[Closed] I am a GOD!

I've left the house twice in the past two days. It's peed down on both occasions.

The lunchtime ride yesterday had hail too.

I can control the delivery time of any parcel, I simply leave the house and the package will arrive almost instantly.

car needed a wash, filled the bucket and got the sponge opened the door and nature did it's work right that second.

I can control the delivery time of any parcel, I simply leave the house and the package will arrive almost instantly.

I have that power too!

Also, back when I was a yoot, I could make a bus arrive at the stop instantly; simply by lighting a cigarette.

I can vacate the whole top floor of the house, by merely announcing the words "I'm going for a poo".

wwaswas can you stay in tomorrow, I was going to ride to work and it ended badly last time it was wet.

Thanks

April showers are a tad late, like they have been the last few years

Tis not good. Can you stop it please?

I'm supposed to be going paddle boarding on the Tyne tomorrow. Can't see that happening if it is in spate. 🙁

April showers are a tad late, like they have been the last few years

Luckily the spring showers are right on time. 🙂

My powers only relate to Biscuits. I seem to be able to make a whole packet of Choc Digestives disappear in seconds..

Maybe we should all club together and create a Team, you know like Agents of Shield have already done. 😕

is this admission some kind of euphemism for age-related incontinence?

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Did you sign this?

I used the (Parcel) force. Shut my eyes really tight and summoned a delivery. Low and behold TWICE in one day. I was on fire.

I can empty any restaurant by remarking 'Its busy isn't it, we were lucky to get a seat' - by the time out meal arrives we'll be pretty much the only customers there.

"Just 5 mins till supper's ready"

will by the power of my words alone...burn any food to a cinder.

I can do parcels. Either by sitting on the toilet or stepping in to the shower.

I'm obviously just a beginner in the great game of "Staying in and waiting for a parcel"

well you might have stopped the hailstorm that knackered my sweetcorn and french beans last night

Bike out for a ride at the weekend. Nice enough day, do the washing first, hang it out and off I go. Does it rain? Nope, at least not till I'm 15 miles away and as far as I'm going to get from home, just turning into the return leg and....
And, if you want to speed through the supermarket checkout, just pick any till I'm not standing at

I'll do my best Tim but I'm riding earlyish tomorrow evening 🙁

Were you in cliddesden this evening CFH? was it you're divine powers that rendered me half drowned this very evening? Thanks for that... 😉

Dirk Gently once met such a rain god.

I have the power, when washing up anything my wife deems to be precious, to without fail break said item. For he possesses the strength to destroy fanciful wine glasses and cups depicting pugs in amusing situations.

Dirk Gently once met such a rain god.

Are you thinking of Rob McKenna? He met Arthur Dent, not Dirk.

Was he the lorry driver?
Could have sworn it was Dirk.
And I'd have been wrong too.

Anyway, I can make my partner talk for a full hour without repetition, hesitation or deviation by attempting to listen to The Archers Omnibus.

“And as he drove on, the rainclouds dragged down the sky after him, for, though he did not know it, Rob McKenna was a Rain God. All he knew was that his working days were miserable and he had a succession of lousy holidays. All the clouds knew was that they loved him and wanted to be near him, to cherish him, and to water him.”

DV, I wasn't too far away as it happens! Dropping the car off there on Friday, so batten down the hatches!

[i]well you might have stopped the hailstorm that knackered my sweetcorn and french beans last night [/i]

this al-fresco eating malarkey really doesn't work in the British climate.

CFH... please don't be driving past Oakley before 2:30 then is I'd rather stay dry whilst on delivery. Ta!! 😀

😀

If you see someone riding past on a red and black Brompton, give me a wave! Then get your brolly up.

Ordered a pair of semi slick XC race tyres last week. Has rained every day since and the trails are now a bog again.
I'll be ordering mud spikes on Friday 😳

I will have the waterproof ready.... maybe even a dinghy 😆

I too can control the rain, if I wash my car/bike/take the mudguards off/remove my mud tyres or anything similar, it belts it down for at least 2 days.

I seem to be quite lucky with parcels, if I dont need the item urgently the order arrives within 24 while I am in. If I need a part fairly quickly, it takes a week, 2 re-deliveries and a visit to the depot.

maybe even a dinghy

Would have been useful for the road past Oakley Hall for the last few months! 🙂

I walked to Waitrose and back this morning and didn't get wet.

I suspect the rain's saving itself for when I go out and ride later.

thats nothing

floor cleaning in the office at work, so had to unplug all teh computers and stick them on the desk

on monday i put the computer back under the desk
and plugged in 2 USB leads in the dark, they both went in first time, in the correct orientation!!!!

ps here is my hammer, I found it in a skip in chiswick on saturday
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and plugged in 2 USB leads in the dark, they both went in first time, in the correct orientation!!!!

Ahhh, that satisfying moment of fumbling around in the dark and then jamming it straight in the right hole first time, eh?

Can be a bit awkward if you try to put it in the wrong hole, can't it?

wwaswas please dont? I have to bring my laptop homein my bag on the bike, and I still havent changed the death trap tyres you callously put on for me