bit like cycle helmets; the issue is driver behaviour, but we focus on helmets. In terms of sex and sexual relationships, the issue is male behaviour, not what porn to watch.

[quote=mogrim]Eldest daughter is 13.

Please, please let it be at least a "few" years.

How sweet, you think she's still innocent...

LOL @ Xiphon!

My oldest is 9 and I already can tell she's starting to take an interest in boys. Some of the things she's come out with recently crack me and my wife up.

[trying not to sound like a prick here]
Now I'm no prude, but... 🙂

A while back someone on here mentioned redtube, which I hadnt heard of, so wandered off there for a look, and spent some time there investigating what was on offer.
Way back when I was a kid we had access to the usual t and a magazines, but it was pretty innocent stuff, just naked bodies and stories to help you get through those few desperate minutes. There wasn't really much hardcore stuff, and what there was, was expensive, relatively difficult to get hold of, and tended to be for special occasions. It wasnt on tap, for want of a better phrase.
After looking at redtube it seems that there's no hierarchy of porn anymore, most 'interests' seem to have their own category, with equal weighting. It's as easy to find a video of some girl stripping, as it is to find someone having the daylight beaten out of her, or enjoying the previously mentioned triple penetration.
What adults do between themselves is up to them, but I worry that the easy availability of porn covering pretty much the whole spectrum of adult behaviour, from mild to wild, under one umbrella, might influence kids whose morals and behaviours are still forming.
I worry that a young lad who sees that an act is widespread and normal in the world of porn could easily grow to believe that its his right to expect that from his girlfriend, and start to behave accordingly.
The majority of us when mature understand what porn is, and what to use it for, but I wonder if youngsters might find it difficult to separate it from real life, and use it to shape their world view.
[/trying not to sound like a prick here]

Seems appropriate to link this -> http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/education-22643862

"How porn twisted one teenager's experience of sex"

I worry that a young lad who sees that an act is widespread and normal in the world of porn could easily grow to believe that its his right to expect that from his girlfriend

Well yes, that's why you need to be involved as a parent. And that doesn't necessarily mean banning everything.

To be honest, I'd be more worried if my son thought his GF was obliged to do anything for his sexual pleasure - regardless of what it was he wanted. Sex is a mutual act, makes no differnce if it's cuddles or DVDA.

From Xiphon's link:

But even though she was not enjoying what was happening to her, she says she did not feel, as a 16-year-old girl in her first relationship, that she had a right to say no.

That's as big of an issue as the boy's porn fetish imo. And the fact that he didn't understand her feelings.

I agree molgrips. A ban isnt the answer, like everything else kids need to have their expectations managed. 🙂
And xiphon's link shows what can happen when they arent.

As a previous local authority IT bod and now working for a web filtering company I think a complete ban would be a joke. Kids being able to watch porn is a big part of growing up.

While there are places to filter the internet such as school and work, I don't think porn is that much of an issue. There are much more grotesque things on the internet that should be kept away from kiddies.

While Xiphon's link is awful, there seem to be other issues around self-esteem, confidence and expectations on the girl's part. Perhaps if those had been dealt with earlier, the porn wouldn't have been an issue and she'd have dumped the lad when things first got out of hand?

We had a nasty case at work (boarding school). Obviously there is a lot I can't say here and fortunately it was other peoples jobs to pick up the pieces but essentially after a group of (a number of years below age of consent) pupils were caught in the act various councillors were involved with the kids. The nub of it was that in addition to the act itself (which was against the rules and they all got expelled) the worrying bit was the expectations of the boys involved and the "pressure" the girls involved felt to perform/comply in stuff which previous generations would not dream of. Put bluntly 13yr old boys should not feel anal sex should be on the cards on a first "date" and 13yr old girls should not feel expected/pressured to take part.

A lot of the findings of the councillors and the research they pointed us to was this significant "advancement" of experimentation amongst children is down to what they have watched on the internet and has passed into common parlance amongst their peer groups. If you have young teens at home imo it would be naive to not anticipate this could well be what is going through their heads. Worrying times imo.

Talking about much more vile things on the internet, [b]how many people on this thread understand this logo?[/b]

I spat my coffee out when it was presented on live BBC News24

[img] [/img]

Sean Stayte: "Here is my design for the Olympic logo. It is very simple and so memorable. The hands represent Britain pulling together to reveal the Olympics."

educate me on what that means then xiphon?

am I missing something other than his explanation?

I heard a fairly awful interview on Radio 4 a few weeks back from a young woman who had been in a relationship from her mid-teens with a lad the same age who was really into more extreme porn. Over the course of the interview it was clear he thought the things he was doing with her were a) consensual and b) normal.

Now you could argue that what two consenting adults do is always "normal" but there's an age when consenting is a grey area as people agree to things they don't want to do because they THINK it's normal or are told it is. Hearing this young woman explain how her boyfriend thought her crying was just her trying to be like the actresses in the film and that in hindsight, what he was doing to her was bordering on rape was quite shocking really. What was telling was she said that outside the bedroom he was very normal, loving and a typical teenage boy but his addiction to porn warped his frame of reference.

They followed that interview with some reportage on research about the number of teenage boys coming forward to get treatment for porn addiction as their increasing use of fetish porn was causing them problems having normal sexual relationships.

So I guess although I don't think censoring is the right thing, we need to find some way to get some moderation. I don't have kids but I hope that educating them about the spectrum of behaviour of human sexuality and teaching them that what's on the screen isn't always normal might at least mitigate the damage.

Xiphon, right there with you.

Junkyard: http://deterritorialsupportgroup.wordpress.com/2011/09/27/goatse-as-industrial-sabotage/

Lets not over react i could do all this for other things available like alcohol. I could show you someone who ends up homeless etc to feed the addiction but most folk dont end up like this.
Lets not take extreme case and think this is what young folk are doing.
Dont base policy on the most extreme example of what can happen

I would assume it is not that outlandish to think that they would think that porn and sex are the same thing rather than realise that it is as real as most other tv/fim/media and should be filed under fiction

EDIT:

CHeers did they admit they knew or are you reading this into the pic?

Some things are worse than Rick Astley

IMHO the best example you can set is in the home.

If you and your spouse both show respect and love for one another and the relationship is on a solid footing then your child will likely grow up secure with decent role models. Even if I do see a pretty lady on the television, I won't share that opinion in front of the stepkids - I want them to know that their mother is the most important woman in the world to me.

I've no real objection to pron, but there's a lot of it out there that is objectifying and degrading, especially to women. There's a big gulf between the misty-lensed hedgepron of my youth and some of the stuff freely downloadable today. All I can hope for is that the stepkids understand the dynamic of a healthy relationship and hold that as an ideal, as opposed to assuming that Brazilian fart pron is the way forward.

Came from this chap: http://www.b3ta.com/board/profile.php?id=38688

Apparently there's a generation of young men who feel that the appropriate way to round off an energetic bout of coupling is to withdraw at the last minute and give their companion a 'hot monocle'.

On the flipside, there's a generation of young women that are well up for threesomes and let you put it up the wrong un.

So, the jury's out as far as I'm concerned... Swings and roundabouts, innit.

OK. From the trenches of youth work:

Is porn harmful to teenagers and young adults? Potentially, yes. Of course, not every young lad watching internet porn in his bedroom is going to turn into an obsessive, a perve or a sex addict, but I do think that porn CAN warp young people's view of human relationships. The reason for that is that porn presents a view of sex that is divorced from emotion or consequences. It's what you don't see in porn that's more of a problem than what you do see.

What you don't see is unwanted pregnancy. You don't see teenage parenthood. You don't see visits to the STD clinic, or the physical consequences of a career as a porn actor - genital disfiguration, loss of sensitivity, and prolapse (these happen to women as well as men)and you don't see the mental and emotional consequences of a life spent doing that. OK, for some it's a choice, but for some it's not, and some (men and women) feel that they have no other options.

In that respect, I think that porn does present an unrealistic view of sexual relationships that teens may be more susceptible to adopting than adults, who may have already had sex/relationships and therefore, they are aware that real life sex is messy, can involve consequences if you don't take care of contraception, there are emotions involved etc. Teens who haven't yet learned that are potentially more susceptible to adopting strange ideas about what sex is, or should be, and what to expect of their sexual partners. For some young lads though (and even girls) porn is just a phase, and once they get a partner, they don't bother with it any more.

As a woman, I used to try and adopt the position that porn and stripping and all that is liberating. But it doesn't sit well with me any more - I don't like the hypersexualised culture we have adopted, I don't like the pressure on young men and women to look a certain way (womens mags and lad mags have contributed to the increase in body image disorders, eating disorders etc in both sexes due to their perpetuation of certain stereotypes, IMO).

I'm not advocating banning porn, but I am saying have sensible discussions about it, and help teens to understand that porn does not represent what sex or human relationships are about and while real sexual relationships can be a great life enhancing experience, they are not consequence free.

[quote=littlemisspanda]As a woman, I used to try and adopt the position

*cough*

Excellent wording, considering this is a thread about porn

some funny stuff on there ta lemony but did he mean it 😉

Thanks for the education and links I appreciate it

there seem to be other issues around self-esteem, confidence and expectations on the girl's part...she'd have dumped the lad when things first got out of hand?

Earlier I was thinking about the booze parallel, as Junkyard mentioned, most adults drink but how do you deal with your kids and bring them up knowing that booze is all about moderation. Never allowing them to touch a drop of alcohol til they turn 18* may not be the best way, prohibition hasn't got a good rep has it. I guess it's all about having healthy attitudes towards stuff.

I heard a fairly awful interview on Radio 4 a few weeks back...

Ok but his inability to understand why a girl might be crying would seem to indicate some bigger issues.

It's easy to blame porn, but which is cause and which is symptom?

I don't like the hypersexualised culture we have adopted, I don't like the pressure on young men and women to look a certain way (womens mags and lad mags have contributed to the increase in body image disorders, eating disorders etc in both sexes due to their perpetuation of certain stereotypes, IMO).

Excellent point - there's pressure to grow up, to look a certain way. Way back when, I recall reading a tabloid newspaper that reported on an increase of cases of anorexia, whilst on the front page there were zoom lens photos purporting to show Princess Di's cellulite.

The reason for that is that porn presents a view of sex that is divorced from emotion or consequences.

Yes. As parents, you should also be educating your kids in other views of sex and relationships. It could be as easy as buying certain carefully chosen films, on the basis that they'll probably get watched if they're in the house.

Xiphon - not a helpful post, especially given the topic.

littlemisspanda » As a woman, I used to try and adopt the position

*cough*

Excellent wording, considering this is a thread about porn

Yawn. Grow up.

Ok but his inability to understand why a girl might be crying would seem to indicate some bigger issues.

It's easy to blame porn, but which is cause and which is symptom?

I don't disagree there's a shirking of the blame but it's interesting how he (and to a lesser extent her) became persuaded that the porn (I seem to recall the interview saying it was violent, aggressive sort of thing) reflected some degree of normality in sexual relationships.

I don't have kids. My (very minor) contribution to making porn better is to actually pay for it when I want it.

I don't want to see anyone getting slapped or choked, any name-calling, aggro or anything and I am not paticularly aroused by anything involving 3 heavily tattoo'ed chaps with some woman buried under them somewhere gurgling. My contribution to the international economy of pornography is a small one. But I hope that by occasionally sending actual money to people who make porn that isn't vicious I am helping more of that sort of thing be made.

😐

I don't want to sound complacent but I wonder if people who grew up in the era of magazines, which were scarce contraband and usually cost money and embarrassment or were borrowed from someone else, are in danger of overestimating the impact of internet porn? Kids can see all kinds of stuff on the web nowadays, far more sensational and damaging than a creased copy of Mayfair with half the pages stuck together. I for one am hoping that good sense will prevail in my 14 year old son and he will treat internet porn as just another ropey website trying to get his attention and earn revenue from the ads.

Here's hoping.

Ah dunno guys I've turned out alright and I remember the days when my parents would go out at 9pm and I'd set all the pages I wanted loading and play on a game for an hour then come back.

56k man, so good.

littlemisspanda » As a woman, I used to try and adopt the position
*cough*

Excellent wording, considering this is a thread about porn

Yawn. Grow up.

And yoooouuuuuuuu,

You need a sense of humor. That was certified hilarious.

Also;

3rd post in a row.

Wonder if this sort of thing happened with the advent of modern printing,

"The kids! They can READ all the smut everywhere now!"

56k man, so good.

My first modem was 300bps. Porn wouldn't have been an option

That was certified hilarious.

anything involving 3 heavily tattoo'ed chaps with some woman buried under them somewhere gurgling

I find it worrying how easy it is for anyone to actually dabble in taking their own photos and videos. Then the permanence of it remaining on the internet where anyone can find it, even relatively tame stuff.

The one night of messing about/experimenting with the camera phone/webcam by a 16, 18, 20, 25 year old could have impact further on in their life. It's not just the domain of Paris Hilton and her ex-boyfriend, the impact could probably be greater for the normal person as they don't have £millions in the bank to fall back on.

For some it might be a well thought out choice and good luck to them. Others may not have even considered what might happen.

Hammerite, currently it's difficult to find these videos for a specific person. Hopefully by the time search engines start letting loose socialnetwork backed facial recognition on the general internet and allowing people to search openly for content depicting someone, it will be painless to bring law enforcement to bear on the administrators of the server, or removal of websites from search engines. Maybe.

Scuzz, that's true. But all it takes is for someone to get spotted by someone who recognises them and it gets sent round all sorts. Viral style.

I remember someone sending me an e-mail saying "check this out" it with a link to a series of photographs of someone we went to university with (they'd clearly thought about it though as they were proper studio/modelled photos). I suppose it takes a certain amount of self policing as in some circles people wouldn't want to explain how they came to find such vids and photos!

And yoooouuuuuuuu,

You need a sense of humor. That was certified hilarious.

I found it an exact example of the reasons that I used to try and say that I was ok with porn. Because men would always say you're a prude if you didn't engage with it or if you voiced any sort of objection to it, as a woman, my reaction to it was always trivialised and that comment was an example of the same - subtext "if you don't find smut hilarious it's your problem, you're a prude/can't take a joke"

I don't find an industry that specializes in and promotes the degradation of women and the reduction of women to mindless, voiceless sex objects (and men, for that matter in some cases) funny in any way shape or form, and I'm not going to apologise for my "lack of sense of humour" on the subject - I'm quite ok with it thank you. Quite happy to keep my sense of humour for other topics of conversation and debate.

I'm not a parent so clearly have nothing of value to say here. 😉

It falls on you to educate them that what they might be watching could be suicidally desperate people who've run out of life choices doing uncomfortable, degrading acts and deadening themselves to emotion and feeling through drug abuse.

Jeremy Kyle?

littlemisspanda, good for you.

Oddly/interestingly (or not), although I'm not anti porn, I am very anti scantily clad girls drapped over cars/fishing gear/guns/computers/bocing rings/etc. Forget demeaning to women, I find it insulting to men. Do manufactures and marketers thing all us men are really that sad? I'm so anti it, I won't buy a product that's been advertised that way.

[b]TuckerUK[/b] It must help sales, or they wouldn't do it.

I find it amusing they try to sell hi-tech computer gear with girls.

I am very anti scantily clad girls drapped over cars/fishing gear/guns/computers/bocing rings/etc. Forget demeaning to women, I find it insulting to men.

TuckerUK It must help sales, or they wouldn't do it.