[Closed] I think I'm about to be diagnosed with cancer, and I'm fairly scared.

Great news on your recovery Mark.

Your an inspiration to us all.

🙂

Pete, I don't know you, but your story really has struck a chord with me. I really do wish you a full recovery, and do keep posting on here.

All the best man

Col

Hope you and MEg are still fighting the good fight.

Very inspiring post Pete, thanks for keeping us updated.

Keep positive, keep posting, all the best 😉

Hi, great story about the gp!

Im a physio not too far away, I would be happy to look at and hopefully sort out any muscular pains you have.

Not looking for payment, it would be an honour to help you keep riding your bike. 🙂

Drop me a line at oxtedphysio

I've just had a phone call from Chuck Norris. He's been approached with a view to playing Petesgaff in a forthcoming biopic about how he kicked this sarcoma's ass.

Problem is, Chuck needs reassuring that he's man enough to take the part of on.

I just picked up on this thread earlier today, being a new member of the site---but wanted to pass along my best wishes for continued recovery. I had a bout with cancer 5 years ago and, while not pleasant and very unnerving, nothing compared to what you have been going through.
I think your willingness to share it is a great inspiration to people in general and to others dealing with the same. Belated congrats on the wedding---I know my wife contributed to my recovery in so many ways!!
Again, best wishes from the across the Atlantic and keep up the fight!!

Thanks guys! Some amazing support and very funny posts!

I'm due to update you allabout the state of play. I went for a CT and MRI scan last week, in order to establish a pre-chemo baselines (even though I've had two chemo sessions so far!). My chest has been painful for a while now, and its difficult not to be paranoid about whether the cancer has spread to my ribs and sternum. I know that I overstretched it prior to Christmas, and that there is a probability that the scar tissue from the heart op might well result in limitations in movement, but its easy to lose perspective when there are unknown variables.

I posted a bit ago about setting up a charitable foundation, to help raise funding for research into rare cancers, and providing opportunities for young people with cancer to participate in a range of activities. The responses have been honest and mixed; I've no doubt that it'll be very difficult to do, but its not like things aren't tricky at the mo anyway...!

So; I need ideas for raising funds. Have a look at my other post to see what I intend to do. If you can help, that'd be great. If you can think of barriers, raise 'em. We're not scared of tackling stuff head on.

Also, if you're in the London area on Sunday, I'll be joining the london ride meeting at Richmond bridge at 10am. I'd love to meet any of you that've supported us throughout, just to say thanks and make you laugh with my appalling cycling skills, chemo-tiredness from tomorrow permitting.

Mark and Meg

As always a pleasure to read your posts and bloody dust in my eyes again. Sounds like you've knocked it on it's arse so go and finish it off. Best wishes and if you come to the sswc then you have a bed and a van at your disposal.

It's been a week now since I visited the Marsden for my third Caelyx chemo. My old man came with me, and although there was a substantial balls-up in processing my bloods by my GP the day ran pretty smoothly.

Those of you that have followed this thread from the beginning will recall how my dad wasn't particularly helpful in the initial stages. We had a minor disagreement, mainly due to the difficulty he found in accepting the diagnosis. Since that moment, my father has been a rock. Absolutely bullet-proof, and unshakeable in his belief that I can overcome this.

This means a great deal to me - there are plenty of folk (family and friends) who, when discussing the fact that angiosarcoma is both incurabled and inevitably fatal, smile and tell me that they know that I'll beat it. But I've been a teacher for a fair while now, and I'm pretty good at reading people's eyes; and you can tell when they don't believe what they're telling you. Not my old man - he's convinced I'll be the first to beat it.

I mentioned in the last post about my concerns regarding the pain in my chest, and how I was worrying that the lesions had spread. I tried to put it out of my mind prior to the chemo, but little things seem to drag it back to the front of your mind at regular intervals. Therefore I was prepared for the worst and, after being weighed and having my stats taken, we went in for the consultation.

My registrar had the results from the previous week's MRI and CT scans, and proceeded to tell us that both showed a marked improvement in the lesions, with reductions in some of the larger ones. This, he explained was unexpected, and was far beyond the expectations of the team. I sat there dumbfounded, expecting to hear that the lesions had increased in number and size, but he simply smiled and said that although they couldn't determine why a reduction had taken place, the evidence was plain to see.

There are a number of things that go through your mind when you're expecting bad news but instead receive exactly the opposite. Panic, fear, disbelief, elation; you name it, I went through it! With my head on, the news is very encouraging, and certainly flies in the face of what they thought would happen. Either the tumour excision or the Caelyx, or a combination of both, but something is reducing the tumours on my skeletal system. Can't be a bad thing...

There's more stuff, and it relates to the chaemo and its effects, but precisely because of said effects I need to go to bed. I'll update tomorrow.

Thanks for listening!

Mark

great news, thanks for posting. Keep on keeping on, eh?

i cried reading that.

nice one Mark, onwards and upwards

Dude you are given this bastard a battering, such fantastic news. Sleep tight 😀

Never under estimate the power of self belief, Mark you have inspired my next tattoo! 😀

I read this entire thread at work last week. Wanted to post then but was not sure what to say. I am awed by your attitude and strength, you are nothing short of magnificent.

Please continue being magnificent.

Keep doing what you're doing, Mark. Just because they don't know why you're beating it doesn't mean you're not!

Jedi - Leave it out, you'll set me off...

Suggsey - I'll email you a couple of pictures, so that the ink artist gets a suitable likeness. Where are you getting it? Truth be told, my face on your arse will probably save you some cash!! 😆

Good night folks.

Good to hear that, my wife was asking about you last night and this is someone who i had mentioned this thread to in passing. Seems she looked up STW, read the thread from start to finish and is now another person standing behind you giving a large V-sign to your cancer.

Positive thinking is so important - keep it going and you'll win this one.

Keep looking forwards with your head up mate - as they say around here - "a gaun fit is aye getting"

Big up dude...! 🙂

****in brilliant, stay strong fella. A positive attitude goes along way!

i find it overwhelming

So glad it's going well mate. Hope you get out on that Clown bike some more soon and have some fun 🙂

I started reaing this post post when there were only 3 or 4 replies on the first page, I kept following it, quite often with tears in my eyes (or down my face 😳 ) and it is SO good to hear such positive things.

I was going to be out on the South Downs ride you came to around Christmas time, but, depite living a mile away couldn't make it! I was really loking forward to meeting you, you are an inspiration to us all.

I have a nephew who at 5 years old has been through the whole cancer thing, the rest of the family shaved their hair off to make him feel 'normal'. It's such a horrible thing to happen, it makes the positive stories even more powerful!!

Keep on kicking it Mark, and Meg, you are a Star!!!!

grinning

First off, I'd like to apologise for not posting on this thread before (or even having read any of it)... I have my reason, that being that sometimes I just can't control the emotion that is set off in me when people talk about Cancer. I have lost several people, including my Mum at a fairly early age, to Cancer, and have many friends that have likewise lost friends, relatives and parents themselves. It is fair to say that though I have never had Cancer myself (at least not yet) that it has played a massive part in my life to date.

Reading that you are battling with the bastard disease still, well my heart goes out to you. But that you are fighting it, still, and in such a beligerent manner... And not only that but for whatever reason, you seem to be defying the odds against you (and hopefully long may it continue) and are winning, if not quickly but at least little battles here and there.

Words fail me right now...

Well I'm off to bed, tears in my eyes (as I knew there would be if I even opened this thread!), with a new-found respect for someone on an internet forum I've not even met!

Keep up the good work, and make damned sure you live your life to the fullest, if only to spite the evil ****ing disease! Don't you dare become a statistic mate... Prove to the world it can be beat!

Fantastic news, really brilliant.
Obviously your medical team are a bit shocked but clearly they and you are doing 'something' right - that's the main thing.
J's sarcoma prof said quite often the chemo is almost 'guess work' - they know which drugs tend to work for which type of tumour but it's never set in stone. Obviously this is the one that's kicking yours into touch. Quite convincingly, too.
And so great that your dad's got his head round it now in such a positive way, that's got to help so much too.

Mark, just keep doing what you're doing - looks like you really are set to break new ground here. Like I said elsewhere - with the support of your wife, your family and thousands (?) of hard-assed cyclists behind you, you can't fail. Good man!

Now for the other side of things...

Last night as I went to bed I wondered whether I should have just reeled off an enormous post listing the highs and lows of where I am presently, but to be honest I was just too tired. Which ties up with the nature of this post actually.

There is a dark side to my situation. This sounds absurd in the context of what I (we) are going through, but it's important that people understand and that I'm able to 'purge' myself and how I feel. That doesn't mean that it can't be done with humour though, albeit through gritted teeth!

I'm tired. They talked about fatigue in our initial meeting with the Sarcoma team, and like a meathead I dismissed it privately as something that wouldn't happen to me because I wouldn't allow it to. There is something to be said for my hard-arsed approach; I feel it's kept me alive to this point. But y'know what? The fatigue and the effect it has on your attitude is astonishing.

Here's an example. Last week after the chemo I felt okay for a couple of days. There have been a few issues; the rib/stomach/ab thing still hurts; I now have a substantial amount of mottled 'rashing' (is that a word?) around my sides, chest and back; diahrroea and I are constant companions - which would be so bloody bad if the conversation didn't go like this;

Me: So... How are things?

Arse: BBBBBRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAPP! BRRRAAAAAAP! PTTTTSSSST! BRRRUUP BRRRUP!

Me: Oh. I see. Shall we leave? Have we finished?

Arse: BBBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAP! THHHHSST THHHHSSSST BRRRRUP! THHHHHSSSSSST THHHHHSSSSSSSSSSSST!!!!!

Me: (sigh)... You could've at least waited 'till I'd bought a sodding magazine....

Arse: BRRRAAAAaaaaaaap.... (continues for about an hour...)

I'm back at school, albeit on a slightly reduced timetable, and trying to sort out the mess that's been established in my absence is a constant drain of energy. The kids are great - most of them shit themselves if I glare, due to my now 'psychotic-cross-between-Vin-Diesel-and-Charles-Manson-when-he-shaved-it-all-off' hairdo, and this tends to pre-empt any awkward questions.

I still haven't received any form of phased induction back to work after my illness, and half the staff I walk by are, for the want of a better word, frightened. This isn't their fault; to many of them I'm the plucky fighter that'll probably expire at some point in the near future, and this is through a lack of knowledge and understanding.

But the fatigue is the main issue. I don't know how to deal with it, truth be told. I use all my energy convincing people that I'm bulletproof, and receive the same comments all the time:

" You've got cancer? I'd never have known, you look so well "

" You're doing so well! Now could you help me move this skip/building/tractor " (delete as appropriate)

But the energy needed to do these things is immense; maybe even beyond what I'm capable of. I hope not, but I worry a lot about it. And those fears seem to be amplified when I'm tired, which makes me difficult to be with I think.

I worry a lot about Meg. She's trying very hard at the moment to make a case for her firm keeping her on in September; working long hours, grafting at home, volunteering for things etc. The legal world has been impacted in exactly the same way as every other industry, and whether they will be able to employ their trainees at the end of the year is a concern for both of us. We've been looking at property in and around Tonbridge, just in case she has to work in the Big Smoke. So if you are a partner in a firm specialising in PI (and high quality stuff; not injurylawyers4u) then email me; she really is that good...!

Having just prostituted my wife, I'm going to go to work. Thanks for listening, and I'll update later today.

Good God sir, I can't imagine all that you ( and your wife ) are going thru but somehow you still manage to write an email that just made me spackle my screen with half drunk coffee.

I don't know you...will likely never meet you but in more ways that you can imagine you have been an inspiration to me ( and to a mate in the states who is battling esophageal cancer ) and at more times than I've thought appropriate.. a real laugh.

thank you and I really hope ( and pray if you believe in that stuff ) that you continue kicking this nasty "C".

cheers,

greg

ahh read from the start and not a regular poster but...

YOUR AN EFF-IN LEGAND!!!

keep it up!!!

Mark, nice to meet you on the ride on Sunday..(we chatted for a while on the wrong side of Richmond Bridge!) Hope to see you on the next ride.

Hi Mark

First of all YEEEHAAA!

Secondly of course you will feel exhausted - there's the constant mental strain huge emotional strain before you even start with the impact chemo will have on your body. From what i have seen the chemo can get progressively more tiring but obviously needs to be done and then you can recover from all the side effects afterwards.

I hope you aren't doing too much going back to work, but totally understand that you would want to. On the one hand i think i may have an idea of where you are at but realistically i can't possibly have any idea whatsoever as this thing is so huge and dominates every minute of your waking and sleeping hours.

One thing i do know though is that i have a very positive feeling for the outcome, you have such a fighting spirit. There will be dark days but you will be back.

Will be thinking of you.

Thirdly YEEEHAAA! x

Loving the conversation with your butt, if that doesn't sound dodgy... Keep a good book next to the pan!

Your attitude is immense, but don't let it slip by that you're still ill and you have to look after yourself and rest especially as chemo progresses. That said, you seem to be doing a good job of kicking its ass so hang in there and stay strong.

Hang in there!! You'll get this licked in no time and then you can get back to normality with Meg (who's being a legend as well as you from what you have said).

Please though, just try and take it easy. Your mind sounds both bulletproof and well up to the job of looking after you, but your body might not be, so treat yourselves to a lie in once in a while and don't push yourself too hard.

Keep at it and love to you both.

😯 😕 😥 😆 stay strong Mark. (and Meg)

You should be utterly selfish and say no to any requests for help which you know will leave you tired. there are other people who can do it instead. ask to see a dietitian about the best energy foods which won't squirt out the other end. live long and prosper

I hope someone's saving this thread. It'll make great reading in a Sunday supplement 🙂

High5 anyway re the illness 🙂

Stay strong.

Think of the fatigue as pre-baby training. Glad to hear the scan went ok and glad to hear about yer dad being a brick. Thought you might be heading for a Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader kinda relationship for a sec.

Well done on fighting this. It is an ispiration as always reading you post's with the example of pure grit in fighting it all the way. Dont worry about other people you are tired and also depressed masked by the fight. it is easy for us on here to post as we dont have the face to face relationship your collegues and friends have. those face to face relationships cause other emotions to come in to play. As what the hell do you say to someone you know work with friends with that is going through what you are. LOst for words. keep the fight up rest when you can and keep positive.

good luck

Nice to hear positive news. I have no doubt that a positive mental attitude helps when you are fighting an illness like this.

Having true support form those closest is vital, so credit to your old man.

We're all behind you mate!

Good luck with the ride.

so glad your Dad has sorted himself out sounds like he is being just the support you need.

We all know you can do this.

xxx

I know this is slightly different and I can't be too precise, there was a guy in America who was diagnosed with AIDS and full blown and was given limited time to survive, somehow he managed to say "sod it" and did an iron man or something similarly ridiculous however when he went back for tests it had all "vanished" and no-one can explain it. So you can fight itand you clearly all.

I don't really know what to say other than when I come home having had a crap day at work, or a headache or I am whining about something I think about you and Meg, what you're going through and say "get a grip you big pussie".

Inspiration to all. Keep fighting and posting .. have some more love and hugs.xxx

You just seem like a normal bloke to me, but with super-hero qualities.
Hell, I get pissed off by the chaos in my classroom, after one day's absence!

Whenever I picture you in my mind you have this intense fire burning in your chest.
Keep that fire burning!!!!

All the best,
FCxx

Its great to have the offer of your face on my arse pal but with the boil I have on it at the moment you would be hideously disfigured-and so would I. 😆
No its going to be a simple word that embodies alot of what I 'preach' and truly think is the essence of the way that decide our destiny.
As for the tiredness, I am afraid that its time to listen to your body and sleep a bit more. Sleep equals recovery period and battery recharge-what do we all do on the nighttime following a good epic ride to recover?
As for the arse action my life on Statins and Metfartmin (Metformin) regularly end with similar events.
Keep well and have a good nights sleep and a lay in.

Positive attitude - its the way forward.

My mate was telling me about a book I should read called the "Sickening Mind" - which proves a lot about the effect of positive attitude on illness. Can't wait to read it.

You're a real inspiration - All the best!

Hey Mark, give yourself a break! 😯

You're already doing one allegedly impossible thing by pushing the lurg back under the rock it come from, don't give yourself a hard time for not managing to also ignore the side-effects of that battle. If ever there was a time for putting your needs first it is NOW, everyone else can bugger off and if they don't get it then they're not people you need to explain yourself to.

Worrying about Meg is the one thing you'd be having to deal with anyway, so perversely that is a good 'normal' thing to be doing (does that make sense??).

Get some sleep - arse permitting. 😉

Mr Fradgley
(that is what you like to be addressed by)
At last we have found somewhere where you regularly visit !!!! Mark and I read it all yesterday spent hours going through it and we are inspired by what we have read, you are a fighter Mark and we know you CAN beat this disease, as Mark says keep your game head on.
On reading it all Mark we are extremly pleased that things have sorted out well with your Dad and he is back on your side !
Meg is a truly lovely person whom we had the pleasure to meet at your wedding, a good woman is hard to find I know !!!! Mark said he will send you a DVD if you still need one ha ha !!!!
If you get chance and I know you have loads of people to answer give us a ring love. From your friends in Batley

Ang Mark Snr and Junior xxxx

You are becoming a legend on STW.
How you manage to make me lol. and cry in the same sentence is a feat in itself.

Great news about your father coming round, he must have been pretty shocked at first.

Regarding the Fatigue, is it possible to get some nutritional advice? Things like eating small meals but often will help.
Sleep is a thing that must be a priority. Even just sitting down and resting is better than trying to help everyone, surely these people need to know that even though you are superman you can't do everything.

Keep letting us know how you're feeling, even let to off steam.

bunnyhop xx

a true stw legend imo

I don't do the tears thing but you rock!

jedi - you're the other one 😉

Just what I was thinking bunnyhop!! 😉

i can only wish i could be half the man he is. true legend always in my book.

I'm not a legend. Not by any stretch of the imagination.

I'm a fearful coward and a fraud 50% of the time. Please don't put me on a pedestal; I don't deserve it. I regularly see my own funeral, pray that it won't hurt when it comes, and curse others for not realising how lucky they are.

If it wasn't for Meg, I'd be nothing. Really.

EDIT: That doesn't mean I won't stop fighting though.

well, yeah, but apart from that......

Just keep fighting for every inch Mark.

All the best,

Larry.

Fradg you are what you are an inspiration to us all !!

We don't want to be at your funeral lost my Mum two weeks ago today and yours is not on the agenda!!! we are not going to another one this year or the next we love you Mark stay strong and we are here for you and Meg always xxx

Keep going strong my man- you are an inspiration.
One of my ex pupils recieved treatment upon his brain lesions yesterday. He too is strong and driven like you. He too is detined for great things.

Whatever you say Mark, if that's what you think then that's OK, you are a fraud.

Which makes the rest of us what exactly? Still humbled by your attitude.

Fradgely's not a common name is it - no relation to Matt in Guildford are you?

Come on man you're better than that. We're all victims of circumstances we didn't make for ourselves. Your bound to feel down, its natural, but you've got spirit in shed loads, we've all got masses of respect for you and where your at. Its no pedestal. Its something we should all be very proud of, human kindness.

Keep 'er lit big lad! 😉

EDIT: That doesn't mean I won't stop fighting though.

DAMN STRAIGHT!

The moment you give up with Cancer, it wins...

Having watched more people I love die of the big C than anyone should ever have to in their entire lifetime by the time I was even out of my teens, the best bit of advice I can give is to just keep fighting... Be beligerent, bloody minded, totally focussed on winning to the point where nothing else even manages to make its way into your head as a mere thought any more...

Perfect case in point is yer man Lance Armstrong... Probably/Possibly the single most focussed athlete the world has ever seen (certainly the cycling world), coming second has never even featured on his agenda. Which seemed to be the approach he took to Cancer too!

Besides, you've got WAY too many people following you on here now to even consider the possibility of not making it... Everyone is gunning for you, you WILL make it!

Hmmm... Just read my last post. You're all right - it sounds way too negative.

But it's important that you know the reality of the situation. I KNOW that I will beat this. I KNOW I'll be the first to do so. But I'm not a superman. And knowing that I'll win doesn't stop me shitting myself, believe me. I don't like the idea of people being disappointed when they meet me, thinking that I'm some kind of wunderkind when in reality I'm just the same as all of you. I'm sure all of you would respond in the same manner when confronted with the same situation.

Apart from my good looks. They are fairly superhuman-ish.

just caught up with this thread after a fair while away from it.

I don't think there would be a person in the world that wouldn't be sh!tting themselves faced with what you are. It's how you deal with that fear that determines whether you get through it. I'd echo everyones sentiments here, I'd like to think I could get through that diesease with the same bravery, humour and general aplomb that you are, but I know myself and I honestly don't think I could.

When this is all over, I'm going to copy this thread and keep it somewhere safe to show my kids (if I have any) one day as a way to show them that THIS is the way to deal with things when life gets sh!tty.

keep it up mate.

JIm

*p.s. by that I mean your actions and not to hang around on an internet forum with middle aged IT proffessionals 😆

Mark, you are a legend.

Not because you fight this without weakness, not because you fight this blindly.

You are a legend because you fight this with humanity, with love, and at times self perceived frailty, but yet you fight this head on knowing your own weaknesses. That takes true courage. You are a truly strong man, stay with it, keep believing, and lean on Meg when you need to, 'cos I'm sure she will only love you more for doing so.

I'm just the same as all of you.

Well I look like Shrek's doppleganger but don't let that stop ya! 😆

Your bound to dwell on things Mark, just drop a line when you need to man.

Sticking it on here is brave and discussing it is what most of us probably wouldn't be man enough to do, (and Jimbo I resemble that comment, I'm not an internet IT specialist..... 😉 )

All the very best to you both

TS

ello mr fradgley
reading ur last post seems you are a in the dumps a bit,well dont be its
not like you and doesent sound like the mark fradgley we all know and admire,the fradge we know goes the the full 80 mins regardless.we know things must be hard for you mark and meg, but the fradge we know doesent
give up on anything as i am sure you wont.no final whistle extra time
only,lots of it.with you all the way mate.love to both you and meg. we are here if you need us.your friends in batley,ang.snr.jnr.

I haven't been in contact as much over recent weeks. Working on anger management stuff. And failing.

Glad you are still sticking to the agreement - don't back down, don't surrender.

Wouldn't mind popping down at some point so we can take in a ride and catch up face to face. In the mean time keep writing up transcripts of your conversation with your own arse; it came across as a really thoughtful, sensitive soul who is struggling with organisation and consistency.

[url= http://rentadateforcharity.com/blog/cat/lisa-connell-story/?SID=b8bfe2d50a72379a9d6e10da39a6d29e ]as Marks story is so dreary and uninspiring, and our response so indifferent 😉 have a read about Lisa Connell....[/url] featured on BBC news this morning...

Mark - are you OK?

We are all missing you here, up north. You are missing out on all the cold and rain. We are fast approaching easter hols with joy in our hearts. Hope you feel the same sense of joy.

Just catching up after a few weeks, glad (understatment) your treatment is going the right way.

The "your so great" got to me a bit when having my cancer fight(s). You need to know that from the outside you are all the things people say. I'm sure everyone who has these labels placed on them feels a bit of a fraud on the inside, but your not mate. You are what people say you are and the personal doubts dont change it.

People on the outside just think they will be different (run and hide) if it was them, but as we know, most of them would be supprised what fight is also in them if its needed. 😉

I regularly see my own funeral

Ye me too mate, use think about it all the time, to be honest the only thing that worried me was that nobody would come (like that would have mattered). The places are minds go at times like this. You'll have all kind of mad thoughts mate, dont think its you going weak, its only natrual.

Things are about to happen in the following order:

1) Have some tea
2) Try and find a replacement rear wheel/XT hub on fleabay
3) Update you lot about the last month

Give me an hour and a half. There's nowt on the box tonight anyway...

Good man Mark!

The fact that your looking around fleabay for tat fills me with confidence 😆 😆

There's the World Track cycling on BBC2 that's okay!! keep fighting buddy we are still all thinking about you.

I bet the bugger makes me cry again 🙂

Give me an hour and a half. There's nowt on the box tonight anyway...
Posted 1 hour ago

I just wrote a massive post, only for the server to go tits-up.

Happy days.

I'm going to do a couple of posts in the next few days as I'm aware that it's been a fair while since I've posted owt. This is an abreviated version of the incredibly funny post I just lost. It is entitled 'Bad things about my chemo.

[b]1) The Bum Lottery[/b]

Just like the National Lottery. See below:

[b]National Lottery[/b] - Buy a ticket, pray, win large wad of cash. Winner!

[b]Bum Lottery[/b] - Don't buy a ticket, pray, get caught short, run to nearest toilet. But hang on a minute I hear you say? Where's the lottery component Mark? Here it is; you don't know whats coming!!! Is it liquid? Is it compacted stools? Who knows!!??! Ace eh?

[b]2) Mouth Ulcers[/b]

Between week 2 and the end of week 4 I get ulcers. Lots of 'em. 16 at last count, all along the sides of my tongue. So this is my diet for those two weeks.

Custard
Ice Cream
Soup
Custard
Angel Delight
Custard
Smoothies
Custard
Custard

Sounds like fun? Ask my arse...

[b]3) Chemo side effects[/b]

Caelyx pools in certain areas of the body, and is very painful to the touch. Its a bit like electric shocks. The parts it affects on me are my hands, elbows, feet, knees, calves, hips and gonads. So everything is itchy and uncomfortable. E45 doesn't work. Sudocreme doesn't work. The only cream that does is called 'Udderley Smoooth' (sic). Designed for cows' udders. I have half a bovine heart, and now use udder cream on my skin. Meg swears she's seen me grazing in the back garden...

[b]4) Insurance[/b]

I've got (as yet) incurable cancer. Now I think this is shit. But sod it, I'm going to get on with my life, so were going on our belated honeymoon to NYC. Yeah baby, NYC!! But I'd better get some insurance, so I'll phone one of those specialist brokers. It goes like this:

Me: Hello, I'd like some insurance please.

Insurer: No problem sir, we're very competitve and don't refuse anyone. What condition do you have?

Me: Er, its called angiosarcoma.

Insurer: Asthma?

Me: Angiosarcoma.

Insurer: Did you mean anaemia sir?

Me: A-N-G-I-O-S-A-R-C-O-M-A

Insurer: One moment please [i](Rustling, hushed conversation, murmuring occasionally punctuated with words such as 'Christ!' 'Poor Bastard' and 'No Chance'..)[/i] I'm sorry sir, this is a pizza parlour...[click]

More to follow...