[Closed] *@$%*ing Chinese *@£$%&*ing LANTERNS!!!!!

I'm getting a small vibe you're not a fan?

Pretty
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Liverpool you say?

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Haven't you got a toner cartridge that needs replacing?

Goes out to buy some chinese lanterns.

6/10, should have got your butler to write it.

Live and let live I say.

Can't be too long before they are banned?

I'll give 50p and a biscuit to the first person who gets a tattoo of a chinese lantern!

Unnecessary capitalisation, excellent use of cliches (Grief Express, grinds my gears etc), and multiple exclamation and question marks......a straight 10/10.

Quality rant.

0.5.................

9/10. Excellent rant.

The Flowers make for good postcode Gang boundary identification or for identifying road accident sites. I reckon there is a PhD in there somewhere if researched well enough. 😉

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Yeah, really pretty. The moors round here are littered in them in places and I know a farmer that has lost several sheep that have become entangled in them.

This pretty too... He's called "Cael" (qu'elle surprise).

Cael's parents are now fronting a campaign to get them banned, despite THEM being the morons that allowed children to release them!

YOU DON'T NEED THEM TO BE ON A BANNED LIST TO KNOW THEY COULD EASILY DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT!!!!

But they should be banned.

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I thought cael was a form of the Welsh verb "to have"

Nope, it's Welsh for Kyle. Fact.

yup, quality rant.
however, excellent self generating business.
someone who knows somebody you once met in a pub dies in a mystery house fire. to show your support, you set off a chinese lantern. which lands and sets fire to someone's house. you hear that someone who used to know someone you once met in the pub has died in a mysterious house fire. to show your support..

Nope, it's an Irish name. Means "slender".

Also, it's "quelle surprise", if you're going to be snooty about other people's lack of sophistication.

I just trying to think how a Chinese lantern could burn down someone's house?

Also should we ban evertyhing that injures a child?

Also, it's "quelle surprise", if you're going to be snooty about other people's lack of sophistication.

I don't think it was their [i]lack of sophistication[/i] he was being [i]snooty[/i] about. 😆

Have they started house fires??

Well Drac, if you were one of the three little pigs, living in a house made of straw, you wouldnt be so flippant would you?

I MIGHT HAVE MENTIOned before, but I rather dislike some of the "customs" that the lower echelons of society seem to be adopting at times of distress, grief, boredom etc, but this latest craze to sweep through the grieving classes really grinds my gears.

Could you explain who you are referring to when you say [i]'lower echelons of society'[/i]? Are you referring to Chinese people?

[url= http://stargazerslounge.com/astro-lounge/104358-aftermath-chinese-lantern-fire.html ]Fire caused by Chinese lantern[/url]

[url= http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-10826445 ]And another...[/url]

Well Drac, if you were one of the three little pigs, living in a house made of straw, you wouldnt be so flippant would you?

I'd move it my brother's brick house.

McHamish - Member

Could you explain who you are referring to when you say 'lower echelons of society'? Are you referring to Chinese people?

No, I meant poor people.

Crikey! That time it was a childs face!

(Apologises, but someone had to say it)

Drac - Moderator

I just trying to think how a Chinese lantern could burn down someone's house?

it's a flame drifting through the sky. if it lands on something flammable, it will pose a good risk iof setting that something on fire. I know you;re a moderator and have to present a moderate view and everything, but sheesh, that doesn;t mean taking the opposite view to the OP...

it's a flame drifting through the sky. if it lands on something flammable, it will pose a good risk iof setting that something on fire

So not bricks, tiles and mortar then?

It could if your unlucky set you shed on fire or some trees near to your house I suppose.

 

Let's all stand up-wind of Drac's house and give a practical demonstration... 😉

10/10 for the OP

We live in a wooden house, halfway up a hill in a village that's 40% holiday homes. I live in fear of the warmer months when every bloody tourist staying here thinks that their holiday is somehow incomplete without festooning the locals gardens with the, crappily launched, burning remnants of such things. 😥

Maybe we need some sort of an education programme, combined with windsocks...

[b]Windsock pointing out to sea [/b]= Have a go and maybe one of the seven lanterns you try launching might even get higher than 12 feet off the frickin' ground.

[b]Windsock pointing inland[/b] = Try launching even one of those things and I'll shove it up yer arse and ram it all the way home with my broken Tesco track pump ! 👿

Ahhh, the joys of living in a place where everyone else wants to go on holiday.

Shibboleth - do you have anything on which to base your assertion that it is 'the lower echelons of society' that use these things? I'll be honest here and say I have no interest or opinions on chinese lanterns whatsoever, but I find your views on the class system interesting, to say the least.

There are several thatched properties in my village, there's also quite a lot of decking, flat roofs steeped in pitch...

I'm no rocket scientist, but I can see no good will come of drifting naked flames onto these areas...

it's a flame drifting through the sky. if it lands on something flammable, it will pose a good risk iof setting that something on fire.

Yeah, just remember, people in glass houses and all that

[url= http://www.singletrackworld.com/forum/topic/worst-most-hated-most-vile-uk-city ]Somethings for Slugwash to consider[/url]

What we need to do is breed GM fireproof sheep. It'll also be a boon to the knitwear industry.

barnsleymitch - Member

Shibboleth - do you have anything on which to base your assertion that it is 'the lower echelons of society' that use these things?

I've not carried out in-depth statistical research Mitch, suffice to say, the people interviewed on Look North West seemed to be of the less educated, lower income or benefit-claiming quarters of our society.

Somethings for Slugwash to consider

😀

And, actually, I'm downgrading my score for the OP to 7/10.

You've got to be pretty damn affluent to rent a holiday cottage in our neck of the woods.

Chinese Lantern misdemeanors know no class barriers.

A quality rant, thats for sure. If I might pick you up on one small point:

Last week saw the Grief Express roll into Liverpool

The International Centre for Perpetual Grief IS Liverpool. Its the Death Star of Unfocused Woe. A 'Grief Express' rolling into that lot might form a sort of nuclear scale critical mass of wailing, causing a tsunami of crocodile tears to engulf the entire north of England

For Gods sake will someone think of the children!!

what about everyone who lives north of south oxfordshire?

mighty flammable...
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Best rant on here for a while. You dare to write what others only dare to think!

9.9/10.

Might need to change your username to MayorBorisOfLondon though.

I thought cael was a form of the Welsh verb "to have"

as in

cael hwyl - to have fun

Phil, for god's sake. I live in West Oxfordshire!

Damn you!

Also should we ban evertyhing that injures a child?

Yes, if it's risky and blatantly stupid and pointless otherwise. Or at least we should educate people (remember fireworks?)

The verb 'cael' is used in at least three different ways in Welsh

(a) To convey 'to have', 'to receive', 'to get'

(b) Used as an auxillary with another verb to form the Passive Pattern

(c) Used as an auxillary - immediately next to another verb - to convey
'to be allowed to'

We live opposite the park. Chinese new year and a huge(50+) group of Chinese folk arrive at sundown, but don't venture more than twenty yards into the park before they let them off. Four in the front garden, three in the back, one on the bay window roof and six in the trees in the front garden. Most in the trees lining the road, stopping traffic. Oh and not one of the wrappers binned, all left on the field. Grrr. Big scorch marks where the hot oil has emptied. Can't have been as much as one in five properly in the sky, but if they'd walked another fifty yards into the field most would have got up ok.

Molgrips, you forgot this one...

Oi, Cael, come an get yer tea.
- Hey, my illegitimate offspring that I named after the daytime TV host that kindly arranged your paternity test (but I changed the spellin, to sound, yer know, more sophistemicated like), your dinner is served.

So that'll be the same farmers who resisted the implementation of the EU Waste Directive for years and years?

The same farmers quite happy to dump rusting machinery, unidentifiable sharp implements, broken barbed wire, the smoking remains of plastic sheeting, tins of half-used paint and nasty chemicals chemicals etc etc..

Er... No Andy, it won't.

Would invading China be a solution? Or bombing Liverpool? Or the other way round? Or both? And why did someone bring the Welsh into it? Should we bomb them? Or invade them? Or just leave them alone?

I'm confused now 🙁

The Welsh are bombing themselves with Chinese armaments. It's kinda like that film, Pwllheli Harbour.

🙂 Shib

However in order to get Cael to sound like Kyle you do actually have to know a bit of Welsh pronunciation, which is more than most English people can be bothered with, Chav or otherwise. Most people will come out with Kale or Ki-el probably.

More of an educated guess than any specific knowledge of the Welsh language. Don't get me started on the Welsh language by the way, it's just childish. 😉

Holy shit, this time is *was* a childs face! Woah!

Tip - you should come up with a different line of gags than taking the piss out of Welsh. People've been doing it since Tudor times, it gets really old and makes you look stupid and like Anne Robinson.

[i]Crikey! That time it was a childs face!

(Apologises, but someone had to say it)[/i]

Dammit! That's not funny!

(But only cos I went to play football and missed saying it)

molgrips - Member
it gets really old and makes you look stupid and like Anne Robinson.

How can anyone who comes up with a pun (or pwn) of the quality of "Pwllheli Harbour" be viewed as stupid as Anne Robinson?? C'mon, credit where credit's due...

Ok fair play, Pwllheli Harbour was okay. Not as good as Pyle Harbour would have been though (it's near Bridgend).

I opted for the more Welsh-sounding place for comedic effect, honest, and they hailed from North Wales.