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Feel for you buddy, been there! +1 to what Ewan said; get it done quick then on to pastures new. There’s a lot of value in being the bigger man and surviving with dignity. In my case, my ex filed (after having an affair) citing unreasonable behaviour, which DID get my back up! If this happens to you, don’t worry, it’s just a means to an end and nobody else should see it. Best of luck....
EDIT there’s got to be room for a nice new bike and holiday to come out of your share and still have a deposit on a new place?
Edit 2: For pensions etc, if no kids, clean break consent order means neither of you have a future claim.
When I split with a girlfriend about 15 years ago she put in all the deposit but as we were paying the mortgage equally, the advice at the time was 50/50.
Did you not draw up anything with the solicitor when you bought the property about this situation? I know I had to when I was putting in the deposit for my last 2 houses. If not, then I'd say you're entitled to 50%. Whether or not you choose to push for that would be a different question.
Experiences differ, I was incredibly sad.
Sorry to hear that IHN. Mine was the best thing to ever happen to me.
Keep positive OP, I had the chance to take my ex to the cleaners, make her lose the house, move away from her family etc etc but no matter how bitter the feelings I’m just not a **** and wouldn’t be happy now if I had.
It put me on the back foot for a while but I’m now in a much better situation (financially and mentally).
A fair way to split is to base it on a 'per share basis'.
Costs of selling split 50-50, that's fair. A joint cost.
Based on the original cost of the house you divide the original cost of the house up based on your input. So on a 100k house (including the buying fees etc) she put in 10k, you put in 5k. That's 10% for her 5% for you.
After you sell the house you divide the final capital amount by 15, you get 5 shares she gets 10.
You didn't mention who paid the mortgage. If you paid equally then no need for further adjustment. If you paid it all then you could rightly add some adjustment to your share.
Its not about winning its about a fair financial settlement especially in such a short marriage. This method is at least transparent and open. Suggesting 50:50 or 2-1 etc has no legal basis. The wording is 'a financial settlement that both parties agree to'. Try to have an amicable split it will help you and her heal and move on.
If 60:40 means you get it done and dusted ASAP then do it.
Even 66:33 means worst case you get 29k-ish instead of 40k. Is 11k really worth the hassle? You'd probably save that cash toot sweet if you didn't have too much of blowout post-divorce 😉
The financially fairest thing would surely be to assign any profit/loss pro rata across the total value of the house. Eg a 20k+10k deposit in 300k house (270k mortgage) which then sells for 360k net proceeds, you get a 20% uplift on each deposit and the residual gain is split equally assuming equal mortgage contributions (since you both "earned" that equally by taking out a loan for an appreciating asset). That would be my starting assumption for a short relationship where you have not basically moved to 50-50 for everything.
Would you be willing to take 50% hit if you were in negative equity or is that only on positive equity? 😉
Ive been married twice.
my first wife ran off to be with a guy she had never met in real life, because he told her he was a millionaire.
much easier for us, as we had nothing to split, but tbh, im a lot happier with my second wife than i ever was with the first one.
the millionaire turned out to be a bullshitter, they’re now divorced and she’s taken up with someone else who she reckons is . . A millionaire.
you’re 34, get rid with the minimum hassle, move on with your life, your soon to be ex won’t change, i bet if she moves in with the other guy one of them will be away with someone else in pretty short order, they’ve both already proved that they’re cheats.
not worth the hassle for some money.
Were you both paying the mortgage equally? If so then for me its she gets her deposit back, Her family get their gifted money back. Any profit left is 50/50.
Why on earth do you think asnything but 50/50 when both have beenpaying is fair - its not
It sounds like she is going to make a mess of her life anyway.
People split up all the time, sometimes for the better. Unless you know both parties how can you possibly come to this conclusion?
Were you both paying the mortgage equally? If so then for me its she gets her deposit back, Her family get their gifted money back. Any profit left is 50/50.
This exactly my take on the matter. No idea if it's legally correct, but it's what I'd feel to be the moral and fair outcome.
People split up all the time, sometimes for the better. Unless you know both parties how can you possibly come to this conclusion?
I don't know what the statistics are for the success of relationships involving two people who have both cheated on and left their spouse/partner to be together, but I doubt that they are good. Maybe given that they are both unfaithful cheats, they will be well suited to each other and make a good match, but I think it's more likely that one or both will cheat again and/or that they will split up. See also the following comment by the OP:
She’s pretty much isolated herself from most of her friends. Friends have told me thats she’s in a honeymoon period and it wont last but she’s given up a lot for it not to work out for her!
Putting aside all the hurt and betrayal.....
I'd feel moraly wrong coming out of the house joint ownership with more than I started with if she came out with less.
If I were to ever split up with my wife (no plans for this!) I would hope to do the right thing. We give ourselves a smallish amount of personal money every month. She saves much more of hers than I do mine as mine is turned mostly into toys. I have a bit of personal savings, she has a lot (well maybe £30K). I have always earned a reasonable amount more than her and contributed evenly in every other respect. In essence it means that I earn all the money we have beyond the cost of living essentials so I guess I earned that £30K. But I really hope I wouldn't want a chunk of her savings if that day every came. I had it and spent it; it would not seem fair.
> I had it and spent it; it would not seem fair.
Until she runs off with your best mate, etc.
NB I know what you mean.
So, after taking some legal advice this morning the solicitor has confirmed that i would be best to offer a 60/40 split in her favour, due to her desposit contribution to ensure this doesn't go to court.
So sell the house, take the fees and her parents contribution out of the proceeds then split the equity 60/40.
This leaves her with slightly more than she put in and me in a position to walk away and start again.
Interestingly enough the solictor said the court would take into account the fact that we have been together for 8 years and also that any savings/inheritence would be classed as joint as they were built up during the relationship. She also confirmed though that they would take into account anybonuses from myself and also the equity that i have in the company i work for. (due to mature in about 2 years).
The killer for my ex wife though is her final salary pension which would also be on the table. I'm not interested in pursuing that at all, but if it went full on legal it would have to be disclosed.
Apparently courts are very forward looking and would give a settlement that enabled me to start again.
I really hope she takes the 60/40 split and we avoid court. it seems fair for everyone and i can walk away with some self respect.
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Hey... Stop a second ... take your time .... let the situation rest a little even if it is for just a few days.
Not disagreeing with what others have say about moving on... but DO NOT super rush it.
This is going to effect you financially as well as emotionally. You need to think of that in a cold hearted way.
And I think you are in a position of power here.... It's you who are living in a house that she and hers have monies invested in. Play that card ... I'll move out quick but it's 50/50 ... because i'm no longer a first time buyer, i can't rent this type of house in this type of area.... etc etc
She will be getting told about her final salary pension is on the line too and maybe she'll be worried about that... and I bet your bottom dollar her parents wouldn't believe their luck if they get all their money back... It's their daughter who has messed up this arrangement/gift ... why should you have to pay them for it?
And while you are having a think about it ..... change the locks.... How would you feel to know she'd been around while you were out ?
Just something to think about and maybe test the waters.... Which ever deal you strike will be negotiable.... Maybe just don't do what she wants to get it done quick.... apart from memories of her the house is nice right?... So enjoy it ... get a lady round watch netflix and chill ... 🙂
Good luck
I’d feel moraly wrong coming out of the house joint ownership with more than I started with if she came out with less.
When she has ruined your life short terms and buggered off with someone else? I wouldn't, I would be milking it for all I could get.....
Went through this in '95.
All happy, she decided we should have kids. I was 25, and said well, I'm not ready yet and would like to live a little before that happens. She took that to mean I didn't lover any more and was having an affair. Neither were true but the former became true the more bitter it got.
Anyway, we decided I'd keep the house as I paid 100% of the deposit and 66% of the mortgage payments 3 years prior. I agree to pay her 50% of the equity gains over the three years, a value equal to £10k which I had to get a loan for. This was all agreed with a solicitor, sign and done.
She constantly popped around because she "wanted the curtains", or "wanted the sofa" or such like. I moved to London, rented the house for two year then got fed up with it and the association with her and sold it - for £115k profit 😀
One of my friends told her I'd done that and was - a few years later - living in London with a luxury flat and a Beemer (not true), and she told him she was hunting me down and her current boyfriend was going to beat what she thought I owed her out of me. Oh how I laughed at this point.
Anyway, sell it and do your own thing leave the past behind.
Nothing helpful to add apart from best of British. I think if it were me, I'd want to stick it to her/him but then I'm a vindictive barsteward.
This made me laugh though so not all bad news...
You’d probably save that cash toot sweet
Or even tout suite Rodney... 🙃
Having recently witnessed at close quarters a divorce with kids involved, you are in a far better position than many people going through divorces. Your still young and can start again quite easily - keep that in mind when negotiating over a few thousand quid. Also the house cannot have appreciated much unlike some couples who are splitting after 40 years plus together.