[Closed] How to sort this one out?

On this thread I feel love is being confused with lust, addiction, emotional dependance, dispair, loneliness... .

Not got enough evidence for that, have we?

If she expresses doubt, don't bother.

Jesus.. what a crazy world you must live in!

You got any Awesome you can lend me molly?

If she's the right girl then you'll be plenty awesome enough! By definition, in fact.

druidh - Member

So - she invents another relationship (which is why none of her friends know about it) and is "too busy" to see you.

I had exactly the same suspicion. A woman who has such a deep secret that she won't share with any of her mates, but will willingly and without any hesitation share with some bloke which she hardly knows, and therefore presumably not in a position to entirely trust, just doesn't ring true to me.

I think she's playing you, and probably stringing along a load of other guys as well as you. Doubt she is genuine.

I can't see a thread with my name on it and can't see any posts from a member called Jesus either. As the temperature has dropped below 30 a walk rather than trying to work it all out is in order.

So far being aware of the level of enthusiasm/commitment of others has kept my world pleasantly uncrazy. One-sided relationships might work, but not for very long. Go in equal or don't bother.

I had exactly the same suspicion. A woman who has such a deep secret that she won't share with any of her mates, but will willingly and without any hesitation share with some bloke which she hardly knows, and therefore presumably not in a position to entirely trust, just doesn't ring true to me.

Much as I'm sure I've been fobbed off for similar reasons in the past, definitely wouldn't ring true here. Just too many conflicting issues. She definitely likes me, that much is obvious, and that's like as in more than just suitable for a quickie...

I think she's playing you, and probably stringing along a load of other guys as well as you. Doubt she is genuine.

Already pulled this one on her, made a joke out of it. Underneath her outwardly outgoing and confident persona, she's very shy. From speaking to her, her ex BF cut her up in a bad way, and she's only been near a couple of men since. I'd have been warned if she was a man-eater by my housemate anyway.

The thing is, none of us were there so we really don't know. I think that we are projecting our own tendencies onto this woman, who may not even exist for all we know.

I'm a romantic, hence I imagine a trustworthy girl who is crying out for a good man...

Already pulled this one on her, made a joke out of it. Underneath her outwardly outgoing and confident persona, she's very shy. From speaking to her, her ex BF cut her up in a bad way, and she's only been near a couple of men since. I'd have been warned if she was a man-eater by my housemate anyway.

Fair enough, but at the moment your playing second fiddle to a married man, if she really likes you then she should be willing to give you a chance, if she were to end it with married guy, wouldn't give her an ultimatum though, just say you would like to take the relationship further and see what she says. (I've not read the whole thread so don't know the full story.

Quite surprised how little some of the men on this thread seem to know about women tbh!

Face it molly, we all know F all! Any man that thinks he's cracked it with women, well... That's recipe for egg on the face very soon!

Fair enough, but at the moment your playing second fiddle to a married man, if she really likes you then she should be willing to give you a chance, if she were to end it with married guy, wouldn't give her an ultimatum though, just say you would like to take the relationship further and see what she says. (I've not read the whole thread so don't know the full story.

Yeah, think you're right, and we'll see... I will be nothing but as charming as I can be, whilst also giving her time and space. Make her want me!

I know a bit more than f all, which is why you should listen to me 🙂

Quite surprising how some men think they know about women 😉

Out of interest... how would guys on here let down a girl who they liked, but not in [i]that[/i] way?

How would you do it to let her retain her dignity if you felt she was vulnerable?

Not saying that's the case here BTW.

It would be nice to take a time machine 20 years into the future to ask you how much you yourself knew about women 20 years ago, Molgrips. I suggest any man claimning to know more than very little about women is deluded. Knowing their effect on yourself is perhaps more important.

i think the solution TSY is to shag her mate and tell her she is ugly.

i dont go for this women are unknowable stuff its relationships that re hard whatever your gender and in that respect I agree we may all know the sum total of f all. When it works its easy when its going wrong nothing you can do will save it.

In answer to TSY. Behave totally unresaonably for a couple of months being an utter loser and lousy in bed, then walk out in a hissy fit having provoked an argument in which she was right and held the moral high ground.

flippinheckler - Member
Quite surprising how some men think they know about women

often internet dwellers, too!

Just tell her there's plenty more fish in the sea and she should shag around a bit and have some fun. Then offer your shoulder to cry on.

I think in her own mind she knows that if any of her mates found out about the married bloke, they'd give her a real roasting.

She does sound nice though mboy and it is very attractive to be 'pursued' but at the end of the day it's a balance between risk and possible reward.

FWIW my little 'dilemma' from a few months ago is going rather well and I had quite a few changes of heart before finally taking the plunge.

Has FatSimon posted on this thread yet?

🙂

From speaking to her, her ex BF cut her up in a bad way, and she's only been near a couple of men since.

Well I would give that one fairly low marks for lack of originality. I'm fairly sure I've used it myself. As did Tony Curtis when he tries to pull Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot.

It would be nice to take a time machine 20 years into the future to ask you how much you yourself knew about women 20 years ago, Molgrips

I knew naff all 20 years ago since I was 16, and I was well aware.

However I have come to be quite good at understanding people of either gender, and I tend to pay special attention to women to whom I attracted.

So I don't know about all women, just some, but I have a reasonable track record in being nice and understanding.

Well I would give that one fairly low marks for lack of originality. I'm fairly sure I've used it myself

Ah, so it's definitely not true then.

so it's definitely not true then.

I am sure she is honesty personified.

Except when she's shagging that married geezer and lying to her friends about what she's been doing, [i]obviously[/i].

But hey, that's hardly an example of a [i]big[/i] lie.

Well [i]it is[/i] actually.......but you know what I mean.

Wow, great italicisation there, potential SFB award winner!

Thank you. I do [i]try[/i] my best. So it's always nice when my efforts are recognised 8)

BTW, on another thread I've just used italics and bold, liberally, [i]at the same time[/i] !

Have a look and tell me what you think.

Except when she's shagging that married geezer and lying to her friends about what she's been doing, obviously

Has she lied to anyone? Her friends don't know, but did they ask?

Lots of stuff being invented on this thread.

PS it's not lying that's bad necessarily, it's the motivation behind it.

Good point. I can't imagine her lying. And if she has lied, it was probably for excellent motives.

Wtf?

She may be lying through her teeth, of course.

But she may not be. We don't know yet.

Is this not all really obvious?

I shall try the defence of saying you never asked if I am ever found out having an affair - I am sure my lack of deceit will be accepted by my partner and everyone else who did not know.
Sometimes i really dont know what point you are trying to make.

Sometimes i really dont know what point you are trying to make.

Yeah and it shows. You could ask for clarification if you are interested.

Ernie was saying she's a bad person because she lied. a) we don't know she did and b) not everyone who ends up telling a lie is fundamentally a bad person.

There's a big difference between making a mistake or a series of mistakes, and being a fundamentally unpleasant person.

but we do know she is deceitful so are you not hair splitting a bit?

I agree she may or may not be a bad person.

ok fair point over how to ask , sorry.

Ernie was saying she's a bad person because she lied.

Was I ? That's news to me. I don't know the woman and even if I did, it would very unlikely that I would pass judgement on her.

I take it that you have never been engaged in illicit sex molgrips, and good for you. But perhaps you should know that above all it involves [i]lying[/i], endless and continual lying. That in itself is enough to put me off, never mind all the other considerations.

And yes, perhaps the lady in question has managed to have an affair with a married man which hasn't involved lying to her friends. Perhaps she never needed to lie when asked "what did you do last night" or "do you fancy going out tonight", but that would indeed suggest a rather strange relationship with her "friends" and imo be cause for concern in itself.

Well I've just come back from an evening out with 2 friends, one of them my best mate of about 18 years or more. I explained the situation to him thoroughly, and he joked around briefly, but quickly let me know his true feelings on the matter... And not quite what I was expecting! Bear in mind that this guy knows me better than anyone else in the world, and I was full on expecting a "walk away" response from him cos that's the kind of person he is, he's MUCH better at self preservation than I am.

Basically, I must attract some REAL nightmares, cos he reckoned on balance she sounded pretty sound, if a little confused, and as she obviously likes me (and isn't afraid to show it) that I should pretty much relentlessly pursue her, perhaps even with my cock hanging out! 😯

He's blunt at the best of times... But I think I see what he's getting at. He did add to make sure I don't get emotionally involved for as long as is possible, but said that the situation is crying out for a little bit of effort on my part right now to woo her and make her forget about the other guy. And if that works, great, but if it doesn't, then walk away very quickly after.

Gonna not think about her too much this weekend, spend some time doing other things and riding my bike, then perhaps call her on Monday and arrange something casual. The trick will be that no matter what happens, I MUST NOT get emotionally involved until she is ready to do so. I just have to keep reminding myself that...

This thread is the proof you are already emotionally involved.

Pleased to hear things are going well, Woody. It would have been a pity to let hang ups about working together get in the way.

Here, however, it's another man, who was a good enough shag to have her pining six months on and after whatever you've done together. I'd be reluctant to be second best. I don't claim to know much about women but have noticed that when the Earth really moves for them they're unlikely to leave you in peace for a whole weekend.

Lets hope that she can spare you a couple of hours next week.

Gonna not think about her too much this weekend...............I MUST NOT get emotionally involved until she is ready to do so

Well... I'm a whole lot more feminine in my approach to relationships

If she really hasn't slept with the married man for 6 months, then a night of passion with a god like MTB stud muffin should finally eradicate him completely from her memory and you could live happily ever after. Good luck 😉

Looks to me like you're in love, so no amount of advice or logic is going to sink too far into your brain. Infatuation's the best feeling in the world so just get on with it bud! And if it all goes tits up, painful as it is, the ensuing melancholy at least makes you know you've lived...

Edukator gets it spot on

This thread is the proof you are already emotionally involved.

when the Earth really moves for them they're unlikely to leave you in peace for a whole weekend.

Its your call but you should have learnt somemthing about love and relationships by now [ no offenc emeant with that]

No offence buts he is probably a better "game " player than you

Woody - Member
Not getting your leg over for the past 6 months of an 'affair'

Its a typo I meant she is better no the married bloke

Looks to me like you're in love, so no amount of advice or logic is going to sink too far into your brain.

I'm sensitive, I'm not a total bloody sap! I've met her 3 times and whilst I admit Iike her quite a bit, love takes a long time to grow. Took probably 3-4 months with my ex before I realised I was in love, it takes its time...

I do like this girl quite a bit though, I know from what I've seen so far my feelings could grow very strong for her.

If she really hasn't slept with the married man for 6 months, then a night of passion with a god like MTB stud muffin should finally eradicate him completely from her memory and you could live happily ever after. Good luck

Ahem... Yeah well, you see the problem there is she's kinda separated emotion and sex from what I can tell. Dunno, that might be a good thing for me, possibly not. All I know is that I like spending time with her, she makes me laugh, and I don't think it needs to be any more complicated than that... But then I'm a bloke!

you just want the best tactic to win her - No offence buts he is probably a better "game " player than you and really why play games over your feelings I have never understood this.

Undoubtedly. And I think she knows it, and doesn't like it, but she's emotionally tied.

she aint that into you tbh but she may well like the attention

Is what I really need to find out ASAP... She's given me all the signals she really does like me, then thrown that one in there! Confused doesn't begin to describe how I feel.

Ok but rather an unfortunate typo 😆

The question really is whether she is playing a game at all, or is just mixed up. Only time will tell, and unlike molgrips, I would never claim to understand women. In fact most women I know don't understand women, so what chance do us poor simple chaps have 😉

Ahem... Yeah well, you see the problem there is she's kinda separated emotion and sex from what I can tell.

Confused doesn't begin to describe how I feel.

The more I read of this, the more convinced I am that you need to give it your best shot. Worst that can happen is that it all ends in tears but surely that is worth it compared to forever wondering, what if........................????

Its not women its relationships ...do you think everything would be fine and dandy and without any issue if you were gay?

She's given me all the signals she really does like me

Seriously have a think ...IMHO she is either messed up , amoral or a player.. if this sort of emotional baggage floats your boat then you may be able to have an emotional roller coaster together.
Its your life

WOODY personally I think he wants us to tell him to go for it. Some folk never learn [ you say you like them mad] you need to find some balance between your rational mind, your cock and your heart so far two out to f the three seem keen

The affair with the married man is not a normal relationship that a couple would enjoy. Doing things together when the mood takes you, planning holidays together,spontaneous sex, not having to worry about others, being open with friends & family ....

Does she want this, has she had this with other boyfriends? 6 months on he's not left his wife, what's stopping him. He will undoubtably have excuses but she should call his bluff and just end it.

I think you should take your mates advice and have a physical relationship with her. Whilst she's in the bathroom pinch her phone and text the married man and end it for her. Then using another phone (or if you want to live dangerously her phone again, send him some photos of the 2 of you (you and her obviously, ideally in a compromising position) and threaten to tell his wife.

Whilst she's in the bathroom pinch her phone and text the married man and end it for her

This sounds like a very dangerous bit of advice to me!

This sounds like a very dangerous bit of advice to me!

If she is keeping this alleged affair from her friends, then she is unlikely to take the phone which he calls her and texts her on with her when she goes out.

In fact the reluctance of someone to have their mobile with them, or have it switched on, is often a good indicator to whether they are having an affair. For that reason affairees often have a second mobile to deal with their illicit activities.

If she is keeping this alleged affair from her friends, then she is unlikely to take the phone which he calls her and texts her on with her when she goes out.

Yeah, but even with all that in mind, pinching someone's phone and texting on it is stalkerishly weird behaviour no matter what the circumstances.

The point I was trying to make was that the possibility is unlikely to arise. I probably quoted the wrong sentence and should have quoted the sentence which you did.

PMSL @ those taking tykes advice to heart.

Puzzled though that anyone would think she [b]wouldn't[/b] take her phone out. After all, she is single and why would her friends get to read any texts?

Puzzled though that anyone would think she wouldn't take her phone out. After all, she is single and why would her friends get to read any texts?

Someone else who has never been involved in, or experienced the effects of, an affair. Good for you mate.

Don't make stupid assumptions ernie, otherwise you'll look even more daft than taking the texting suggestion seriously 🙄

Well that told me ! 😀

And of course your assumption that I took the texting suggestion seriously isn't daft......

Well, being 'married' 3 times and having seen it both ways, does tend to make one's tolerance a little tight at times 😆

3 times you say ? Well perhaps you'll now start to appreciate the undesirability of suspiciously ignoring your mobile when it rings, or the equally suspicious act of having it switched off. Having an affair is an art form which very few people can truly master.

True ernie. Life was so much less complicated before mobile phones.........

Mboy, if you weren't so 'sensitive' i'd suggest you pair have a bit of fun and don't take it too seriously. I get the impression that's not your style, so walk away.

In biking terms - you're standing at the edge of a 10' drop. You should have a quick look see at the run in + run out, then do it. If you spend ages looking over the edge, umm-ing and ahh-ing, you'll think yourself out of it.

The chance was there was there for a lusty scrimmage - you missed it fella.

If it was mountain biking he'd ride many trails get proper filthy and ride others the next week.

Mboy, if you weren't so 'sensitive' i'd suggest you pair have a bit of fun and don't take it too seriously. I get the impression that's not your style, so walk away.

Hahaha. I [i]may[/i] have overplayed the sensitive thing a touch to be fair. I'm not a player like some people, but I'm also not averse to just having a bit of fun. Just think I actually quite like this girl, and would grow to like her more the more time I spent with her.

Anyway... No Dice. At least not right now anyway... Messaged her earlier asking if she fancies MIB3 or Prometheus at the cinema at any point in the next week or so, response came that she was sorry, she's really busy and she's got too many personal issues she feels she needs to sort out before anything were to happen. Fair enough, I can deal with that. Hope for her sake she actually does sort out her "personal issues" (that being this married man) cos clearly they're really affecting her.

By the way, spoke to my housemate briefly about her tonight. I asked her if she knew much about her privately (they are very good mates) and she said that the girl hasn't been involved with any blokes since splitting from her ex more than 2 years ago when he really screwed her over, and I don't think she really trusts men any more... Understandable, especially given the married bloke stringing her along too, but doesn't help me though other than understanding her a bit more. Also shows just how much she doesn't share with any of her friends by all accounts!

C'est la vie. Sent her a final message back saying I hope she gets things sorted, she knows how to get hold of me if she wants to...

She sounds like my mate...where does she come from?

The more I read of this, some of it is a bit dull, the more I come to the conclusion that MBoy is her gay friend.

Matt

Damn, double post

Matt

Head wrecking manipulator. Walk away.