My four year old is trying his hand at some comedy material..
We've had so far - Why did the train sound like a cow? Because it was a loco-moo-tive, which got a great response and was a very obvious proud parent moment..
Since then it has gone downhill though, with quality offerings such as - Why is a sheep on a tree? Because it was in a nocky macker!
Obviously this is not acceptable, but I can only provide him with an armoury of paedophile jokes and I don't want him to go through the embarrassment of having to explain all his punch lines at nursery on Monday..
So, can you give the little fella your best (age appropriate) jokes please whilst I source a good old fashioned joke book for him..
Thanks
What do you get if you cross a sheep with a kangaroo?
A wooly jumper.
These worked for me 45 yrs ago ....
How do you know when an elephants been in the fridge , foot prints in the butter
Why do elephants paint their toe nails red , so they can hide in cherry trees .
Whats yellow and dangerous , shark infested custard .
What goes ha ha bonk?
A man laughing his head off.
Sp: knock knock
Yunki: who's there?
Sp: Europe
Yunki: Europe who?
Sp: no you're a poo yunki!!!!
Got told that one a week ago- still chuckling about it 😀
whats brown and sticky?
a stick.
What's pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff
What's blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath
Mini vader is still telling odd amd unfunny jokes but we came up with these
What did one snow man say to the other snow man?... Can you smell carrots?
Why are pirates called pirates? Because they argh!
Why do cows have bells? Because they're horns are broken
Whats yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard
Patient: doctor doctor, it hurts when I do this (waves arm about)
Doctor: well don't do it then
And this is the joke book my mum got me when I was much younger - still a classic
why do squirrels swim on their backs?
to keep their nuts dry
I still have my copy of that ^^^
Re read it recently 🙂
Two elephants fell off a cliff.
Bomm! Boom!
what's the scariest plant in the garden? a dandelion
What's brown and funny? Clown poo.
What's green, got six legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? A snooker table.
Q. Have you got a duckdo?
A. What's a duckdo?
A. Quack! Quack! Quack! Quack! Repeat to fade.
Q. Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
A. To the moovies.
Q. How do you get more pigs in a field?
A. Build a sty scraper.
I thank you.
[url= http://singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/clean-jokes-please ]This will help[/url]
What do you get if you add 4q and 6q?
10 q
Don't mention it
What's an astronaut's favourite key on a keyboard?
The space bar.
What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A wonky.
[quote=dknwhy ]
What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A wonky [i]donkey[/i]
FTFY
What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy
A honky-tonky wonky donkey
What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy playing a badly tuned piano?
A plinky-plonky honky-tonky wonky donkey
What do you get hanging from trees?
Sore arms.
My favourite joke full stop -
2 monkeys in a bath & 1 goes 'Ooooh ooh oh Aaah ahhh ahhhh' & the other one goes 'Well put some cold in then mun!'
Here's a topical one:
Knock knock... Who's there?
Dr... Dr Who?
Or
What's brown and sticky?
A [s]poo[/s] Twig!
what orange and sounds like a a parrot
A carrot
First joke my eldest got
TBH just get used to crap jokes but every now and again they come up with a funny one
they are just exploring at that age.
7 year old told a joke on our local radio station this week (radio Clyde ) at morning school run time.
Why did Mr Humpty push Mrs Humpty off the wall?
So he could see her crack!!!
The presenters all went into hysterics .
Not sure if there was meant to be another meaning to 'crack' - ie break temper, but was taken as the other meaning.
So funny.
Why don't owls fall in love in the rain?
Because it's too wet to woo.
Why did the lion and the witch enter the wardrobe?
Narnia business
whats brown and sticky?a stick.
If everyone yells "A Stick!" keep a straight face and say "No. Poo"
Daughter's usual halloween joke...
What do you call a one eyed dinosaur?
D'yethinkesaurus
And a genuine showstopper told this week be a wee boy being interviewed live on Radio Clyde...
Why did humpty dumpty push Mrs humpty dumpty off the wall?
He wanted to see her crack...
They got complaints.
What do you call a Norwegian motor car? A Fjord!
I play triangle in a reggae band. I stand next to the guitarist an'ting.
Why did the baker have smelly fingers?
Because he kneaded a poo.
What's Dr Who's favourite snack?
Dalek bread.
Two parrots sitting on a perch, one says to the other,
“Can you smell fish?”
What do you can a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
What do you call a bear with no ear?
B.
Two cannibals eating a clown, one says to the other,
“Does this taste funny to you?”
2 Goldfish in a tank, one says to the other “Can you really drive this thing?”
Two penguins walk into a bar, which was really stupid because the second one should have noticed.
What’s invisible and smells of carrots?
Rabbit farts.
What’s yellow and smells of bananas?
Monkey sick.
[quote="CheesybeanZ"]Why do elephants paint their toe nails red , so they can hide in cherry trees
Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree?; No? - proves it works then!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interupting cow
Interup
MOOOO!
Did you hear about the man that drowned in a bowl of muesli?
He got dragged under by a strong currant!
"What do you call a camel with three humps?"
"I don't know."
"Hump three."
"Doctor! Doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Well pull yourself together again"
"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees?"
"Because they're really good at it."
FeeFoo, I actually laughed at that one!
What is green and turns red at the touch of a button?
A frog/ Kermit in a blender.
What's blue and tastes like red paint? Blue paint.
What do you do if you find an elephant in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else!
What do midgets and dwarfs have in common?
Very little.
2 dogs in a field
first ones says "bark, woof, quack"
Second says "Quack?"
"Yeah I'm learning a foreign language"
What's white and can't climb trees.... A Fridge!
Closely followed by
What's white and can climb trees ... A Fridge with a ladder!
"Doctor, doctor, I feel like a couple of wigwams"
"You're too tense"
"Doctor, doctor, I have trouble pronouncing my f's and th's"
"You can't say fairer than that"
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: He wasn't peeling well!
Scottish one, and my favourite joke:
Q: What's ET short for?
A: Cos he's only got wee legs...
One from the Andy Cameron show on Radio Scotland in the 80's, stopped the show for a bit!
Wee Lad: what vegetable makes your eyes water?
AC: Och, that's an easy one- an onion?!
Wee Lad: You've obviously not been hit in the nuts by a turnip!!
What do you call a 3 legged donkey?
A wonky donkey
What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy
A honky-tonky wonky donkey
What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy playing a badly tuned piano?
A plinky-plonky honky-tonky wonky donkey
What do you call a 3 legged donkey dressed as a cowboy playing a badly tuned piano with a sexual perversion?
A winky ****y plinky-plonky honky-tonky wonky donkey
OK I may have just moved outside of the target audience...
What do you call a deer with no eyes
No eye deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
Still no eye deer
Aww beat me to it with this:
andrewh - MemberKnock knock
Who's there?
Interupting cow
Interup
MOOOO!
A pal's wee niece just doesn't get it "No Uncle Graeme let me finish!!"
On a similar vein, from Bad Granpa:
Bad Granpa - Go on, ask me what the key to comedy is...
Grandson - What's the key t....
Bad Granpa - TIMING!! ahahaaaaa
What do you call a grumpy cow?
Mooo-dy!
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A Carrot!
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall
damn