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And +1 what Big Dummy said. Nailed it.
+1
Well yeah, whatever else, you're young.
I'm not, and the only advice I can give you from my intervening years of experience is: if one comes along, don't **** it up.
Message ends.
All of the the things that you say you want, need and desire are transitory.
Money gets spent, the first lustful rush of sexual desire wanes, possessions get lost, broken or worn out, good looks fade over time, beards get shaved, cars get scrapped..... the list goes on.
My advice to the OP is this...
Learn to cook.....and how to engage another human being in meaningful conversation. These two basic skills will vastly enhance your relationship credentials in a way that graphic design and self absorbed tales of beardy travel never could.
Then look for a lady who can cook and who is also able to hold up her end of a conversation.
Dinner is eternal. You'll need to eat pretty much every day for the rest of your life. That's something you have in common with everyone on the planet.
So why not do it to the best of your ability and in the company of someone who shares the same common interest and with whom you can share your thoughts.
You never know, you might get pudding.
For a start the first and third responders to your post have woefully failed to spot your sense of bitter irony about women.
You have an admirable work ethic and an extremely strong sense of the importance of quality work. I recommend that you read a book called Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance; it's a philosophy book set in the context of several trips acoss America on old motorcycles that require intuitive care and maintenence. It's about the ethos of mindfulness and quality, which you have achieved at the young age of 21. Just skip the rather tedious endless musings about classical philosopy and read the bits about motorcycle maintenance. If you PM me your email address I'll send you a sample, which I laboriously transcribed to Word because I liked it so much.
I don't imagine that you will remain in your present job for long; good work will always be recognised especially if you get to know the right people in positions where they can influence your job. With the understanding of vehicle mechanics, which is in itself an important job because the safety of so many people depends on your diligence, you can progress onwards. Whatever job you end up doing, will be founded on solid experience and consequently you won't be taken for a fool. Have you considered applying to one of the many engineering companies involved in the motor industry in the Midlands?
As for women, be patient. Move around as much as you can socially and concentrate on developing self-confidence. I went through years of misery until I got married and then magically became super-confident because suddenly I had nothing to prove. Good, serious women admire maturity, stability, charisma and competence. Unfortunately, as you have suggested, too many women are impressed by looks, flash cars and money. These are the shallow ones who I don't think you want to know.
To be frank, you sound ever-so-slightly like one of those fedora-wearing "nice guys" bitching on the internet about how all the "sluts" only hook up with "Chad". You probably aren't one of those idiots, don't be them.
Glad I wasn't the only person who got that impression!
On another note, I've never had a relationship, a few one night stands but I'd like a relationship.
How long have you been on the site...You've seen the parade of endlessly unhappy 40-somethings that got into a relationship at your age, suddenly find themselves 20 years later; deeply miserable, only now with the added fun and excitement of a mortgage, kids, and the horror of starting over...just to get to the position you're in right now?
Enjoy your footloose and fancy free twenties, have fun, and Be Yourself (attractiveness is 95% confidence, and 5% smelling nice). grab life, stick your hand down it's strides and give it's bits a Jiggle, there's plenty of time to settle down later
OP, have you considered going for a long bike ride? Might help you sort your head out a bit.
don't **** it up
This was a key phrase at the wedding I went to last weekend. You weren't at the same one, were you?
I think you have been given some excellent advice OP. I can't add anything to it at all. You need to decide if you want to follow any of it and crack on with life.
Good luck!
J
You never know, you might get pudding.
wahay
#1. Desk jobs suck. Stick with what you are doing, pay may not be great but more chance of strikign otu on your own if that is an issue.
#2. Women, like men change, gain confidence. You sound like a better person than I was at 21. I struggled with women until I was about 23, 24 then my being nice and friendly and (tryign to be) funny method seemed to work. My theory is that #1. shy women had gained a bit of confidence, #2. I gain a little confidence. We were then somehow able to meet in the middle. you don't want a brain dead dolly bird to sit on your arm and drain your you bank wallet, you will only find a real woman with brain if you talk to women like thay have a brain.
Some astoundingly good general advice for life in this thread, much of which I wish someone had told me in my late teens/early twenties (although I probably wouldn't have listed if they had...)!
All I can add is;
OP, don't be a beardy weirdy wannabe. As an older guy (who's always been pretty successful with the ladies), every time I'm out these days I see so many bearded younger men in their huddles trying far too hard to impress. Guess what, not many of them seem to be getting laid - they're all far too busy stroking their beards, drinking cafe latte or worried if they're projecting the right image to fit in.
I've learned that the key to getting laid is being your own man, being confident about who you are and passionate about what you do (whether that's bus mechanics or graphic design). Being different to all the other blokes out there helps loads (which right now probably means not following the herd and having a facial forest) and having the confidence to be honest whilst not giving a sh*t what other people think of you is a big winner. If you can do this, plus learn to have fun with a girl (there's a difference between having a fun time and trying to be funny) then things should come your way.
Oh and before you take up a career in graphic design, all of the graphic designers I work with are stuck in front of a screen all day every day often working on some mind numbingly boring brochure or website.
Wasn't going to reply to this as I rarely post on here and there's been a lot of good stuff said already, but anyway...
I think you need to mtfu a tad. It's easy to slip into a miserable routine and make excuses for things.
3 years ago when I was 22 I fell off my bike, smashed my teeth out and made a bit of a mess of my face, split up with a girl I'd been seeing since I was 18 and got hit head on in my van by someone doing 50mph on the wrong side of the road. Parents moved 200 miles away and my mates were either at uni or leaving uni and moving away. All within 6 months. Became very tempting to slip into a doom and gloom view of life but you have to make the effort to do stuff. Make time to ride and socialise with decent people. Since then I've never had such an active social life, made effort to talk to people, ridden my bike more than ever, go on rides with people you've never met before. I work some 100plus hour weeks and still find time to ride a few times a week.
You want to try telling women that you fix fridges for a living, then watch them drift off as you try and explain that it's industrial stuff the size of warehouses and not just little domestics. Don't be so down about being a mechanic, much better being hands on that sitting behind a desk all day, couldn't stand that.
Personally, I was happier being single than being with someone who was shallow or attracted by money. You will meet the right person, just got to be comfortable and happy with yourself. If you go around with the kind of attitude you've got towards women I'm not surprised of the kind of girls you're meeting. Chat to people out on bike or at the gym, at least there's a common interest to start conversation. I met someone last year (she knows who Guy Martin is btw) when I least expected it, wasn't looking for a relationship at the time as I was pretty happy on my own! But some self confidence and a decent attitude towards people and life goes a long way. If I can do it anyone can, I used to be Mr antisocial and massively shy.
nedrapier - Member
don't **** it up
This was a key phrase at the wedding I went to last weekend. You weren't at the same one, were you?
Fortunately for the wedding, no...
I'd be more than happy to date older women but they aren't interested in me because I'm younger.
Quick dip him in chocolate and throw him to the Cougars. 🙂
Honestly, this happens to most people. Even *I* managed to find the right woman eventually ffs, even if I had to wait til I was 29.
Read some books, watch some (thoughtful) films, and you'll realise that there are many ways to live and enjoy life - sounds like you are surrounded by some kind of generic lad culture.
I'm a Graphic Designer!
If you want to spend most of your 20's & 30's being skint then go for it!
I got together with my wife because she thought I looked like an Electrician! So maybe you'd be better doing that instead! 😀
I'm a [s]Graphic Designer[/s]! Beardy, well travelled, dopey bird nickin', flat ownin', car drivin', story tellin', sex machine
FTFY - If only you'd been a personal trainer! 8)
FTFY - If only you'd been a personal trainer!
Don't have a beard though! 🙁
Beards are so early 2015!
Desk jobs aren't all they're cracked up to be.
You get one, get the money and the girl, you work longer hours, pay gradually slows down, between mergers, buyout's and outsourcing to huge American IT Corps where career progression involves keeping your head down until redundancy payouts are worth more than the hassle.
You get fat, bald, stressed and the girl runs off with a 24 year old bus mechanic.....
Only another few years to wait 🙂
Maybe you'll have more luck with the women if you become a bus driver.
Just steer clear of old Blakey.
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Some good advice here. Couple of things I'd add.
Do you want a "fit bird" or do you want a relationship? If you want something long term (and at 21, be careful what you wish for) then prioritise someone you can talk to, who you can have a laugh with, who can be a best mate. She might have legs up to her arse and be able to suck a golfball through a hosepipe, but if you can't talk to each other then it's game over.
You will never be the "right" age. Don't get hung up on that. When you're young you want to be older, when you're old you want to be younger. At work I always saw myself as "the young lad" in the office, now I'm heading towards "too old" and yet there was never a point in the middle where I thought "yes, now I'm the right age." Ignore the numbers, decide what you want to do and go do it. It's better to look back on your life and see decisions which didn't always work out, than see decisions you didn't make and forever wondered "what if...?"
Bus mechanic beats office job in my top trumps
Stick with it, With your skill set it could lead onto bigger and better jobs.
I have a mate who started out as a motor mechanic, now in his 40's, working in aerospace, proper minted, and from all accounts his Mrs (hot) can suck the skin off a cucumber 😉
wot cougar sed
+
wear sunscreen.
Two things:
1. As a woman, I can assure you that most of us are not the way you describe. If you want a "genuine relationship" rather than one-night stands, nightclubs and bars aren't the best place to go looking. I met my husband at a mountain biking event.
2. Secondly, as someone with a desk job, they are not an easy option. I have a very stressful desk job and I work long hours. Nothing to do with sitting around all day drinking tea.
Wow, that's given me a lot to think about, some of it hit a nerve. Thank you all very much
I don't know whether to laugh or cry, but I think I'll start with riding my bike, it's been 2 years...
😀 Perfect place to start! Good luck fella!
M8 I did a mechanical trade in my 30's
now work as a fitter in the mining industry in OZ,
emigrated at 24 from the UK
learn your trade it will serve you a life time.
girl's ,don't get serious till your 30
That's a great start, in all respects. Enjoy your journey and keep being curious!
Protect your future career with some quals then save some money and go off travelling for a while (maybe you have already)..its a blast, you'll meet loads of interesting people, find stuff out about yourself you didn't know and you'll probably realise the UK is a pretty good place to live and ride a bike!! (And maybe you'll get the stories you want to tell too)..