[Closed] How STW are you?

Is this another product advert?

Only owned one orange hardtail which snapped no Audi tea drinker

The need for this...

sling not a pushchair,

Makes this unlikely...

sex every other night,

So far, I'm scoring 1/5 on this scale. 😕
So, 'Not very' is the answer. 🙂

Wood burning stove
Workshop with a wood burning stove
Wusthof/global knives
Those mega expensive razors
Teva links shoes

So much more.....

I don't have all those btw! Just the one wood burner, none of the rest.

0/5

Is this another product advert?

😆

Is this another mispriced product advert?

8)

I don't have an Audi
I drink Tea
Don't work in an Office
Never wear a suit
Never shave and don't own a fancy Razor
Don't wear hand made brogues
Never ridden a single speed
Never ridden a 29er
Never ridden a 650b
Don't own a hardtail
I quite like trail centres
I don't have a log burner
I've never commuted by bike
I don't use the word "content" in thread titles
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles
I know what tyres I want on my bike
I don't need a £300 knife to chop carrots
I don't send monetary "gifts" to people I don't know
I know how to use Google

I don't fit in here at all ! 😉

I've missed the razors stuff.
I forgot the wood burner.

Audi
Border Terrier
Full Suspension "all-mountain" thingamajig & Road Bike
3 different slings (one heated)

I'm doing well.

EDIT: Forgot to mention that I've recently gone over to a safety razor.

Brant - you also need to add a '****y coffee machine'

I will never own an Audi
I owned a Westie
I don't own a singlespeed
I don't own a 29'er (or plan to)
I don't ride trail centres
I don't have a log burner
I don't own the latest bling yet I don't own a nasty holier than thou shed of a bike.
I don't own multiple bikes

I can talk to women.
I will ride with [b]ANYONE[/b] to chew the cud.
I hate trail politics. Who cares if its right or wrong to ride footpaths.

So really I'm not 'STW'

Oooo a heated sling.... time for some google action...

iPad
Guardian Reader
Daily Mail hater
Border Terrier
Orange 5

Neal glover you're spot on bar one thing...

....Like me; you don't give two poops about conforming to such a load of superficial bollocks.

Silly silly people.

Owned multiple On-Ones
Have BB7's on all my bikes and [s]bang on about[/s]recommend them a lot
No dog (but will have one on the future)
No wood burner (would quite like one though)
Shop at Waitrose
Had a 29r SS
Have a 'retro' SS

However, I make coffee in a cafetiere and drive a VW (ahem, T5)

😕

Considering I [s]spend[/s] waste so much time on here I score pitifully low on the STW-o-meter!

Could we not have another catch all catagory?

Non Audi-driving, Non 5-riding, non dog-owning, non coffee-machine-using, non log-worrying, non-beardy, 26" full suss, with gears riding ... idle, workshy layabout 😀

I don't use the word "content" in thread titles
Or append "trackworld" to random words in thread titles

You don't have to have/be all these things. Isn't the site more aspirational? Everyone wants to be a big hitter after all. 😉

Add flashy ****er watch to the list, so:

Wood burner
Audi
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc
Coffee fanatic
Orange Five
Works in IT
Can't use Google
Is indecisive about tyres etc
Happy to wait years for ovine inspired tat or snake oil (i)diets

Any more 'Typical STW user traits'?

I've got sciatica.

Baby- no
audi- no
razor- no (beard)
Orange 5- no
Wood burner- no

Massive fail

Wood burner - No
Audi - No (BMW)
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc - Yes
Coffee fanatic - Yes
Orange Five - No
Works in IT - Yes
Can't use Google - Yes but er no.
Is indecisive [s]about tyres [/s]etc
About to run out of Mach 3 blades and post a "what razor" thread - Yes

Nearly there then...

Is there no stipulation that you need to be the wrong side of what is medically considered a healthy BMI?

love all the people who define themselves by what they're not 🙂

I tend to just be me and find that some of the things I have or do fit into some categories and some into others.

Mostly I'm 'STW Material' because I love bicycles.

Don't drive an Audi
Hate Orange 5s
No wood burner
Can't stand the Guardian and it's politics
Doesn't work in IT
Hate the idea of that "solitary" riding thing
Get bored with big long "natural" rides
Know what tyres I like
Not stupid enough to pay for stuff with Paypal gift

Wood burner (yes)
Audi (no, VW – any better?)
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc (deffo no)
Coffee fanatic (getting there)
Orange Five (no, an Alpine 160)
Works in IT (no)
Can't use Google (can use Google)
Is indecisive about tyres etc (no)
Happy to wait years for bovine inspired tat or snake oil (i)diets (er, no)
Slasher razors (no thanks)
Ti hardtail owner? (yes)

No Audi.
Border Terrier
Working Cocker
Latest addition to bike collection.. Single speed cross bike
2 Woodburners
Merkur razor (only because it was mentioned here, and i thanks those responsible) BEST SHAVE EVER!

[i]Can't stand the Guardian and it's politics[/i]

Have we mentioned grammar and spelling pedantry yet?

love all the people who define themselves by what they're not

So you have identified a group and defined yourself as [b]not[/b] part of that group then ? 😉

skint, fat, grandad, no car, no fire, pisshead, 1 bike, no watch, mach3........got a labby tho. 😆

I aspire to be a whiney middle class cock bag..

[i]So you have identified a group and defined yourself as not part of that group then ?[/i]

I'm not not part of that group some of the time.

Read Guardian
Drink Tea (can't stand coffee)
Don't own a car
Have large workshop
Don't have Wood Stove
Shop at Tesco (and quite like it)
Cheap Safety Razor
No Dog
Ride Ti HT SS
Also own an On-one
Sort of work in IT
Use £15 kitchen knives
Don't own a watch

Isn't the typical STW'er also supposed to earn big bucks like [s]50k+ [/s] 100k+???

Regardless - I'm out thank god

Not at all apart from that I do like singlespeeds and road bikes.

no watch
no audi
no fancy coffee maker
dont use a razor
dont work in IT
dont own an on-one
shop at tesco
enjoy the occasional costa/starbucks
dont read newpapers/online news sites
dont enjoy arguing online

but:

i own a bouncybike, singlespeed and a road bike.
i very rarely ride at the moment
i take it personally when people insult me online

so i'm more STW than i'd like to admit.

if you want to be on the inner inner circle of STW, surely most of the following boxes need to be ticked:

- live in Calderdale
- beard and/or weird specs
- attend bike events wearing a cowboy hat, possibly in leopard skin
- constant twitter exchanges with other members of the inner inner stw circle, never reply to those outside the inner circle
- often not that good on a bike and a bit fat
- massive ego

Wood burner - yes
Audi - yes, but thinking of a move to Volvo...it comes with a smoking jacket and slippers.
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc - yes
Coffee fanatic - yes
Orange Five - not any more
Dog - my kids behave like animals, does that count?
Works in IT - what does IT stand for?
Can't use Google - didnt know there was a right and wrong way to search for stuff.
Is indecisive about tyres etc - no, same make / model of tyers used for 4 years.
Fancy razor - yes, is there anything better than a Merkur slant bar safety razor?
HT - yes
29er - yes
Fat - ish
Commute - SS road bike.

...and here was me happily thinking I was just being me and sod the rest of the world.

Is there no stipulation that you need to be the wrong side of what is medically considered a healthy BMI?

I suspect most on here are either way over or way under.

woodburner - tick
van - tick
singlespeed rigid ti- tick
coffee - tick

audi - nein
dog - nein
knifes-nein
work in IT - nein

Organic Merino Packin
Wood Smokin
Beard Worshippin
Single Speeder

[url= http://www.phased.co.uk/index.php/mtb-forum-guidelines.html ]I need to update the rules, they're getting a bit dated now.[/url]

Audi - No (White BMW)
Works in IT - no - Systems Engineering - Defence Industry
Woodburner - No - combi-boiler
own an on-one - no - 2 x Boardmans
posh chefs knives - Yes
Not very good on a bike and a bit fat - yes
posh razor - yes

sprocket jockey - im not sure that you smoking wood is a good idea ?

Don't drive (but the wife has a 53 reg Scenic)
On/off beard/stubble
Aspire to a wood burner
Coffee from a cafetiere or stovetop
Had a sling, but mainly used a pushchair
Don't earn enough to be losing child benefit
Two dogs
Two kids
Five chickens
Public sector
Aldi-shopper
GShock watch
Cheap knife
Skinny
Bike commuter
Singlespeed MTB
Fixie**** monstercross
Cargo bike
Long rides, which sometimes include a trail centre, but not very often
Whatever tyres are on offer

bikes van and knife check..

[img] [/img]

[i] im not sure that you smoking wood is a good idea[/i]

Is this the 'does it burn after sex' gag?

Wood burner (no - real fireplace)
Audi (yes 2 great cars)
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc (yes, also have a timex ironman and a forerunner 305)
Coffee fanatic (yes, little foil pods of loveliness)
Orange Five (no, but theres nothing wrong with them)
Works in IT (yup, many, many years, its put a good roof over the family's head)
Can't use Google (see above)
Is indecisive about tyres etc (no)
Ti hardtail owner? (want)
29er owner? (would like to try it)
Like trailcentres? (yes)
full sus? (yup)
carbon HT (yup)
Cares about internet forums people perception based on stuff ive bought - (nope)

no audi
no woodburner
no ss
no 29er
no niche bikes or brands
no orange 5
no grand+ watch
no dog
no sprogs
no fancy kitchen knives
don't visit trail centres
don't read the guardian
don't commute by bike
don't know why i'm here 😉

Baby sling - yup.
Wood burner - building one
Coffee - repairing my bean-to-cup
Ti singlespeed On-one commuter - yup

No wood burner
No shed, garage or workshop
No Audi for last 10 years
Don't work in IT, but kind of have
Like coffee, but prefer it in a pot
Ride a 29er - yay, I'm 6'4"
Not a huge fan of singlespeed
Have owned an On-One and a Ragley (both briefly) but never slung a leg over an Orange
Read the Guardian
I like bikes, a lot, but only own one MTB, a cross bike/commuter and a road bike (see point 2)

So, I guess I'm a middling STWer. No aspirations to be a big hitter, but enjoy a daily fill of STW's unique mix of bollox, biggotry, wisdom - and bikes.

Could also add:
Isla bike for the sprog (might be s**t and overpriced but they do keep their value)
Les Arcs for the alpine holiday (never been anywhere else but can absolutely guarantee that it has the best riding in the alps)

I think that just posting in this topic regardless of whether the answers are yays or nays to the various categories qualifies you as STW.

On that note I'm actually going riding..

*straps Carbon Nomad to top of Volvo T5*

Wood burner - No, but open fire
Audi - Yes
Rolex/Omega/Breitling etc - Yes
Coffee fanatic - No, but I do like it
Orange Five - No, but Specialized which is as bad
Works in IT - Yes but not a techie. It's all an accident as I work in business change
Can't use Google - Yes
Is indecisive about tyres etc - No, Rubber Queens all the way!
About to run out of Mach 3 blades and post a "what razor" thread - Nope, use a beard trimmer and have stubble
Isla Bikes for sprogs - yep
Have dog? No but have done and have a cat
29'er? Yes and its a singlespeed, also road bike and retro Kona
Trail centres? Yes, but prefer natural stuff
Pedant? Yes
Easily offended? For sure

I think we can add a few more to the usual list of Audi, Orange 5...

sling not a pushchair,
shop at farmers markets,
sex every other night

One out of five aint bad... 😆

If everyone on here chopped in their Rolex/Omega/Breitling and their Fives, we could pay off the national debt! 😉

Surely there's gotta be an minimum age too?

I think the minimum age can be taken as read through the general level of cantankerousness

[img] [/img]

Mrs Toast - Member
I think we can add a few more to the usual list of Audi, Orange 5...
sling not a pushchair,
shop at farmers markets,
sex every other night

One out of five aint bad...

Yeah, they're great for fresh veg aren't they? 🙂

I don't RLJ, and don't sulk when a landowner exerts their right to stop MTBers using their land.

So no, I'm not at all "STW".

I post more in the classifieds than anywhere else
I have a VW and a Mercedes (does that count?)..
I live on a farm and use the farmers market
I have a Tag heuer watch
I have an opinion on everything and I am always right
I have become a Nicolai Fanboy
I mince on my Nicolai but I can talk like a good rider
I ride a Full suss singlespeed with long travel forks.. WTF?
I like trail centres and 29ers
I like Rohloff Gearboxes
I think Droppers are a must
I happily use paypal gift
I am middle aged
I am slightly obsessed by bikes

I fit in just fine!

Ride a Five
Ride a singlespeed
Live in Calderdale
Have been to the Alps on my summer hols with a bike
Have two woodburning stoves & associated log store/pile
Own a coffee machine (never use it - prefer tea, mashed for a couple of minutes in a mug)
Ride trail centres often'ish
Wife and child thinks its perfectly normal to walk into a room and find a bike there
Read the Guardian
Work in IT
Drive a VAG estate car
I have 780mm bars, a dropper seatpost and a 1x9 setup

But I think my main failing is that I quite like Superstar components and I hate cross bikes.

Does the use of a Nespresso instead of a 'proper' coffee machine' cancel out one of the other categories?

I have a Skoda Octavia and a van - is it just me or is that a bit more STW than an Audi these days?

Wood burner - 2 of them
Fat bike
29er
Fixie
[s]Miles cheaper in the long run[/s] expensive razor
Overweight

A job that involves geting grubby isn't very STW though so I fail badly there.

I've used a safety razor...

...on my legs.

(But I hate coffee.)

No Audi.
Never owned an Orange. Owned an On One (frame) for about a week.
Can't grow a beard. (despite being 35)
No wood burner - proper open fire in our house.

But, the missus carries the bairn in a sling when we're up a mountain.
And we must have had sex at some point.
But I haven't a clue where she does the shopping.

I do have a ti hardtail, presently built as rigid 69er, also have niche-tastic belt-drive full sus SS. And a retro Kona.
And I've got into road-biking recently, getting a custom steel, disc-braked road bike in the near future...

Five, Aeropress (Gaggia on ebay), IT, two kids, Audi (nicked - Mazda6 estate now), wood burner (was already in the house).

Wunundredandeighteeee!

Also Yorkshire, been riding mountain bikes since they were called ATBs, and can navigate/read a map like Captain Cook, and still haven't been arsed to swap bike tyres this winter.

So I'm struggling to finish on a double.

Has whisky collection
Calls road cycling 'Darkside'
Owns an Opinel knife.
Is a 'Cav'aholic or 'Wiggo'maniac and assumes every foreign rider is on drugs.

Ancient Audi
Oldish Orange 5
Very old road bike
Brompton ( Gets more use than everything else put together)
Nespresso machine
Kids
Currently bearded
No wood burner - but I'd like one
Don't live in obscure village oop North
Don't work in IT
Work in London
Have never voted Labour
My watch cost £32 on eBay.

Don't have an Orange 5
Don't drive an Audi
Don't have a wood burner
Don't have a wood pile
Don't have a coffee machine
Don't have an expensive razor
Don't have a singlspeed/29er/fatbike
Don't have an expensive watch
Don't have a massive luxury shed
Don't ride cheeky trails
Don't shop at farmers markets
Not easily offended
Positive about the Olympics

Not at all STW

I'm obviously on completely the wrong forum ...

Old 26 HT but craving new 29 FS XC - complete 29 convert from demos
Don't understand craving for SS, but willing to try/be convinced
Occassional non-helmet wearer but never RLJer
Not against Lycra on Mtb (roadie and triathlete) but hate logo-infested kit *
Ignorant about tires/most bike mechanics - hence too stupid to understand or use On-one/planet X websites *
(* But bizarrely give free PX advertising via tri kit!)
Would be fleeced if ever ventured on to Classified - isn't that the Wild West? (ditto fleabay)
Rarely ride TCs but enjoy them for a change
Give way/respect other trail users esp walkers, dogs and horses!
Not interested in cars - silly, heavy depreciating assets so practicality rules
Never heard of Calderdale
Prefer not to park at Walking Bottom
Hate dress down, suits have evolved for good reason (obviously not in IT then!)
Don't understand retro razor trend, they have also evolved for good reason (but quite like badger brush)
Flatcoat and golden retrievers
Filter coffee with hot milk - dont understand/use coffee shop menus!
Open wood fires
3 papers daily, all online
Loved Loughrigg before MTBs were invented and expect ashes to be scattered there

I'm a not so environmentally conscious, racist, misogynistic, bigot - with a badly behaved dog. So, I'd say I'm what the typical STW'er pretends not to be 😉

A lot of hipsters on this thread.

I'm not too cool to have an Audi or an Orange. It's more I can't bloody afford them.

Have a 53 plate Audi - and a Volvo!!
- but have a Sekonda watch

Love strong coffee, have a Nespresso.
- but drink weak pissy southern tea.

Have 3 carbon bikes - FS, HT, and road
- but they are all from O-One

Dont have a wood burner
- Have an open fire, and 3 log sheds

Have a bike workshop
- but gave up my double garage to the kids playroom.

Mainly ride local trails
- but like an Alps trip

Am I STW or not??

If you're on here, you are STW, you just haven't realised all those pent up "needs", yet.

I like to hang around on the Internet talking shit to anyone who'll listen.

I think you'll find my STW credentials pass just fine.

Yes points:
Own more than two bikes (one being an On-One)
Had previously owned a singlespeed and still miss it
The commutahackbike is 1x8.
Oh, and if memory serves, I'm also almost nearly exactly the average age.

No points:
No Audi/Skoda/bike van/kit car (don't own a car)
No Orange 5 (never owned or even used a FS, 29er or 650b. In fact never owned a bike that cost more than £400 NEW (and newest bike is 3 years old))
No sex
Hence no kids, slings or pushchairs
No dog
No beard but also no expensive razor
No posh watch
Don't drink coffee
Don't own a woodburner
Don't swap tyres unless they're worn through
And I don't work in IT.

So more no's than yes's, but I do still feel at home here.

Has Audi
Has stubble
Has bespoke Carbon Roadie
Has hair
Has Urban Hybrid Prius
Hasn't read a newspaper in 12 years
Has iPad
Has selection of watches
Has turned up slim fit jeans
Has brogues
Has DJ's (Deephouse) as mates
Has blingo singlespeed
Has tired legs from riding
Has kitesurfing kit
Has been a member of HISC for 20years
Has a pad in Larndarn
Has a pad on the Sarf Carst
Has been known to bust a lung cycling
Has respect for all those on here that ride bikes regardless of their online persona.