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You must go out one night of the week and once for your hobby.
You are NOT bad parents if neither of you do this as your kid needs fit, sane, active and happy parents for later.
Reall good to hear OP, keep it up .
I missed out 'not'
Oh and park your cock. This the primetime for Jane in Accounts who listens to you, doesnt look tired and suddenly seems 'a connection' to happen. Its why most couples split 0-1st two years of being new parents. The sleepless nights etc 'we just dont seem to get along like we used to' bollocks.
All my opinion of course.
I have been discussing things with my wife and now have an evening a week and a few hours at the weekend to unwind doing the things I enjoy such as climbing and cycling with friends. This has helped massively and while I am still knackered from being up several times a night (like now being subjected to Made in Chelsea while feeding the kid at 01.30) and working all day I am feeling much better about things.Also, the crying/screaming has reduced since we found out the daughter has silent reflux and colic which is now being treated successfully.
Massive thanks to all those who took the time to comment over the last 7 pages.
You don't realise this yet, but many many many of us can 100% relate to this bit. Xmas eve 2007 I spent at 3am driving the local lanes for 4 hours so my missus could sleep. Xmas day afternoon I drove my wee boy into the office to give her some rest to cook dinner... which she then spilt on the floor and had a crying fit in the kitchen.
The times at 2am sitting watching crap TV with my lad asleep on me, knowing 1 move would wake the demon again...
Happy memories hahahaha.
Glad to hear things are better OP.
Also, the crying/screaming has reduced since we found out the daughter has silent reflux and colic which is now being treated successfully.
Ah, yes, my son had that, coupled with night-terrors. Colic is a bitch but always keep in your mind that it will pass, and probably quicker than you realise. It seemed to go on forever with my boy, but looking back it was only a couple of months.
Sadly, the night-terrors continued, but they're getting more infrequent as he gets older (he's 5 now).
Winding technique is everything.. Found the sitting baby up winding especially useful see at about 2.20 on the vid
http://www.babycenter.com/2_how-to-burp-a-baby_10378283.bc
infacol was awesome...worked well enough for 4 hour sleeps. Keep at it as it does get easier.. soon you'll realise you never needed sleep anyway. And lie ins are for wimps 😉
I didn't post in the first 7 pages but unread the first 3! Glad to hear things are improving.
My eldest had dreadful colic and would scream literally all night til 6 am to start with, and would scream during the day if I wasn't holding him - but it gradually improved, and it'll be his 18th birthday in a couple of weeks!
I think you're right to take some time out for yourself, but please don't forget your wife! She may seem very preoccupied with caring for the baby but she will eventually want time out herself, and time together with you.
I READ the first 3 pages. Autocorrect changed it to UNREAD!
Re - Colic - Our youngest suffered terribly with this, until we worked out that she had a milk allergy - we swapped to soya milk and the problem went away over night.
I'm not suggesting for one minute you have the same problem, but pointing out that there could be an underlying issue.
Oh and park your cock. This the primetime for Jane in Accounts who listens to you, doesnt look tired and suddenly seems 'a connection' to happen. Its why most couples split 0-1st two years of being new parents. The sleepless nights etc 'we just dont seem to get along like we used to' bollocks.
No worries about that. In 16 years I have never felt the urge to stray and never will. Plus, I work in engineering in the civil service, there are no attractive women to tempt me!
infacol was awesome...
We tried Infacol and Colief. Both caused stomach upset and the reflux to be worst. What worked the best was changing to MAMs bottles and changing from SMA to Aptamil milk.
This thread brings back memories! As a father to three young boys I can only empathise with the OP - children are hard work, I think the word "relentless" describes my boys perfectly! Its above all else tiring and time consuming, and its easy to get frustrated and long for the free time to do whatever you liked before children came on the scene.
But the funny thing is that when you get free time to yourself you will find that a lot of thoughts are about your children, how great they are and how much you love them. When my wife and I get to have the occasion break from our children much of our conversation is about them.
They are wonderful and bloody annoying in almost equal measure but I cannot imagine life without them, they rock, and it does get better and more fun once they get out of nappies and start riding bikes!
Once you daughter has more interaction and becomes a little person, things will change. Look forward to first sounds/words/steps/learning to ride bike without stabilisers/you trying to keep up with her on your favourite singletrack...as so many things in between.
glad to hear you're feeling better
- as others have said I was woefully emotionally unprepared for kids. It's not helped by everyone's automatic assumption that you'll love your baby and if you don't you're wrong...
Babies, particularly from a blokey view, are a pita. The first 3-6 months were shocking (he's almost 21 now), trying to play catch up with how to be a parent with no instruction manual (and back then no web forum like this!).
Wish I'd had a smartphone back then to get a pic of him crawling round the kitchen with my pants in his mouth, he obviously missed me when I went to work 😳 A two way relationship was forming. At 21 he's still mostly a PITA though 🙄
The trouble with kids is that just when you think you've got a pattern nice and settled, they then change and you need to learn new skills.
Good to hear things have improved. It gets (lots) better as they get even a tiny bit older. First proper interactions/words/steps will have you forget about the difficult start.
good to hear things are better than they were when you put your first post up....if you keep openly discussing things with your wife and allow each other to have some time off to do your own things than it becomes more bearable.
since about sunday night our youngest spends most of the nights crying and not being able to sleep (probably teething) so i end up with him downstairs until around 2.30am when he finally nods off...i have to be up at 5.30am too...on wednesday night he threw up on our bed while i was giving the older 2 their baths...the wife was feeling under the weather so i ended up having to clean it all up and change the bed sheets
on the plus side our middle one is 2.5yrs and is able to count up to 20, knows all her colours and shapes, has started to do some really good drawings and is hopelessly addicted to Frozen.
the eldest finally figured out how to ride his bike properly. he's 7 and although i was hoping he would have got to this stage by the age of at least 5, he always struggled with his balance, had a fear of falling off and i was a bit lazy/busy...but once did it...the look on his face said it all...proper proud dad moment!! you've got all of this to come yet!!
Colic is a B1tch !!
For the first 4 months I would come home from a stressfull day at work and be handed a screaming child....
Strangely it didn't bother me as much first time round.
her cry didn't get to me but it really set her mother off, so I would spend hours cuddling her on the sofa screaming while mum had a break.
The second one though..... There was no bond there at all, and quite a bit of resentment if I'm honest.
They are 4.5 and 2.5 now, the youngest is still "Testing" and not sleeping at the moment which is hard, but he is a proper little character too.
I still don't really have the bond with them that their mum does, I hope that improves as they are able to do more stuff (I`m sure it will)
i only know that the the bond is different between the kids and the mother and then to their father. The things I do create a different relationship and it can drive you round the bend trying to replicate or force it.
I find the kids will generally take and lean on you as an when..just be there when it happens 🙂
Take a deep breath and keep going. Make a concious effort to be properly mindful of the moments you spend with you daughter. Your feelings for her will change and grow, eventually becoming something so precious you never believed could happen. That's not to say things get consistently easier. You'll hit the wall many times, but you'll adapt - and have the potential for becoming a better person for it.
Well done for having the insight and courage to recognise your feelings and talk to your wife about it. From personal experience I can tell you that it's a very lonely road with a partner who doesn't. And when you're feeling useless, turn to what you can do, and what you've obviously done well for 16 years - support your wife. She really needs you right now. And NEVER underestimate the effects of sleep deprivation.
I found my children pretty unrewarding and unlovable when they were babies. At 6 months they started to get more interesting, & I became more attached. From 1 year on I became absorbed.
It's always going to be difficult with the first one, it means such a huge change in your circumstances.
Keep on keeping on. It's all you can do.
Yes
No
Newborns are a pain in the arse. They do get a little bit better after a couple of years though. Then a lot better after another couple of years.
Your worlds turned upside down.. right
Your missus has no time for you...like you used to have.
your hobbies are on the back burner for a .. while anyway
visitors round all the time.. etc
Dont worry !!!!! and speak to the missus..
She might understand more than you think and REMEMBER . being a parent is new for both you .
So CONSIDER HER FEELINGS aswell as your own
Congrats aswell...
Things get better with time so relax and enjoy fatherhood