If I have my son at home, how do I go out biking without social services being involved???!
Doesn't sound like you'd want to go even if you were able to?
Completely disagree with GravitySucks. I think a four year old would get a massive kick out of seeing the bright lights of Vegas. He's not going to get addicted to gambling and women, but he will think he's in a crazy theme park for a week.
Likewise the Grand Canyon. One of my strongest memories of childhood is seeing that and getting a proper sense of your place in the world.
Let them go, take a well earned week off from work and go riding. Maybe have a chat with your SO about your feelings when they get back and you've had time to work it out in your head a bit more.
50/50? Really?
I'm still confused as to how the kid's going to see the Grand Canyon or indeed anything other than the outside of a casino when [i]they have no spare cash.[/i] Getting there is only half of the battle. As I said before, I've been in Vegas on a shoestring budget and it's just bloody depressing.
For the appreciation a 4 year old is going to have, you'd be better off going to Blackpool.
Well im coming round to the idea of letting them get on with it. Sure I'll miss out, on some stuff that I'd like to do, but I'll live.
Obviously I'll be talking about this plenty more with the OH. I just needed to try and see both sides of the debate.
Im not too happy that my BIL is making plans to show my son things like his first flight and the GC, that hould be my job and thats probably my biggest gripe. Obviously he's a better man than me..... 👿
Yes its a lovely gesture, but I don't think its been thought through very well.
Cougar - Member
I'm still confused as to how the kid's going to see the Grand Canyon or indeed anything other than the outside of a casino when they have no spare cash.
Me too, but if they go, thats not my problem.....
Plenty of other firsts left in the world.
Let them go and have some cave man time! my wife and two kids have just been away as I am on contract work at the moment until September and dont know whether it will last longer than that.
Ive been down to Afan (day trip) rode Skyline and been out twice locally as well as vegged out and watched what I want for a change.
Be generous and cool about it and she will love you more!
You're starting to come off as a selfish starfish with chip on your shoulder. Is this a troll? What's with all the troll threads after that best troll thread?
Your son will be starting full-time school in September so your OH will be able to get a job. Sorted...you can all go.
Why am I selfish starfish fourbanger? Becuase I want to go and I can't afford to? Because another man wants to take MY son and show him some wonderful stuff and I cant?
The closest biking analogy I can think of is someone offers to pay for your bike and all your kit to be flown to Whistler, but you can't afford your own flight, so they get ride your bike and kit instead. (The riding bit has no parallels to sexual activity)
Its not a troll I can assure you.
Is this a troll? What's with all the troll threads after that best troll thread?
What, a troll? After Zoofighters "whats the best troll" thread? [url= http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/profile/quandryman ]From someone who only registered this morning?[/url] called "Quandryman"?. No "Hello I'm a newb" Just straight in with the unravelling of his family life.
Can't possibly be, I can't and won't believe it 🙂
(The riding bit has no parallels to sexual activity)
[url= http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm ]You don't have to go to Whister for that[/url]
Seriously, I think you should let your OH go and let her enjoy the family wedding but keep your son at home with you and spend some good father/son bond time with him doing things, you can live without biking until your OH get back home. If your OH didnt enjoy Vegas and spending time apart with son then the chances wont happen again if the situation came up again in future.
What wrong having son with you and let OH go to the wedding, surely you can live with OH for a few days??
Please dont get into a sulk and be a drama queen over this until they give in your wishes, would you want your OH be angry and bitter with you? she will always throw that back into your face next time when you guys have a tiff in future.
Dude, if you're not trolling and you seriously have to ask why you're being selfish, then you have some serious issues. I really hope this is a troll for the sake of your son (The missus will be ok, I heard her BIL is a decent chap).
I would & have been very happy for my kids to have a great time even if I miss out on the event myself.
Edit - just fed a troll sorry 👿
The closest biking analogy I can think of is someone offers to pay for your bike and all your kit to be flown to Whistler, but you can't afford your own flight, so they get ride your bike and kit instead. (The riding bit has no parallels to sexual activity)
Why a biking analogy?
How about, you're all so broke you cannot afford to go out on the lash. A friend turns up and says "look here quandryman, I'm taking you out on the piss followed up by a kebab, my treat" Do you call him a mean bastard for not inviting your missus long?
edit: On second thoughts, i can see why you have concerns, given your attitude shown here, you may well be worried about your missus never coming back
New advice - Never let her out of your sight!
I've been here for ages, but I dont want to be identified.
It is not a troll fourbanger unlike your last post ^^^
I've already said that yes I am being a bit selfish, but I've already said im not going to ban them from going! I just feel hurt that my OH thinks its ok to go and leave me here. If it had been reversed I would have thanked them, but politely declined.
How about, you're all so broke you cannot afford to go out on the lash. A friend turns up and says "look here quandryman, I'm taking you out on the piss followed up by a kebab, my treat" Do you call him a mean bastard for not inviting your missus long?
Do you take your whole family out with you for a mates night out then?
A trip to Vegas is in a slightly bigger league!
A trip to Vegas is in a slightly bigger league!
Which makes it an even greater kindness and generosity on their part. Yet you would prefer if your missus didn't go and stayed at home with you?
Mate i have just had the house to myself for 2 whole glorious goddamn fantastic weeks.
The good lady has been cat-sitting 🙄 and the boy has been with her.
Now fair point on the BIL doing a few firsts with your son and yes that will rankle but you really have to grow a pair here. The boy has his whole life to have many firsts with you. Or as stated a few times keep him at home and spend a cracking week with him,you can either let it eat you up or grow a pair and get on with it.
Sometimes life (or family) throw a sh!t sandwich in your direction, its how you deal with it that counts!
Sometimes life (or family) throw a sh!t sandwich in your direction
Sh!t sandwich? I wish someone would pay for half my family to go on holiday!
I'm gonna stop here, but i really really can't see WTF you are complaining about. Someone has offered your wife and kid a great opportunity and because you don't get some you want to deprive them of it?? Jeez, that is about as selfish as it gets.
I agree, thats why im asking on here, rather than going all ballistic at my OH / her family.
Sometime you just need a bit of perspective thats all.
Charlie, where have I said im going to deprive them of going? Nowhere! Tell you what, I'll just bury all my feelings deep down and next time she burns my toast, I'll stab her with the butterknife.
It might be a Ryan Giggs style ploy to get your missus on her own. 8)
Charlie, where have I said im going to deprive them of going
Not directly, but you don't want her to go, or you want her to not want to go. I'm not saying you are going to deprive them, but that you want to. Because the alternative is that you would want them to go, and so would be happy if they chose to, and that is clearly not the case.
**** it can be arsed justifying myself to trolls.
**** it can be arsed justifying myself to trolls.
funny that you mentioned trolling just now, I was thinking somebody was doing a bit of trolling here
me?
See I would interpret their offer as they know you are the breadwinner so might be able to cover the cost of the flight and they will cover the cost of the one who doesn't work and the kid who, lets be honest, is a pretty useless edition to the wedding party as he wont give a flying pootle what's going on. However that said, if it happened to me then I would probably feel a little as you do so understand where you are coming from.
If it is the nephew's wedding and he isn't bothered and your OH isn't bothered about going I would just suggest a polite 'thank you but we wont be able to come, money is tight, it will be too much of a flight for the little one but hope you have an amazing time'. Don't lose sleep over it, weddings genuinely bring out the worst in people and it'll soon be forgotten.
[i]"Because another man wants to take MY son and show him some wonderful stuff and I cant?"[/i]
My child is a possession. Its more important for me to get what I want than for my child to have a good time. I prefer to sulk rather than be glad of a one off opportunity for my partner to support her sister at a family event.
[i]
"If I have my son at home, how do I go out biking without social services being involved???! "[/i]
I will sulk if they go, but I wont give up anything to have quality 'Dad time' with my kid, in fact it never even occurred to me to offer to baby sit my son just so I could have extra time with him while at the same time showing gracious support to my partner.
I think before long you are going to be posting on here 'my partner has left me. She says I am controlling, resentful, sulky and selfish - I cant understand why she thinks that'.
I think you need to look at your inferiority complex and that's not a dig, you really do need to look at how you view yourself and how the image you are giving out appears to others, even if it only looks so bad because you feel vulnerable and express that in ways that are not flattering to you.
People value care, love, consideration, support and loyalty far more than they value the income of their partner. You may already be supplying these and its unfortunately just not showing here very well in your writing style, but be wary of withdrawing them in an inferiority complex sulk as you might end up with little left to trade with.
You could give your child a far far better event than the grand canyon could ever be (what 4 year old cares about a vast hole in the ground?), so make the most of this chance for you and the child - its golden!
My mother in law recently booked flights and a hotel for her to take my wife and kids to Portugal to see my sister in law. Not me though as at that time I couldn't get the time off work to go with them.
So a slightly different situation, but I also felt quite sad about missing out on my wee boys first go in an aeroplane, so I can sympathise with the OP in that respect. But at no point did I not want them to go.
Stay at home, eat junk, be happy.
Vegas is vile - you'd hate it anyway.
Can I ask why you are hiding behind a pseudonym to post this?
Woah, this took a very sudden turn on the OP and escalated as soon as the admission of a fake user ID came out....
As others have said get on with the week to yourself and see just how much you can enjoy it. Image spending a whole day biking with no time limits, coming home, eating exactly what you want and having as many beers as you fancy. Now mutliply that by 6 (leaving a day to tidy up!!).
As much as you want to do these things with your son it doesn't sound like he'll have the chance to see the GC or fly to the States in a good few years. It'll hurt to hear him talk about how good it was but I'll bet you'll also be happy for him.
And 50/50?? What thread were you reading? A few people said they understood where you were coming from but could see both sides! 90/10 at best....
I can sympathise with this, but you need to raise it with your OH. She is giving out the message that her priorities are different to yours.
Similar thing happened to us a good few years ago (although no kids to complicate things)... Big overblown gesture by BIL to take family to States to see another family member (missing out me and OH). OH desparately wanted to go, but we couldnt afford it at the time (1st rung on ladder, saving to buy house etc). I said she could go (using our savings) but 'I can't promise I'll be around when you get back'. Thankfully she chose me and the life we were building together.
We now have the house, cars and disposible income to be able to enjoy things together... Whilst overblown gesture boy is in a world of debt.
Sorry about the fake ID, heads all over the place. Its been banned now anyway.
Im just rather hurt that my OHs sister chose to exclude me. This sort of event shoud be for all my famuly, not part of it.
Hey ho, time to make some riding plans.
Thanks for everyones input. Its all been useful in clearing my head out.
I loved dad-time with my kids at that age - so partner to go - kid to stay with you.
They're paying for both. Why would she want to keep him with me when they can visit america? 🙁
errr... because he is 4 and you get to influence what he does. He isn't just something cute to appear in their photos. His needs for fun really need to be taken into account. If there are other kids his age or a plan for him - fine. If not - why subject him to it?
Good point, thanks for that, hadnt considered that no other kids going....
I said she could go (using our savings) but 'I can't promise I'll be around when you get back'.
Sorry but you sound like a complete ****tard
Awww, don't be sad. If they do decide to go then make the most of the space and the peace. That guy might do some stuff while he's got your lad but you've got a whole lifetime of other firsts to have with him. He's 4, he won't remember anyway. And if your girlfriend and your son stil think the world of you then stuff her family! Besides you might get extra bedtime brownie points for letting her go away 😉
Don't know if anyone else has said this, but kids are usually ushered straight into the lifts to keep them from being anywhere near the casino floors in the hotels, and if you're struggling for cash before you go then Vegas is a no no. Not like you can nip to the beach for a cheap day out!!
Weddings can bring out the worst in people.
He isn't just something cute to appear in their photos.
How close are your SIL and OH? How close are you with your SIL and BIL? Sounds a bit off to me that they've made this generous offer without discussing it with you and Your OH unless you are not all that close.
Good troll, very convincing. 9/10.
Not a troll I assure you. Besides, no random capitals and swearing.
On the contrary, dear boy. This most cer :wink:tainly is a troll.
I agree that you shouldn't be sad if there are things other people can give your boy that you can't afford to. Maybe this might drive you towards a better paid career? Might be the same for me tbh, although I'm not especially materialistic.
To give you a parallel situation, my best mates wife was suffering from post natal depression. He took the family to the Bahamas to help the situation. My wife's just had a touch of the same. I've given her lots of love and reassurance, and taking the family to pick strawberries 🙂 I'm made up that my mate can afford to do that for his family but also happy that I can give my family what they need.
My jobs heading in the right direction, but its a slow burner at the moment, although we are heading in the right direction.
We've had a long chat about this last night and again this morning. I've made it clear im not particularly happy to be excluded mainly because we are a family. If she really wants to go then im ok with it. I realise I shouldn't be so possessive too. My OH doesn't really want to go either, but she doesn't want to upset her sister by saying no. She also agrees there's not likely to be much change from £1.5k for them, which be both think is too much.
So I now understand why she hasn't said no yet, but she's going to talk to SIL about it.
I asure I was stiring and not trolling. I still think, when you consider the facts presented, you're a selfish arse/troll.
Well I think you're a rude **** fourbanger, but was polite enough not to post it.
Whoops! 
Vegas youre sister clearly has no taste.. she should pay for you to gfo though. I think it greedy of people to have weddings on the other side of the planet, as most of ur mates wolnt be able to go. It know a couple that were broken up by the debit the wedding cost...how i lold and lold and lold,
😉
Think this would have been an non issue if the SIL had said something along the lines of we'd like you all to come and we'd like to contribute £xx towards your costs of going. This way no-one would taken offence, I wouldn't have felt excluded and we could have politely declined, rather than my OH feel guilty about saying no.
Agreed, definately could have said heres £xxx towards it if you come, you'll have to fund the rest as a family! Perhaps just a bit insensitive or she really doesn't give a **** about you?? Honestly though one of my best mates got married there last year, he wanted me to be best man etc but we said no because we weren't happy going off on a jolly for a week without our kids.
We the wrightys are "as one"
We the wrightys are "as one"
+1
Similar issue when a mate and his wife were invited to a wedding but explicitly not their son.. they were not happy, and nor would I have been.
You two are both selfish arses / trolls too then! 😉
Just not good form to try and split a family up like that. I wouldn't dream of going to a family wedding without my OH or son.
Think this would have been an non issue if the SIL had said something along the lines of we'd like you all to come and we'd like to contribute £xx towards your costs of going.
Fair point, but that's the diplomatic approach. The honest approach for her is to say that she wants her sister at her sons wedding, and you just aren't as important. That may seem unfair, but it's probably the truth. If I could have afforded it I'd have paid for my brother to be at my wedding, but not his girlfriend. And I'd have no qualms about that. We are, for example, paying for my MIL to come over and see our new baby, but not our FIL. He'll be over in a few months when we can afford it. Circumstances dictate.
I wouldn't dream of going to a family wedding without my OH or son.
Really? What if you could only afford for just you to go, and it was a sibling?
Isn't this an episode of "Don't tell the Bride"?
Anyway - like Stoaty said; if there is a plan for what to do with a 4 year old on a 12 hour flight and in non-child friendly Vegas plus there will be other kids then fine. Otherwise offer to take time off and look after the lad = it's your job and it'll be good for you and son.
If this is all about excluding you = then you should be a family unit and your SO should see that. We L's are as one like the Wrighty's!
Given that wedding's should be either private affairs = in which case just go off and do it but don't split the family by inviting some & not others
or
public declamations of a couples love = have it at home and invite as many as you want
Vegas doesn't seem to be ticking the boxes. Still there's nothing to cause a bust up like a wedding!
So talk to BIL and ask why SO and son are invited and you're not. Let them know the hurt & pain their wedding is causing 🙄
I think it greedy of people to have weddings on the other side of the planet, as most of ur mates wolnt be able to go. It know a couple that were broken up by the debit the wedding cost...how i lold and lold and lold
If you're the kind of mate that laughs at your mates' debt-inspired divorce, it sounds like you were the kind of mate they were trying to avoid by having the wedding abroad in the first place! 😛
If this is for real, did it not occur to you that they might be a bit financially stretched themselves at the moment - what with paying for a stupid wedding in Vegas?
I dont believe they are paying for the wedding, their son is doing that.
The wedding of a minor relative of my OH in Vegas - my idea of hell!
Take time off work, keep the sprog with you and do some earthy nature based stuff (camping, visit to zoo etc) and leave OH to go to Vagas free of the ball & chain of dragging around a kid through that godforsaken place. Guaranty the whole family will have a better time.
I won't expect any of my aunts/uncles/cousins to travel for my wedding, and they'd only have to travel halfway across England, let alone continents!
don't people get married in vegas to get away from the family?
konabunny - Member
I think it greedy of people to have weddings on the other side of the planet, as most of ur mates wolnt be able to go. It know a couple that were broken up by the debit the wedding cost...how i lold and lold and lold
If you're the kind of mate that laughs at your mates' debt-inspired divorce, it sounds like you were the kind of mate they were trying to avoid by having the wedding abroad in the first place!
if they hadent wasted money on the wedding they wouldnt have got divorced, i didnt like them much any way they were my girlfreinds freinds really 🙂
jam bo - Member
don't people get married in vegas to get away from the family?
yet its meant to be about family, ironic really...
yet its meant to be about family
is it?
jam bo - Member
yet its meant to be about family
is it?
Traditionally its about family
This reminds me of that thread about a year ago when somebody posted that his neighbour was cutting down trees in a disputed area of their garden, everybody (yes, I do mean you, TJ) got worked up and then the OP revealed he was making an allegory of the Israel/Palestine situation.
So is this the IMF bailing out Greece and Greece spending the money on a beer and fags?
No its about my sister in law being tactless.
Are you sure its not about Vince Cable? And his stance towards the unions?
🙄
Weddings - ban them !
@bigyinn - have to say that I too felt this had troll written all over but now, gotta agree with a chuck on those above - take the time out and spend it with the little fella. Then, take him with you to meet mum off the plane - little 'welcome home' card that he's made with your help - worth it's weight in gold, to all of you 🙂
re:
We the wrightys are "as one"
+1Similar issue when a mate and his wife were invited to a wedding but explicitly not their son.. they were not happy, and nor would I have been.
Brought a wry smile to my face did that (not having a go, not at all). Funny how weddings bring out the best and worst in folk...
20 years ago or so, a great mate and his G/F headed off to StLucia to marry because they 'did not want the hassle' of a UK wedding. Fair enough, though it did leave his parents here - his mum cannot fly due to inner problems - causing major upset. We, their mates were a [i]little[/i] put out as well but, ho-hum.
10 years later, i'm getting married. There is no space for kids at the sit down meal - it was tight getting my niece and nephew in. We politely inform all friends that kids cannot be there for the day do but, are welcome at night. With only one exception, all parent went 'wahoo - baby sitter sorted - party time'. The friend above, now with 2 toddlers, insisted they only came as a family unit. I did remind him his parents were invited to the evening do so could enjoy the grandkids for the day, then bring them at night. Still not happy - he and his wife were getting a little arsey, reminding me of our friendship and how upset they were to not be invited as a unit at which point I gently lost my rag - Should have seen his face when I politely reminded him how he'd gone about things on his own wedding......
You think this is bad, wait until someone doesn't get invited to your kids birthday, oh the dramas. There are some mums in my village who can show this forum what real flouncing is all about.
The wrightys "are one" when it comes to mum and dad going off on hOls for a week without them it's never gonna happen, but an invite to a wedding for the day where we can have one night on our own is a little different and we're gonna lap it up!!!